The Official Fogel Writes Silly Things Thread

Owlface

Once upon a time, there was a hammerhead shark named Owlface. His face didn't look anything like an owl and everyone got confused whenever he told them his name.
"But your face doesn't look like an owl at all!" the other fish would ask. (Sometimes they'd ask what an owl was first; not all fish are well-educated on bird species, after all.)
"It's not a nickname," he explained every single time. "It's my actual name."
"Why did your parents call you Owlface, then?"
"I was named after my great-grandfather, Jack 'Owlface' Sharkston."
At this point, Owlface would always interrupt the other person just as they were getting ready to talk.
"No, his face didn't look like an owl either."
"Oh. So why did they call him Owlface?"
"I have no idea."
And then there would be an awkward silence for about five minutes, and Owlface would never see the other fish again. Even the times when he didn't eat them afterwards.
As a result of this, Owlface was very lonely. He decided to do something about it. But what? Everyone would ask his name, and the problems always started when he said his name was Owlface.
Eventually, an idea struck him: what if he said his name was something else?
He decided to try it the next time he met someone. He soon got his chance when a blowfish swam up to him.
"Hello," said the blowfish. "You look like a well-educated hammerhead shark. May I ask your name?"
"It's Ow-" Owlface paused. He had just been about to repeat his name again. This might have been easier if he had thought up a new name first.
"Your name is Ow?" the blowfish asked.
Owlface considered going with that, but then he decided it would just get confusing; he wouldn't know if other fish were calling for him or just yelling in pain.
But what else could he say?"
"No, sorry, I was thinking of something else," Owlface replied. "Let me try that again." He paused again, and decided to go with the first name that came to mind that wasn't Owlface.
"My name is Not Owlface," he replied.
The blowfish suddenly glared at him.
"Funny. My name is Not Owlface. And you know, stealing someone else's name is a pretty serious crime in the ocean."
Owlface would have slapped his forehead if he had one and also had a limb that could reach it.
"I can't believe I forgot about Oceanic Law!" Owlface said. "I'm sorry, Not Owlface. My name is really Owlface and every time I tell someone that's my name, they start asking questions and the conversation gets really awkward."
"So you thought you'd try using a different name?"
Owlface did the best approximation of a nod that a hammerhead shark could.
"And this conversation is still awkward, isn't it?"
Owlface did the nodding-thing again.
"Have you ever considered that perhaps the conversations are awkward because of who you are, and not because of your name?" Not Owlface asked.
Owlface hadn't.
"I'm sorry, Not Owlface," Owlface replied. "I didn't think about that. Can you teach me how to have less awkward conversations?"
Not Owlface puffed himself up and looked thoughtful. Finally, he deflated.
"Hmm. Sorry, can't really think of any advice. I just talk to people, myself."
"Oh. Okay."
And then Owlface ate Not Owlface. Three days later, he died from Not Owlface's deadly blowfish toxin.
Pumpkinface, the trout Owlface had been talking to when the poison kicked in, just stared at the body awkwardly.
"I don't think this is helping you have less awkward conversations," Pumpkinface said, after an eight-minute pause.