The Official Fogel Writes Silly Things Thread
05-05-2012, 04:58 AM
Because I figure three of these in a row in Writing and Semicolons is enough. I'll put future silly stories in here and people can say things about them if they want.
The inspiration for this story comes from MalkyTop.
Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Johnny.
Johnny ate some flexible white tablets he found in a bottle, then he went to sleep.
During the night, the flexible white tablets flew away with his stomach.
When Johnny woke up, he discovered he didn't have a stomach. He cried out for help.
Johnny's mother looked at the empty bottle and sighed.
"Johnny, you really should read the warning labels on these bottles. Then you'll know when something like this might happen."
"But I can't read!" Johnny said.
"Then you should learn."
"But what about my stomach?" Johnny groaned.
"You'll be fine. You just need to make drastic changes to your diet and you should be able to last another couple of weeks. That's plenty of time to learn how to read!"
Before Johnny could protest, his mother hired a tutor to teach him how to read. He started that day.
"What's this letter?" the tutor asked, holding up an A.
Johnny shrugged.
"I don't know. I can't read. I thought that's what you were here to teach me."
"It is?" the tutor asked. "Well, that's going to be tough. I can't read either."
"What?" Johnny's mother asked. "Then I want my money back!
"Sorry, no refunds," the tutor said.
"But your ad said you could teach anyone to read, or I get my money back!"
"It did?" the tutor said, surprised. "I didn't know that. I couldn't read it."
"Either you teach Johnny to read, or you give back my money!"
Johnny didn't say anything. He was staring at the tutor. There was something familiar about him.
Then it struck him.
"Mom, this isn't a tutor!" he shouted. "It's my stomach wearing a tie and glasses and floating off the ground!"
"What? No I'm not!" said the tutor.
"Now, Johnny," his mother said calmly. "It's not polite to say someone looks like a stomach."
"But it's MY stomach!"
"Ridiculous!" the tutor snapped. "You have no way to prove that."
"Sure I do!" said Johnny. "We can prove it with a DNA test!"
And so Johnny ran a DNA test on himself and the stomach. Ten minutes later, he came back with the results.
"Um. I can't read these," he said.
"Well, don't look at me," said the tutor stomach.
They both turned to Johnny's mother.
"Um," she said awkwardly. "I can't read, either."
"WHAT?" the two of them shouted.
"Then why do I have to?" Johnny asked.
"So you can read things to me."
"Wait, if you can't read, how did you know what was in my ad?" asked the tutor.
"Oh, I used my psychic powers for that," she explained.
"You have psychic powers?" Johnny asked. "Then can't you use them to figure out if he's my stomach?"
"Oh, right!" Johnny's mother said, slapping her forehead. This was how she activated her psychic powers.
"Yes, he's your stomach," she replied. "And those flexible white tablets are still in him, and they still have my money!"
"Cut that out, then!" Johnny shouted. The flexible white tablets sighed and flew out of Johnny's stomach, then Johnny's mother took out her surgery tools and put it back in him.
"There you go!" Johnny's mother said triumphantly.
"Mom, you put it in upside-down," Johnny groaned as the anaesthetic wore off.
"Well, I tried to follow the directions, but I couldn't read them!"
Meanwhile, the flexible white tablets flew away with the money Johnny's mother had paid them. They decided to spend the money on reading lessons.
The inspiration for this story comes from MalkyTop.
Flexible White Tablets
Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Johnny.
Johnny ate some flexible white tablets he found in a bottle, then he went to sleep.
During the night, the flexible white tablets flew away with his stomach.
When Johnny woke up, he discovered he didn't have a stomach. He cried out for help.
Johnny's mother looked at the empty bottle and sighed.
"Johnny, you really should read the warning labels on these bottles. Then you'll know when something like this might happen."
"But I can't read!" Johnny said.
"Then you should learn."
"But what about my stomach?" Johnny groaned.
"You'll be fine. You just need to make drastic changes to your diet and you should be able to last another couple of weeks. That's plenty of time to learn how to read!"
Before Johnny could protest, his mother hired a tutor to teach him how to read. He started that day.
"What's this letter?" the tutor asked, holding up an A.
Johnny shrugged.
"I don't know. I can't read. I thought that's what you were here to teach me."
"It is?" the tutor asked. "Well, that's going to be tough. I can't read either."
"What?" Johnny's mother asked. "Then I want my money back!
"Sorry, no refunds," the tutor said.
"But your ad said you could teach anyone to read, or I get my money back!"
"It did?" the tutor said, surprised. "I didn't know that. I couldn't read it."
"Either you teach Johnny to read, or you give back my money!"
Johnny didn't say anything. He was staring at the tutor. There was something familiar about him.
Then it struck him.
"Mom, this isn't a tutor!" he shouted. "It's my stomach wearing a tie and glasses and floating off the ground!"
"What? No I'm not!" said the tutor.
"Now, Johnny," his mother said calmly. "It's not polite to say someone looks like a stomach."
"But it's MY stomach!"
"Ridiculous!" the tutor snapped. "You have no way to prove that."
"Sure I do!" said Johnny. "We can prove it with a DNA test!"
And so Johnny ran a DNA test on himself and the stomach. Ten minutes later, he came back with the results.
"Um. I can't read these," he said.
"Well, don't look at me," said the tutor stomach.
They both turned to Johnny's mother.
"Um," she said awkwardly. "I can't read, either."
"WHAT?" the two of them shouted.
"Then why do I have to?" Johnny asked.
"So you can read things to me."
"Wait, if you can't read, how did you know what was in my ad?" asked the tutor.
"Oh, I used my psychic powers for that," she explained.
"You have psychic powers?" Johnny asked. "Then can't you use them to figure out if he's my stomach?"
"Oh, right!" Johnny's mother said, slapping her forehead. This was how she activated her psychic powers.
"Yes, he's your stomach," she replied. "And those flexible white tablets are still in him, and they still have my money!"
"Cut that out, then!" Johnny shouted. The flexible white tablets sighed and flew out of Johnny's stomach, then Johnny's mother took out her surgery tools and put it back in him.
"There you go!" Johnny's mother said triumphantly.
"Mom, you put it in upside-down," Johnny groaned as the anaesthetic wore off.
"Well, I tried to follow the directions, but I couldn't read them!"
Meanwhile, the flexible white tablets flew away with the money Johnny's mother had paid them. They decided to spend the money on reading lessons.