The Eagle Time Book Club: Now reading Whatever

Bob since nobody can get a copy of this

You have to like

Record a chapter a week and share it with the book club

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
Not sure if I want to do that - if not just because reproducing an entire book is a questionable practice, but also because I would like for people to discover the magic of magical cats on their own.

Meow.

Of course that doesn't mean I can't give a LIVE IN DEPTH REVIEW, like a let's play only it's a book.

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REVIEW OF THE ACKNOWLEDGMENTS AND COPYRIGHTS SECTION

I never really knew what all went into actually publishing a book - the expansive list of publishers and regions on the first page tells me it's an extensive (though possibly automated) process. It feels good to know that India, Ireland, Australia, New Zealand, and South Africa all have their own unique offices dedicated to making certain this book can reach interested readers (or if you can't get it then at least they serve as a legal bastion against acquiring the novel).

Also this book was released in February 2011! For some reason I had imagined it being penned in the mid 1980's when everything was goofy and Charles was still in charge. Surely in these modern times we have grown past the need for detective crime novels featuring wizardry enhanced kitties? Wait...

Halfway through writing that sentence I realized that maybe my thinking is all wrong. Maybe it's only now that such a work of fiction can exist. It combines the three most popular genres from each of our prominent modern mediums: The CSI crime drama, the Harry Potter movies, and the unstoppable deluge of Internet cat videos. Perhaps Ms. Sofie Kelly is a true orator of our age, one who sees the great boons of our civilization and combines them in the most intoxicating way possible.

Okay, no. I have read the first chapter. This is not the case. Though her work does have an inspiring merit in its own way.

The last part of the "legal disclaimers" page contains a "publisher's note" which states the same little tidbit I've seen in countless films and stories and never really made much sense to me. It's where, right before your mystical journey, you are reminded that ALL characters, locals, and events are completely fictional. If they seem similar to an actual person, place, or thing well that's just a coincidence.

REALLY? So when our boxom (more on that later) protagonist is traveling through the seaside streets of BOSTON, I am to assume this is not at all supposed to be related to REAL BOSTON?

"What?" asks the befuddled publisher "there is a real seaside town called Boston? What a coincidence! I had no idea!"

"But," you press, "what about the cat who expressly likes Barry Manilow, the popular singer and heartthrob of women 40+? Surely that is a reference to the genuine article."

"Pfft." the publisher shrugs, curling up in the warmth and comfort of his blanket statement, "Cats. What'll they do next?"

Maybe the real disclaimer is that "hey if you got a problem with you being in the story you can't do anything because LIES."

There are a few more paragraphs talking about "author's rights and such" which actually is very politely worded, so thanks for that.

The adjacent page contains the "ACKNOWLEDGMENTS" section and starts with the phrase: "There are many people who have helped take the Magical Cats from an idea to a completed book,"

I read that as: "here is the list of people to kill." That may sound violent, but apparently vigilante justice is a core theme of this book so I can only blame the author. (okay maybe magical vigilante justice is a more appropriate term. So it's really just a magical hit list.)

A few of the names and statements stand out, like: "Thank you to my editor, [NAME REDACTED], whose editorial skills make me look good." (hey, just realized that sentence doesn't really contain a VERB but I am far from a grammarist so I can't say much ("make", doesn't count that is a dependent clause you red-inking heathen.)

What, I wonder, would this book be if it was not for the patient influence of [NAME REDACTED]? Would there have been a third cat? Did the editor read over the work and say "you have one cat too many. You need less cats."? Maybe it was just a jumbled mess of misspellings and incatations. Maybe [NAME REDACTED] is actually a hero who prevented an even greater evil from befalling the world. God bless you [NAME REDACTED].

And a big F* you to you, Ms. Bartlett, "who urged me to write this story" What the gratuitous swears were you thinking?!

People. When your friend or acquaintance comes to you and shyly says: "I've been thinking about writing a story about a pair of crime solving cats who are also magic." YOU DO NOT RESPOND IN AN ENCOURAGING WAY! You certainly do not URGE them to make their fever-dream a reality posthaste! You are not doing them a favor!

Should we make a PSA about this? Do we need a hotline? You people who engage in "blind, unconditional support" need to CHILL THE F* OUT BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS. GEEZE.

"A special thank you to the Guppies; a more supportive group of writers doesn't exist."

I have yet to decipher who or what "the Guppies" are. I have a very strong suspicion that they are not actually "writers" but are in fact literal guppies. Perhaps a fishbowl of creatures forced to observe Ms. Kelly's frantic typing at her keyboard. Though it seems like they would have some problems with the cats she obviously owns.

"And a big thank you to [VETERINARIAN], who answered all my questions about cats. Any errors or out-of-character behavior is due to my playing with the facts"

I found this statement puzzling, as why would a writer of cat-novels need to consult a vet concerning feline behavior. Then I realized that maybe she DOESN'T EVEN OWN A CAT.

I don't know how to recat to something like that. On one hand, it makes her seem like less of a creepy closeted lady writing fan-fiction about her own two pets. (which was really a huge part of the appeal). But then it leaves us with an even more troubling question: what is her motive? If not some sort of aggrandized fable of her own pets then what possible reason could this person have behind creating such a work?

I guess I'll just have to keep reading to find out.