The 2am thread

So I'm not attending university anymore (enterprise unsustainable; four, six years spent and still with all my troubles getting any creative work done blocking progress in the whole game design degree thing, it was something that had to happen sooner or later and I'm lucky it was sooner) but I don't have a job (enterprise unattainable, not that I'm even goddamn looking, but the job app process is New and Foreign and if I have anxieties about nothing else it's having ("having") to do things well when I haven't the foggiest where to start) and I don't really. care? It's class privilege bullshit rearing its ugly head I'm sure but thinking about that fat nasty sack of trash doesn't do shit for me 'cos I can't (won't?) do shit for it, or whatever the fuck

But I know we're not rich and if I don't pick up my own damn slack interest'll pick up to a sizable chunk of other peoples' paychecks and I. don't comprehend that in any meaningful way? It's the Not Caring of someone who's never had to care about it before and hasn't learned to think about caring about it in an economical sense? Not the aggressive loathing kinda not-caring, just the apathetic kind, the worse kind 'cos there's not even enough energy in the not caring to care that I don't care, not really. I'm spoiled, probably? But the big-picture thinking only leads me deeper into the shallow puddle of self-loathing that I also don't really think or care that much about, most of the time, I think.