THE PIT (Fortuna Discussion Topic)

Errors only grate on me if they are something that breaks text flow, like mixing up homophones. For example: your-you're, their-there-they're, and its-it's. Otherwise I let it be.

And with my love of encyclopedias in games, the Cosmodex was a very pleasing idea.

I should have provided a response to this sooner, Gime. Here are my corrections. I apologize if it seems nitpicky.

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SpoilerThat is contrary to my image. I should have said humanoid, not bipedal. My mistake. So the face should be front-facing, the neck shorter, and the limbs longer. I am thinking the wings should be larger, as they do not look accurately proportioned, but as they are furled it might be fine. The main body is only about four feet tall, and something that size requires a huge wingspan. A Wandering Albatross's wingspan is nine feet if I recall correctly, and a Jerce's wingspan is double that!

Their black head-feathers should look like hair from a distance, so that would be too long. I cannot tell if you included the tendrils or not.
As for the mouth, think "very short beak". Lips look awkward. It seems you based this picture on the first version of the description.

Keep the tail feathers though. I had not considered that detail.

Here is a revised physical description... Third draft.

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SpoilerTheir humanoid form is covered in short, downy, gray feathers. Where one would expect hair, they have thin stringy feathers, which are always black in color. Their sharp beaks have receded significantly, being almost flat. Their eyes are front-facing and somewhat large, with the pupils dominating the eye. They have branching tendrils that grow out of the backs of their heads which help detect wind currents, and can be any color from red to fuchsia. These can be stiffened during flight and relaxed when not in use. Their hands have three taloned fingers with one of them being opposable. Their feet are structured like those of an eagle and have four toes. Shoes are worn for ceremonial purposes only, as they are important weapons when catching prey.
Their wingspan averages 3-6 meters, and range from black to gray gray. They are about 1.5 meters tall as an adult.
Clothing is rarely worn, due to a lack of its necessity. But it may be included for the comfort of others.