The thread for flipping shits (and tables)

regular office visits cost an unreasonable amount right now, which is why i'm waiting until january for my coverage to change to a better plan

okay so since i can kinda think about what happened yesterday without breaking down again right now, here's some more detail about what happened yesterday.

prelude: i have this fun quirk where whenever my dad, and afaik ONLY my dad, yells at me or gets angry, i freeze up and can't think and start freaking out and crying. i think he knows this, but chooses not to address it.

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Spoiler
so we did some driving practice yesterday. it went pretty okay until the end. we usually end practice by driving into a small parking lot in the area we drive around, and then we switch seats so he drives us back home, or to the store or something.

this time he wanted me to practice backing out of a parking space a few times. i always mostly forget how the car moves in reverse+which way to turn the steering wheel to make the car go in reverse in the direction you want it to, so this is an important thing to... stop forgetting. i get that.

except this time he decided to try to help me understand, by explaining which way the tires are pointed, with really vague language and hand gestures, which just confused me even worse. and then he angrily denied me any clarification with his explanation, telling me "there's only two ways to turn the car, just choose one."

by this point i was freaking out and just not moving at all, and now he's getting angrier and telling me to just move already, my brain is static and i tell him i can't think and i want to stop and he demands that i continue, of course i turn the wrong direction so he makes me do a few more rounds

as this continues i cry and panic and can't process what i'm actually doing, or what he's saying, and almost hit the curbs as i do a few more rounds of this parking practice (which isn't even worth anything, i'm not in a state of learning right now)
eventually i hit the curb and he screams and swears at me, repeatedly asking me WHY i did that
we switch seats, he's still asking why i hit the curb
he accuses me of doing it on purpose to "get back at him"(???)
i get my bearings back just enough to ask if it actually, honestly seems to him like i hit the curb out of spite, he screams OF COURSE, WHY ELSE WOULD DO YOU IT

might i add that he actually did notice that i was having a breakdown at the wheel when it started, all he did was ask if i was okay and then tell me to keep trying to park or whatever

then we went to get some fast food
on the way he jokingly said he "should yell at me more often, so i get used to it" (!!!!!!!!)

in the drive-thru, he noticed i was still broken down, and asked me what was wrong. i asked him if he actually thought that i was in a functional state of mind when i was frozen, crying, at the wheel. he said "yes, that's normal". I don't even understand what he meant by that.
anyway there's 100% confirmation that my dad "has zero comprehension of other peoples' mental/emotional wellbeing", raibys

in conclusion, i don't want to do practice driving anymore, and i don't want to be in this house anymore either