Shank A Bitch 3 Day Six: The Handsman Cometh (10/71 Alive)

Night Five: So Long And Thanks For All The Plankton

As the day drew to a close, the remaining whale duellists had surreptitiously entered the Whale Dimension for one final duty - the long-awaited WHALE AWARD CEREMONY.

In true Whale Dimension fashion, this meant what felt like moments to those in Vista Paolo spanned a good half of a year for the intrepid one-lobster news crew following them on their cetacetastic journey.

This is their story.

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Hello loyal Nautilus News Network viewers, Rocky the Rock Lobster here with the scoop on this Whale-duel's long-awaited AWARD CEREMONY!

I'm joined by... no-one, because they didn't trust anyone but good ol' me to follow them down here. But don't worry, I'm on the case!

LtFish

As you can see, the whale portal was as intimidating as ever, but we made it through in one piece, and we're only a couple months' travel away from the ELDER WHALE PALACE. Now, someone might've mentioned a ceremony with the Elder Whales commemorating their victory already - and while I can't say anything about that, let me tell you that palace is one heck of a place. We might even be able to get you fine viewers out there a glimpse if you're lucky!

LtFish

Day 85. We've crossed the Baleen Trenches and made good time through the Humpback Mountains, leaving only the Beluga Wastes between us and the Elder Whales' sanctuary. The Spermicorn guardians of the Wastes are fearsome indeed, but the honorable Whale Duellists receive the safe passage befitting their stature. As for little old me, well, us rock lobsters have our tricks.

LtFish

We've arrived! The Whave rises to greet us to Elder Whaleton, home of the Elder Whales. Taking any photographs outside of the designated press zones is strictly forbidden - the Elder Whales like their privacy, you understand - but I managed to sneak this snap while their melons were distracted.

LtFish

This might look like a bunch of sand, but that's because it's actually the first human-dimension camera photo of the Whale Awards. Obviously your inferior technology fails to capture the astral majesty of Elder Whaleton's palatial estates, but it's an interesting insight into how the place'd look to you land-dwellers.

Dalm

Now that's more like it! The Elder Whale's Emissary took the stage with aplomb, their mighty flipper-gongs ringing in the Whale Duel's conclusion. The shockwaves forced all but the ultimate victor (and me!) out of the Whale Dimension, as per tradition - and in my humble opinion this last contestant standing could not deserve it more!

Oh, what? You want me to join you up there? Well I suppose we were quite a team... but what an honor! Sorry folks, I'm going to have cut this coverage short, once-a-century chance and all that!

A Reminder

Plaid

Thanks to LtFish, Dalm and Plaid for their image contributions!

Sruixan, please contact me with some address details if you want to receive your MIGHTY TROPHY (and probably some bonus prize) in physical form.

Granolaman won BOTH packages.

It is now NIGHT FIVE. For as long as it takes me to get Day Six up and running.