Vox Mentis

there's no food, this is bullshit

((ooc heads up that video is quote unquote creepier than the last one maybe don't watch while alone late at night))

These tests are increasingly bullshit. This a persuasion school, right? Well then, it's up to you to PERSUADE the teacher you have the right answer. Write "soup," talk yourself out of it. "No, YOU'RE wrong!"

((ooc? i didn't even watch the video this time))

Don't think of images, think of cards. You can move cards at least this fast, can't you? And you never lose track of them.


If that doesn't work, CHEAT. CHEAT HARDCORE.

You don't even need to see the answer, watch their hands as they write, and copy that.

Um.... trick question, there's no food?

SpoilerShow

There actually IS food in there, but as some of you have correctly inferred, this test might in fact be bullshit. The later tests aren't quite what you think they are. Also, apologies, maybe I should have warned about the creepiness of the last video - I forgot people might be reading this at night! Sorry!

When the sequence ends, you look at your paper and think: I have no idea.

The girl in front of you lets out an explosive sneeze. It's the kind of thing Jimmy might do when you want a moment's distraction, and without thinking, you flick your eyes right. The curly-haired boy's hands are moving. You watch the movement: APR. Then he stops for a moment, flexes his wrist, and resumes, making you lose the track. "Bless you," says the angel. Someone titters. "Quiet," says Jane.

You can't think of a food that starts with APR. You're mentally stuck on APPLE. Could he have written APP? If you can't think of an APR food in five seconds, you're going with APPLE. Jane opens her mouth. You scrawl: APRICOT.

"Answers, please."

You glance right. Yes. Jane begins to walk the desks. "Yes. Yes. Yes." By the time she reaches you, you've noticed a problem. The boy has APRICOTS. You're short an S. Jane pauses. You say nothing. Come on, you think. Apricot, apricots, what's the difference? "Yes," says Jane.

You glow. This is what you should have been doing from the beginning. This is how you'd accomplished everything in your whole life: by skirting - not breaking, mind you, because in the list of rules Jane gave there was nothing about cheating - skirting the rules. You shouldn't have forgotten that.

"Yes. Yes. No." Jane walks to the front and turns off the TV. "Thank you. This concludes the first examination. Please enjoy the rest of the day." People begin to talk, rising from their desks. "Gertie, remain behind, please."

You look at the ten-year-old. The kid looks miserable, so you lean over. "It's just a stupid test." You were wrong about this girl's age. Gertie's not even ten. "Don't worry about it."

"Elise Jackson," says Jane. "You may go."

"You're just too young," you say. "I was here a couple years back and failed everything. Next year, you'll smash it."

Gertie looks at you hopefully.

"Thank you, Elise," says Jane.

You give Gertie a wink on the way out, the kind that tickled people on the pier.

~

"Thought you were history," says the curly-haired boy. You had been passing by his room but now you stop. He's splayed out on his bed. The angel girl is in there, leaning against the stone wall.

"Just warming up." You go to move on, but the girl peels herself from the wall.

"Hey. I want your opinion. Why do the teachers here have fake names?"

You look at her, confused.

"Jane Austen. There's a teacher here named John Keats and a Paul Auster, too. Did you see the main board in the lobby? It says before Austen, the headmistress was Margaret Atwood." She raises her eyebrows.

"And...?" you say.

"They're famous authors and poets," says the boy. "Dead ones, most of them." He looks at the angel girl, amused. "She didn't know."

"Like I sit around memorizing poets," you say. "This is why I'm going to destroy you in the tests, because everything you know is useless."

The boy grins. The girl says "It's okay," in a tone that makes you want to hit her.

"And the school has no name. They just call it the Academy. Kind of weird, yes?"

You're kind of weird, you think.

~

Gertie doesn't come back. "The tests are eliminations," says the curly-haired boy, through a mouthful of rye bread at lunch. He's taken Gertie's seat. "Fail one, that's it. Pack your bags."

You pause midway through buttering a roll. "Who told you that?"

"No one. I figured it out. It's obvious, don't you think?" He chews and chews.

~

Jane comes in during lunch and looks at you in a way you don't like. Then she leaves. You continue eating, but your stomach forms a hard ball. Afterward, Jane and another teacher are waiting for you in the corridor. It reminds you of San Francisco, where you'd step in the front door of your squat and there'd be two skinny bitches there, hips jutting, lips like cat's asses, trembling with righteous outrage about something or other. Some debt, or thing you did. Jane beckons. "Elise. If you please." Her heels clack down the hall.

In her office, Jane gestures at a chair. The office is larger than you had thought. It has doors to other rooms, one of which Jane must sleep in, since she'd said to come see her any time of day. It has a single window that looks onto a courtyard, and a messy desk, on which stands a vase of fresh flowers. "I'm disappointed."