Bi Barrister

You are ISHTAR INJUNCTION, a fledgling lawyer. You stand in court to defend your client BARRY HATCHETT of charge of the recent foul play murder death of CASSANDRA ROLLE. Many of your peers have taken to calling you the BI BARRISTER, to which you ask them politely to quit talking about your sexual orientation so prominently. Nonetheless, today is your first day leading a defense! Another lawyer at your firm was meant to be heading this case, but he died (unrelated incident), so you've been shunted in at the last minute.

You are armed with an ABSOLUTE PLETHORA OF EVIDENCE in your MANIFEST OF JUSTICE, none of which seems to even vaguely disculpate your client, and none of which have gone through conventional legal channels. You think you may have stuffed the wrapper for your breakfast burrito in there.



The state has sent CELLA deRECOLTE to prosecute. deRecolte has been prosecuting since the age of 14, and has never lost a case. You feel the heat of her eyes burning into your forehead, boring through the corpus into your very soul.

The JUDGE asks deRecolte to give her opening statement.

"A life has been taken. For those still mourning the loss of Cassandra Rolle, stop. She cannot hear your wishes, your pleading, until the pitiful being who put her in this way is held responsible and dealt with by the above. That being is none other than Barry Hatchett. Numerous witnesses and a stream of evidence can attest. Let's end this rite at once and let Rolle be at rest."

She's keeping her cards close to her chest! All eyes turn to you. You gulp. What's your opening statement?

Show everyone your Barrister's Badge.

The facts are against you, but there's still a chance. Let's make this trial an absolute farce. Muddy those waters!

Cella may be a genius lawyer, but she severely lacks emotional tact! Point out that it is not her place to decide how and when the dead may be mourned - that is a decision up to the individuals affected. Additionally, treating any trial as a foregone conclusion is an egregious breach of professionalism unbecoming of this noble institution. Justice will be delivered, but it is a package that must be handled with care!

As for your opening statement proper: you are winging it fresh from law school, and as such the protocols are still clear in your mind. You will endeavor to provide lots of unnecessary information a structured look at the case and its minutiae.

Cella may be a genius lawyer, but she severely lacks emotional tact! Point out that it is not her place to decide how and when the dead may be mourned - that is a decision up to the individuals affected. Additionally, treating any trial as a foregone conclusion is an egregious breach of professionalism unbecoming of this noble institution. Justice will be delivered, but it is a package that must be handled with care!

Before you can begin your opening statement, you can't help but writhe against deRecolte's callous treatment of grief, especially as you yourself are currently grieving the death of a beloved coworker that occurred two days ago on the 14th at 6:00 pm. You address the Judge, voicing your discontent that she is far overstepping her responsibilities as counsel.



The Judge seems to be contemplating the appeal deeply. Perhaps he too has had a recent loss and feels this opening statement is a personal attack!

The bailiff assigns you +1 JUDGE POINT.

Show everyone your Barrister's Badge.

"To speak like a trial is only a waste of time is a grand offense to the institution of the law itself, and what place we hold it in!" you shout across the courtroom, punctuating the thought by brandishing your BARRISTER'S BADGE wildly to every wall. Per tradition, the BARRISTER'S BADGE depicts the grand opening of the courthouse's GATES OF LAW (which are literal), and if you look very carefully, within the GATES OF LAW is engraved a personalized, small portrait of the badge's rightful owner (which is also literal, because that's you, and you believe you are in the courthouse right now).

Everyone is distracted by how shiny your badge is, which testifies to your deep lack of experience. They are so distracted that most of the courtroom does not hear your lengthy discussion of the finer details of Hatchett's arrest and charge, the chain of custody of every piece of evidence currently on record (which isn't a lot), and the possible though unlikely conflict of interest of one of your firm's other clients being Cella's second cousin's boss's drinking buddy. Nonetheless, they nod like they have been listening.



deRecolte calls DETECTIVE SONNY SHADE to the stand. You don't know much about Detective Shade, though you feel pure contempt in his stare. He is not wearing a shirt.

"Detective. About the crime scene. Reveal your findings."

"Oh, anything for you, Cella." The scowl does not leave his face. "We found that Rolle girl dead in an alley just outside that bakery she works at. Apparently some of you can't just imagine how that looks in your mind, so I've been ordered to show you all a photograph."

You take the PHOTOGRAPH from him and add it to your MANIFEST OF JUSTICE.

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Crime scene photograph

The detective breathes out some smoke before beginning his real testimony with proper green text.

"Let's get down to the brass. Rolle was shot 4 times in her torso and once in her leg.

"The coroner says she died two days ago on the 14th at 5:00pm. Those torso bullets did her in, like they do everyone.

"Considering Hatchett was her coworker, and his fingerprints are on the gun... Well, you can guess.

"The ol' lug shot her five times in the storage room and dragged her body out back into the trash.

"Then he ran off and dumped the gun in a passerby's purse while she wasn't lookin'."

Finishing his testimony, he sends you a vicious smile, taunting you to assail his perfect deductions. Well, it's time for you to make your first CROSS-EXAMINATION; what are you gonna do? Question him for more information? Or do you have something more material to present that may surprise him? In addition to anything received in court, you might also choose to procure something as-of-yet unseen from the MANIFEST OF JUSTICE that you collected on your preliminary investigation. What treasures may it hold?

Hmmmm if the trash is collected at 4.30 then it should have been empty at the time of the crime and thus it should have been easy to fit the body in the dumpster completely, so why is it that the body is half hanging out?

It might be worth asking when the body was first discovered and if there were any obstructions that had prevented trash pickup in the days previous.

Question how there is no blood trail if the body was dragged from the door to the dumpster.

HOLD IT

If Mr. Hatchett Dragged Ms. Rolle as you say he did, how did he not disturb the Pristine Loaf Of Bread shown in this photograph?

Question how there is no blood trail if the body was dragged from the door to the dumpster.

HOLD IT

If Mr. Hatchett Dragged Ms. Rolle as you say he did, how did he not disturb the Pristine Loaf Of Bread shown in this photograph?

"S-So, according to you, my client dragged Rolle's body along... the ground? Is that right?"

"Yeah. Obviously.

"Then- this is really weird- how would you explain the lack of blood smeared on the alleyway floor? I mean, if she had just been shot she'd be absolutely bursting with blood, like that nasty calzone I had. It'd get everywhere."

"Well, uh-"

"And on top of that, he avoided that loaf of bread?

"He must've done something, you know, like, uh-"





With deRecolte raising her voice again, you feel like you are stumbling back off the railing of a dam. No one around to grasp at your hand.

"Perhaps the detective should be dragged away himself. To say the body was dragged is a vile mistake; he ought to have said he was carried over Hatchett's shoulder. I'm deeply disappointed you didn't occur to you."

"R-right, Ms. deRecolte..."

Detective Shade slumps over like a plastic bag. You recall the words of your now-deceased coworker in this time. "Nowhere bruises worse on the body than the ego."

deRecolte's explanation strikes doesn't strike you as implausible. Hatchett is quite a fit man, and could likely hoist a body over his shoulder if he needed to. Of course, there may be other complications to the theory.

It might be worth asking when the body was first discovered and if there were any obstructions that had prevented trash pickup in the days previous.

"I'd like to ask about the state of the dumpster..."

"We gotta focus on trash right now? This whole trial is trash. Am I right?"

"At the time that you discovered the body, how much garbage had been collected in it? Like, percentage wise."

"Well, why don't you have a little looksie for yourself, newbie?"



At this cue, the bailiff wheels the dumpster in question into the center of the courtroom.

It's a tight squeeze, but the DUMPSTER is added to your MANIFEST OF JUSTICE.

You give it a cursory look. It is indeed quite full! No wonder the body was left hanging out like that. Some sort of bile fills up in your throat. A BILE OF JUSTICE. There's nothing else your body can bring itself to do but shout...





"So you claim that, after being killed at 5:00, the body was thrown into this dumpster, which the court can now see was filled with trash already. But that should be impossible... because the dumpster testified itself that trash pickups are at 4:30, 30 minutes before the murder! This dumpster should've been emptied!"



The detective looks pale at this CONTRADICTION in the facts! The court, like most people, holds a deep respect for the exacting labor of sanitation workers, and could hardly begin to imagine them being derelict in their duties. So, you are presenting an IMPOSSIBLE SITUATION!



As everyone else panics, deRecolte admits only a coy smirk, saying nothing.

The judge demands an explanation! Well, it seems like the onus is on you to bring this contradiction somewhere!

If the dumpster should have been emptied but wasn't it means that either we have the time of death wrong or the dumpster was hidden from the sanitation workers during pick up hours to ensure that they were unable to do their jobs? Or someone threw away an unreasonable amount of garbage as soon as the dumpster had been emptied?

Okay we shouldn't say any of that out loud.

Just the time of death thing.

Just the time of death thing.

"I can tell you why that is! The autopsy report must be inaccurate! The time of death was really sometime before 4:30"

...

The court is silent.

The judge asks you to elaborate, or perhaps substantiate your argument with evidence. Of course! The court loves a narrative! You're gonna have to give them a full rationale right now of how this inaccuracy came about, perhaps who did it, and maybe even a motive if you're feeling spicy. You may wish to consult the myriad evidence still lying in your MANIFEST OF JUSTICE, which is quite frankly overflowing with scraps of truth that you are well acquainted with. You could procure something vital simply by invoking it! Or, you could change your story! A bold move at this point, but not unprecedented.

Okay then. So I don't have a suspect yet but here's how it happened. The murderer shot Cassandra but it wasn't in some back storeroom. It was somewhere much more inconvenient. Like maybe a bathroom or something. Anyway the point is that they couldn't just drag the body through a public location. They needed something to hide it in. And that's where the dumpster comes in.

The murderer wheeled the dumpster off to the murder location, and there they slipped Cassandra's body inside, and then casually wheeled it back out to the alleyway. Only they didn't realize that they'd taken the dumpster during its collection period and consequently the good sanitation workers of the city had been unable to empty it.

It was a small mistake but it proves that it couldn't have been Barry as Barry's alibi for 4:30 is airtight.

P.s. we should definitely be looking through our manifest of justice for alternative suspects and a murder location even as we say this.

As we all know, time-of-death (T.O.D.) calculations are made assuming the body has been at ambient temperature. Cooling the body, say in a walk-in refrigerator as a bakery may have, would slow decay, making the death seem more recent than it actually was.

Edit: In fact, this floor plan of Rolle's Rolls entered to evidence shows just such a refrigerator on the premises!

I propose that the body was kept cool in order to specifically make it appear as if the time of death was at a time Mr. Hatchett was present, in an effort to frame my client.

As to who is the true murderer, I find it highly suspicious that a passerby would not notice a gun being slipped into their purse. I must insist that this statement not be accepted by the court without proof.

Show them the updated autopsy report.

Okay then. So I don't have a suspect yet but here's how it happened. The murderer shot Cassandra but it wasn't in some back storeroom. It was somewhere much more inconvenient. Like maybe a bathroom or something. Anyway the point is that they couldn't just drag the body through a public location. They needed something to hide it in. And that's where the dumpster comes in.

The murderer wheeled the dumpster off to the murder location, and there they slipped Cassandra's body inside, and then casually wheeled it back out to the alleyway. Only they didn't realize that they'd taken the dumpster during its collection period and consequently the good sanitation workers of the city had been unable to empty it.

"...Sorry, let me b-back up just a second, eheheh. The, uh, smell of the dumpster is making it hard to think."

The bailiff thoughtfully closes the lid on the dumpster.

"Let me start with that. The only plausible reason the dumpster would be full at the time the body was placed in it was if it hadn't been at its designated dumping spot at 4:30 at all. If it was, it would undoubtedly have been collected. So, why would someone have moved it?"



"I think the reason's pretty simple: to transport the body. The culprit needed to move Cassandra to the alleyway next to the bakery for whatever reason without being suspected, so they chose the unassuming cover of a dumpster. But if Hatchett killed her in the bakery, he'd have no need to move anything at all!"

There are significant murmurs among the gallery at your explanation. In traditional legal analysis, and as LAW SCHOOL taught you, GALLERY VOLUME is a good quantitative factor with which to rate the persuasiveness of an argument. These hushed conversations give a real jump to your confidence!



"...Very well. Now, Ms. Injunction, about that time of death you were about to crucify? How do you explain that?"

I propose that the body was kept cool in order to specifically make it appear as if the time of death was at a time Mr. Hatchett was present, in an effort to frame my client.

Mimicking yourself from only moments prior, you slam your desk.

"Right! So, the thing about human bodies, like meat, is that they can be preserved with cooling! It's a basic fact of pathology that lowering the temperature of a body beyond what the coroner expects can "push" the time of death forward. In fact, I had a look at a copy of the report this morning..."

Show them the updated autopsy report.

"Maybe the detective here was too sure of himself to go back and make sure his understanding of the case was totally up to date, because as it turns out, that autopsy is outdated."

"WATCH IT, PUNK!!!" Shade's threat alongside his cigar flies out of his mouth. He procures and lights a new one.

You present the UPDATED AUTOPSY REPORT to the court. It reads that traces of frozen blood were found on her skin, suggesting a true time of death before 4:00. You fail to declare that you obtained this report by sneaking into deRecolte's office and looking at her desk. You're not sure if she knows.

"..." deRecolte's stance changes imperceptibly. Oh god, she knows.



"Uh. So. That is. ...The body was definitely frozen after death. And then, it must've been wheeled in from elsewhere. My client couldn't have done either of these!"



Oh god, oh fuck, oh no



"It's a nice story. Perhaps it's even true. But at the center of it all, its protagonist... is still Barry Hatchett."

deRecolte presents the layout of the bakery to the court. The BAKERY FLOORPLANS are added to the MANIFEST OF JUSTICE.

"The accused's bakery also happens to possess a freezer. One that would serve as nicely to freeze bodies as it does leavening products. Hatchett killed Rolle earlier in the day, before 4:00, and hid her corpse in the dumpster, which he then rolled into the freezer through the front doors. Then, several hours later, he put the dumpster where it is now. No impossibilities are present, Ms. Injunction."

"I coulda figured all that out!! I'm the detective here!" Detective Shade is ignored.

Before 4:00? You light up, feeling into your MANIFEST OF JUSTICE.

It was a small mistake but it proves that it couldn't have been Barry as Barry's alibi for 4:30 is airtight.

"Are you sure of that? If he had access to the bakery, he'd have access to the freezer... Have you heard of Gluten University, deRecolte?"

The Judge speaks up. Apparently, his son went there! He regales the court of a fun and interesting story of a run-in his son had with an eccentric and slightly mean fraternity, and everyone has a laugh.

"Hackett is a regular guest speaker there. The past week, due to security concerns, they've resorted to surveying and record all entrances and exits. My client..." You point to the UNIVERSITY VISITOR RECORDS, " was clearly recorded on the day of the incident entering at noon and leaving at 4:15."

Your arm surges with energy, and the prosecutor is its lightning rod.



"Barry Hackett had no opportunity to kill Cassandra Rolle!

The gallery is conversing at high magnitudes!! You're on fire!!



Except.... deRecolte is still smiling.

"Ms. Injunction, have you seen... the right side of the dumpster?"

"The right?"

"The right?"

"The right?" (That's the judge speaking, by the way. It hadn't come up until now.)

Oh no. You had nearly forgotten that you were able to THREE-DIMENSIONALLY ROTATE EVIDENCE. This is a relatively new LEGAL TECHNOLOGY, and as such, was not highly emphasized in your tutelage.

The bailiff turns the dumpster 180 degrees.



"GU! That doesn't stand for-!"

"Indeed. This dumpster belongs to Gluten University."

The gallery is at a shout!! It's bedlam in the court!! And you didn't cause it!!!

The judge calls the court into order.

"I didn't think we needed to reach this point, but there's a witness I may call if we need further elaboration on the significance of this detail."

A short recess is held. You have a little drink and play a VAGUELY INTERESTING PHONE GAME. Then you return to the courtroom, where someone new awaits you on the stand.



deRecolte asks the witness for her name and occupation.

"According to all official record, I would say my name is Anna Telope. But if you asked me, I would... also say Anna Telope. I attend Gluten University. Majoring in Theoretical Yeast Sciences, or, as it is popularly known, Theast."

"Anna, I believe you saw Hackett this 14th. Would you tell us all you can recall about that?"

"Human memory is flawed... but I can give it an attempt."

"I met with Mr. Hatchett in the Theoretical Yeast Sciences common room. We finished at about 2:50.

"He was holding securely and safely to a small nylon bag, claiming he was watching over a student's lost wallet.

"That is to say, more precisesly... the wallet of an acquaintance of mine, Boston Higgs.

"After that, he claimed he was going to deliver it to him and left quickly. But he was going in the opposite direction of the dormitories.

"Wanting to correct Hatchett, I followed. But then he turned a corner ahead of me, and a gunshot rang out.

"I ran around the corner into the plaza, past a dumpster. He was absent. I must've continued my investigation for 10 minutes.

"When I double backed, however, the dumpster was gone. The bag, discarded, in its place.

"I then arrived 5 minutes early for 10th century Flatbread Dynamics."

This new testimony doesn't put your client in the best of lights. At least she doesn't claim to have seen the murder itself; now THAT would be bad! But still, you're gonna have to work your way out of a quagmire here.

UNVEILED EVIDENCE from the MANIFEST OF JUSTICE (new!):

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Spoiler
BARRISTER'S BADGE: Without this, no one would know you are in the courthouse right now.
CRIME SCENE PHOTOGRAPH: A photograph of the crime scene.

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Contents

DUMPSTER: The box of trash that the body was found in.

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Picture

UPDATED AUTOPSY'S REPORT: You never actually had the original, so it's especially good you stole this.

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Contents
Subject: Cassandra Rolle
Time of Death: 1:00-4:00 PM
Cause of Death: Bullets
Wounds: Shot four times in torso, and once in leg. Leg wound likely preceded torso wounds. Fired from a significant distance (>10 meters)
Notes: Previously recorded time of death was 5:00; frozen blood indicates body was preserved post-mortem. Missing two fingers on left hand for over a year. Apparent bronchitis. Slightly near-sighted (20-50).

BAKERY FLOORPLANS: This is where you can walk in the bakery.

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Contents

UNIVERSITY VISITOR RECORDS: Boy, this is a really long document. But rest assured, Hatchett entered at 12:00 and exited at 4:15.

"Wanting to correct Hatchett, I followed. But then he turned a corner ahead of me, and a gunshot rang out."

"You say as soon as he turned the corner a gunshot rang out? You seem like a lady who is very precise with time. Are you absolutely certain the gunshot rang out as soon as he turned the corner and if so had you seen him holding a weapon, or otherwise observed him acting in a way that might have suggested he was concealing a weapon?"