adventure handbook By A. Seop

"Whoa there!  Do you have a license to operate this adventure?"

"I uh… What?"

"Tsk tsk, a code R04-l.  Don't worry, it hasn't officially started yet so I don't have anything to charge you for."

"Thanks?  I guess?  Who are you?"

"Just an agent, one of many that greases cogs of bureaucracy.  You can tell because of my badge."

"It's a really cool looking badge.  I can hardly see the compression artifacts."

"How could there be— This strictly a text based adventure!  Not a jpeg in site!  How could you see anything?!"

"Imagination.  Probably."

"For the love of…  Did you even read the adventure handbook?"

"The Rules?"

"No!  The 'adventure handbook.'  It's written by A. Seop.  Everything's in there on how to write a story that is compelling and will attract readers.  I happen to have a copy in my car."

"What car?  Oh.  How did I not notice that we are outside?  In an office parking lot no less…"

"Here.  Everything ever needed to write a successful adventure is in this book."

"Agent, uh sir?"

"What?"

"Why is it nothing but memes?"

-> You dear viewer reader extraordinaire are A. Seop.  You wrote the contents within the magnificent book titled 'adventure handbook By A. Seop.'  All you post can be found in this handy informative hand sized book.

>You need to write at least 15 pages worth of haphazardly-formatted worldbuilding before you even start.

"Just focus on the first page, it has the first step."

"To writing the adventure?"

"No, to getting your adventure license."

"Okay, so the first page says…"

>You need to write at least 15 pages worth of haphazardly-formatted worldbuilding before you even start.

"Why does it specify haphazardly formatted?"

"This is the second edition, the first edition only says 15 pages of world building and no one qualified.  Anyways it should take you a few days to prepare so here's my card, give me a call when you're done."

"I'm done."

"Hrm?"

"I have it right here, let me just finish up the 15th page… Here."

"Do you usually carry fifteen loose printed sheets of paper under your shirt?"

"Don't you?"

"No, I keep mine in my hat."

"Oh, I don't have a hat."

"Let's see what you got here…  Ahuh, hm…  I see."

"So do you get it?"

"…I think my brain forcefully deleted it from memory.  Anyways I counted 15 pages, it's enough.  So go ahead and skip to the second page."

"Everyone's a critic…"

>Everyone is a critic, but not everyone has seen the television show "The Critic". I think that is a shame

"Is this a meme?"

"What do you mean?!  The Critic is a cult classic.  Also it's on the test."

"There's a test?!"

"Of course, not just anyone can make an adventure.  The majority of the test happens to coincide with this book hence it's popularity."

"… You don't happen to have a convenient blu ray collection of The Critic under your hat?"

"What?!  Psh—No!"

"Really?"

"There is nothing in my hat.  Especially not the complete works of The Critic!"

"But you just said—"

"I said what?"

"You said—"

"What did I say?"

"You—"

"I'm already late, I have an appointment to get to.  You can keep that book, I have extras."

"Can I have a spare then?"

"Sure, there is a box in the back you can just take them all."

"Really?"

"In fact it would help me out a lot."

"I only need one extra just in case I lose it."

"Don't be shy, take take."

"I don't need an entire box of handbooks!"

"Bye! Be sure to consult the book whenever you are unsure, it's helpful to even the strangest specificity!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Cough. Sniff. It's getting chilly."

"…"

"…"

"What's on the next page anyways?"

>Continue to stand around. Dumbfounded. The book will eventually tell you what to do right?

"…What?"

Hello There!

"AAH!"

He screams, dropping the adventure book by A. Seop into the box of it's kin.

"Who said that?! Show yourself!"

My boy, no need to shout your throat sore. I'm the narrator! Not a ghost.

"A ghost?!"

I said, I am a narrator. By possessing so many copies of A. Seop's magnum opus, I the spirit of the adventure handbook has awakened! Hey hey put down that match. I'm only here to help you become the best adventure author you can be! Don't spark the fire with dread! I'm not a ghost! Not a ghost! I will really become a ghost if you burn those books! You don't want to be known as a book burner do you? I'll tell all your friends know that you burned books with my dying breath!

"What are you?!"

Do keep up. I'm a narrator. It's perfectly normal to develop a thread of consciousness when a work of art reaches the pinnacle and goes a step further beyond!

"Normal my Beep! What was that? Beep! Beep! Beep!"

That's the censor! Got to keep things family friendly afterall. Don't worry, you'll get used to it— Put down that match!

"Can you prove that you're not a Beeping ghost?"

Can you prove that you're not a ghost?

"…"

"…"

"You win this time."

Great that we can set aside our differences! Allow me to reintroduce myself. I am the narrator. It is my duty and meaning in life to narrate adventures. You will surely find my expertise invaluable to fleshing out the unspoken narratives in your adventure. Since you got this far I assume you have at least 15 pages of world building hmm?

"Yeah here you go."

Why did you keep loose sheets of paper under your shirt? Why is there cheeto stains? Why do you expect me to take it? I don't have a body.

"Um…"

Place it in the box of adventure handbooks.

"Sure."

"…"

"…"

"Narrator?"

"…"

"…"

"Hey!"

Wha? Huh? Where am I?!

"How was it?"

It's good. It has some rough spots but with some polish it can be a fine adventure!

"Really?"

Of course! With me by your side, and the adventure handbook By A. Seop, anything is possible!

>Do morse code by saying swears, but say something polite to the narrator via the use of swear-morse code.

"…"

Is there a problem?

"Oh no problem just… Need a moment to check something on my phone…"

…

"Ahem. Beeep Beep Beeep Beeep Beeep Beeep Beeep Beep Beep Beeep Gasp! Beep Beeep Beep Beeep Beep Beep Hooo~ Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beeep Beep Beep Beeep Beep Beeep Beep Beep!"

You good? Got it out of your system?

"Yeah… So what do I do with a box of books?"

I personally like to use books as bookmarks for other books.