Eagle Time Baseball Team!

OOTP doesn't take too kindly to sixty-seven-year-olds attempting to play baseball, unfortunately. However, just like I turned Michael Jordan into a coach, I can do the same for him.

Oh.

Guess like he already did that. Well, what can I do?

Sign them both, obviously.


Now, Tampa Bay offered this trade. A very good starting pitcher, and we can trade one of our many four star relief pitchers. And quite a lot of money, but hey, we have loads of that. Now just to see if they like it...

FUCK YOU

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Now then, here's the tentative schedule for next year.






(With a game on October 1st against Tampa Bay as well)

>Is there a way we can bribe them with $1 to reconsider

we don't need their chris archer when we can make our own

we don't need their chris archer when we can make our own

>make more clones for the clone army

...so when are we gonna play some GOOD OL' BASE'M BALL'M???

So, you know how I said that schedule was tentative and subject to change? Well, it did. A lot.






(With a game on October 1st at Tampa Bay at 3:10pm)

Sadly, as a new team without high expectations, we only get one Sunday Night Baseball appearance (sorry Colorado and Minnesota, you end up with none). Excitingly enough, however, it's against the other new team, the New Orleans Nights. Also note that on July 4th, we are the home team and say "FUCK IT" to the notion that "American Independence Day" is important enough for an afternoon game. We do that on May 20th (Cuban independence from USA).


Anyway, here's what I'm looking at with our needs. There's no good free agent second basemen or catchers left, so we'd need some team willing to trade with us for a halfway descent player at those positions.

HOLY FUCK THAT'S AN ALL STAR CATCHER

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Spoiler
HOLY FUCK YOU'RE ACTUALLY TRADING US YOUR ALL STAR CATCHER

Also, ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!

Also, that headline on the side is hilarious, given our pitcher Pitching Machine.

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AND OH HEY WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT IT'S SPRING TRAINING!


So let's review how our team is doing at this point.

Our pitching looks... eh... it'll do. If we can get the game to our bullpen, we'll be fine. If. I mean, Soren, who isn't even a viable late reliever because we have so many, is better than a fair deal of closers... while our starting pitchers are iffy at best.

And here's our fielding/batting. Albies has a lot of upside (and in a non-canon universe where multiple things happened, such as playing with the nine worst relief pitchers as your entire staff or having twenty-five clones of Bill Buckner, he won Rookie of the Year in 2017, so...) Dickson is a power hitter acting as DH, Cuberson is okay, and Starling isn't even on here, he's so bad (SERIOUSLY BOURJOUS WHY HAVEN'T YOU SIGNED YET???).


Also, while loading up the images, I managed to catch this loading screen. Too bad that he never made it to the major leagues. And is dead now.

HOWEVER, with the arrival of Spring Training also comes the early predictions for the teams.

Okay, I thought we'd be worse. I mean, yes we are a ways under .500 and in last place in our division, but we're not even the worst team in the AL! Even if you discount the atrocious Twins, we're still not the worst team. And we might even beat the evil Yankees! Also, it may be hard to see, but one of our pitchers, Jason Hammel, is thought to be the second-best pitcher in the AL. There's lots of potential here. We might not be serious contenders, but we're not dead-in-the-water in our first year. Now what does the NL look like?

...

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SpoilerFUCK THE DODGERS

can you move the dodgers back to brooklyn real quick

can you move the dodgers back to brooklyn real quick

BUT I ALREADY MADE THE SCHEDULE AND THAT'D RUIN THE TRAVEL RULES... Wait a second...

Apparently, there's a borough in Los Angeles that was known as Brooklyn Heights, but it doesn't exist any more. Let's just move the Dodgers there, so the schedule still works and they're now in Brooklyn. Or just have them call that place their home, despite not being there whatsoever. It's not like there's a nearby team that does that cough cough LOS ANGELES Angels of Anaheim.

There we go, done. And since we have one team with a stupid name, we don't need another so...



Also, this may be a problem later, given that the season is supposedly ending six months after the last game played, but maybe OOTP 18 could have a fix. Given that there's 19 days until it comes out and I last updated this... 29 days ago I feel pretty safe that we aren't going to run into this problem here.

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ANYWAY IT'S TIME FOR THE FIRST Spring Training GAME OF THE SEASON!!!

Well, we got our first hit of the season, but nobody scores. Let's hope our starting pitching holds up.

Fuck

And we got out of it. This bodes well for our season...

WE SCORED! Let's just end the season here, and say we won it all.

Whoops.

Yeah, our starting pitching needs work.

See? Our starting pitching gives up lots of runs, and we can't come back to get it.

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We need something exciting for our third game. I mean, we haven't won a game yet.

Well, that'll do. Three innings in, and we're up by nine. There's no way we're going to blow this

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OH MY GOD WE BLEW IT

Okay, one more out to go, and we'll win. Force at any base...

WHY?
Well, we still just need to get the batter out...

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By the way, now would be a good time to mention that I have luck akin to having a black cat trip you up while walking under a ladder, then when you step on a crack to regain your footing, crashing into the ladder knocking off some mirrors which break on the ground, as well as accidentally opening your umbrella indoors on Friday the 13th.

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So, we need some way to improve our team, preferably by the addition of a starting pitcher. But there's no way we're going to get anyone good, right?

Oh.

OH...

Oh well.

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SpoilerWait a second, you have quite a few players who you'd like back. Including some of our numerous relief pitchers. I mean, we don't need four closers, right? So...




Just set you as our starting pitcher and...

Oh look, it's that time of year where all the baseball games come out with their new version. So I of course upgrade to OotP18 for even more messed up things.
Don't tell anyone it's not out until tomorrow

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Last time on "How not to run a baseball team":

• We blew an 11 run lead
  
• We blew a 2 run lead with one out to go
  
• We traded for one of the best pitchers, and immediately won our next game

So, at least things are looking up. We've got a decent starting rotation and nothing could ever go wr-

Welp, onto the DL with you, and time to go looking for even more pitching.

<Insert montage here of everybody who wants to trade wanting to get Bumgarner and nobody else like screw that>

Well, what's next? Another injury?

great...


Now, you may be asking why I put him on the DL if he's only day-to-day? Well, we're fifteen days out from Opening Day, so this DL stint doesn't impact if he's available for then, and I'd rather rest him for two weeks of non-important Spring Training games and only risk serious injury for a week of important games, rather than play him all out for meaningless games and regret it later.

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Anyway, spring training comes and goes, and nothing really exciting happens. I can't even correctly edit the roster yet because we haven't started the season, so RIP me.

Also, a bunch of our players got some improvements in their ratings, so that's good news. Anyway, time to bite the bullet and see how we did overall in spring.

WHAT

No seriously, 13-15 is quite passable, especially after being ridiculously outplayed from our first few games.

It's almost as if when I stopped really caring about how the team was doing, we started doing good...

Okay then, the goal is clear for next time:
What non-baseball related things do I need to do to start off our season so that we can win a bunch of games?

i think it's clear that we need to make Pitching Machine our new starter

Well, for our new starter, I needed to buff them some more. Some of these might not be legal, but I don't care.

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Anyway, it's time to start the season, with the first Sunday Night game.

fuck.

Oh, never mind, the Diamondbacks are back on top.

FUCK

Yeah, let's just say I'm not really into this game, because they aren't a division we face so all I care about is the Dodgers losing.


Also, I found this wonderful quote. Time to see if I am able to break this somehow

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Okay, here's our goal from Sbnkalny herself. Be respectable. So, let's go and win the World Series, right?

Anyway, while getting our roster set up, I ran into this warning a few times. Now, this is annoying, right? We're trying to mess up all of baseball, not actually simulate all the boring bits.

Thankfully, I can just purposefully change their team.

Also, different error, same response.

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Also, this is our current roster. Any suggestions better than what the AI who actually knows what it's doing set up?

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PSSST. You wanna mess up baseball?


We can choose how our strategy should be. But then again, why should we suggest how our strategy is...

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Spoiler
WHEN WE CAN SUGGEST THE STRATEGY FOR EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE LEAGUE AND SCREW UP WHAT BASEBALL IS

let's get everyone else besides ourselves to maximum intentional walks, while we never bunt

if everyone is a bad team then its fair

>How's that cloning machine working out for us? Have we managed to clone and give performance enhancing supplements to an army of Pitching Machines
>Set half to aggressive base running, but never stealing bases
>Set half to the opposite
>Nobody ever hits and runs, but we do moderately
>Set us to conservative base running, but always stealing

>Make the Dodger's Strategy to lose
>Ask mike for his chosen strategy, and then give it to the Dodgers except with the other changes we've made
>Begin research on hiring an assassin to kill the Dodgers non-playing staff. If that fails, just delete them from the game entirely and see how they cope.

>Also maybe hire some of these people where possible, if possible. Can we still hire players? What are we low on?

>Oh and last request, can we make sure at all times our Pitching Machine team members are carrying a gun? Or just edit their profiles/history to say they always have a gun with them