What now? A plotless adventure

You have been created to serve the gods in an eternal game of "What Now?" You briefly experience painful existentialism before your existentialism experiences you back.
Wait... What's your name?

John Johnson

Yes, that seems about right. John Johnson. It rolls right off the tongue.
Recently you've been doing generic things such as irrelevant errands to further no plot whatsoever. Equipped with clothes, and a bag of items, you feel compelled to... Do something, just not something noteworthy. What will you do?

Eat some pizza

Burn your house down with your entire family inside.



Haha, shucks, just pullin' your leg! Go eat some pizza, you scoundrel, you!

Do a jig and eat pizza!

Hmmm, you've got some pizza on the counter... You decide to suddenly do a dilly dance while consuming pizza! This was exactly the waste of time you were looking for! Wait a second... Is that a lighter and some gasoline?

You are now orphaned and homeless. But there's a helpful burning wreck behind you! Maybe youuu should do something before plot-generating police arrive at the crime scene...

calmly walk away via sidewalk. do your best unimportant NPC impression.

Step. Step. Step. The police won't suspect a thing. A particularly main-character-y looking police officer looks towards you just as you equip an emotionless expression. They look away, suspecting you're of no relevance to the plot. Phew.

Well, now you're on the streets with a lighter, some half-eaten pizza, and no plot to speak of. What now?

Give the pizza to a homeless person, I guess

Give the pizza some homeless person, I guess

>Become a homeless pizza

You give the pizza some homeless person-- by which you mean you give the pizza to some homeless person. Out of nowhere, 35 cheskulls materialize! Must be meant for someone related to the plot. But let's not call ourselves to attention. You stow away the cheskulls for later use. Perhaps your insuranv e will understand and return to you your house, and you may go back to a boring, safely plotless life. This whole homeless thing is smelling a bit like plot...

Obviously, you need to get involved in real estate.

Darn. These plot-irrelevant voices in your head know how to not have anything to do with the plot! You sneak into a building labelled "REAL ESTATE" , via a window in the run-down shack labelled "FAKE ESTATE". You get into the rather short line of applicants, and the interviewer responds, "I like your style. You're hired!"

>"Haha, I like your style too! Good thing I'm not a murderous psychopath that will rip off your skin and wear it!"

> Turns out your job is to do what you do best: burn things down. Specifically the local competitor, FAKE ESTATE.

Foreshadowing fulfilled.

"Of course! Thank goodness for your perfect mental health. We have you first assignment for you, as it happens." The interviewer removes his nametag and replaces it with an official-looking platinum ID, "our competitor, Fake Estate, has been ravaging business with terrible business tactics, like not cleaning up their building! We need you to burn it down."

>"ok"

>Whoa, whoa. You can't take on a quest. That's plot stuff.

>Just to be clear, is this a quest or a sidequest?

"Woah woah. I can't take on a quest. That's plot stuff," you say, in an irrelevant matter.
"Hah hah! But of course! This is no run-of-the-mill quest, this is a simple, irrelevant sidequest! No plot necessary. In fact, I saw the player walk by uninterested just a few minutes ago!"
Well, you'll take what you can get, and not doing work is not how you take a job. Stepping outside, you size up the worn-down FAKE ESTATE building. It's free real-estate.

>ask the building to move out of the way nicely

"Uhh, I can't do that," A weary old man shouts from the top floor, "I'm trying to out-compete REAL ESTATE over there!" The man points to the REAL ESTATE building next door. What now?

Just keep walking, then. Eesh.