you've been peeling bananas wrong this whole time

it turns out that you're supposed to suspend both ends between your palms and then clap

it turns out you're supposed to jab a bendy straw in the middle and suck it out

it turns out you've got to cut it open in a spiral pattern

it turns out you gotta grow out your nails really long and claw away the peel idly

it turns out you're supposed to eat JUST the peel

it turns out that it's like an onion and you just gotta keep peeling and peeling to get to the actual banana

it turns out you're supposed to hold it like a starter pistol and squeeze until it runs down your arm and onto your face where you can lick it up

it turns out you're supposed to lower the entire thing into your mouth and then pull out a fish skeleton

it turns out that if you put it on a table and spin it around really fast, it'll come out by itself and also you get 7 minutes in heaven

it turns out your ear canal is like a bottle opener for bananas

it turns out you're supposed to hard-boil them

it turns out that if you save up 50 peels with stars on them and send them back to dole, you win a free xbox 360

it turns out that you're supposed to push razor blades in before you unpeel for a spooky surprise

it turns out there's a kickstarter by the guy who does artisinal pencil sharpening to do artisinal banana unpeeling, too

EDIT: it turns out it's actually spelled "artisanal". "art is anal." oh my gosh

it turns out you're supposed to leave the bananas alone

it turns out you're supposed to bury it and wait for it to bud so you get more bananas

it turns out that for best results you should go very slowly, start when it's green and end when it's brown

it turns out that instead of discarding the peel, you should stuff it with cotton balls, sew it back together, and dunk it in formaldehyde so it'll keep longer

it turns out that instead of discarding the peel, you should stuff it with cotton balls, sew it back together, and dunk it in formaldehyde so it'll keep longer

it turns out i was mistaken: you gotta fill it with wax and put a string in it for a candle that'll make your room smell of banana

it turns out you're supposed to be entombed with the banana when you die so it can accompany you to the afterlife, where it will finally reveal its true form

it turns out you can always count on a bird to get the job for you. it's a living

it turns out it's all about neurolinguistic programming

it turns out that you're supposed to use a can opener

it turns out you gotta jam it in a light socket and flip the switch

it turns out you're supposed to skeet shoot it