The Grand Illusion

The Delusional looked up from his book.
"Oh, you're still here," he commented. "Although given that I'm clearly hallucinating you in the first place, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised."
Hal sighed.
"Sir, we've explained this to you repeatedly. You are, in fact, an all-powerful being with the power to travel between universes. You are not in an insane asylum hallucinating the entire thing."
"Yes, yes, my subconscious is very stubborn about that for some reason," the Delusional said dismissively. "I can't see why you two would insist on working for me if that were the case, though."
Hal groaned again.
"Sir, we explained this as well. You are the reincarnation of our former Grandmaster. We are loyal to you. We want you to recall your true nature."
"You're the most boring hallucination I've ever dreamed up," the Delusional mumbled. He started reading his book again. "I'm very disappointed in my subconscious. If this is the best I can do, I might as well have stayed on the meds."
The Delusional's other assistant, Lou, stepped forward.
"Sir, if I may make a suggestion... There is a pasttime which entities of your power level partake in. It is called a Grand Battle. They, or their subordinates, choose eight beings from throughout the multiverse, and force them into a battle to the death."
The Delusional looked thoughtful.
"Now that is a hallucination I can get behind. All right, subconscious. Come up with some interesting fighters. And you'd better make it memorable."
He went back to his book. Hal and Lou stared at each other, then started a whispered conversation.
"Do you really think a battle will get him to remember his old self?" Hal asked. "You may recall how the previous one ended."
"We have little choice," Lou replied. "No other method has worked so far, and it may spark some memories."
"But the contestants may rebel again. And succeed. We would have to locate him once again, and he might be even less cooperative."
"Indeed. However, his current state has given me a thought."
"Do tell."
"What if none of the contestants actually believed they were in a battle?"
Hal blinked.
"I believe that would minimize the risk of a rebellion," he agreed.

Welcome to the Grand Illusion. This is a Grand Battle spinoff where the gimmick is that every entrant - as well as the host himself - thinks the battle is fake in some way.

I'm too lazy to write up full rules; if you're one of the three or four Eagle Timers not familiar with GBs, the basic deal is that it's a writing contest, eight of you come up with characters, I give you rounds, they fight, after a while I decide which of you has had the worst writing and then that player is out and their character dies. You can write for other players' characters, but use them carefully; don't inflict permanent harm on them unless their writer gives you permission.

Here's a profile template for your characters:

Username: Your forum name. SUPER IMPORTANT, right?
Character Name: What do you call them?
Race: Human? Elf? Sentient dust bunny? Whatever they are, say it here, and describe it if necessary.
Gender: Male? Female? Something else? List it here.
Text Color: The color your words will be in.
Biography: Who is this guy/girl/undead vacuum cleaner? You probably want to work in an explanation of their delusion here, too.
Description: What do they look like and what do they act like?
Weapons and Abilities: What can your character do? And what cool stuff are they carrying?

That's pretty much it. Now, go make some characters!

ok i haven't done a grand battle i'll bite

Username: Solar Smith
Character Name: Samuel I. Worth
Gender: ALL AMERICAN MALE
Race: AMERICAN
Text color: #A000A0, THE COLOR OF "#AMERICA"
Biography: After World War 1, American Super Scientists banded together, under the watchful eye of the U.S. Government to make a new breed of soldier. A group who would be powerful beyond belief, with amazing abilities and a strong loyalty to their country. Samuel I. Worth, publicized as Uncle Sam, though he was much younger than what would eventually be popularized, is the only living member of these experiments. Armed with an American loyalty like no other and his new powers, this result of American Super Science was cryogenicly frozen for the time that his country would need him most. In fact, the last words said to him were "When you wake up, you will be on enemy lines." They were wrong, but SAM DOESN'T KNOW THAT!

Weapons and Abilities: The result of the American Super Science on Samuel was the ability to shoot out energy beams in the colors of red, white, and blue. He can shoot them out from his hands as fists, from the palm, or individual fingers. He can strengthen or weaken them, stun to kill and all that. The color doesn't seem to be for anything other than aesthetics. He also has a few mental issues due to American Super Science Mind Experimentation. Beyond that, he has ALL AMERICAN SCHOOLING and military training. AMERICA!

Description: Sam is dressed in a nice suit with the appropriate shoes, socks, and slacks. It has an American Flag Pin. His hair is a strong blond, short and combed, his skin's fair, eyes are black. He is loyal to the American cause and hates anti-American scum possibly due to American Super Science Mind Experiments that have left him partially insane! Whoops. Overall, he acts proper and right to his fellow man, unless they are THE ENEMY, in which case he punches them out. He does not always know how to discern who is and is not THE ENEMY.

oooooo i've never done a grand battle befoorrreeeee :3

Username: Pharmacy

Character Name: Sasha Ima

Race: Just Your Imagination

Gender: Oh man

Text Color: THE SLEEPER...HAS AWAKENED

Biography:

An excerpt from The Voyage of Sasha Ima. Author Unknown.

"He awoke with the damp licking at his heels as his head lay ponderous on the foam of the seas sticky with the grains of sand. The halcyon breeze flowed in with each swelling and ebbing current. He tries to speak but no air went through his parted lips. He needed to wake up. He needed to stand up. Yet he could not help but find joy when the tides claimed him once again. The waters embraced his life as he found his breath melting away along with the salt of the beach. There was no pain. No hurt. He simply goes dreaming."

Description:

A stubborn-looking humanoid with an alarming tendency to cross his arms. Vaguely Russian. Perpetual scowl. Gets especially cranky about the words “love” and “destiny." Wears an especially fine suit that gives Interpol vibes. Otherwise, final verdict: incredibly nondescript; appearance needs more work.

Sasha is awfully quiet; there is not much to talk about - or even talk to - when you spend a good majority of your time in subconscious-land. It has been a while since he met a Proper Human Being (or did he?), but he likes to think he could treat others with the utmost friendliness. In reality, Sasha is not that friendly - more irritable, snappy, and especially inattentive (he prefers the term "absent-minded" thankyouverymuch). You see he acts pretty much like a real person.

Weapons and Abilities:

On the contrary, Sasha is not real at all. He has a gun in holster and a badge to back it up but that still cannot change the fact that he is a mere figment of imagination entirely convinced he is a man trapped inside his own dream. As such, he is fairly fearless since he tends to disregard fantastic-slash-terrifying scenarios as mere delusions.

Unfortunately, this is a double-edged sword as he has so much faith in his belief that reality warps around him. The distortions are subtle - usually spatial dimensions and other violations of general physics but god knows what would happen if he spends too much time in one round.

If he somehow is convinced of his true nature, he will cease to exist. In other words, die.

Username: Crowstone
Character Name: This character is unnamed
Race: Human
Gender: Male
Text Color: color=#87CEEB
Biography: This character is a product of an advanced eugenic breeding program (The Eugenius Cult) that has successfullly introduced psychic powers and other superhuman abilities into certain members of the human race. This character is to be the pinnacle of Eugenius' achievement, the maximum potential of known, human power, a crossbreed between the best psychic mind ever and the strongest bod ever to produce the ULTIMATE HUMAN BEING. However, despite the massive telekinetic and other miscellaneous psychic abilities that this character has at its disposal, he is still about as dumb as a rock and doesn't realize he is in battle.

Description: His true form is never seen on account of being contained within a naturally developed flesh and bone 'armor', which looks like a human (obviously, because there is a human contained within). In addition to this natural protection, he is further protected by man-made protection designed for the fleshbonearmor. studded leather vest and pants and metal clogs, and a big copper helmet. The hands are covered in oily cloth and are constantly on fire, which is okay because this is the suit and not the actual character's body. Due to being within the fleshsuit 100% of the time, this character is completely bald.

Weapons and Abilities: As previously mentioned, he is way too dumb to even use all the psychic powers inherited from daddy (except by accident or passively), so only physical powers from mommy will be discussed. The aforementioned flesh-bone 'biological armor system' has ultra very tough skin that would sooner break out in a sweat (which isn't happening easily on account of super awesome thermoregulation) than break from a sharp pointy thing and capable of running up to 60kilometers per hour, jumping up to 25m straight up, and denting a titanium alloyed armored tank with a light punch. The suit can withstand 400megapascals of pressure before signs of compression and doesn't get tired, ever.

Username: Garuru
Name: Deathclaw (Michael Richardson)
Race: Zrgyzan (Human)
Gender: Male (Male)
Color: maroon
Description: Deathclaw is a final boss from the video game, Alien Odyssey. He wishes to obtain all 7 Soul Pearls in order to open the Dark Gate and take over the galaxy. He has an entire army of minions, mainly imps with varying elemental powers. He is a Zrgyzan, which is basically a chitinous alien race. He is tall and lanky, but his majestic gown has plenty of bulk. His personality is very arrogant, and he desires for nothing more than to rule the world and destroy all in his way. He values himself above absolutely everything and everybody else, and is totally narcissistic. He is also not the character that's going to be entered in this battle.

That would be Michael Richardson, who is an ordinary middle-aged man. He also has a severe form of multiple personality disorder that causes himself to believe he is Deathclaw. When he is Deathclaw, he is just as cruel and arrogant as the video game character is, and he will see the entire world as the one from Alien Odyssey. In this state, it is near impossible to shake his convictions. However, he sometimes has lapses of lucidity, in which he is able to regain control of his mind for a while. When he is lucid, he is just the same as he was before his illness. He was a meek businessman who always let people step over him, but he is very kind, and wouldn't harm a fly. He is aware of his illness when he's lucid, but not when he's Deathclaw, so he's more reserved than before. He knows he can't do anything about his illness, so he just lies around all day and talks to people whenever he can. Deathclaw is convinced that everything is a part of his video-game reality, while Michael would just dismiss most otherworldly things as a hallucination.

Items/Abilities: Michael Richardson has very little on his person, otherwise he'd use them to try and kill everybody. He only wears a plain T-Shirt and Khaki slacks. He also does not have anything in the way of abilities. Deathclaw, on the other hand, has gravity manipulation powers, and will gleefully abuse this power in the most dramatic, graphically-stunning, way possible.

Biography: Michael, growing up, was always obsessed with the Alien Odyssey series. He was a loner his whole life, and he never really learned how to deal with people. So, he became a perfectly ordinary businessman. Then one day, he was in a severe car accident, which broke him. He came out of it with nothing but a concussion, so he resumed work. Then, one day, Deathclaw took control. He flipped out and started screaming generic final boss lines. He was taken to the mental asylum, where he has remained for 5 years.