Lets play Crusader of Centy - Chapter One: All My Friends are Dicks

humans. They were feared by everyone...

No one knows, where, when or how these creatures came to be. Have they been here since the start of humanity? ...Or were they here since the start of time... Who's to say...

Time passes...



Filling the earth with light and destiny...

Most of the "monsters" had no resistance to light and quickly perished...



Monsters did not become extinct.



Our story begins, when the monsters reappear, and the inevitable conflict between man and monster ensues...



So uh, Para, what the hell is this?

This right here is the Genesis' answer to A Link to the Past, featuring very similar (if a bit different) game play from that title.

So if it's just a shameless ripoff, why are you playing it?

Oh god if it didn't have anything going for it other than being another zelda clone I wouldn't even be mentioning it right now. This game has a wee bit of a problem with morality and how preachy it gets. How bad? You're going to find out.

Oh yes. You're going to find out.

In between I'll try to dig up some relics about this games development and some of its music, so if you're interested in any of that, stay tuned.

Chapters

00. Prologue (this post)
01. All My Friends Are Dicks
02. Training Grounds Do Not Imply a Deathcourse!

>Butts Forever

Chapter One: My Friends Are Assholes



Butts4eva. Thank you all for being here today!"

"Happy birthday, Butts4eva! you are now 14 years old. I have a present for you."



lost his life in battle... I really don't want to hand this sword to you, but it is the law of this land to hold the sword and go to battle when a boy turns 14..........."

Ah yes, expected at 14 years of age to go stab things full of holes. What a lovely country.

ANYWAY

As you may have noticed up there in the corner we have apples. Not heart containers, honestly! Apples! They measure how much health we have at any given time. (not like Heart Containers at all honestly!) and if you run out of apples, you die. As this game has no continue screen, if you don't save religiously and happen to get your ass run through you are going to lose a quite a bit of progress. I will counter that by... well by saving religiously. What else?

Now let's see what these kids have to say.



four!

Of course the chance of dying horribly excites you.

Oh well. Let's talk to Good ol' Billy.



ASSHOLE. Oh well. Maybe the girl won't be a bi- what the hell, fireworks?



Alice: "By the way, it's the day brave Amon leaves. Let's go see him!"

Billy: "Don't forget to give me a send-off, too, when my turn to go comes, ok?"

Alice: "Oh, Billy...! Becoming a hero is not an easy task! You'll never become one if you don't train yourself at Rafflesia Training Ground!"

Pico: "C'mon, hurry! I like Amon. I like all strong heroes!"



And then they all go wandering off, because fuck you, we only came for cake.



Pico: "Isn't the castle up ahead? I'm waiting for Amon, I want to give him a send-off."

Alice: "Being a hero is every man's dream. I'm sure Amon will be a great hero one day!"

Billy: "Butts4eva, I think you should report to the King about your 14th birthday."

I wander inside the castle, and start chatting up the residents, none of which are too bothered about a kid wandering in with a sword. Oh well.



You should learn to throw your sword at the training ground before you go."



King: "Your journey will be a long one, but I expect you to do well. Good luck."

Amon: "Yes, your highness."

And then Amon wanders off to be completely inconsequential to the plot for awhile.



time. Your father was so brave. He saved this town many times with that very sword... Enough old tales for now. You have come to report your 14th birthday, have you not? I will grant you the right to train at the Rafflesia Training Grounds. Train hard and train well."

And then for some reason I get lost and find myself in the castle dungeon, talking to this jerk here:



We are using them for research. I think we should just waste them..."

After that lovely chat I work my way OUT of the castle and to the south gate out of town, and head for the training grounds.



End of Chapter!

"You should report to the King about your 14th birthday" is a pretty great plot on its own, I think a game could stretch it out full-length

Well, at least the King didn't decide to wander off halfway through the conversation, that's still more than you can say about those jerkass kids.

Is everything in this game named after flowers?

How nice of you to notice! Yes. Yes they are. Everything with the exception of about two areas are named after flowers.