Malky-Grand 131121125 [Round 1: Jelly Citadel]
04-27-2012, 09:49 PM
There was a loud thud-without-noise as the portal to an unassuming little pocket dimension slammed shut. The being that had just fled through it leaned against the comfortably-solid barrier between worlds, confident for a moment that she'd lost them and would safe for a time again. For several moments, she just waited there, motionless, savoring her small and temporary victory; after a time a smaller being much lower to the ground spoke up.
"It's closer every time, isn't it?"
Features that could be roughly considered a face did something that was closer to a scowl than anything else.
<You know I don't like talking in this multiverse's omnilanguage when I don't have to.>
The smaller being sighed and slipped back into its mother tongue.
<You'll have to get used to it eventually if you're not going back.>
The larger one shuffled awkwardly and didn't respond.
<You still don't plan to, right?>
<Not unless they catch me and force me to. You know that. But how long can I keep running and hiding? Every time I find a new group, one of them rats me out to the authorities.>
<Well, I think I may have found something to solve that, actually.>
<... How?>
<We can get you naturalized if you have a soul from this multiver–>
The larger being stomped with annoyance and cut in.
<I already know that! It's impossible to get one though!>
<Don't interrupt. I know you know that, I was just leading into the next bit. See, I think I've found a ritual that can get you a soul. It's a little... complicated, but...>
The smaller one gave a brief explanation. It was... Complicated. After several minutes of questions and arguing and confusion, the larger being had been convinced this was its best option, but it still had one important question.
<Where will I get the sacrifices?>
<Welllll... I actually got a list of usable candidates from the girl I got the ritual from, but... She's kind of weird.>
<Doesn't matter. Bring them here, and I'll set everything else up.>
---
Some time later – or before, or perhaps concurrently – four beings native to this multiverse found themselves vanishing from their homes and lives only to be dumped in a small, dark room. Before them was... well, it was hard to say what it was. It was an enormous mound of flesh and eyes and hair, only even vaguely humanoid because it seemed to have been crammed into an enormous Japanese schoolgirl's outfit. It was deathly pale, its cascading hair near-transparent, its eyes searing red. It seemed, in all, like even a moment in the sun would send it burning. Behind it, for all its grotesque, misshapen horror, sprouted a pair of angelic wings, yards long in both directions, pitch black, and dappled with stars and nebulae that gracefully wheeled across them as they winnowed the air.
It opened a dozen mouths and spoke in as many voices, none of which seemed to understand the words they were saying.
"Contestant! All you now are contestant. Battle to fight, other to kill. Winner, rewarded. Greatest desire achieved!"
The new contestants were each illuminated in turn, described briefly and incomprehensibly by the thing that had presumably abducted them.
"This is a fish. She collects the opal, purple vegetable."
"Gummelda duck... Of is candy is a laser, and she can see only the sweets."
"Cacta is the OWL, Cactus. He is the spirit of evil coffin and many magical items."
"Selavy chaos duck carve very well but he is crazy... love to trash box box."
Having been introduced to their competitors, the four vanished again. Before rematerializing, they received visions of their destination, coupled with the dubious "explanations" of their host.
"I am The Candy Cane, this is Kula Castle."
An expanse of ocean stretched above and below and beyond the contestants' astral sight, endless water rushing past until a colossal jellyfish came into view. Colossal didn't even truly do it justice; it could probably have fed on whales like minnows as it lazily drifted through the chthonic depths. It was largely bluish, but spots of lighter and darker fluid moved through its mantle, and one tiny dark speck sat at its very center.
"This is a lonely bastion of magical girl... View the invasion she will kill her. Wish her and fight against the invaders. Or die. Move the survivors to the new location."
The contestants finally reappeared, scattered randomly throughout the jellyfish's innards. To their surprise, those that needed to breathe found they could do so easily.
Back in her pocket dimension, the Candy Cane sighed to herself.
<Well, it's begun. I hope it finishes before they find me again.>
<Ah, don't worry, it will. But, uh... I have to ask. Why'd you call yourself Candy Cane?>
There was a pause. <I thought I'd said The Exalted One.>
<Huh. Maybe I should do the talking from now on.>
Characters:
"It's closer every time, isn't it?"
Features that could be roughly considered a face did something that was closer to a scowl than anything else.
<You know I don't like talking in this multiverse's omnilanguage when I don't have to.>
The smaller being sighed and slipped back into its mother tongue.
<You'll have to get used to it eventually if you're not going back.>
The larger one shuffled awkwardly and didn't respond.
<You still don't plan to, right?>
<Not unless they catch me and force me to. You know that. But how long can I keep running and hiding? Every time I find a new group, one of them rats me out to the authorities.>
<Well, I think I may have found something to solve that, actually.>
<... How?>
<We can get you naturalized if you have a soul from this multiver–>
The larger being stomped with annoyance and cut in.
<I already know that! It's impossible to get one though!>
<Don't interrupt. I know you know that, I was just leading into the next bit. See, I think I've found a ritual that can get you a soul. It's a little... complicated, but...>
The smaller one gave a brief explanation. It was... Complicated. After several minutes of questions and arguing and confusion, the larger being had been convinced this was its best option, but it still had one important question.
<Where will I get the sacrifices?>
<Welllll... I actually got a list of usable candidates from the girl I got the ritual from, but... She's kind of weird.>
<Doesn't matter. Bring them here, and I'll set everything else up.>
---
Some time later – or before, or perhaps concurrently – four beings native to this multiverse found themselves vanishing from their homes and lives only to be dumped in a small, dark room. Before them was... well, it was hard to say what it was. It was an enormous mound of flesh and eyes and hair, only even vaguely humanoid because it seemed to have been crammed into an enormous Japanese schoolgirl's outfit. It was deathly pale, its cascading hair near-transparent, its eyes searing red. It seemed, in all, like even a moment in the sun would send it burning. Behind it, for all its grotesque, misshapen horror, sprouted a pair of angelic wings, yards long in both directions, pitch black, and dappled with stars and nebulae that gracefully wheeled across them as they winnowed the air.
It opened a dozen mouths and spoke in as many voices, none of which seemed to understand the words they were saying.
"Contestant! All you now are contestant. Battle to fight, other to kill. Winner, rewarded. Greatest desire achieved!"
The new contestants were each illuminated in turn, described briefly and incomprehensibly by the thing that had presumably abducted them.
"This is a fish. She collects the opal, purple vegetable."
"Gummelda duck... Of is candy is a laser, and she can see only the sweets."
"Cacta is the OWL, Cactus. He is the spirit of evil coffin and many magical items."
"Selavy chaos duck carve very well but he is crazy... love to trash box box."
Having been introduced to their competitors, the four vanished again. Before rematerializing, they received visions of their destination, coupled with the dubious "explanations" of their host.
"I am The Candy Cane, this is Kula Castle."
An expanse of ocean stretched above and below and beyond the contestants' astral sight, endless water rushing past until a colossal jellyfish came into view. Colossal didn't even truly do it justice; it could probably have fed on whales like minnows as it lazily drifted through the chthonic depths. It was largely bluish, but spots of lighter and darker fluid moved through its mantle, and one tiny dark speck sat at its very center.
"This is a lonely bastion of magical girl... View the invasion she will kill her. Wish her and fight against the invaders. Or die. Move the survivors to the new location."
The contestants finally reappeared, scattered randomly throughout the jellyfish's innards. To their surprise, those that needed to breathe found they could do so easily.
Back in her pocket dimension, the Candy Cane sighed to herself.
<Well, it's begun. I hope it finishes before they find me again.>
<Ah, don't worry, it will. But, uh... I have to ask. Why'd you call yourself Candy Cane?>
There was a pause. <I thought I'd said The Exalted One.>
<Huh. Maybe I should do the talking from now on.>
SpoilerShow
Welcome to round one of the momentous Malkygrand! A quick summary of the round: inside the big old jellyfish is a magical girl dressed in a magical-girl-style beekeeper suit. She is currently infested with something anti-magical-girl, but it's not a physical opponent that can be fought. Ultimately, the contestants need to overcome it, or she will die and the jellyfish with her. And thus all of you with it, of course. Pretty much everything else, including what other sorts of things are in the jellyfish, is up to you. Have fun!
Characters:
SpoilerShow
PYP:
Dragon Fogel:
Ixcaliber:
Pharmacy:
SpoilerShow
(04-07-2012, 09:20 PM)Pick Yer Poison Wrote: »Questions:
SpoilerShow[17:48] <MalkyTop> Does it hungers
[17:48] <MalkyTop> Is it a grape
[17:48] <MalkyTop> Does it eat purple
[17:49] <Woffles> yes no yes
[17:49] <MalkyTop> is it colorblind
[17:49] <Woffles> yes
[17:49] <MalkyTop> Is it colorblind because of a purple accident
[17:49] <Woffles> yes
[17:50] <MalkyTop> Is it a child
[17:50] <MalkyTop> Does it pretend to be a superhero
[17:50] <Woffles> nope, nope
[17:50] <MalkyTop> Is it a musical star
[17:50] <Woffles> yes
[17:51] <MalkyTop> Is it only invisible when nobody's looking at him
[17:51] <Woffles> nope
[17:51] <MalkyTop> Is ita guy
[17:51] <Woffles> no
[17:52] <MalkyTop> Is it on the run from
[17:52] <MalkyTop> Credict card sharks
[17:52] <Woffles> nope
[17:52] <MalkyTop> Does it read classic literature but only too look smart
[17:52] <Woffles> no :( too bad
[17:52] <MalkyTop> Does it play video games
[17:52] <Woffles> yes
[17:53] <MalkyTop> Is it a vegetable
[17:53] <Woffles> yes
[17:53] <MalkyTop> Does it resent beings of other food groups
[17:53] <Woffles> no
[17:53] <MalkyTop> Does it only do things for art
[17:54] <MalkyTop> can it beeeeeeeeean
[17:54] <Woffles> no, no
[17:54] <MalkyTop> Does it collect opal
[17:54] <Woffles> yes
[17:54] <MalkyTop> Is it a robot vegetable powered by opal
[17:54] <Woffles> no
[17:55] <MalkyTop> Is it in the shape of a duck
[17:55] <Woffles> yes
Name: Fish
Gender: Female
Font color:
Race: Flying Purple Purple Eater
Weapons/Abilities: Fish can eat purple, as well as fly. She can also breathe red and blue onto anything in the environment, at the expense of her internal reserve of purple.
Fish is currently carrying her Bag of Collecting. It can hold an infinite number of items, but only if they've all got a feature in common. It's currently got a whole lot of opals in it, which sort of limits what she can store in it, since she doesn't particularly want to get rid of them.
Description: Fish is vegetable in the shape of a duck. It's not clear what kind, but she looks a little like a warped eggplant, albeit with even more of an overall purplish tinge.
Fish is colorblind due to a purple accident in her past, which she has never elaborated on, claiming it to be very traumatic. She enjoys video games and collecting opals, and talks like a snake due to her dubious parentage. It comes from her mother's side.
Biography: Fish comes from a far away land, where animal-shaped vegetables roam freely and pursue various seemingly-random objects for unknown reasons. She was given her Bag of Collecting when she came of age in order to collect her arbitrary items, which the ceremony held immediately after revealed to be opals. No particularly big deal was made out of this. At some later date she vanished.
Dragon Fogel:
SpoilerShow
(04-07-2012, 09:24 PM)Dragon Fogel Wrote: »Questions:
SpoilerShow<MalkyTop> Is it a black-and-white silent film star
<DragonFogel> No.
<MalkyTop> Is it candy
<DragonFogel> So far we have that it's not a black-and-white silent film star.
<MalkyTop> Does it have a bowler hat
<MalkyTop> Does it identify as a specific gender that we don't have a word for
<MalkyTop> Can it be invisible
<MalkyTop> Does it fly
<MalkyTop> Does it go on daring adventures
<MalkyTop> Does it hoard string
<MalkyTop> Is it made mostly of taffy
<MalkyTop> Does it dislike birds
<DragonFogel> Yes to candy, no to bowler hat, no to gender we don't have a word for...
<Pharmacy> does it have psychic powers
<MalkyTop> Is it blind
<MalkyTop> Does it have synesthesia
<MalkyTop> Does it eat itself
<DragonFogel> Yes to invisible, no to flying, yes to daring adventures.
<Agenrawr> is it pink?
<MalkyTop> Can it do lasers
<MalkyTop> Does it clog up everything it touches with taffy goodness
<DragonFogel> Hang on, I'm trying to catch up with questions.
<MalkyTop> Was it made by a young candymaker to be his wife
<MalkyTop> NO
<DragonFogel> Yes to hoards string, No to mostly taffy, Yes to dislikes birds...
<DragonFogel> Yes to blind, yes to synesthesia, yes to eats itself, yes to lasers.
<DragonFogel> No to taffy goodness, yes to candymaker's wife.
<MalkyTop> Okay
<MalkyTop> Does it communicate mostly via lasers
<DragonFogel> Yes.
<MalkyTop> Does it find its way around using a prehensile candy tongue
<DragonFogel> No.
<MalkyTop> Can it cook but only candy things
<MalkyTop> As part of its wife duties
<DragonFogel> No. Awww.
<MalkyTop> Does it leave a trail of candy where'er it goes
<DragonFogel> Yes.
<MalkyTop> Even though it's blind can it still "see" music or smell or whatever
<DragonFogel> No.
<NotTheAuthor> Can it see candy
<MalkyTop> Is it in the middle of aplying fo college
<DragonFogel> This is Malky's question time!
<Sanzh> can it apply candy it finds to its body mass
<MalkyTop> ....I want to ask Nottle's question
<NotTheAuthor> Fiiiiiiiiine
<MalkyTop> now
<DragonFogel> It is not in the middle of applying for college.
<DragonFogel> It can see candy.
<MalkyTop> Okay ummmmmmmm
<MalkyTop> So that means thatit can see its own trail
<MalkyTop> Is it an avid gamer
<DragonFogel> Yes.
<MalkyTop> Does it feed on hair
<DragonFogel> No.
<MalkyTop> Can it act as some sort of bug, like a listening device transmitter thing
<MalkyTop> somehow
<DragonFogel> I guess candywife will play video games with PYP's vegetable-duck.
<DragonFogel> It can.
<MalkyTop> Does globs of itself still remain sentient and able to move about themselves
<DragonFogel> No.
<MalkyTop> Can it act as the perfect alarm clock
<DragonFogel> Yes.
<MalkyTop> Is it 70% fruit
<MalkyTop> REAL FRUIT
<DragonFogel> No.
<MalkyTop> how unhealthy
<MalkyTop> um
<MalkyTop> can it mold itself into different shapes to better adapt to its environment
<DragonFogel> No.
<MalkyTop> Is it in danger of solidifying and being immobile unless it constantly moves and PARTIES
<DragonFogel> Yes.
<MalkyTop> Is it actually a doomsday device in any way
<DragonFogel> Yes.
<MalkyTop> Is it shaped in the form of a duck
<Sanzh> whaaaat
<DragonFogel> Yes.
<MalkyTop> Does it duckness have anything to do with it being a doomsday device
<DragonFogel> No.
<Aryogaton> Finished Ruby Quest
<MalkyTop> RUBY QUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEST
<Aryogaton> I forgot so much from my first read
<DragonFogel> ...is this Malky Mini-Grand going to be all ducks?
<MalkyTop> LOOK.
<MalkyTop> DUCKS.
<MalkyTop> does it love
<DragonFogel> It does not love.
<MalkyTop> does it absorb things within itself
<DragonFogel> No.
<MalkyTop> is its not-loving something rather creepy and pathological because it mimics emotions from what it sees
<DragonFogel> Yes.
<MalkyTop> wait a minute why can it turn invisible
<MalkyTop> okay whatever
<DragonFogel> I don't know, it's your question!
<MalkyTop> um
<MalkyTop> Does it play a musical instrument
<DragonFogel> Yes.
<MalkyTop> Is there a trumpet stuck to its beak as a result of an unfortunate trumpet accident
<DragonFogel> No.
<MalkyTop> Can I ask the same question except replace trumpet with clarinet
<DragonFogel> Apparently you can't.
<DragonFogel> That or the answer is no.
<MalkyTop> Is it a member of the mafia
<MalkyTop> THE LASER MAFIA
* Anomaly (Mibbit@pool-173-57-112-80.dllstx.fios.verizon.net) has joined #grandbattle
<DragonFogel> Yes.
<MalkyTop> um
<MalkyTop> does it wear clothes
<DragonFogel> Yes.
<Anomaly> that was a very normal question for Malky
<MalkyTop> are there weaons inside of its candy shell that it can withdraw and unwithdraw at any time
<Anomaly> never mind
<DragonFogel> Yes, there are.
<MalkyTop> Is it more of a gooey candy wife
<MalkyTop> as opposed to a hard candy candy wife
<DragonFogel> Yes.
<Garuru> wait is this candy wife from flapjack
<DragonFogel> Anomaly, we're going to have a Mini-Grand where all the characters and settings come from Malky questions.
<MalkyTop> Is it a doomsday device because of an unfortunate accident concerning a spatula
<DragonFogel> It will be the best thing ever.
<DragonFogel> Yes.
<Anomaly> oh, that sounds pretty much amazing
<cyber95> oh my god
<Garuru> Oh my god I'd play that. HARD.
* Pinary (~Pinary@2001:0:4137:9e76:2477:2d30:e71f:2cdb) has joined #grandbattle
* ChanServ sets mode: +o Pinary
<MalkyTop> um
<MalkyTop> uh
<MalkyTop> shit
<MalkyTop> does it poop
<DragonFogel> We still haven't figured out what instrument it plays.
<Garuru> pf
<DragonFogel> It does.
<Schazer> guuuuuh
<Schazer> anyone got a wacom graphire 4
<MalkyTop> okay fine
<Schazer> mine's light is blinking and it's stopped working
<MalkyTop> does it play the bass oboe
<DragonFogel> No.
<Pharmacy> how about a glockenspiel
<MalkyTop> dos it play the uh
<MalkyTop> hang on
<MalkyTop> accordion
<DragonFogel> No.
<DragonFogel> Apparently the forces of fate are really picky about instruments tonight.
<MalkyTop> Does it play the armonica
<MalkyTop> that's not a typo
<MalkyTop> the armonica
<DragonFogel> No.
* PikeNarus (~Pinary@2001:0:4137:9e76:34ab:2d30:e71f:2cdb) Quit (Ping timeout: 204 seconds)
<MalkyTop> shit
<MalkyTop> maybe it wants a string in strument
<MalkyTop> does itplay the ajaeng
<DragonFogel> Whatever that is, it doesn't play it.
<MalkyTop> Does itp lay the citern
<DragonFogel> Yes.
<MalkyTop> OKAY
<cyber95> what is a citern
<MalkyTop> does it play the concertina on the side
<MalkyTop> IT'S A STRING INSTRUMENT
<DragonFogel> No.
<MalkyTop> DOES IT PLAY THE
<MalkyTop> CIMBASOO ON THE SIDE
<cyber95> malky are you making things up now
<DragonFogel> Yes.
<MalkyTop> No
<MalkyTop> YES
<DragonFogel> It plays the citern and the cimbasoo.
<DragonFogel> Whatever those are.
<MalkyTop> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cittern
<MalkyTop> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cimbasso
<MalkyTop> I wish it could play th diggeridoo too
<MalkyTop> btut
<MalkyTop> before its mfaifa
<MalkyTop> did it hae a stint as a famous ska band player
<DragonFogel> No.
<MalkyTop> a famous indie band player
<cyber95> dammit this character has taken a turn for the worse
<DragonFogel> Yes.
<MalkyTop> was its band name....
<MalkyTop> Cinematic Marble
<DragonFogel> No.
<MalkyTop> Lament Medicine
<DragonFogel> Yes.
<cyber95> malky just has a list of band names
<MalkyTop> Is the spatula-related doomasday device supposd to serve us sunny siede up
<DragonFogel> Yes.
<MalkyTop> i don't know what htat menas
<MalkyTop> um
<DragonFogel> Neither do I.
<MalkyTop> does it lasers out of its fingers
<DragonFogel> No.
<MalkyTop> does itl asers right out of its sptula
<DragonFogel> Yes.
<MalkyTop> is the psautla doomsday device triggered by seeing a skillet
<Pharmacy> this character is weird
<DragonFogel> Yes.
* PickYerPoison (~Derp@70.143.24.214) Quit (Read error: Connection reset by peer)
<DragonFogel> Pharms, that was the whole point.
<MalkyTop> is the spatula located in its appendix
<MalkyTop> if ducks have appendixes
<DragonFogel> No.
<Ixcaliber> hang on wait we're having a malky mini-grand?
<DragonFogel> That's the plan.
* PickYerPoison (~Derp@70.143.24.214) has joined #grandbattle
<MalkyTop> is the spatula located in its eyebrow
<Ixcaliber> best mini grand
<DragonFogel> PYP already has - no it isn't - some Malky questions that he has to make a profile for.
<Agenrawr> Malkygrand
<DragonFogel> That was an answer to Malky, by the way.
<MalkyTop> is the spatula located in its tetth
<DragonFogel> No.
<MalkyTop> shit
<MalkyTop> liver
<DragonFogel> No.
<MalkyTop> SHIT
<MalkyTop> toenails
<Ixcaliber> can i get in on this?
<DragonFogel> Nope.
<MalkyTop> CRAP
<MalkyTop> eyes.
<DragonFogel> Yes to eyes.
<MalkyTop> wait a minute
<MalkyTop> it's blind so it cant see skillets
<DragonFogel> Ix, that answer was to Malky.
<DragonFogel> Unless the skillet is made of candy.
<Ixcaliber> i figured
<MalkyTop> dos it actually identify as a guy
<DragonFogel> Maybe it has an eye that sees candy and an eye that sees everything else and the spatula is in the eye that sees everything else.
<DragonFogel> No, it doesn't.
<MalkyTop> iunno
<DragonFogel> So I guess it's female.
<MalkyTop> okay does it have depth perception
<DragonFogel> Yes.
<DragonFogel> You can stop if you want.
<MalkyTop> then it sees out both eyes
<MalkyTop> is the coin satisfied
<DragonFogel> Yes, it is.
<MalkyTop> is the coin ade out of chocolate
<DragonFogel> Nope. Sorry.
<MalkyTop> eat it anyways.
<MalkyTop> I'm going to sleep
<DragonFogel> Goodnight, Malky.
<DragonFogel> And thanks.
<Whimbrel> niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiighky
<MalkyTop> eventually
* MalkyTop (Mibbit@129.2.129.226) Quit (Quit: https://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client)
Username: Dragon Fogel
Name: Gummelda
Race: Candy Duck
Gender: Female
Text Color: #FF00AA
Biography: Once upon a time, there was a lonely candymaker named Timtom. Timtom wanted to find love, but no woman took interest in him.
Finally, he decided to use his knowledge to make the perfect wife... out of candy.
Gummelda was the result. Unfortunately, she could never truly love Timtom; she could only mimic emotions. Still, they tried to live together as best as they could; he continued his work as a candy maker, while she became an indie sensation with her cittern and cimbasso skills in the band Lament Medicine.
But like all good things, this came to an end when the Laser Mafia went after Timtom for protection money. He couldn't pay their asking price, and called to Gummelda for help as they dragged him away.
Gummelda trailed the attackers to their hideout, and tried to rescue Timtom, but the battle didn't go well. One of the hitmen grabbed a Doom Spatula they had taken as payment from a mad scientist and jammed it in her eye, rendering her blind to everything except candy.
With no other choice, she begged the Laser Mafia to let Timtom go free. The Don looked at the damage she had done, and smiled. He agreed to free Timtom if she would work for them. Gummelda agreed.
She was equipped with a series of lasers, which she concealed in her candy body. There was also an invisibility device in there, because the Laser Mafia wasn't very good at keeping track of things that weren't lasers.
And so, her life of crime began... but it was cut short soon after, when she suddenly disappeared.
Description: Gummelda is a duck made out of gummy candy. She wears a dress and apron, and has a spatula sticking out of her left eye. Closer inspection of the spatula reveals the word "DOOM" written on it in large red letters. If you were to look closely inside the gummy candy, you would see a wide assortment of laser weaponry. She also carries her cittern and cimbasso in there.
Gummelda can only mimic the emotions of those she sees; she doesn't truly understand them. However, she has a compulsion to hoard string, and there is quite a bit of it in her apron pocket.
Gummelda can talk, but ever since acquiring her lasers, she prefers to use those for communication. She also has a tendency to nibble at herself. In addition, she likes going on daring adventures and playing video games - although she's not very good at them unless the screen and the controller are made of candy.
Abilities: Gummelda is blind to anything other than candy; she can see candy with perfectly fine depth perception. She also excretes a candy trail behind her wherever she goes; this means she can see where she's been, but not where she hasn't been.
The Doom Spatula in her left eye is a doomsday weapon - it has been lodged into her candy brain and consequently it will activate, serving everyone it can find sunny-side up, if she sees a skillet. However, unless the skillet is made of candy, this isn't much of a risk. There is also a laser which fires out of the spatula's handle.
Gummelda is skilled at playing the cittern and cimbasso, has a large quantity of string at her disposal, and lasers. She also has an invisibility device, but she can't tell the difference between it and a laser, so it tends to activate at random times.
Gummelda needs to move often or she may solidify. The best way to avoid this is by partying, so she tends to party all the time.
Gummelda also has synesthesia, causing her to percieve the sounds of laser blasts as different kinds of candy.
Ixcaliber:
SpoilerShow
(04-07-2012, 10:59 PM)Ixcaliber Wrote: »Questions:
SpoilerShow• Not a duck
• Is an owl
• Is not a dire owl
• Not a gunslinger owl
• It is a funeral owl
• It eats quarters
• Does not wear dapper things
• Doesn’t wear any clothes at all
• Carries around a coffin for impromptu funerals
• It is creative
• Expresses creativity through the creation of reggae music using coffin things
• Not a wandering funeral owl
• Went crazy and is a rogue funeral owl
• Does not randomly kill people to FEAST ON THEIR FUNERALS
• Does not dig up bodies
• Does not fly
• Does not blend
• Not a technophobe
• Not made of CONGEE
• Not a cereal mascot
• Its weapon is a cannon
• Licks purple things
• Cannot crochet decorative mousepads
• Makes humorous funeral poses
• Is literary
• no on dystopian western future cyberpunk
• coffin is a cannon
• can build a coffin in ten seconds flat
• mysterious past with gelato and murder
• gelato was consensual
• wings are made from ducks which are non-sentient
• duck wings not related to gelato incident, caused by mutation goo, present since birth and never had sentience
• wings grew like flowers
• owl is not stretchy
• owl is actually a type of cactus
• he cannot control the movement of the ducks
• he does photosynthesis
• he gets carpal tunnel syndrome
• he is dead
• he is also a mariachi
• does not have a moustache
• it does not luck
• it has cactus spine beard
• it is a stubbly beard
• fires magic coffins from its coffin cannon
• magic coffins do not consume targets
• coffins do fire out zombies
• does not control zombies
• he is not teddy roosevelt
• he does not live forever
• the ducks do not control the zombies
• he is really old
• the coffins control the zombies
• can see justice
• he eats quarters because of the gelato incident
• not dead because of the gelato incident
• dead because he ate too many quarters
• stomach is worth hundreds of dollars in quarters
• he has to waddle because of all the quarters
• he is not being pursued for all the quarters
• he does not go by pseudonyms
• he has DUCK FRENZIES
• his reggae does not mind control
• he is of morose demeanour
• he does not allergic to cold
• he has an old flame
• his old flame was not very serious
• he swallowed a god coin
• the god coin does not give him powers in any way
• he can regurgitate the god coin and use it’s powers
• the powers are not significant in any way
• the god coin can change colours of things
• greenshift no
• does not strive to be unundead
Username: Ixcalitop
Name: Cactaceae al Sada (deceased), some ducks (nonsentient) and Lanmò (intangible)
Gender: Male
Race: Cactus Owl, ducks
Colour: #245507
Description: Cactaceae, or Cacta for short, is a burly barrel chested cactus owl; a strange hybrid of both a cactus and an owl. He has the shape of an owl while the physiology of a cactus. His skin was hard green bark with protruding spines, though that hardiness and that texture is now long gone. He is now slowly rotting, his hard bark now cracked here and there, pale sap is congealed around these areas. His hooked beak is surrounded by a thick beard of cactus spines. His eyes that were once a pale orange are now mismatched. The one that is still there is blood red through and through, the other one is a glass eye with an emerald centre. A dark blue, almost indigo flower that bloomed upon his forehead is now wilted, clearly dead. Overall he gives the impression of being unwell, sickly or perhaps a better description would be deathly. His gait is slow, waddly, and he jingles when he walks; a result of a large number of quarters moving around inside his husk of a body.
From a distance it would appear that his wings have been tarred and feathered perhaps. Up closer it is possible to see that this white downy covering is actually a patchwork of minature ducks. They are not sentient and not really alive in the same sense as you or I would understand it. They move of their own volition, mostly slight movements, or the movement of individual ducks wings, but can sometimes just flap around of their own accord heedless of whatever Cacta might think about this. Due to the fact that he has no control over his main limbs, all tasks must be completed with his beak alone. If this proves to be tricky his only means of recourse is to use his talons to get a better grip on whatever he is trying to operate.
Strapped to his back is Lanmò’s coffin. It is old and made of sturdy dark wood. It is very heavy, a fact which is evident just from looking at it. Its surface is carved with a face, a gaunt face with hollow staring eyes and this is surrounded by grim, gothic symbology that Cacta does not pretend to understand. It is longer and wider than Cacta and is probably the first thing you notice when you see him. Through the cracks it is possible to see a pale red glow, but only if you were to press your face right up against the coffin, a move you would likely regret.
Cacta is somewhat reserved. He has lived a long and varied life and there are many things he does not like to speak of. He was somewhat more forthcoming when he didn’t share his mind with a spirit of death, but not much more. His actions suggest that he’s a good person deep down. A lesser person might have caved to the temptation to murder and maim when faced with Lanmò’s influence, but Cacta remained resolute. He does not complain, or bemoan his lot in life. He just gets on with it and does what he has to do. He likes reggae and will sometimes play some using his funeral stuff, but probably not in the course of a battle to the death. A fact of life that he’s learnt to deal with is that sometimes, for reasons he cannot fathom, his wings will have what he dubs ‘duck frenzies’ and will thrash wildly around. He does not bemoan this either.
Items/Abilities: Strapped across one shoulder Cacta has a toolbet filled with carpentry tools that have been specially modified so as to be easily operable with his beak or talons. He has become quite proficient with them over the years; he has the rather unique ability to craft coffins in under ten seconds provided he has the necessary materials, and he can pretty much always find the necessary materials. Though whether this can be attributed to his own skill or to the influence of the spirit who rides with him is hard to say. The coffins he makes tend to be of two different qualities. Either decorative coffins which are of good quality are solid and sturdy, or alternately there are coffins that Cacta thinks of as fodder. These coffins are functional at best and not pretty to look at. Practically there is little difference except Cacta wouldn’t dream of making a humorous funeral display with fodder coffins. But in the end both kinds of coffin are eventually fed into the larger coffin that fits upon his back. Space does not seem to be a concern in there, and at this point it has a not unreasonable amount of coffins stored within. If Cacta finds himself under attack the coffin on his back can serve as a cannon. It shoots forth magically infused coffins, which burst open upon impact and release a zombified corpse from within. If you want to be technical, these zombies fall under the control of lanmò, but the influence that it and Cacta have on one another mean it is more typically about 50/50.
It is worth noting that he once swallowed, and can if given a couple of goes regurgitate, the coin of Hulter; the god of colour. The coin’s only ability is to change the colour of objects, with the rather unusual side-effect that it gives him an overpowering urge to lick purple things. He keeps it around only because it is one of those objects that seems to cling to their perceived owners and keeping it with him is easier than trying to get rid of it. Also of note: his glass eye allows him to see justice.
Biography: Little is known about Cacta from before he crossed the border to Sawte. That was back before he got the coffin, or even before the gelato incident, though he still had those duck wings growing up his arms. If you can find it in yourself to ask him about them he might tell you he had them from birth; that his father was a duck and this was what he got for it. Then again ask him on another night and he might tell you that they’re a result of exposure to mutation goo. Cacta never really was one for telling the truth about his past. A couple of weeks after he passed through the small village on the border of Sawte a lawman came through, asking about a murderer; a cactus owl, one that you wouldn’t be likely to forget in a hurry, one crippled with ducks instead of wings. Everybody remembered Cacta but nobody told that lawman nothing. People aren’t like that in Sawte. People gotta look out for one another in this unkind world.
The gelato incident? Well yeah I can explain that one to you. See he arrived in Shattered Creek and he was pretty down on his luck, the deserts hadn’t been kind to old Cacta. He needed a job and the only job in town was one that nobody really wanted; test subject at the old alchemists’. To say it didn’t turn out well, well in one sense you’d be accurate. Ever since Cacta has had a nasty habit of swallowing every quarter he happened to stumble across, most of the times with a look of weary acceptance on his face. Ate so many damn quarters he can’t walk properly any more. But on the other hand most of the people who tried Old Rattan’s concoctions ended up six feet under with generous pay for a day’s work well done going to their nearest and dearest. What I’m saying is that broadly speaking Cacta didn’t do too bad. Hell he’s probably worth a small fortune nowadays.
Cacta, well, it seemed he had a certain type of luck when it came to enchanted objects. They seemed to seek him out for one reason or another. He swallowed Hulder’s quarter, of course that one was inevitable. When his eye got shot out by a trigger happy bandit called Brasslin, he somehow ended up with Retfærdighed’s glass eye, lets him see justice itself they say. He sure saw that Brasslin saw justice for what he did. An eye for an eye. That’s some good old fashioned justice right there. Then of course, there’s Lanmò’s coffin. He don’t carry that thing around for fun. That thing’s got a mind of it’s own and it’s got a grip on him. Last I saw him, he looked like he ought to have been dead and I think that’s what he should’ve been, but for that spirit of death riding him around like a damn horse. He don’t come round to the towns much any more. Only when there’s been a death. Sometimes when there’s about to be a death. He’ll be there, ready and waiting with a long face, that fire burning in his good eye, and a freshly carved coffin, just waiting.
Ain’t seen him in a while. I hope he’s okay out there in those wastes. He may be a walkin’ corpse with a predilection for eating money and a past so chequered it could start races, but he was one of the good ones once, and the desert can be hard on a man.
Pharmacy:
SpoilerShow
(04-07-2012, 11:11 PM)Pharmacy Wrote: »Username: Pharmacy
Name: Selavy "Lillith" Rrose (and Company)
Gender: TRAPPED IN A MASCULINE SHELL BY SOCIETY (and Various)
Race: Duck (plus More)
Colour: "Your uneducated mind will never understand this beautiful color combination" [#fff9a9 on #ff0f3f]
Biography: Selavy was born in the city of Hobbyhorse to a tomato mother (a vegetarian and an accomplished cook) and an taxidermized mustache father (a writer who enjoys a good pipe on his plaque). Despite his unusual heritage, Selavy had a fairly normal upbringing like all young lads in his neighborhood: going to school, indulging in absurdity, and of course, playing with his many, wonderful siblings.
Eventually, he decided on a career of sculpturing - an incredibly respected field of profession in this odd world. His parents were incredibly supportive of his decision and eventually he was of age to go the academy. There he learned arts from masters and eventually like all other lads, fell in love with a Portensia - a beautiful scarf made of wonderful cotton and flawless spider-silk tassels. Even they planned to settle down and start a family in the rolling waves of the sea.
If only.
Alas, the continent in which he lived in was suddenly invaded by force in the form of the long time orderlies. They came, plated in unsettling white and daunting equilibrium. One by one, they caught as many denizens as they could, secluding them away in squeak-clean facilities and pure logic. Unfortunately, Selavy was one of those people. Like the imprisoned others, he was at the sadistic mercy of the orderlies. He was poked, prodded, cut opened, sewed back on, perhaps
experimented on.
It has been a while since he escaped from the clutches of the orderlies. Unforunately, the world he knew has changed, into proofs and theorems and rules. There he goes, malnourished in body, demented in mind. From the debris of his overlords, he steals away garbage, hoarding them in his precious and smelly clutch as he hide from the authorities. There he continued his listless path until while on another chase
he disappeared.
Description: Selavy is an vaguely anthropomorphic avian with two scaly webbed feet and two winged arms (WITH ARTISTIC OPPOSABLE THUMBS so he claims). What type of duck he is, no one (even Selavy) knows. However, his appearance reminiscent of the noble species Aix galericulata, albeit in a violent bichrome of judgment yellow and apocalypse pink. If one were to squint at the glory that is Selavy's saturated appearance, they could see a pair of pince-nez glasses frames (sans lenses) delicately tipped on his bill and for some reason, duct tape wrapped tightly around his head. He also smells strongly of garbage.
Alas, poor Selavy. He is a man - er, duck of belligerent hubris as he delusionally sees the world as a violent satire - with he as the centre(WHICH IS THE ONLY RIGHT WAY OF SPELLING MIND YOU) of the play. Religiously fastened to this ridiculous belief (along with a personal mantra that the answer to universe is "babies"), Selavy tends to act as though he is in a play; although his talking is essentially comical screaming, flanged with smoldering anger and garbled with obtuse vocabulary.
Despite this astounding arrogance, Selavy is not mentally sound. His long-time neuroses granting him a fairly inclusive list of dadaist superstitions, which range from the merely strange (his tendency to spout pop culture lyrics) to the truly absurd (eating yoyos will grant him inspiration and "yoyo headbutts"). Selavy's actions tends towards the strange and absurd (for instance, he swam in a pool full of spaghetti; he fondly regards the experience). You could say, his mind is weak - as he is highly irritable (one time he caused a barfight at the slight tap of a glockenspiel and some fat jokes) but easily cowed (he is scared of stormdrains...and yogurt).
Most intriguing of all, Selavy is utterly fascinated with the concept of death. Assassinations, serial murders, poisons, corpses - his wretched heart flutters at the notion of the end. Selavy is obsessive enough to consider the concept of pursuing such a death-inducing act. That's right. One of his major goals in his life is to kill a person in cold blood. Unfortunately, this pursuit of thanatophilia is hilariously curbed by the fact that his mental capacities are too addled to fully understand the concept of death.
Items/Abilities: Selavy is a compulsive (but a horrible) liar and has padded his accomplishments with made-up ones like "power of rock," "control over all postal systems", "having a full license to a tiny submarine" and so forth. Honestly this is a shame considering Selavy is truly eclectic in the skills department. He is fairly good at math, a killer (har har) on the timpani. However, his most admirable talent is the visual art of sculpture. His artistry is amazing and eye-pleasing - although he has the irritating tendency to name his creations "Portensia" and attempt to take "her" out on dates (which never ends well).
If you are wondering why Selavy is smells like shit, it is because like his addiction to lying, he compulsive hoard trash of all kinds - plastic wraps, butter tubs, banana peels, and the occassional ill-gotten postal package. When you carry around essentially a miniature landfill all Santa Claus-like on your back, your smell tends to lean towards "flagrantly unpleasant." He recycles this debris into beautiful sculptures of Portensias - which he has a tendency to build wherever the hell he likes. He would like to spend all his time building Portensias. Unfortunately, he has two problems. One is means of sustenance - which is easily remedied by smoothies (which are cheap, by the way).
The second is a bit darker.
Rrose suffers from what you may call "a haunting." He calls this "multiple body disorder" and for very good reason - it makes him feel disembodied, floating, like many. Unfortunately for this feathered wastrel, Selavy shares his body with his siblings - all very, very young - and very, very many. Long shedded their corpses a while ago, their metaphysical essence fills the poor duck's mind in the shape of probability-controlling octopodes. In their incorporeal forms, their power over him is strong (along with their obsession with Pocket Monster Cards). Their spiritual tentacles hindering his hippocampus, cutting his cerebrum, siphoning his subconscious -
No wonder Selavy acts like this.
