Law & Doofus: Lethal Weapon Fiver Unit

*DUN DUN*



You are Cool Doofus, a currently undercover investigator for the Fat City P.D.'s prestigious Lethal Weapon Fiver Unit. You have responded to a report of an unidentified homeless person being eaten alive by a mob of adolescents in clown getup. The clumsy trail of bloody digits and Faygo bottles has ended at this alley. That awful smell you get from the station locker room's jockstrap bin floats from the darkness, except this is worse then jockstraps, this is the scent of awkward teenage clowns.

You'd have wondered what happened to eating bananas... but these jesters are obviously plenty bananas already.

You're puns are some of the worst the county has to offer, these clowns would be pretty foolish to mess with you today. Anywhoo, how will you start off this investigation?

>You are undercover, so get into plainclothes teen clown costume

wear 3 fedoras

yo man, that internet... that internet is dope

wear 3 fedoras

As cool as that would be, you lost two of your swanky fedoras in a round of keep-stakes strip poker last week. You lost nearly everything, actually. Have you ever tried to catch a ride somewhere in nothing but a trench coat and a fedora? It isn't easy.



Nonetheless, you don the sole fedora in your possession for good measure. If you're going to be killing some teenage psychopaths, it's going to get done in style or your middle name isn't "Reallyfuckingterribleatunderstandingwhatundercovermeans"! (Which is french, in case you were wondering.)

>shoot a bunch of clowns and teenagers, but no teenage clowns, becoming yet another police fuck up idiot

say that same thing in spanish

turn your shirt inside out. nobody will expect the looc sufood

Light your way down the alley by firing your gun repeatedly into the darkness. Let your muzzle flash be your guide!

Light your way down the alley by firing your gun repeatedly into the darkness. Let your muzzle flash be your guide!

Well uh... hm. That was an idea of some sort on your part to say the least, but er... ehem.

Huh...



Eeeeyeah, yup, yessirry. You're pretty much certain this accidental and 'totally unavoidable' shooting just became a note in your SURPRISINGLY ENCYCLOPEDIC CRIMINAL RECORD regarding police brutality at this point.

You almost went an entire month without committing a FELONY there too. Well at least a VIOLENT FELONY!
Come to think of it, how the hell do you still work in law enforcement?

hey there's two dumpsters right here, load 'em up

hey there's two dumpsters right here, load 'em up

The DUMPSTER'S too full for the body to fit! What the hell is with all this trash?



Oh, it's just another DUMB DUMPSTER BABY. These days it seems you can't even dump a body without finding an ABANDONED BABY somewhere nearby, this is the third time you've seen one on your way to the crime-scene today!



Would it kill the FASCIST PIGFUCKERS in city council to work on getting more GARBAGE MEN on the streets? You can't handle this anymore, babies are a health hazard to the TAXPAYING MASSES, even the ones with decent parents!

plant some cocaine on the baby's upper lip too. i swear, he was giving that baby the 'caine WHILE shooting at me, chief!

>go to the docks