Paranoia revival 2013, For Great Justice

Here is a copy of thriggle's legendary post in the Old Forums:

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You were just another Clearance INFRARED worker, working a low-pay job for one of The Computer's service firms. For a hundred credits a month, you did light drudgework in a food vat, bot maintenance facility, reactor control room, or clone tank.

The work was dull. Meals consisted of Hot Fun pouchmeals, extruded ropes of Cold Fun and a bag of algae flakes, washed down with CoffeeLike, TeaSir, or the occasional Bouncy Bubble Beverage. You slept in a different bunk each night in the communal barracks. It was loud as a boiler room. It smelled like turpentine. You got skin rashes and ringworm. Still, you drifted along blissfully in a haze of free HappiTime medication.

Then you reported another INFRARED's treasonous behavior to your friend The Computer. In recognition of your service, The Computer promoted you to RED clearance, awarded you 1,000 credits and your own quarters, authorized a reduction in sedation, and granted you a token treasure from the high-clearance hydroponic gardens: an apple. A real apple.

Eating that apple--the first time you'd ever tasted actual food!--you realized people at higher security clearances eat like this all the time.

Thinking clear thoughts--the first time you'd done that, too--you burned with a new desire: to live better than you have. To get ahead.

The Computer told you the name of that variety of apple: Red Delicious.
You are a cloned citizen of the Alpha Complex. You have recently been promoted from INFRARED to RED security clearance, meaning Your Friend, The Computer, now trusts you more. You get to wear a RED jumpsuit and weild a RED laser pistol, and you're no longer kept in a drug-induced stupor (though you are still given regular hormone suppressants; with the pervasiveness of cloning technology, no citizens must suffer the indignities of historic childbirth, and gender is obsolete except as decoration). As a RED citizen, it is your happy duty to serve as a Troubleshooter for The Computer, solving problems, carrying out tasks, and, most importantly, rooting out treason. Trust no one! Keep your laser handy!

Traitorous actions include, but are not limited to:
Disobeying The Computer, disobeying a citizen of higher security clearance, destroying The Computer's property, being a member in a secret society, being an unregistered mutant, entering areas outside your security clearance, being out of uniform.

A not completely exhaustive list of traitorous, or not traitorous activities:

Acceptable Behavior:

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1. Understanding this chart and the Treason, Insubordination, and Meritorious conduct charts and their contents.
2. Knowledge of the current Year of The Computer (214) and general awareness that The Computer hasn't always been here; knowledge that a corrupt, destructive Old Reckoning culture existed before the rise of our friend The Computer. (However, curiosity about that benighted time is very impolite.)
3. Mere knowledge of the existence of specific secret societies, mutant powers, the Outdoors or Outdoor plant and animal life. (None of this is polite conversation, but it's not treasonous either.)
4. Mere knowledge of the various kinds of real food and drink; expressions of envy at the general living conditions of higher-clearance citizens.
5. Expressions of ambition; desire to rise in clearance, get rich, live in luxury, etc.
6. Casual joking or warnings about service firms, service groups, or higher-clearance citizens in general, as opposed to specific individuals or agencies.
7. Unauthorized vandalism or destruction of property of equal or lower clearance, in line of duty.
8. Asking questions directly relevant to a mission or duty (these questions are grudgingly condoned).
9. Asking whether a hypothetical question would be considered directly relevant to a mission or duty.

Insubordination:
(This is a set of guidelines, not an exhaustive list.)

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1. Asking a question irrelevant to a mission or duty.
2. Asking whether a particular hypothetical question unrelated to a mission or duty would be considered insubordinate or treasonous.
3. Asking whether a particular hypothetical question, if it were hypothetically directly related to a mission or duty, would be considered insubordinate or treasonous (nobody likes a smartass).
4. Being out of uniform or sloppy.
5. Being unhappy.
6. Bringing bad news.
7. Curiosity about or postulation of supposed virtues of Old Reckoning times.
8. Curiosity in general, undue.
9. Evading Internal Security or Computer surveillance.
10. Excessive impoliteness.
11. Failing a hygiene inspection.
12. Jokes, insolence, or disregard for the importance of a mission or duty.
13. Jokes, insolence, or disrespect for a specific higher-clearance citizen.
14. Jokes, complaints, or warnings about a specific service firm or group.
15. Questioning the ability or judgment of a higher-clearance citizen.
16. Questioning the ability or judgment of The Computer.
17. Turning off one's PDC (communicator) during a mission.
18. Unauthorized vandalism or destruction of property of equal or lower clearance, not in line of duty.

Treason:

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1. Being accused of treason.
2. Falsely accusing a citizen of treason.
3. Arguing with the Gamemaster.
4. Assaulting a citizen.
5. Being present in a location of higher security clearance.
6. Damaging, destroying, or losing assigned equipment.
7. Demonstrating knowledge of the Paranoia rules above your clearance.
8. Failure to defer to a citizen of higher security clearance.
9. Framing a citizen of lower clearance for a crime.
10. Lying to the GM.
11. Possessing a treasonous skill.
12. Possessing unauthorized food, information, or equipment.
13. Refusal to take a prescribed drug.
14. Theft of equipment, possessions, or files.
15. Threatening the physical or financial safety of another citizen.
16. Unauthorized destructon of higher-clearance property.
17. Disobeying an order.
18. Failure to complete a mission or service, or failure to file a proper report of the completion.
19. Refusing the assignment of a service.
20. Refusing to accept a mission.
21. Registering a banned mutation.
22. Suspicion or proof of mutation possession.
23. Confessing to, suspicion of, or proof of secret society membership.
24. Knowledge of Communist doctrine.
25. Being a Communist.
26. Terminating a citizen without sufficient evidence.

Meritorious conduct:

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1. Being extremely happy.
2. Completing a mission.
3. Completing it successfully.
4. Completing a service service and filing a report.
5. Doing a favor spontaneously for a higher-clearance citizen.
6. Risking your life to serve or rescue a higher-clearance citizen, to save Alpha Complex, or to serve The Computer.
7. Terminating a traitor with sufficient evidence.
8. Turning a traitor over to Internal Security.
9. Unctuous flattery.

Mandatory Bonus Duties
A Reference

Team Leader

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The team leader is crucial to every Troubleshooter team. His knowledge and guidance make the team function like a well-oiled machine, and his will pushes each Troubleshooter to give his best.

Your team leader has been appointed because of his unique skills. Don't hesitate to draw on these skills by consulting him for advice concerning any aspect of your duty.

Of course, no citizen is infallible. If you see your team leader make a mistake, please inform your friend The Computer so it can arrange proper post-mission training procedures.

Special Equipment: Bullseye Badge with engraving: "Team Leader: Never let them see you sweat."

Loyalty Officer

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In the war against the Commies, the loyalty officer stands alone as The Computer's ever-vigilant servant.

All Troubleshooters are constantly alert for signs of treason, but it's the loyalty officer's unique duty to look for signs of potential treason. But the loyalty officer can't do it alone. He's only part of the team, and he needs your help. If you discover any signs of treason, actual or potential, among your fellow Troubleshooters, report them immediately. Failure to report treason is treason!

Also, report all suspicious behavior to your loyalty officer. He's trained to interpret such activities. Remember, what appears to be a simple gesture to you could in fact be the key that unlocks a hideous Commie plot! The Computer rewards citizens who uncover hideous Commie plots.

Some of your fellow Troubleshooters may, in fact, be traitors. If they are, the loyalty officer will undoubtedly discover this during the mission. Be ready to apprehend or terminate these turncoats when your loyalty officer gives the signal!

Stay Alert! Trust No One! Keep Your Laser Handy!

Special Equipment: A pamphlet entitled "The 10 Early Warning Signs of Commie Traitorism" and an Indestructible Loyalty Transcript Recorder (ILTR). This self-locking, lightweight, plasti-steel egg has a locking mechanism that responds only to the loyalty officer's tongue print, and has an internal homing becon that activates in the event of the loyalty officer's untimely demise. The more commonly assigned ILTR-1 contains a notepad, while the fancier ILTR-2 contains a voice recorder. Insufficient note-taking is treason!

Hygiene Officer

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The hygiene offficer makes sure that Troubleshooters look sharp--buttons buttoned, uniform pressed, teeth waxed.

Failure by the hygiene officer to maintain an acceptable Team Hygiene Level can lead to unsuccessful missions. Dirty hands can slip on laser triggers; wrinkled overalls can lower team morale to the breaking point.

So be a loyal citizen and give your hygiene officer a hand. Show him all filth, grime, and potential dirt you discover. Thank you for your cooperation.

The hygiene officer has the right to initiate Emergency Sanitation Procedures on any citizen who fails a Personal Hygiene Test, and also to form Emergency Cleaning Crews to combat commie filth and general untidiness. Whenever the team encounters an area that does not meet Minimum Cleanliness Levels, the hygiene officer assumes command until every last bit of trash is deposited in a proper receptacle.

Special Equipment: Skin-Core Sampler, PDT Brand Tongue Scraper and Vehicle De-Icer, New Meltdown Mouthscrub: Fight Decay! Melt Plaque Away!, Soften-It-Up Eyedrops: With New Extra-Mild Abrasives!, Blast Them Off Shampoo: Kills Germs* and Leaves Hair Shiny!

*Germs are very tiny Commie mutant traitors.

Communications & Recording Officer

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The communications and recording officer is key to team survival. Whenever he points his multicorder at you, everything you say, do, or even think (depending on the multicorder program) is recorded for later examination by The Computer. Special editing techniques and camera angles can mean the difference between promotion and termination.

If the C&R officer asks you to hold a klieg light, respond speedily regardless of your current assignment. If he asks you to speak into the microphone, speak cheerfully and use good diction.

You can aid your C&R officer by pointing out scenes he should film. Help him get closeups of raging infernos. Use your own initiative and invite those Vulture Squadron goons over for an interview. Be helpful! An artistic mission record is the product of a dedicated team--not just one citizen!

The C&R officer has the duty to record a complete and interesting mission record. If something is garbled, the C&R officer should reshoot, re-staging the scene where necessary. Recent team leader reports indicate 61% of all mission disasters can be blamed on the C&R officer's failure to keep an accurate mission report. To aid in this task, the C&R officer can draft fellow citizens to help point spotlights, apply make-up, or portray the now-vaporized villain.

Equipment: A shielded com unit with a direct link to Friend Computer, a collapsable spotlight, a make-up kit, and a multicorder with visible light sensor, infrared sensor, magnification enhancer, and video editing software.

Equipment Guy

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The equipment guy is responsible for the safety and care of all Computer property assigned to a Troubleshooter team.

Naturally, the equipment guy (EG) is highly skilled in the repair and maintenance of all forms of weapons, bots, vehicles, and R&D devices. Feel free to ask his advice if you have a problem with a piece of equipment, or if you need an experimental R&D device demonstrated.

Also, be careful not to engage in activities that might damage your weapons, bots, or vehicles. Equipment guys are touchy about such things. For your own protection, inform your equipment guy whenever an item is malfunctioning, in need of preventative maintenance, or makes you feel a bit uneasy. He won't mind. It's his job.

The EG's tasks include conducting frequent Random Surprise Inspections (RSI) and Weapons Checks. No one can refuse an RSI. No one. The EG is responsible for protecting and regularly examining the programming of any bot assigned to the group, operating (or assigning Troubleshooters to operate) vehicles and machinery, preventing damage to vehicles and machinery, communicating with bot brains, ensuring every piece of R&D equipment is tested at least once and a full report of its performance is submitted, and retrieving, identifying, and repairing any items found during the course of the mission.

Special Equipment: A special R&D-designed Multipurpose Tool Kit (MTK) containing all the standard tools that any EG needs to effect repairs (negative frequency ratchet, anti-grav lifters, geiger counter, etc.).

Happiness Officer

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The happiness officer is essential to the success of a mission. By checking constantly for signs of Sub-Standard Morale (or SSM), the happiness officer keeps morale high and, more important, makes sure Troubleshooters have lots of fun.

if you feel down, tired, or just plain bored, don't suffer in silence. Tell your happiness officer! He can cheer you up with a joke, a quick song, or a variety of fun medications. And if he doesn't, just inform The Computer. That could be fun too!

The happiness officer monitors morale and applies Morale Lifters whenever a Troubleshooter suffers Sub-Standard Morale (SSM). Morale Lifters include pharmaceuticals, jokes, songs, pep talks, and, on frequent occasions, pharmaceuticals. Any citizen who is not in a state of euphoric glee may be suffering from Sub-Standard Morale. The happiness officer can prevent SSM through Pre-Planned Spontaneous Activities such as group singalongs, vidshow trivia questions, jokes, rap sessions, coordinated cheers for The Computer, or anything else the happiness officer feels will be loads of non-treasonous fun.

Special Equipment: A list of 10 early warning signs of Sub-Standard Morale, several types of Personality Stabilizer Drugs (including at least one flask of E-Z-DUZ-IT [makes citizen oblivious to danger and apt to follow reasonable suggestions] and a large bottle of Wider Awake tablets [causing high alertness and awareness, along with a general "Gosh, I'm happy" attitude]).

Agent Provocateur

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Congratulations, citizen! In recognition of your skill at spotting and revealing traitors, you have been awarded the decisive role of agent provocateur. Clearly, The Computer has enormous trust in you, for only someone with unshakable loyalty is ever granted this position.

As agent provocateur, it's your job to spot traitors and schmooze with them, earning their trust so you and your team can break up entire traitor cells and terrorist networks. You are responsible for infi ltrating all such groups you encounter, especially those that might be involved in your current mission.

Naturally, you will be given passwords and information to help you insinuate yourself into their misguided organizations. You are also authorized to demand backup and support from your teammates.

To aid you, The Computer has kindly provided you with useful equipment, including an AP-2140 Audio Implant to let you keep in touch with your teammates. Of course, if you need any other information or equipment, or a nice brainscrub after your mission is over, you have only to ask.

Remember, you're an undercover agent, so act like one!
The agent provocateur's job is to spot traitors in a crowd, go undercover to secret society meetings to get information on their upcoming activities, and entrap traitors into revealing their treason.

The agent provocateur is your teammate on the inside when you're tracking down traitors. He receives special training for infiltrating secret society meetings and for spotting the ringleaders in spontaneous criminal outbursts.

Your agent provocateur has a lot on his mind, so don't be shy about pointing him toward potential traitors! Remind him you've got his back when he's off to spy on those Commies and PURGErs. And no matter how numerous or well-armed a mob of mutants and traitors might be, don't hesitate to call upon his services. After all, that's what he's here for! And if he asks you to accompany him, it's your duty to help.

But most important, remember his job doesn't authorize him to commit treason, just to act like it. So if you see him commit treason, turn him in —but if he's merely consorting with traitors, don't worry! That just means he's doing his job.

At each mission briefing, the agent provocateur receives information regarding traitor groups he's likely to encounter, including passwords, call signs, meeting places and doctrines. This information is always accurate, up-to-date, and untampered with; rumors to the contrary are treason!

To maintain contact with the rest of the team, the agent provocateur is often fitted with a new
AP-2140 Audio Implant. Expert R&D surgeons implant this miniaturized com unit directly in the agent's ear, allowing his team to listen in on everything going on around him. In addition, the team can talk to
him through the implant, supplying him with advice, information and orders at any time.

R&D also supplies a range of equipment to help the agent provocateur fit in better with the twisted wretches who populate Alpha Complex's secret societies. Every agent looks forward to receiving these useful items, be they drugs, propaganda, cybernetics, or experimental R&D mutation emulators.

100 MUTANT POWERS!!!

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1. Absorption
2. Acidic Spit
3. Adaptive Metabolism
4. Adhesive Skin
5. Adrenaline Control
6. Bioreflection
7. Body Swap
8. Bouncy
9. Breathe Anything
10. Bureaucratic Intuition
11. Call Bots
12. Chameleon
13. Charm
14. Chromativariation
15. Clairvoyance
16. Clean Slate
17. Corrosion
18. Creeping Madness
19. Cryokinesis
20. Death Simulation
21. Deep Probe
22. Deep Thought
23. Desolidify
24. Dessicate
25. Detachable Limbs
26. Detect Mutant Power
27. Electroshock
28. Empathy
29. Energy Field
30. Enervating Darkness
31. Environmental Control
32. Find Location
33. Foley Artist
34. Forgettable
35. Gravity Manipulation
36. Grime Grow
37. Growth
38. Haze
39. Healer
40. Hydrokinesis
41. Hyperreflexes
42. Hypersenses
43. Illusion
44. Imbue Volatility
45. Item Duplication
46. Jump!
47. Laser Vision
48. Levitation
49. Light Control
50. Machine Communion
51. Machine Empathy
52. Magnetize
53. Matter Eater
54. Mechanical Intuition
55. Mental Blast
56. Mental Block
57. Mind Sense
58. Mitosis
59. Nauseating Touch
60. Necromancer
61. Olfactoquist
62. Polymorphism
63. Pouches
64. Power Mimicry
65. Precognition
66. Prehensile Hair
67. Psychometry
68. Puppeteer
69. Push Mutant Powers
70. Pyrokinesis
71. Radioactivity
72. Regeneration
73. Retractable Limbs
74. Rigor Vitae
75. Rubbery Bones
76. Scream
77. Sculpt
78. Second Skin
79. Shrinking
80. Slippery Skin
81. Sonic Dampener
82. Speed
83. Spikes
84. Stasis
85. Stench
86. Stretchy
87. Tactile Projection
88. Telekinesis
89. Telepathy
90. Teleportation
91. Tentacles
92. Third Eye
93. Toxic Metabolism
94. Tranquilizing Touch
95. Transmutation
96. Uncanny Luck
97. Underarm Seedlings
98. Ventriloquist
99. Whirlwind Sneeze
100. X-Ray Vision

By popular request:
Sfou and SleepingOrange's quick and dirty guide to IRC Paranoia

So, you've read a few of the game logs and decided that you want to give it a try. Or maybe you're just intrigued about what this whole Paranoia thing is? Alternately, maybe you've played your lot of games and you want to try your hand at GM-ing. Well, we're no experts, but we've seen our share of action from both sides of the table (channel?) and here are a few pointers that may or may not be of use to you.

Quick player guide
- Read the first post of this thread. It's got basic info on the game's setting and on the various roles you might be asked to perform. Don't go around reading wikipedia pages and whatnot, though! Not knowing what's going on is half the fun; just like the denizens of Alpha Complex, you should be painfully unaware of how things work.
- You might want to read part of a game log just to see how it works. Some players are more gameplay-oriented, and others enjoy the roleplaying most. The two styles mix with each other quite nicely.
- Keep your character info to yourself if you can. Mystery is fun.
- Don't be afraid to PM the GM during a game to perform secret actions or ask for information about your equipment. The fast and furious IRC style sometimes leaves questions unanswered, so don't be afraid to ask for more info.
- Don't go asking for OOC knowledge, though. This will slow down the game and annoy your GM.
- Similarly, wait for the GM to catch up with what you do before you do other things. Stacking five actions impatiently is unfair AND it's only gonna stress him/her and slow things down.
- Don't be afraid to be a dick to others (we're talking in-game, of course. OOC dickery is bad, bad, bad.) That's the point of the game and the GM will reward you for it. Unless you mess up; in this case you will die hilariously.
- Speaking of dying, don't get too attached to your character. You'll understand why soon enough.
- Finally, just jump in and give it a try. We promise you'll love it.

Quick GM guide, spoilered for great justice (and spoilers)
DO NOT READ THIS SECTION IF YOU ARE NOT PLANNING TO HOST A GAME! (it could kinda make it less fun for you)

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- Every GM has his or her own style, but here are some basic rules that most people will agree with. Feel free to disagree or disregard.
- 5 or 6 players is a good number. At 7 or more, you might have trouble keeping up, depending on the complexity of your mission. The players might get lost in the mayhem.
- Reading the rulebook is a largely optional process. Most of the stat-related rules and mechanical aspects of the game are obsolete for a real-time medium such as IRC. Of course, thorough experience with the playing aspect is a must. Skimming the text for background info on Alpha Complex, secret societies and mutations is probably the most efficient way to go about it.
- Unless you've stated your game to be Zap-like, don't distribute death like candy. Serious players will hate you for it.
- Of course, people HAVE to die or it can hardly be called Paranoia. If someone doesn't lose a clone during the mission, then they are either pretty lucky or skilled or you are doing things wrong.
- For new players especially, and for players about to use a new power or secret society for the first time, give detailed and interesting descriptions! Don't just let a first-time Mystic know "They like drugs and a lot of them talk funny."; long descriptions can slow things down, but they add a lot to the game, and you don't have to write a novel. Create a fixed NPC from the character's secret society that he or she will stay in contact with between missions in interesting manners. The more involved it is, the most personality you give to your game world.
- Don't be afraid to manipulate dice rolls for the sake of enjoyment. Of course, the game has to be fair, but when someone comes up with that One Awesome Idea, you sometimes just HAVE to let them succeed. Alternately, a particularly entertaining failure is sometimes more fun than a straight nat20. Finally, sometimes no (or fewer) dice is better than too many. If the entire group shoots the same target at once and the mission has been dragging on, why not roll a single die to determine their overall success and then move on with the action?
- Keep it interesting. Quirky NPCs, unusual settings and novel mission styles will work your players' brains.
- Balance is key, however. It's often best to keep the mission itself pretty simple; it gives the players a lot of room to shape the story themselves and have the entertainment come from interaction and subterfuge rather than deep and engaging plot. That's not to say either style is invalid, but be warned that 'open-ended' is what many of your players will expect, and trying to juggle six conniving players, a handful of NPCs, and a complicated story can be very taxing.
- Letting the characters separate can make for a very interesting game with lots of room for backstabbing, but it can also slow down the action substantially while you flip through the various groups. Use it in moderation.
- Encourage and reward returning characters. Give them involvement in your storyline or powerful new weapons. Work with your players to make interesting characters (without, of course, overpowering them). A new mutation or an interesting intrigue in their secret society is a good way to help them develop.
- Reward the characters that entertain you. A particularly incompetent character might be worthy of promotion just because his or her actions are completely ludicrous. Higher clearances shouldn't be entirely populated by boring bureaucratic types.
- Don't let them rely too much on their powers, but don't make powers so impossible to use that no-one ever does; you might want to gently (at first) punish players that fall to either end of the spectrum: a headache is a good way to tell someone overusing a psionic power that now is a good time to stop; spontaneously-jiggling small objects might tell a reticent telekinetic it's time to free the beast. If your player ignores you of course, they have just given you license to blow up their head, fling the team around with accidentally-used gravity powers, or a host of other amusing consequences.
- Keep Friend Computer entertaining; it's an ancient, schizophrenic conglomeration of AI and High Programmers' alterations and schemes that was once a civil servant: it's going to do weird things from time to time. It can be fun to have FC switch personalities or quirks between or even during encounters, and it keeps players on their toes. Remember, though, that FC really does love all his troubleshooters, and it isn't out to get them; it's just all too happy to let Commie Mutant Traitor Scumâ„¢ out itself. Except when it's suddenly insanely paranoid and murderous. Surprise!

IT'S ME I'M PUMPED LET'S GO LET'S DO THIS

Okay so I'm setting up a game on August 25th, 19:30 EST.

Here are the players:

1. XX
2. Godbot
3. Hobbesy
4. Sanzh
5. Wipomatic

Back-up:

PyP, Whimbrel, ICan'tGiveCredit, FelixSparks

Feel free to apply for backup in case someone doesn't show up!!

I'd like to apply for backup because god damn I love this game Friend Computer sir.

Done!