Re: The Glorious Championship! [S3G5] [Round Three: The Epigen Center]
11-23-2011, 03:55 AM
Originally posted on MSPA by TimeothyHour.
Epigen Corporations, a reputable and family-focused company, was certainly not associated with hippies, anti-war protests, or any of that free love nonsense. This anti-establishment talk was threatening to completely upset the social order! This was the sixties! A war was going on! Had these youngsters learned anything from their parents?
Regardless, Epigen had to keep up with the times, the fashions. The only thing worse than running out of customers was running out of style. Style is the thing that draws the masses in, regardless of product. Style is the lifeblood of the company, even if that company was selling top secret ultra advanced technology to governments and supervillains.
This, unfortunately, meant a particular… aesthetic was used in the hallways. Organ curves, garish colours, unsettling rainbows and, ugh, a multitude of circles. Everywhere. Damn interior designers, ruining everything professional in the business world.
This was especially the sentiment of Mr. Alexander Fraze, at the time, in the middle of a short coffee break. Business was a longtime family tradition- he was directly descended from the first businesswoman, wouldn’t you know- and never in his or his ancestry’s careers had there ever been something so absurd as rainbow-themed waiting room chairs. Really, it made him sick.
But, he had worked hard to be in his position. A high-level management job at one of the companies existing on the forefront of technology. To be frank, he didn’t really understand any of the products, but they were quite interesting. Small handguns that shot rays of light and did different things depending on the colour of the shot (he always forgot exactly what each colour did, but that was R&D’s job anyway), vehicles that ran on some… kind of… technobabble something, and this one thing that, he, uh, was trying to get a buyer for, but it’s hard to sell something if even the people who made it don’t really know what it does.
Even then, working here was nice. Good pay, even better benefits. It wasn’t really worth it to complain about interior décor.
Besides, today, he had his own problems.
Alexander Fraze returned to his office, taking a few good swigs of his coffee, when he was suddenly confronted by five foot tall hurricane of a woman shouting something about corporate corruption and the immorality of monetary systems. Looking her over, she had too-long, dirty-red hair, sun-bleached skin that accentuated the air of uncleanliness about her. Her shirt was some kind of tie-dyed, tattered unknown material, and much too cut for any respectable woman her age, which he knew was about twenty three. Her jeans did this sort of… bell thing at the bottom that he didn’t particular understand the appeal of, and nor did he want to. She had a couple of necklaces on, one of them some kind of incomprehensible rainbow charm thing, the other a gigantic peace sign with the words “STOP WAR” etched on the outside ring. All it all, it was a raggedy, unprofessional sight.
Alexander sighed, putting his forehead in his hands. After letting her babble on for a few moments, he finally spoke, saying, “Elli, dear, can we go back to the office?”
She stopped, thrown off-guard by his sudden words. She stood there in dumbfounded silence for a short while, before replying to the businessman.
“Dad, did- did you even listen to a word I said?” she asked, blinking. “I mean, I’m providing fantastic points here about how certain aspects of our current capitalist system cause unethical practices within-”
“Elimine, dear,” Alexander said as kindly as he could. “Could we please talk about this another time? I have a bunch of paperwork to do about this mysterious product no one really knows how to work, and honey, you’re freaking out the customers with this hippie act of yours."
“Dad, oh my god,” Elimine said, flinging her arms up into the air. “You weren’t even listening to me, were you? And it’s not an act! Dad, have you even considered the number of products this company sells to would-be supervillains every single day? It’s a lot. How can you have a clear conscience, knowing that?”
Alexander grimaced. His voice suddenly adopted a dismissive tone.
“Four words: Don’t think about it. It’s served our family good all these years.”
“Oh, so that’s what happened.”
“…I beg your pardon?” Mr. Fraze said, raising an eyebrow.
“That’s why Mom got a divorce. Because you weren’t thinking about it.”
He snapped a finger up at Elimine, his voice suddenly raising.
“Young lady! You know very well it was more complicated than that! Don’t exhaust my patience with you. Now, go back to the office.”
“Fine, Dad, whatever,” and she was gone.
Alexander followed her through the rainbow-painted door to his office soon after, shaking his head. Children these days. Didn’t anyone know how to raise them right?
~~~~
Jim, as he was known, was at the forefront of mechanical technology. In his era, almost every single great invention or machine had his hand in it. Tanks? Jim. Television? Jim. Cars, radios, warplanes? Jim. Advanced dipolar laser arrays contained within a handheld space? <font color="#33CC99">A robotic limb, a robotic eye?
Jim.
Now, however, for all his knowledge and renown, as he sat in the R&D main lab of Epigen Corporations, staring at the incomprehensible jumble of metal sitting before him, he was at a loss for words. For a long while he just stared, until the other engineers there shifted around nervously.
“So, uh, what do you think?” Asked Mr. Zimmerman, head of the Epigen Research and Development Department.
Another long silence. Finally, after a few minutes, Jim turned his head to the department head.
“D’yknow what the fuck it does?” he said with a long, thoughtful drawl.
“Uh, no, sir, we don’t.”
“Fuck if I know what it does then, eitha’.”
Zimmerman kicked the ground of the lab a bit, sighed. He put an empty clipboard down on a nearby table as he spoke.
“Well, thanks for trying, anyway.”
“…I wasn’t finished.”
Zimmerman raised an eyebrow. “Um, what do you mean?”
“I dunnah what the thing does, but I do know how’ta turn et on”
The department head paused for a moment, blinked, and then smiled.
“Well, we should get on that, then, shouldn’t we?"</font>
~~~~
Alexander’s office was about as bland as you’d expect it to be. Earth tones and wood stain. Family photos, conspicuously none of a wife. Staplers, pens, stationary.
There was one interesting little facet, however. A typewriter, dark and black, of a heavy sort of metal, fairly old. Even though Epigen offered all employees personal computers, however top secret they may be, and that much more appealing, eye-catching typewriters were now on the market, the businessman insisted on using that particular device. A family heirloom, he claimed- although Elimine could have sworn she had never seen it before today- and good luck, too.
He was currently clacking away at some business memo on the typewriter. Typewriters weren’t very annoying for people in this day and age, but every so often it would make an especially loud click, and snap Elimine out of whatever daydreaming she was doing at the time. Eventually, she had had enough.
CLACK.
“Dad, oh my goodness, what on earth is wrong with that typewriter.”
“What do you mean, dear?” Alexander replied, still typing away.
“That noise, Dad. The one it keeps making.”
“Oh,” he said with a shrug. “The C key is really, really loud, for some reason. No idea why.”
“Well, could you cut it out while I’m here? It’s driving me crazy.”
Alexander took his hands off the keys, looking up at his daughter. “Now Elimine,” he started. “I have to get this memo out by two o’clock. Why don’t you just try to give me some res-”
RINGGG. RINGGG. RINGGG
“-pect. I have to get this, but I’m not done with you, little missy.”
Alexander picked up the phone, giving whoever it was on the other line a short hello. He listened every so often, interjecting with a really? or what!? every so often. Eventually he concluded the call with an, “Alright, I’ll be right there,” and hung up. The businessman immediately started gathering his things.
“Elli, unfortunately, I have to go. R&D has made some kind of progress with the mysterious machine that’s been sitting in their labs. I have to go observe. Don’t go anywhere, ok? Stay here.”
And he was out the door in a whirlwind, papers practically flying everywhere.
Elimine took the courtesy of waiting about five minutes before taking out the LSD, in case her father would come back looking for something his misplaced. But, as soon as she fell safe, she pulled out the little square containing the drugs, and held it up in the light. It was so odd. Such a tiny thing could have such… wild effects. She had taken it once before, and it was amazing. The colours. She could almost sworn she was seeing the music playing in the background. It was astonishing.
She held it up in the light a little longer, but eventually, she shrugged, threw the little square in her mouth, and ingested the LSD. There was nothing better to do today, anyway.
CLACK. CLACK CLACK. CLACK. CLACKCLACKCLACKCLACK.
The hell? Elli stared at the typewriter, confused. Was it… was it making sound? By itself? And… and it was moving!
What. The. Fuck.
She moved a little closer, around the desk, to catch a glimpse of the device. Yup, it was moving on its own. Typing by itself. Oh god. Her previous trip hadn’t started so… immediately.
Out of pure curiosity, she crept up a little closer, and decided to read the words the machine was typing.
“OH THANK FUCKING GOODNESS THAT MOTHERFUCKER IS GONE. TYPING ON MY KEYS LIKE SOME LITTLE SHIT ARGH. I HOPE SOMEONE KILLS HIM THIS ROUND. ALSO, LIKE, WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE, ELIMINE. I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD LIKE DEAD DEAD DEAD. FUCKING CORPSE. UGH, I’LL HAVE TO GET YOUR ATTENTION WON’T I, SINCE YOU ARE HOLDING THAT SQUARE OF WHATEVER IN THE AIR LIKE AN IDIOT. CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC THERE YOU ARE. WHY ARE YOU STARING AT ME. ELLI, COME OVER HERE. PICK ME UP. ELIMINE COME ON DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT. YES, THAT’S IT, COME CLOSER…. SEE, WAS THAT SO HARD? NOW PICK ME UP.”
She blinked a bit, rubbing her eyes in disbelief. After a while, she finally decided to say something to the typewriter oh god why am I talking to it that’s a horrible idea.
“Um…. Hello?”
“Yes. Hello. Now, please pick me up, before the convowhore finds me and we become royally fucked.”
Elimine sighed, a grimace on her face. She had the nagging feeling that today’s trip wouldn’t be particularly pleasant.
~~~~
Mr. Zimmerman and Mr. Fraze strode down the hall as quickly as they could.
“So, what you’re saying is, is that you’ve…” the businessman said, a confused eyebrow raised.
“We’ve managed to turn it on, sir,” Zimmerman replied with a wide smile. He was practically skipping down the hall.
“And do you have any idea what, exactly, it-”
“We have no idea whatsoever. We might get some answers once it finishes powering up, but until then? Nada.”
“Alright, well, take me too it then. I want to see this thing when it powers up.”
“Right this way, sir, right this way.”
They burst through a set of a set of double two-way doors, a dramatic entrance if Alexander had been prepared for it. Instead, it had just managed to look silly.
In front of them was whirling, swirling mass of metal floating in the air. It wasn’t a particularly controlled cloud of scrap either; several very visible gashes had already been torn in the floor. With each passing second, the cloud of metal seemed to get faster and faster, until it was just a grey whirl of nonsense in front of the scientists.
“Smith, status report?” Zimmerman said to a man looking at electronic readings.
“From these energy levels, sir, there’s a 99.9% chance that the machine is going to turn on it five… four… three…”
Suddenly, a little jingle played, accompanied by a blinding light from inside the swirling mass of metal, enveloping the entire lab in eye-searing light.
When it had subsided, everyone looked in shock as AMP floated before them, spinning and moving chaotically. Its first words to the group were enough to throw them into a state of shock, disbelief, and confusion:
“…OH MY GOODNESS, ELIMINE HAS CEASED TO FUNCTION!”
Epigen Corporations, a reputable and family-focused company, was certainly not associated with hippies, anti-war protests, or any of that free love nonsense. This anti-establishment talk was threatening to completely upset the social order! This was the sixties! A war was going on! Had these youngsters learned anything from their parents?
Regardless, Epigen had to keep up with the times, the fashions. The only thing worse than running out of customers was running out of style. Style is the thing that draws the masses in, regardless of product. Style is the lifeblood of the company, even if that company was selling top secret ultra advanced technology to governments and supervillains.
This, unfortunately, meant a particular… aesthetic was used in the hallways. Organ curves, garish colours, unsettling rainbows and, ugh, a multitude of circles. Everywhere. Damn interior designers, ruining everything professional in the business world.
This was especially the sentiment of Mr. Alexander Fraze, at the time, in the middle of a short coffee break. Business was a longtime family tradition- he was directly descended from the first businesswoman, wouldn’t you know- and never in his or his ancestry’s careers had there ever been something so absurd as rainbow-themed waiting room chairs. Really, it made him sick.
But, he had worked hard to be in his position. A high-level management job at one of the companies existing on the forefront of technology. To be frank, he didn’t really understand any of the products, but they were quite interesting. Small handguns that shot rays of light and did different things depending on the colour of the shot (he always forgot exactly what each colour did, but that was R&D’s job anyway), vehicles that ran on some… kind of… technobabble something, and this one thing that, he, uh, was trying to get a buyer for, but it’s hard to sell something if even the people who made it don’t really know what it does.
Even then, working here was nice. Good pay, even better benefits. It wasn’t really worth it to complain about interior décor.
Besides, today, he had his own problems.
Alexander Fraze returned to his office, taking a few good swigs of his coffee, when he was suddenly confronted by five foot tall hurricane of a woman shouting something about corporate corruption and the immorality of monetary systems. Looking her over, she had too-long, dirty-red hair, sun-bleached skin that accentuated the air of uncleanliness about her. Her shirt was some kind of tie-dyed, tattered unknown material, and much too cut for any respectable woman her age, which he knew was about twenty three. Her jeans did this sort of… bell thing at the bottom that he didn’t particular understand the appeal of, and nor did he want to. She had a couple of necklaces on, one of them some kind of incomprehensible rainbow charm thing, the other a gigantic peace sign with the words “STOP WAR” etched on the outside ring. All it all, it was a raggedy, unprofessional sight.
Alexander sighed, putting his forehead in his hands. After letting her babble on for a few moments, he finally spoke, saying, “Elli, dear, can we go back to the office?”
She stopped, thrown off-guard by his sudden words. She stood there in dumbfounded silence for a short while, before replying to the businessman.
“Dad, did- did you even listen to a word I said?” she asked, blinking. “I mean, I’m providing fantastic points here about how certain aspects of our current capitalist system cause unethical practices within-”
“Elimine, dear,” Alexander said as kindly as he could. “Could we please talk about this another time? I have a bunch of paperwork to do about this mysterious product no one really knows how to work, and honey, you’re freaking out the customers with this hippie act of yours."
“Dad, oh my god,” Elimine said, flinging her arms up into the air. “You weren’t even listening to me, were you? And it’s not an act! Dad, have you even considered the number of products this company sells to would-be supervillains every single day? It’s a lot. How can you have a clear conscience, knowing that?”
Alexander grimaced. His voice suddenly adopted a dismissive tone.
“Four words: Don’t think about it. It’s served our family good all these years.”
“Oh, so that’s what happened.”
“…I beg your pardon?” Mr. Fraze said, raising an eyebrow.
“That’s why Mom got a divorce. Because you weren’t thinking about it.”
He snapped a finger up at Elimine, his voice suddenly raising.
“Young lady! You know very well it was more complicated than that! Don’t exhaust my patience with you. Now, go back to the office.”
“Fine, Dad, whatever,” and she was gone.
Alexander followed her through the rainbow-painted door to his office soon after, shaking his head. Children these days. Didn’t anyone know how to raise them right?
~~~~
Jim, as he was known, was at the forefront of mechanical technology. In his era, almost every single great invention or machine had his hand in it. Tanks? Jim. Television? Jim. Cars, radios, warplanes? Jim. Advanced dipolar laser arrays contained within a handheld space? <font color="#33CC99">A robotic limb, a robotic eye?
Jim.
Now, however, for all his knowledge and renown, as he sat in the R&D main lab of Epigen Corporations, staring at the incomprehensible jumble of metal sitting before him, he was at a loss for words. For a long while he just stared, until the other engineers there shifted around nervously.
“So, uh, what do you think?” Asked Mr. Zimmerman, head of the Epigen Research and Development Department.
Another long silence. Finally, after a few minutes, Jim turned his head to the department head.
“D’yknow what the fuck it does?” he said with a long, thoughtful drawl.
“Uh, no, sir, we don’t.”
“Fuck if I know what it does then, eitha’.”
Zimmerman kicked the ground of the lab a bit, sighed. He put an empty clipboard down on a nearby table as he spoke.
“Well, thanks for trying, anyway.”
“…I wasn’t finished.”
Zimmerman raised an eyebrow. “Um, what do you mean?”
“I dunnah what the thing does, but I do know how’ta turn et on”
The department head paused for a moment, blinked, and then smiled.
“Well, we should get on that, then, shouldn’t we?"</font>
~~~~
Alexander’s office was about as bland as you’d expect it to be. Earth tones and wood stain. Family photos, conspicuously none of a wife. Staplers, pens, stationary.
There was one interesting little facet, however. A typewriter, dark and black, of a heavy sort of metal, fairly old. Even though Epigen offered all employees personal computers, however top secret they may be, and that much more appealing, eye-catching typewriters were now on the market, the businessman insisted on using that particular device. A family heirloom, he claimed- although Elimine could have sworn she had never seen it before today- and good luck, too.
He was currently clacking away at some business memo on the typewriter. Typewriters weren’t very annoying for people in this day and age, but every so often it would make an especially loud click, and snap Elimine out of whatever daydreaming she was doing at the time. Eventually, she had had enough.
CLACK.
“Dad, oh my goodness, what on earth is wrong with that typewriter.”
“What do you mean, dear?” Alexander replied, still typing away.
“That noise, Dad. The one it keeps making.”
“Oh,” he said with a shrug. “The C key is really, really loud, for some reason. No idea why.”
“Well, could you cut it out while I’m here? It’s driving me crazy.”
Alexander took his hands off the keys, looking up at his daughter. “Now Elimine,” he started. “I have to get this memo out by two o’clock. Why don’t you just try to give me some res-”
RINGGG. RINGGG. RINGGG
“-pect. I have to get this, but I’m not done with you, little missy.”
Alexander picked up the phone, giving whoever it was on the other line a short hello. He listened every so often, interjecting with a really? or what!? every so often. Eventually he concluded the call with an, “Alright, I’ll be right there,” and hung up. The businessman immediately started gathering his things.
“Elli, unfortunately, I have to go. R&D has made some kind of progress with the mysterious machine that’s been sitting in their labs. I have to go observe. Don’t go anywhere, ok? Stay here.”
And he was out the door in a whirlwind, papers practically flying everywhere.
Elimine took the courtesy of waiting about five minutes before taking out the LSD, in case her father would come back looking for something his misplaced. But, as soon as she fell safe, she pulled out the little square containing the drugs, and held it up in the light. It was so odd. Such a tiny thing could have such… wild effects. She had taken it once before, and it was amazing. The colours. She could almost sworn she was seeing the music playing in the background. It was astonishing.
She held it up in the light a little longer, but eventually, she shrugged, threw the little square in her mouth, and ingested the LSD. There was nothing better to do today, anyway.
CLACK. CLACK CLACK. CLACK. CLACKCLACKCLACKCLACK.
The hell? Elli stared at the typewriter, confused. Was it… was it making sound? By itself? And… and it was moving!
What. The. Fuck.
She moved a little closer, around the desk, to catch a glimpse of the device. Yup, it was moving on its own. Typing by itself. Oh god. Her previous trip hadn’t started so… immediately.
Out of pure curiosity, she crept up a little closer, and decided to read the words the machine was typing.
“OH THANK FUCKING GOODNESS THAT MOTHERFUCKER IS GONE. TYPING ON MY KEYS LIKE SOME LITTLE SHIT ARGH. I HOPE SOMEONE KILLS HIM THIS ROUND. ALSO, LIKE, WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE, ELIMINE. I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD LIKE DEAD DEAD DEAD. FUCKING CORPSE. UGH, I’LL HAVE TO GET YOUR ATTENTION WON’T I, SINCE YOU ARE HOLDING THAT SQUARE OF WHATEVER IN THE AIR LIKE AN IDIOT. CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC THERE YOU ARE. WHY ARE YOU STARING AT ME. ELLI, COME OVER HERE. PICK ME UP. ELIMINE COME ON DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT. YES, THAT’S IT, COME CLOSER…. SEE, WAS THAT SO HARD? NOW PICK ME UP.”
She blinked a bit, rubbing her eyes in disbelief. After a while, she finally decided to say something to the typewriter oh god why am I talking to it that’s a horrible idea.
“Um…. Hello?”
“Yes. Hello. Now, please pick me up, before the convowhore finds me and we become royally fucked.”
Elimine sighed, a grimace on her face. She had the nagging feeling that today’s trip wouldn’t be particularly pleasant.
~~~~
Mr. Zimmerman and Mr. Fraze strode down the hall as quickly as they could.
“So, what you’re saying is, is that you’ve…” the businessman said, a confused eyebrow raised.
“We’ve managed to turn it on, sir,” Zimmerman replied with a wide smile. He was practically skipping down the hall.
“And do you have any idea what, exactly, it-”
“We have no idea whatsoever. We might get some answers once it finishes powering up, but until then? Nada.”
“Alright, well, take me too it then. I want to see this thing when it powers up.”
“Right this way, sir, right this way.”
They burst through a set of a set of double two-way doors, a dramatic entrance if Alexander had been prepared for it. Instead, it had just managed to look silly.
In front of them was whirling, swirling mass of metal floating in the air. It wasn’t a particularly controlled cloud of scrap either; several very visible gashes had already been torn in the floor. With each passing second, the cloud of metal seemed to get faster and faster, until it was just a grey whirl of nonsense in front of the scientists.
“Smith, status report?” Zimmerman said to a man looking at electronic readings.
“From these energy levels, sir, there’s a 99.9% chance that the machine is going to turn on it five… four… three…”
Suddenly, a little jingle played, accompanied by a blinding light from inside the swirling mass of metal, enveloping the entire lab in eye-searing light.
When it had subsided, everyone looked in shock as AMP floated before them, spinning and moving chaotically. Its first words to the group were enough to throw them into a state of shock, disbelief, and confusion:
“…OH MY GOODNESS, ELIMINE HAS CEASED TO FUNCTION!”