Re: The Glorious Championship! [S3G5] [Round Two: The Kestalvian Rainforest]
09-17-2011, 02:28 AM
Originally posted on MSPA by Anomaly.
"What..." Gaurinn slowly uttered after several moments of silence. "What the hell was that?!"
"As far as I can tell, it was us. Except female."
"Oh, thank you, Cailean! I never would have figured that out if it wasn't for you! Or maybe, you know, the fact that I have eyes?" Gaurinn glared daggers at Cailean, his septet of eyes burning with hatred.
"Well, does it matter? We're back in the same field now."
"Yeah, okay, sure. So it's like it never happened. In fact, it probably didn't ever happen, and we're both hallucinating on whatever substances you decided it would be such a good idea to stuff down your greasy face hole while I was unconscious!"
"Gaurinn, that doesn't make-"
"Sense?" the centipede snapped. "Since when does anything around here make sense?! Do you see any sense in this rotting cesspool of fuck that we've been thrust into?"
"I think you're overreacting just a little."
"Really? I think you're underreacting! You've spent this whole battle gazing around bleary-eyed without so any regard for self-preservation! You'd be dead multiple times if it weren't for me! I'm the only thing keeping you from becoming a bloodstain on the ground, and you don't even seem to notice!"
"Well, we're still alive, aren't we?"
"No thanks to you. Now hurry up and move your legs in a coherent fashion so we can get somewhere."
Cailean slowly plodded through the paradox grass, hand poised to shield his eyes from the blinding sun. He noted nothing of the other contestants, nor did he see anything to imply they weren't in the "normal" dimension. His head pounded violently, and having an angry centipede for an arm didn't exactly help the whole "hangover" thing.
"You couldn't take your eyes off of her," he idly said to Gaurinn, trying to take his mind off of the unpleasantries.
"What?"
"The female you."
"What are you implying?" At least two of Gaurinn's eyes began noticably twitching.
"Nothing wrong with that, Gaurinn. It's probably perfectly normal."
The centipede held up a hand in front of the knight's face, middle finger extended.
"What's that supposed to mean? I don't understand."
"It means fuck you, that's what. How about I put it more directly?"
Gaurinn directed a small charge of electricity through one of the legs on the back half of his body, the part which was currently serving as Cailean's spine. Cailean immediately punched himself in the face. After stumbling backwards in surprise, Cailean spent several moments staring in confusion at his hand before it repeated its motion a second time. In those few moments, all the rage vanished from Gaurinn's face, replaced with an insectoid approximation of a smile.
"Gaurinn, I think my other hand is alive, too."
"That's, uh. Sure, why not? It's telling you to walk faster."
Cailean quickly obliged, fighting his hangover to sate his hand or whatever was possessing it. With everything that had happened in the past few hours, it seemed perfectly reasonable that his hand was possessed. No matter the case, his hand stopped attacking him once he picked up his pace. His pace was again marred, however, when a chimpanzee dropped from its hiding place in the treetops directly in front of them, dangling from a branch. It began excitedly inserting the index finger of his left hand into a ring formed by his right, over and over, while grinning like an idiot.
"No, I don't want to-" Cailean began to shout, before the chimpanzee was unexpectedly struck by a bolt of electricity. It fell to the ground quivering, obviously dead due to the overall lack of reaction from Cailean.
"Hey, C-Ciaolinn," a quaking voice called out from nearby. The duo turned to see what at first looked like Gabe, but noticably more feminine and noticably less flat-chested. "Ciaolinn. Gaurinne. What the hell happened to you?"
"It's Cailean!" Cailean shouted back.
"That's what she said."
"No it's not," Cailean insisted. "She spelled my name wrong. I could tell."
"You can't read."
"Okay, uh, Ciaolinn." Cailean opened his mouth to object. "I'm not done yet, deal with it!" Cailean closed his mouth, looking rather disappointed. "When the hell did you turn into a guy?"
"What? You're the one who turned into a girl, Gabe. I haven't changed a bit." A loud clacking interrupted him as his right hand decided to hit him in the face again. Gabrielle gave him a strange look before he spoke up again. "Is that Etiyr I hear?"
As Gabrielle diverted her attention to the typewriter, Gaurinn glared at Cailean again. "We're in whatever shithole of an alternate reality that the female us stumbled out of, Cailean." Before he could say more, Gabrielle handed Cailean a note, which Gaurinn quickly snatched from his hand.
""I'M MOTHERFUCKING ETIYRA YOU BITCH, AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT."
"Yeah, okay, 'Etiyra'. Is there really any difference when you're still some kind of heavy printer thing?" A furious clacking somehow managed to drown out the normal sounds of the forest as Gabrielle frantically tried to calm the typewriter down. After tearing up several sheets of paper, Gabrielle nervously turned back to Cailean, unsure of what to say.
As it happened, saying anything would have been pointless, as at that very moment, a massive, glowing rift in spacetime opened in the sky and dropped a full-size pirate ship, complete with skull and crossbones (or rather, a skull-esque clock and crossbones). The ship crashed down all the way to the forest floor, reducing centuries-old trees to splinters in a matter of seconds.
Moments later, a rather diminuative man dressed in a hilariously anachronistic pirate uniform rappeled down from the deck of the ship, landing directly in front of the quartet of battlers.
"Avast!" he shouted in an overly stereotypical pirate accent while drawing his cutlass. "Captain Theophilus Mandragan XII, the Scourge of Orion, has come to plunder the lands! Make not a move, ye bilge rats, or ye'll be walking the plank off of time itself!"
For the Tormentrix, things were going great. Not only was her own battle was (slowly) advancing, but her meddling in the so-called "Glorious Championship" was going just as well! Replacing the knight's arm with the centipede was such a great idea. And though what happened afterward wasn't at all unexpected, it was just as hilarious.
But wait... this couldn't be right. A portal? Male counterparts of the knight and the centipede? An alternate timeline with the exact same battle? She hadn't expected this at all! And though it was funny enough to watch the new arrivals flail about pathetically, something didn't add up. How did the alternate version of Ciaolinn exist? There weren't any Tormentrixes in alternate timelines to do such a thing, and she certainly hadn't done it. And yet, there they were. A prank from another grandmaster, perhaps? If that were so, why was it so unexpected to her? A disconcerting oddity, to be sure.
But along with the knowledge of this timeline came the knowledge of an entity residing within.
"What..." Gaurinn slowly uttered after several moments of silence. "What the hell was that?!"
"As far as I can tell, it was us. Except female."
"Oh, thank you, Cailean! I never would have figured that out if it wasn't for you! Or maybe, you know, the fact that I have eyes?" Gaurinn glared daggers at Cailean, his septet of eyes burning with hatred.
"Well, does it matter? We're back in the same field now."
"Yeah, okay, sure. So it's like it never happened. In fact, it probably didn't ever happen, and we're both hallucinating on whatever substances you decided it would be such a good idea to stuff down your greasy face hole while I was unconscious!"
"Gaurinn, that doesn't make-"
"Sense?" the centipede snapped. "Since when does anything around here make sense?! Do you see any sense in this rotting cesspool of fuck that we've been thrust into?"
"I think you're overreacting just a little."
"Really? I think you're underreacting! You've spent this whole battle gazing around bleary-eyed without so any regard for self-preservation! You'd be dead multiple times if it weren't for me! I'm the only thing keeping you from becoming a bloodstain on the ground, and you don't even seem to notice!"
"Well, we're still alive, aren't we?"
"No thanks to you. Now hurry up and move your legs in a coherent fashion so we can get somewhere."
Cailean slowly plodded through the paradox grass, hand poised to shield his eyes from the blinding sun. He noted nothing of the other contestants, nor did he see anything to imply they weren't in the "normal" dimension. His head pounded violently, and having an angry centipede for an arm didn't exactly help the whole "hangover" thing.
"You couldn't take your eyes off of her," he idly said to Gaurinn, trying to take his mind off of the unpleasantries.
"What?"
"The female you."
"What are you implying?" At least two of Gaurinn's eyes began noticably twitching.
"Nothing wrong with that, Gaurinn. It's probably perfectly normal."
The centipede held up a hand in front of the knight's face, middle finger extended.
"What's that supposed to mean? I don't understand."
"It means fuck you, that's what. How about I put it more directly?"
Gaurinn directed a small charge of electricity through one of the legs on the back half of his body, the part which was currently serving as Cailean's spine. Cailean immediately punched himself in the face. After stumbling backwards in surprise, Cailean spent several moments staring in confusion at his hand before it repeated its motion a second time. In those few moments, all the rage vanished from Gaurinn's face, replaced with an insectoid approximation of a smile.
"Gaurinn, I think my other hand is alive, too."
"That's, uh. Sure, why not? It's telling you to walk faster."
Cailean quickly obliged, fighting his hangover to sate his hand or whatever was possessing it. With everything that had happened in the past few hours, it seemed perfectly reasonable that his hand was possessed. No matter the case, his hand stopped attacking him once he picked up his pace. His pace was again marred, however, when a chimpanzee dropped from its hiding place in the treetops directly in front of them, dangling from a branch. It began excitedly inserting the index finger of his left hand into a ring formed by his right, over and over, while grinning like an idiot.
"No, I don't want to-" Cailean began to shout, before the chimpanzee was unexpectedly struck by a bolt of electricity. It fell to the ground quivering, obviously dead due to the overall lack of reaction from Cailean.
"Hey, C-Ciaolinn," a quaking voice called out from nearby. The duo turned to see what at first looked like Gabe, but noticably more feminine and noticably less flat-chested. "Ciaolinn. Gaurinne. What the hell happened to you?"
"It's Cailean!" Cailean shouted back.
"That's what she said."
"No it's not," Cailean insisted. "She spelled my name wrong. I could tell."
"You can't read."
"Okay, uh, Ciaolinn." Cailean opened his mouth to object. "I'm not done yet, deal with it!" Cailean closed his mouth, looking rather disappointed. "When the hell did you turn into a guy?"
"What? You're the one who turned into a girl, Gabe. I haven't changed a bit." A loud clacking interrupted him as his right hand decided to hit him in the face again. Gabrielle gave him a strange look before he spoke up again. "Is that Etiyr I hear?"
As Gabrielle diverted her attention to the typewriter, Gaurinn glared at Cailean again. "We're in whatever shithole of an alternate reality that the female us stumbled out of, Cailean." Before he could say more, Gabrielle handed Cailean a note, which Gaurinn quickly snatched from his hand.
""I'M MOTHERFUCKING ETIYRA YOU BITCH, AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT."
"Yeah, okay, 'Etiyra'. Is there really any difference when you're still some kind of heavy printer thing?" A furious clacking somehow managed to drown out the normal sounds of the forest as Gabrielle frantically tried to calm the typewriter down. After tearing up several sheets of paper, Gabrielle nervously turned back to Cailean, unsure of what to say.
As it happened, saying anything would have been pointless, as at that very moment, a massive, glowing rift in spacetime opened in the sky and dropped a full-size pirate ship, complete with skull and crossbones (or rather, a skull-esque clock and crossbones). The ship crashed down all the way to the forest floor, reducing centuries-old trees to splinters in a matter of seconds.
Moments later, a rather diminuative man dressed in a hilariously anachronistic pirate uniform rappeled down from the deck of the ship, landing directly in front of the quartet of battlers.
"Avast!" he shouted in an overly stereotypical pirate accent while drawing his cutlass. "Captain Theophilus Mandragan XII, the Scourge of Orion, has come to plunder the lands! Make not a move, ye bilge rats, or ye'll be walking the plank off of time itself!"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
In another pocket of reality entirely, a grinning figure observed the proceedings. One familiar with a being from a rather pivotal timeline would note the resemblance of this figure to one called The Tormentor. The main difference, of course, being the obvious femininity of the figure.For the Tormentrix, things were going great. Not only was her own battle was (slowly) advancing, but her meddling in the so-called "Glorious Championship" was going just as well! Replacing the knight's arm with the centipede was such a great idea. And though what happened afterward wasn't at all unexpected, it was just as hilarious.
But wait... this couldn't be right. A portal? Male counterparts of the knight and the centipede? An alternate timeline with the exact same battle? She hadn't expected this at all! And though it was funny enough to watch the new arrivals flail about pathetically, something didn't add up. How did the alternate version of Ciaolinn exist? There weren't any Tormentrixes in alternate timelines to do such a thing, and she certainly hadn't done it. And yet, there they were. A prank from another grandmaster, perhaps? If that were so, why was it so unexpected to her? A disconcerting oddity, to be sure.
But along with the knowledge of this timeline came the knowledge of an entity residing within.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Finally, it was beginning to dawn on her. Maniacally, The Tormentor laughed.