Re: The Glorious Championship! [S3G5] [Round Two: The Kestalvian Rainforest]
08-23-2011, 11:24 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by TimeothyHour.
Gabe had caught up with Eli at the edge of the clearing, his Axe raised high, ready to strike that fatal blow. He tried to keep himself from warning her, tried to restrain himself from crying or laughing or making small talk. She had to die, even if she was fairly pretty. It was for the good of everyone… he’d have to die eventually.
Gabe had his axe raised high, ready to strike that fatal blow, when a strange wave of energy washed over her, and she disappeared in a cloud of supercharged smoke.
“What-” the carpenter dumbfoundedly said, as he stared at the empty forest before him. He was promptly interrupted by an angrily clacking typewriter.
“CCCCCCCCRAP FUCKING BALLS WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED.”
“Um,” Gabe stammered. “I-I don’t know.”
“WELL OF COURSE YOU DON’T KNOW YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT.”
He flinched as he read the words, as if the tiny writing machine had physically punched him. The carpenter dejectedly looked at Etiyr and tried to stammer out a reply.
“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”
“I DIDN’T SAY YOU MEANT TO. I SAID YOU WERE FUCKING INCOMPETENT.”
Tears began running down Gabe’s face. His arms and legs felt like they were made of rubber, and he collapsed to his knees.
“Etiyr, it’s my fault, I’m so sorr-”
“YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT’S YOUR FAULT. NOW GET UP AND STOP BEING USELESS AND I MIGHT FORGIVE YOU.”
“I-I just can’t,” Gabe sobbed. “I’ve failed you. I’m a failure. I’ve always been a failure. I don’t deserve to help you.”
“GET UP, SHITHEAD MCSTUPIDHANDS. I DON’T CARE.”
“But-”
“GET. THE. FUCK. UP.”
Tiredly, Gabe pulled himself up like a tattered rag. Trying to dry up his tears, quiet, puny words game out of his mouth.
“What do we do now?”
“WHAT DO WE DO NOW? WE FUCKING GO AFTER HER YOU MORON.”
“She disappeared in a cloud of smoke! How are we supposed to follow her! This is hopeless!”
At this point Gabe started crying again, until Etiyr threw so many expletives at him that the typewriter forced him to calm down somewhat.
“THIS IS WHAT WE FUCKING DO- SHUT THE FUCK UP I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT OH MY GOSH YOU’RE SO STUPID. ANYWAY, THAT FUCKING LIGHTING DEATHCLOUD OF SHITCAKES LOOKED REALLY SIMILAIR TO THE COLOUR OF ALL THE TIME ENERGY WE’VE BEEN SEEING EVERYWHERE- WHICH HAS HONESTLY BEEN GETTING ON MY NERVES BECAUSE I NEVER KNEW TIME WAS SUCH A WHORE- OH MY GOSH WHY ARE YOU STILL CRYING FUCK WE HAVE A PLAN AND EVERYTHING. OH, YOU WANT TO FEEL VALIDATED. IF YOU WANT TO FEEL VALIDATED TO SOMETHING FUCKING RIGHT EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE YOU IDIOT. NOW GO FORWARD BEFORE I MAKE UP A NEW WORD TO DESCRIBE HOW HORRIBLE YOU ARE. GO. FORWARD. I DON’T CARE IF IT’S SCARY INCOMPETRON. YEAH, INCOMPETRON. THAT’S YOUR NEW NAME. GO.”
Through tears, Gabe and an angrily clacking Etiyr moved forward five meters, two hours, and right into the middle of the performance of a chimpanzee marching band.
“…holyfuck.”
Gabe had caught up with Eli at the edge of the clearing, his Axe raised high, ready to strike that fatal blow. He tried to keep himself from warning her, tried to restrain himself from crying or laughing or making small talk. She had to die, even if she was fairly pretty. It was for the good of everyone… he’d have to die eventually.
Gabe had his axe raised high, ready to strike that fatal blow, when a strange wave of energy washed over her, and she disappeared in a cloud of supercharged smoke.
“What-” the carpenter dumbfoundedly said, as he stared at the empty forest before him. He was promptly interrupted by an angrily clacking typewriter.
“CCCCCCCCRAP FUCKING BALLS WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED.”
“Um,” Gabe stammered. “I-I don’t know.”
“WELL OF COURSE YOU DON’T KNOW YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT.”
He flinched as he read the words, as if the tiny writing machine had physically punched him. The carpenter dejectedly looked at Etiyr and tried to stammer out a reply.
“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”
“I DIDN’T SAY YOU MEANT TO. I SAID YOU WERE FUCKING INCOMPETENT.”
Tears began running down Gabe’s face. His arms and legs felt like they were made of rubber, and he collapsed to his knees.
“Etiyr, it’s my fault, I’m so sorr-”
“YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT’S YOUR FAULT. NOW GET UP AND STOP BEING USELESS AND I MIGHT FORGIVE YOU.”
“I-I just can’t,” Gabe sobbed. “I’ve failed you. I’m a failure. I’ve always been a failure. I don’t deserve to help you.”
“GET UP, SHITHEAD MCSTUPIDHANDS. I DON’T CARE.”
“But-”
“GET. THE. FUCK. UP.”
Tiredly, Gabe pulled himself up like a tattered rag. Trying to dry up his tears, quiet, puny words game out of his mouth.
“What do we do now?”
“WHAT DO WE DO NOW? WE FUCKING GO AFTER HER YOU MORON.”
“She disappeared in a cloud of smoke! How are we supposed to follow her! This is hopeless!”
At this point Gabe started crying again, until Etiyr threw so many expletives at him that the typewriter forced him to calm down somewhat.
“THIS IS WHAT WE FUCKING DO- SHUT THE FUCK UP I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT OH MY GOSH YOU’RE SO STUPID. ANYWAY, THAT FUCKING LIGHTING DEATHCLOUD OF SHITCAKES LOOKED REALLY SIMILAIR TO THE COLOUR OF ALL THE TIME ENERGY WE’VE BEEN SEEING EVERYWHERE- WHICH HAS HONESTLY BEEN GETTING ON MY NERVES BECAUSE I NEVER KNEW TIME WAS SUCH A WHORE- OH MY GOSH WHY ARE YOU STILL CRYING FUCK WE HAVE A PLAN AND EVERYTHING. OH, YOU WANT TO FEEL VALIDATED. IF YOU WANT TO FEEL VALIDATED TO SOMETHING FUCKING RIGHT EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE YOU IDIOT. NOW GO FORWARD BEFORE I MAKE UP A NEW WORD TO DESCRIBE HOW HORRIBLE YOU ARE. GO. FORWARD. I DON’T CARE IF IT’S SCARY INCOMPETRON. YEAH, INCOMPETRON. THAT’S YOUR NEW NAME. GO.”
Through tears, Gabe and an angrily clacking Etiyr moved forward five meters, two hours, and right into the middle of the performance of a chimpanzee marching band.
“…holyfuck.”