Re: The Glorious Championship! [S3G5] [Round Two: The Kestalvian Rainforest]
08-16-2011, 05:48 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by Lord Paradise.
Behold, the majestic cycle of Nature!
The paradox grass is dying. A minor extinction event, the sort that might have happened with or without sapient intervention, but an important one. For the paradox grass supports soil conditions that supply timely nutrients to the sapphire trees that grow above it. And the silvery blue leaves of the sapphire trees are the primary source of currency in the economy of the twice-flipped sloths*, such that the wilting of the trees will cause a massive stock market crash. The resultant financial panic will lead to a massive cut in medical aid from a certain government of tropical birds to a species of mushrooms afflicted by a plague causing uncontrolled root growth. These mushrooms grow on the face of a certain mountain made of a mineral that has been deeply affected by a pattern of alkaline rains hitting it over the past fifty years or so. The side of the once-sturdy mountain is now brittle enough that the mountain itself might crack open if, say, diseased fungal roots started digging too deep into the rock.
It may also be worth noting that the mountain is hollow, and that there is something dwelling within. How long until it awakens? It would take decades, potentially, for this particular chain of cause and effect to pan out.
However, owing to the influence of certain mischievous idea-fields, the Rainforest has two hours, at best, before the beast is unleashed.
_________
*A rare mutation in a species of upside-down sloth that flipped it right-side-up again. The twice-flipped sloth is kinda identical to a regular sloth, but the distinction is important, somehow.
* * * * *
Bethany, for all her travels (which admittedly mostly consisted of trips to the library the week before finals), had never seen a chimpanzee in the wild before. She was confident, to a point, that the majority of the chimpanzees she would encounter (and—a dream locked deep in her heart—live among) would not be quite so snappily dressed.
What had once been a jacket was now an entire ensemble of trenchcoat, tanktop, and baggy pants, all in stylish shades of purple with yellow accents. Well, stylish might not have been the word, but they were certainly ostentatious.
”Fucking jacket, like a bad penny,” sneered Gabe. ”Actually, that jacket cost me eighty bucks. Give that back!” The carpenter gently put down his typewriter and grabbed for the ape, his hand morphing into a comically-sized butterfly net. Before Bethany could properly criticize him for his indelicacy with nature, the chimpanzee promptly kicked Gabe aside, knocking him into her record player (miraculously undamaged by the explosion), which of course turned it on. Ellimine’s cat leapt to Gabe’s defense, despite its owner’s protests, but the chimpanzee simply opened up the fold of her jacket and the cat fell in and disappeared.
”How did you do that?” Elli wasn’t sure if the Convolution would understand her if the creature it was possessing didn’t understand her, but either way, the ape made no response except to smile, baring a few surprisingly sharp-looking canines.
As Elli pulled her trombone out, fully ready to desecrate the sanctity of rainforest life, the cat fell out of the bottom of one of the chimp’s pant legs, frazzled but unharmed. It looked up at the chimp and growled, and the chimp howled back at it gleefully.
Gabe, fighting a deep shame stemming from memories of poring over Denny’s menus, tackled the chimp, not recognizing the irony of turning his hand into a kitchen knife. Unfortunately, his lack of prehensile toes and jungle instinct put him at a disadvantage, and he found himself on his back again. The chimp clapped her hands and hooted.
Bethany was recording on a bulky, inefficient-looking video camera. This was all just fascinating.
The moment it saw a flash of purple in the woods, Etiyr just knew the monkey was going to try to make off with it.
It was not wrong. The shit-flinging Convy bitch leapt off Gabe’s prone form and began examining the typewriter curiously. Etiyr could see the sharp intelligence of the chimp’s puppeteer somewhere behind those freaky brown primate eyes, and considered typing up a message. It decided against this, as the typewriter really had nothing to say to the Convoloser at this time.
Before the monkey could begin clacking away the Cuntvolution’s latest erotic fanfic epic or whatever the fuck, Elli intervened, snatching Etiyr up holding it next to her cat. ”Go away, please,” Elli ordered the ape, calmly yet sternly. ”We don’t want you here.”
”Speak for yourself,” piped in Bethany, cheerfully. She had pulled some orange slices out of her backpack and held them in her hand, beckoning for the chimpanzee to approach.
The chimpanzee, her audacity suddenly vanishing, slowly lumbered up to Bethany. She pulled an orange slice out of the xenobiologist’s hand and sucked on it contentedly. Bethany briefly considered stroking the chimp’s head, then decided against it.
The chimp took two more orange slices, wolfed them down, and hooted in thanks. She bounded off into the trees, then turned around, waved towards Bethany, and winked.
Bethany’s heart did a barrel roll.
Of course the woman who actually knew anything about the rainforest would go bounding off into the jungle in pursuit of a chimpanzee infected by the Convolution. Of course.
Elli’s cat nestled in her hair as she turned towards Gabe, who was once again maternally clutching Etiyr to his breast. “Well, it’s probably a trap,” she told them. “But should we go after them anyway?”
Behold, the majestic cycle of Nature!
The paradox grass is dying. A minor extinction event, the sort that might have happened with or without sapient intervention, but an important one. For the paradox grass supports soil conditions that supply timely nutrients to the sapphire trees that grow above it. And the silvery blue leaves of the sapphire trees are the primary source of currency in the economy of the twice-flipped sloths*, such that the wilting of the trees will cause a massive stock market crash. The resultant financial panic will lead to a massive cut in medical aid from a certain government of tropical birds to a species of mushrooms afflicted by a plague causing uncontrolled root growth. These mushrooms grow on the face of a certain mountain made of a mineral that has been deeply affected by a pattern of alkaline rains hitting it over the past fifty years or so. The side of the once-sturdy mountain is now brittle enough that the mountain itself might crack open if, say, diseased fungal roots started digging too deep into the rock.
It may also be worth noting that the mountain is hollow, and that there is something dwelling within. How long until it awakens? It would take decades, potentially, for this particular chain of cause and effect to pan out.
However, owing to the influence of certain mischievous idea-fields, the Rainforest has two hours, at best, before the beast is unleashed.
_________
*A rare mutation in a species of upside-down sloth that flipped it right-side-up again. The twice-flipped sloth is kinda identical to a regular sloth, but the distinction is important, somehow.
* * * * *
Bethany, for all her travels (which admittedly mostly consisted of trips to the library the week before finals), had never seen a chimpanzee in the wild before. She was confident, to a point, that the majority of the chimpanzees she would encounter (and—a dream locked deep in her heart—live among) would not be quite so snappily dressed.
What had once been a jacket was now an entire ensemble of trenchcoat, tanktop, and baggy pants, all in stylish shades of purple with yellow accents. Well, stylish might not have been the word, but they were certainly ostentatious.
”Fucking jacket, like a bad penny,” sneered Gabe. ”Actually, that jacket cost me eighty bucks. Give that back!” The carpenter gently put down his typewriter and grabbed for the ape, his hand morphing into a comically-sized butterfly net. Before Bethany could properly criticize him for his indelicacy with nature, the chimpanzee promptly kicked Gabe aside, knocking him into her record player (miraculously undamaged by the explosion), which of course turned it on. Ellimine’s cat leapt to Gabe’s defense, despite its owner’s protests, but the chimpanzee simply opened up the fold of her jacket and the cat fell in and disappeared.
”How did you do that?” Elli wasn’t sure if the Convolution would understand her if the creature it was possessing didn’t understand her, but either way, the ape made no response except to smile, baring a few surprisingly sharp-looking canines.
As Elli pulled her trombone out, fully ready to desecrate the sanctity of rainforest life, the cat fell out of the bottom of one of the chimp’s pant legs, frazzled but unharmed. It looked up at the chimp and growled, and the chimp howled back at it gleefully.
Gabe, fighting a deep shame stemming from memories of poring over Denny’s menus, tackled the chimp, not recognizing the irony of turning his hand into a kitchen knife. Unfortunately, his lack of prehensile toes and jungle instinct put him at a disadvantage, and he found himself on his back again. The chimp clapped her hands and hooted.
Bethany was recording on a bulky, inefficient-looking video camera. This was all just fascinating.
The moment it saw a flash of purple in the woods, Etiyr just knew the monkey was going to try to make off with it.
It was not wrong. The shit-flinging Convy bitch leapt off Gabe’s prone form and began examining the typewriter curiously. Etiyr could see the sharp intelligence of the chimp’s puppeteer somewhere behind those freaky brown primate eyes, and considered typing up a message. It decided against this, as the typewriter really had nothing to say to the Convoloser at this time.
Before the monkey could begin clacking away the Cuntvolution’s latest erotic fanfic epic or whatever the fuck, Elli intervened, snatching Etiyr up holding it next to her cat. ”Go away, please,” Elli ordered the ape, calmly yet sternly. ”We don’t want you here.”
”Speak for yourself,” piped in Bethany, cheerfully. She had pulled some orange slices out of her backpack and held them in her hand, beckoning for the chimpanzee to approach.
The chimpanzee, her audacity suddenly vanishing, slowly lumbered up to Bethany. She pulled an orange slice out of the xenobiologist’s hand and sucked on it contentedly. Bethany briefly considered stroking the chimp’s head, then decided against it.
The chimp took two more orange slices, wolfed them down, and hooted in thanks. She bounded off into the trees, then turned around, waved towards Bethany, and winked.
Bethany’s heart did a barrel roll.
Of course the woman who actually knew anything about the rainforest would go bounding off into the jungle in pursuit of a chimpanzee infected by the Convolution. Of course.
Elli’s cat nestled in her hair as she turned towards Gabe, who was once again maternally clutching Etiyr to his breast. “Well, it’s probably a trap,” she told them. “But should we go after them anyway?”