Re: The Glorious Championship! [S3G5] [Round Two: The Kestalvian Rainforest]
08-01-2011, 06:47 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by Pick Yer Poison.
The creature approached the metal sphere carefully. Of course, it had no idea what metal was; all it knew was that a large heavy thing had landed on its favorite berry bush, and was therefore invading its territory. It skirted around the intruding object, hissing and baring its sharp front teeth, heedless of the fact that it was barely the size of a squirrel. After a few unproductive minutes of this, it moved forward cautiously, scratched at the surface, and leaped back instantly. To its surprise, this netted about the same response, and it drew forward again and scratched the surface a few more times.
Without warning, the metal sphere spun open, scrap metal whirling out to form a lethal whirlwind. The alien creature was cut to ribbons before it could even turn to run, a fate shared by most of the plant life in the area. AMP swiveled his cameras around in confusion. Moments ago he'd been somewhere else. Electricity arced through his whirling metallic cloud as he took stock of the new scenery, trying to place it all. The Hedonist labeled this location the Kestalvian Rainforest. This location is not logged in the database. Beginning locational log.
As AMP made to leave the spot, a piece of scrap metal lodged itself in a nearby tree with a solid THUNK. AMP magnetically tugged on it in an absent-minded manner, then, when it proved to be truly stuck, spun one of his cameras around to see what the problem was. It seems to be a tough organic structure, he thought curiously, and sent a query to his database about it. The database labeled it as a tree, a type of plant featuring a tall trunk covered in tough bark. It also noted, in a tone AMP could only place as annoyed, that AMP never called to say hello, or see how it was doing, or even to ask the time of day. No, he always had to know something and was too lazy to find it out for himself. AMP ignored the database's whining and focused on the tree, applying an increasing amount of magnetic strength until he managed to jerk the impaled piece of metal out of it. He gazed at the gash left in the tree's trunk with a strange amount of awe. A single concept echoed through his thoughts: purpose.
The centipede turned his gaze towards Cailean and looked at him like he'd just remarked that the sky was green. "It was your idea. I'd been hoping you'd have thought it out more than all your other ideas, but I guess that's just too much to ask."
Cailean groaned and put his head in his hand. "Alright, I get it, I'm useless. Now can we concentrate on the issue at hand?" He looked around, trying to find tree branches that they might be able to use to drop lower. "Maybe if we--"
His sentence was cut short as the tree made a quiet cracking noise and began to fall over. Cailean and Gaurinn both gripped the sides of the nest instinctively. The nest itself managed to stay in the tree because of its solid construction, and provided a fair amount of padding for the conjoined pair when the tree hit the ground. They stumbled out of the nest in a daze, looking around to see what it was like on the ground. The sound of wood being chopping reached their ears, and they pushed through some foliage, startling a few small animals in the process, to find AMP furiously cutting at the tree they'd been in. Looking around, they saw a trail of similar incidents, showing the trail AMP had taken through the jungle. How'd we miss that? Cailean wondered.
Cailean and Gaurinn cautiously approached him once he'd stopped slicing the trunk to pieces and was busy stacking the lumber into crude piles, picking each piece up with two flat chunks of scrap metal and dumping it on top of the growing triangular pile. Cailean spoke up cautiously. "Uh, AMP, right?" One of the cameras swiveled to point at him, but other than that he got no response, and AMP continued to stack the lumber. Cailean tried again. "What exactly are you doing?"
"My purpose," AMP replied, camera panning up and down the lumber pile as he surveyed his work. "I have had an epiphany, Cailean. All this time, I've been searching for my purpose." He moved closer to the pair. "Well, I've finally found it. My purpose is to cut down trees!" He demonstrated by spinning a circle of scrap metal around him like a sawblade and slicing another portion of the tree off. "I'm amazed I didn't realize it before, but I haven't had much contact with trees before," he admitted.
Gaurinn and Cailean stared back in disbelief until the latter suddenly snorted. The former leaned towards the latter and whispered to him. "What an idiot, right?"
Cailean whispered back to him, stifling a chuckle. "Yeah, but that's not why I'm laughing."
Gaurinn turned towards him and looked at him oddly. "Well, what are you laughing at then?"
"I don't know if you'll get this, but..." Cailean cleared his throat and started singing boisterously. "Well he's a lumberjack and he's okay, he sleeps all night and he works all day! He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch, he goes to the lavatory! On Wednesdays he goes shopping, and has buttered scones for tea!" He broke down laughing, unable to continue. Gaurinn stared at him strangely. "It's from Monty Python's Flying Circus," Cailean noted, still grinning. "I saw it on a television - a box with moving pictures on the front - while were touring the timestream." He paused. "Oh. Wait. You...probably weren't conscious." He looked up to see AMP also had a camera trained on him and had paused in his lumber stacking. Ohhhhhhhh, that can't be good.
Unlike Gaurinn, AMP was very thankful for Cailean's help. Data added to lumberjack behavioral reference. Database, define "scones."
The creature approached the metal sphere carefully. Of course, it had no idea what metal was; all it knew was that a large heavy thing had landed on its favorite berry bush, and was therefore invading its territory. It skirted around the intruding object, hissing and baring its sharp front teeth, heedless of the fact that it was barely the size of a squirrel. After a few unproductive minutes of this, it moved forward cautiously, scratched at the surface, and leaped back instantly. To its surprise, this netted about the same response, and it drew forward again and scratched the surface a few more times.
Without warning, the metal sphere spun open, scrap metal whirling out to form a lethal whirlwind. The alien creature was cut to ribbons before it could even turn to run, a fate shared by most of the plant life in the area. AMP swiveled his cameras around in confusion. Moments ago he'd been somewhere else. Electricity arced through his whirling metallic cloud as he took stock of the new scenery, trying to place it all. The Hedonist labeled this location the Kestalvian Rainforest. This location is not logged in the database. Beginning locational log.
As AMP made to leave the spot, a piece of scrap metal lodged itself in a nearby tree with a solid THUNK. AMP magnetically tugged on it in an absent-minded manner, then, when it proved to be truly stuck, spun one of his cameras around to see what the problem was. It seems to be a tough organic structure, he thought curiously, and sent a query to his database about it. The database labeled it as a tree, a type of plant featuring a tall trunk covered in tough bark. It also noted, in a tone AMP could only place as annoyed, that AMP never called to say hello, or see how it was doing, or even to ask the time of day. No, he always had to know something and was too lazy to find it out for himself. AMP ignored the database's whining and focused on the tree, applying an increasing amount of magnetic strength until he managed to jerk the impaled piece of metal out of it. He gazed at the gash left in the tree's trunk with a strange amount of awe. A single concept echoed through his thoughts: purpose.
---
Great, thought Cailean. Now how do we get down? "Any ideas on that, Gaurinn?"The centipede turned his gaze towards Cailean and looked at him like he'd just remarked that the sky was green. "It was your idea. I'd been hoping you'd have thought it out more than all your other ideas, but I guess that's just too much to ask."
Cailean groaned and put his head in his hand. "Alright, I get it, I'm useless. Now can we concentrate on the issue at hand?" He looked around, trying to find tree branches that they might be able to use to drop lower. "Maybe if we--"
His sentence was cut short as the tree made a quiet cracking noise and began to fall over. Cailean and Gaurinn both gripped the sides of the nest instinctively. The nest itself managed to stay in the tree because of its solid construction, and provided a fair amount of padding for the conjoined pair when the tree hit the ground. They stumbled out of the nest in a daze, looking around to see what it was like on the ground. The sound of wood being chopping reached their ears, and they pushed through some foliage, startling a few small animals in the process, to find AMP furiously cutting at the tree they'd been in. Looking around, they saw a trail of similar incidents, showing the trail AMP had taken through the jungle. How'd we miss that? Cailean wondered.
Cailean and Gaurinn cautiously approached him once he'd stopped slicing the trunk to pieces and was busy stacking the lumber into crude piles, picking each piece up with two flat chunks of scrap metal and dumping it on top of the growing triangular pile. Cailean spoke up cautiously. "Uh, AMP, right?" One of the cameras swiveled to point at him, but other than that he got no response, and AMP continued to stack the lumber. Cailean tried again. "What exactly are you doing?"
"My purpose," AMP replied, camera panning up and down the lumber pile as he surveyed his work. "I have had an epiphany, Cailean. All this time, I've been searching for my purpose." He moved closer to the pair. "Well, I've finally found it. My purpose is to cut down trees!" He demonstrated by spinning a circle of scrap metal around him like a sawblade and slicing another portion of the tree off. "I'm amazed I didn't realize it before, but I haven't had much contact with trees before," he admitted.
Gaurinn and Cailean stared back in disbelief until the latter suddenly snorted. The former leaned towards the latter and whispered to him. "What an idiot, right?"
Cailean whispered back to him, stifling a chuckle. "Yeah, but that's not why I'm laughing."
Gaurinn turned towards him and looked at him oddly. "Well, what are you laughing at then?"
"I don't know if you'll get this, but..." Cailean cleared his throat and started singing boisterously. "Well he's a lumberjack and he's okay, he sleeps all night and he works all day! He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch, he goes to the lavatory! On Wednesdays he goes shopping, and has buttered scones for tea!" He broke down laughing, unable to continue. Gaurinn stared at him strangely. "It's from Monty Python's Flying Circus," Cailean noted, still grinning. "I saw it on a television - a box with moving pictures on the front - while were touring the timestream." He paused. "Oh. Wait. You...probably weren't conscious." He looked up to see AMP also had a camera trained on him and had paused in his lumber stacking. Ohhhhhhhh, that can't be good.
Unlike Gaurinn, AMP was very thankful for Cailean's help. Data added to lumberjack behavioral reference. Database, define "scones."
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![[Image: vcGGy.gif]](https://i.imgur.com/vcGGy.gif)