Re: The Glorious Championship! [S3G5] [Round Three: The Epigen Center]
04-30-2012, 10:46 PM
Originally posted on MSPA by Not The Author.
“Epigen Center, Lucky VII speaking. How may we help you?”
<font color="#330099">“I’ve been receiving complaints. I can accept your meddling to a point, but why,” did they(?) have to be so insufferably cheerful about everything, wondered Mr. Itou, “has the elevator stopped running? Don’t you know we need that thing to evacuate safely?”
A pause, and a different voice cut in. “Apologies for the inconvenience, sir, but it’s the most efficient way. We need the artificial gravity well the elevator rests in, and none of your other models are sufficiently stable or powerful.”
Itou ran a hand through his toupee. “And why exactly do you need that?”
“…To keep the black hole from getting out of hand, of course. Incidentally, we’ve commandeered your particle accelerator array. Hope you don’t mind.”
“...Um.”
“Basically,” said Yet Another Someone Else, “we’re going to crush space together at the hole on our end, with the aliens and stuff. Space doesn’t like to have holes in it, so it should mend itself once it’s all scrunched together.”
This was all moving far too fast for one upper-manager to handle. Part of him wanted to call a meeting, part of him wanted to fire half the building (not the employees therein), and part of him was quietly calculating just how much money he could reasonably embezzle before the company quite literally imploded. “Can’t you just… turn off the machine, or something?”
“Two-fold problem there, sir. One, the wormhole’s self-perpetuating at this point. Shutting off the system’ll keep a new one from forming, in case it’s linked to an alien system on the other side, but then we run into problem the second: the system has its own internal power source. Power has to be cut manually, which we can’t-”
This pause went on long enough that Mr. Itou managed to ask his secretary to clear his schedule for the week, no, he didn’t care who was on it, he was going to need the vacation; before I’ve Lost Count Of How Many Different People This Has Been came back on the line. “Nevermind that; we can shut it down from here with a localized EM pulse. Might deactivate nearby systems, but shouldn’t hit anything too vital. Floor’s lights, ventilation… maybe some of the doors? Nothing important, at any rate. Probably. Hazmat squad will need to go in and shut it down for good.”
“Let me get this straight. You’re going to create a black hole… inside this facility… using decades-old atom-smashers and the only working elevator… to close a portal to an alien world that might reopen later anyway if a small squad of underpaid immigrants doesn't kill everything in there and destroy one of our company's most expensive projects?”
“Thereabouts. We’ll send your scientists a record of the process so you might perform it on your own, should this occur again.”
“Doesn’t this strike you as dangerous?”
“You kidding? We could all die!” The man(?) on the line actually laughed. “Don’t worry, though, we do this sort of thing all the time.”
“That… You…” Mr. Itou struggled to find the most delicate way he, as a representative of Epigen, could properly express his sentiments to this errant underling.
“You’re fucking insane!”
“No, sir.” He could practically hear the shit-eating grin through the receiver. “Just… ahead of your time.”
“Thank you for calling Epigen. Have a nice day!”
Click.</font>
“Epigen Center, Lucky VII speaking. How may we help you?”
<font color="#330099">“I’ve been receiving complaints. I can accept your meddling to a point, but why,” did they(?) have to be so insufferably cheerful about everything, wondered Mr. Itou, “has the elevator stopped running? Don’t you know we need that thing to evacuate safely?”
A pause, and a different voice cut in. “Apologies for the inconvenience, sir, but it’s the most efficient way. We need the artificial gravity well the elevator rests in, and none of your other models are sufficiently stable or powerful.”
Itou ran a hand through his toupee. “And why exactly do you need that?”
“…To keep the black hole from getting out of hand, of course. Incidentally, we’ve commandeered your particle accelerator array. Hope you don’t mind.”
“...Um.”
“Basically,” said Yet Another Someone Else, “we’re going to crush space together at the hole on our end, with the aliens and stuff. Space doesn’t like to have holes in it, so it should mend itself once it’s all scrunched together.”
This was all moving far too fast for one upper-manager to handle. Part of him wanted to call a meeting, part of him wanted to fire half the building (not the employees therein), and part of him was quietly calculating just how much money he could reasonably embezzle before the company quite literally imploded. “Can’t you just… turn off the machine, or something?”
“Two-fold problem there, sir. One, the wormhole’s self-perpetuating at this point. Shutting off the system’ll keep a new one from forming, in case it’s linked to an alien system on the other side, but then we run into problem the second: the system has its own internal power source. Power has to be cut manually, which we can’t-”
This pause went on long enough that Mr. Itou managed to ask his secretary to clear his schedule for the week, no, he didn’t care who was on it, he was going to need the vacation; before I’ve Lost Count Of How Many Different People This Has Been came back on the line. “Nevermind that; we can shut it down from here with a localized EM pulse. Might deactivate nearby systems, but shouldn’t hit anything too vital. Floor’s lights, ventilation… maybe some of the doors? Nothing important, at any rate. Probably. Hazmat squad will need to go in and shut it down for good.”
“Let me get this straight. You’re going to create a black hole… inside this facility… using decades-old atom-smashers and the only working elevator… to close a portal to an alien world that might reopen later anyway if a small squad of underpaid immigrants doesn't kill everything in there and destroy one of our company's most expensive projects?”
“Thereabouts. We’ll send your scientists a record of the process so you might perform it on your own, should this occur again.”
“Doesn’t this strike you as dangerous?”
“You kidding? We could all die!” The man(?) on the line actually laughed. “Don’t worry, though, we do this sort of thing all the time.”
“That… You…” Mr. Itou struggled to find the most delicate way he, as a representative of Epigen, could properly express his sentiments to this errant underling.
“You’re fucking insane!”
“No, sir.” He could practically hear the shit-eating grin through the receiver. “Just… ahead of your time.”
“Thank you for calling Epigen. Have a nice day!”
Click.</font>