Kaynato Wrote:recently i started doing daily drawings...

i've been feeling super useless on a lot of things. so it gives me a bit of happiness.

it's sort of like ... everyday emotions. each drawing, i try to express something like how i felt each day.

Kaynato Wrote:this one was sort of after a day i felt really empty... i was looking for some feeling which i couldn't find anymore

Kaynato Wrote:i sketched this one first since i was unsure about the pose. i didn't know if i could do it

i think the drawing ended up with a different feeling than the sketch. it was like... because i focused more on "copying the sketch" than "drawing"

since these are all freehand, it's tricky...

Kaynato Wrote:i stayed up way too late today trying to get work done.... but i felt really accomplished (and also in pain) by the end

Kaynato Wrote:felt troubled today

the drawing is a bit more dramatic than before... i think i wanted to try and go back to the original "mysterious" feeling.

making the script vertical was a weird decision...

Kaynato Wrote:i drew another one before this one.

i'd been staying up way too late every day a for a long time... (even right now i ended up with a bad sleep schedule and awful time management)

i didn't like how the other one turned out though. so i drew this one...

it's one of my favorites

Kaynato Wrote:very disassociated... sort of feeling...

very detached. i was feeling really out of it this day.

i drew two things because the first one didn't feel official.

for some reason after drawing it, i felt like i wanted to throw up.

i didn't like either of the drawings i made that day.

Kaynato Wrote:forlorn

Kaynato Wrote:this is one of those times i honestly feel like i kind of forced myself

Kaynato Wrote:that day i felt low on creative energy and overall steam...

i ended up drawing a scene from my worldbuilding stuff. but i felt kinda low overall.

the "official" drawing this day... was after the other one.

i'm definitely inspired by https://si-ku.her.jp/ for a lot of these art. but there's also yume nikki inspiration that's stuck with me forever...

also shan shui hua (chinese traditional water ink painting, sumi-e in japan). it's something i enjoy.

Kaynato Wrote:i really have no clue what happened the first try today.

i drew some scary stuff on paper with pencil again, and tried doing a pencil drawing, which was pretty different.

the numbers are 01 and 05... 2-4 are in a different folder

Kaynato Wrote:i felt really short on inspiration today

but i felt that i was trying to think freer and try to work towards less ... mental violence towards myself

i think that might have been what led to the content.

after this someone asked a question about the script... even thought that usually happens, i decided to try and catalog the text. i noticed that it got a lot blockier... next day i'd try to go back to the style i liked the most

Kaynato Wrote:dealing with inner demons

i went back to a freer script style here.

also.... i always wondered about what the deal is with the eye themes and mouth themes from the "scarier" stuff i draw

is it something to do with "fear of being noticed?" is it something to do with social anxiety... wanting to disappear? not recognizing myself?

body horror is a strong theme...

Kaynato Wrote:i ended up staying up too late for too many days in a row and felt completely empty.

but i like how this drawing turned out...

Kaynato Wrote:5 AM...

Kaynato Wrote:i tried to record myself drawing today, but it cut off halfway through.

i uploaded it to discord:

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/488129141359771655/554198043906277376/2019-03-10_03-00-43.mp4

Kaynato Wrote:i keep on saying i'll wish to work harder to turn my life around and fix my discipline and work ethic and negative self-esteem...

this is actually a different idea than i went in with. originally i wanted to draw something more like "sitting on a grassy field and looking at the sky"

but i wasn't able to get that after about 10 tries.

in the end i think that it's better when i just go by instinct and draw... i like this one a lot. it's very peaceful and kind of positive.

Kaynato Wrote:here is the recording for that one: https://www.dropbox.com/s/ruhjzoelrccymkd/2019_03_10_01.mp4?dl=0

i managed to get the entire video.

thank you for liking these drawings! sometimes i get nervous that "i'm only doing this because i want to show other people" and put myself down but
honestly, it's something which i do for myself, first... i do this because i enjoy it, and because i enjoy these i want to share that with other people.
i have to remind myself of that a lot of the time.

Kaynato Wrote:"even if it doesn't start out the way you imagined, even missteps can be the first movements towards a brighter future"

a while back someone said that the brush splattering effect i did in the spooky tree one could be real good for a rain effect...

while drawing this i wasn't sure if i wanted "snow" and the outfit took some twists and turns, but i think it turned out nicely.

"happy mistakes"

but i should probably try to sleep before midnight again...

Kaynato Wrote:i kept on going like "i know that if i set up a schedule for myself it will help a lot with the 'i end up being completely useless day-in day-out' deal" but then i end up... not doing it...

very disappointed in myself today.

hopefully.... tomorrow can be better

i need to cut away the things that i absolutely don't need at all and restart myself in a better way.

Kaynato Wrote:today was... alright

the piano got tuned, i cleared up the backyard and garden stuff in the front yard... got baba is you and had a good time with that.

though... it's "a day of feeling accomplished for small things even though i didn't address the main issues"

i did not do anything with a schedule, so my academic work got neglected.

Kaynato Wrote:(even though she's wearing black, i hope you can tell apart the contour of her arm and her upper body and torso)

a slow day of nothing meaningful happening (again). baba is you... and time management is empty?

tomorrow is... going to have to be on the wire. at least I will sleep really early today... because I have to drive folks to the airport at 5 tomorrow