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[NSFW] LET'S PLAY MEET N' FUCK KINGDOM - Printable Version

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[NSFW] LET'S PLAY MEET N' FUCK KINGDOM - g0m - 06-12-2012

WARNING: STRONGLY NSFW
DOUBLE WARNING: I WROTE THIS AT LIKE, FIVE AM

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Meet N' Fuck Kingdom is an adult relations simulator released by user VladimGod to newgrounds.com on November 13th, 2009. It received the 1st place daily feature, as decided by user votes. It has received such positive acclaim as

"No way that guy fucked 3 girls all lined up ong i wish i could be that guy"

and

someone come to my door my vigina is ready i can feel it shaking

from users of the site. But can this game (the sixteenth in the much-vaunted meet n' fuck series) really live up to expectations? There's only one way to find out, so... let's play!

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Ah, it appears this game begins in medias res, that's cool, that's cool. It is a tried and tested thematic device and already I am drawn into this narrative tapestry

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So she's wearing those clown shoes with the hooks in the bottom I guess?

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OH YEAH SURE INVITE YOURSELF IN. Also, "Murton"?

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What follows is one of the main "gameplay" thrusts (dohoho) of meet n' fuck kingdom: a dialogue section where you have to click one of three options and if you're wrong there's no penalty and you just reclick until you get the right one. R U HOT YET

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Anyway I'm going to skip most of this part because the only funny part is the "HAWW!?" sound she makes when you get it wrong and the "HNNNG!?" sound when you get it right. here's some plot

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SOME DIALOGUE LATER: Hmm ANYTHING you say? ANYTHING!? wink wink WINK WINKW INWKINWK WIN KWNIKNWK KIWNKWIKNK

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Oh, right, you meant that. also immediately after this image she smiles and makes the HNNNG!? noise again. Whelp time to start jerking off because you're going to have sex now.

NSFW IMAGES START HERE
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NSFW IMAGES END HERE
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"Actually I play meet n' fuck kingdom for the plot"

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Nearly missed getting a screencap of this fucker. Just in case you can't tell, it's shitty bitmaps of horns.

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wait since when was i a knight
this marks the first of several shameful historical discrepancies that crop up in this game

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"Delicate" I bet I know what that means hurr

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"spark" I bet I know what that me- oh.

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The hero's quest, a classic fantasy storyline. For, like, viagra. It's cool though because they're clearly taking the comic fantasy approach. Ha! Fellatio.

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GOLD AND JEWELS APLENTY HOT DOG

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"yeah as you wish whatever can i go now"

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...huh.

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And what better way to end this post than with a list of the ingredients for medieval viagra! This is all really quite fucking stupid imho.

RE: [NSFW] LET'S PLAY MEET N' FUCK KINGDOM - sdegenko - 06-12-2012

I will be with you in spirit as you embark on this perilous journey.

RE: [NSFW] LET'S PLAY MEET N' FUCK KINGDOM - Pick Yer Poison - 06-12-2012

Isn't there an option to spend three days screwing chicks and then give him medieval aspirin or something instead

Or is the only option to spend three days screwing chicks and then make him medieval viagra

RE: [NSFW] LET'S PLAY MEET N' FUCK KINGDOM - MaxieSatan - 06-12-2012

This isn't really the sixteenth in a series, is it?

And PYP, you use the viagra as a transparent excuse to screw the chicks.

RE: [NSFW] LET'S PLAY MEET N' FUCK KINGDOM - Solaris - 06-12-2012

What Guy? Do you mean that you haven't heard of such wonderful simulations such as Meet N' Fuck Intensive Therapy, Meet N' Fuck Street Racing, Meet N' Fuck Lesbians, or Meet n' Fuck The Plumber?

RE: [NSFW] LET'S PLAY MEET N' FUCK KINGDOM - Mehgamehn - 06-12-2012

Okay but how does this stack up against industry juggernaut Bonetown?

RE: [NSFW] LET'S PLAY MEET N' FUCK KINGDOM - g0m - 06-14-2012

previously on let's play meet'n'fuck kingdom:

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We got a list with weird things on it that we're going to go collect now! Hurrah!

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At this point in the game we are introduced to the town map, which, like any rpg, is our conduit to penetrative intercourse with lifeless anime sex dolls. There's also an inventory icon!

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Hmm, it appears there are more spaces than there are items on the list. Does this mean we're going to have to do fetch quests? SPOILER: it fucking does

Anyways let's check out the Tavern's Bar.

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Here we have some elf chick who gets real happy when you mouse over her.

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Let's click on her and see what we have to say for ourselves

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Amazingly, none of these sentences provide us w/ that sweet sweet breast milk we apparently desire so let's blow this joint

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Let's try the Tavern's Inn this time!

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Here we run into a some cleaning staff. Hey, let's choose the bottom option here because it's the least retarded.

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"Fantasy name, fantasy name. Hey, why not just replace a vowel with the letter Y?"

"That's fucking incredible! You're getting a promotion!"

*Camera pans out, revealing the conversation has been taking place between two glove puppets worn by a dishevelled, pantsless man sitting amidst a pile of empty pizza hut boxes*

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Despite what the highlighting in this screencap may lead you to believe, the middle option is the right one here.

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AFTER THIS ONE YOU BASICALLY ASK "HEY, I DON'T HAVE MONEY. GIVE ME ONE FOR FREE?" BUT I MISSED THAT SCREENCAP SOZ

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WHAT

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"I, uh... that line's never actually worked before. I have no idea how to proceed."

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I'm not telling you which one of these is correct because it doesn't even matter

Sexual shit approaches
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Anyway literally the next screen post-coitus is this, nary a refractory period in this game. So I guess you just stole the candles from her room after you left, which is cool.

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That elf chick will be SURE to screw us now! Because, we have candles? I honestly don't know if that's what they're actually for or not. why am i doing this

RE: [NSFW] LET'S PLAY MEET N' FUCK KINGDOM - MaxieSatan - 06-14-2012

Clearly you combine the candles with the upside-down snowman to create a tiny jack-o-lantern.

RE: [NSFW] LET'S PLAY MEET N' FUCK KINGDOM - Schazer - 06-14-2012

jack-off-o-lantern

RE: [NSFW] LET'S PLAY MEET N' FUCK KINGDOM - btp - 06-14-2012

g0m Wrote:*Camera pans out, revealing the conversation has been taking place between two glove puppets worn by a dishevelled, pantsless man sitting amidst a pile of empty pizza hut boxes*

YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN'T TELL! I never should have web chatted with you.

RE: [NSFW] LET'S PLAY MEET N' FUCK KINGDOM - Mehgamehn - 06-14-2012

(06-14-2012, 03:46 AM)btp Wrote: »
g0m Wrote:*Camera pans out, revealing the conversation has been taking place between two glove puppets worn by a dishevelled, pantsless man sitting amidst a pile of empty pizza hut boxes*

YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN'T TELL! I never should have web chatted with you.

>Living in pile of pizza hut boxes
>Not erecting wall of dominoes boxes



RE: [NSFW] LET'S PLAY MEET N' FUCK KINGDOM - MaxieSatan - 06-14-2012

wait no I've got it, the candles are to make fire dildos for the fire elemental

RE: [NSFW] LET'S PLAY MEET N' FUCK KINGDOM - g0m - 06-23-2012

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If you're anything like me, this let's play makes you feel dirty and ashamed. So let's take a trip to the thermal bath and we can all finally feel clean.

naked boobs in here omg
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LET'S GO SOMEWHERE ELSE AND GET SOME BROS W/ HEFTY DICKS

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Maybe we can get some friends who are into WITCH H▲USE

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Aw man, it's just a disappointing boob woman with low nipples. Let's get this talking shit over with.

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Option one here. Also the bird's name is Charles.
(this is image 69, lol)

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Option three here. We're here on business? Oh yeah, I guess this is technically Murton's job.

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This one is... um. Let's just try the third one first.

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Lady, if it did that, I'd never leave my shitty hut full of worms. Let's try buy the raven then.

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Still one more than we've got Meloncholy

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HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE

WE GOT THIS

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Murton. MURTON. You HAVE candles. Just give her the candles, and then you can have sex w/ her (probably).

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Sure! Hey, what does this ritual inv-

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Oh.

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Welcome to the other mainsty of Meet'n'fuck kingdom, where you feel up some witch in the right order re: body parts. For example here we can see rubbing her shoulder impairs her basic cognitive functions, which makes our heart bar fill up.

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Whereas squeezing her boobs at this point cause her to discreetly review the game she is in. Well, let's get on with it.

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Right thigh, click and hold that shit, she gets a specific amount more aroused, stop and move on

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The most sexual part of the human body- the knee. Also I should note her eyebrows are constantly going up and down this whole time, as are the eyebrows of every female character in the game while they're onscreen. Which is, yeah, totally, like, hot or whatever.

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She's cool with you going for the boobs post-kneetouch, take note for this choice foreplay advice

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The inner thigh! We're encroaching upon forbidden territory here, people.

omg.... lady part..
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Oh yeah I guess we needed a feather! Wait, wasn't she supposed to tell our fortune? Fuck.

NEXT TIME ON LET'S PLAY MEET'N'FUCK KINGDOM: ADULTERY FOR NO GOOD REASON(?)

RE: [NSFW] LET'S PLAY MEET N' FUCK KINGDOM - g0m - 07-27-2012

Alright, let's head down to the Queen. I guess.

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Wait a second, this isn't the queen! Meet'n'fuck kingdom, you motherfucker, you've made me care about even the most ancillary characters!

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Okay, taking note of that "Love Pirate" line.

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"Hi Laura. My name's Murton.

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"EVERYONE'S been talking about your exiting sexual manoeuvres! The boob touch, the mouth sex, the butt stuff... not to mention your hilarious "Fellatio" joke!"

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murton you are 12

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:winkybutonfire:

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As you can see I went for the most plausible answers first. It's that bullshit appreciation one though, so apologies to fans of good combinations of words

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HO HO! IN THE VAGINA AND ANUS, I'D SUSPECT!

I fucking called it
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Right! Well, that single unarmed lady with the poor judgement was the only defence against the fucking QUEEN so let's mosey on up there.

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"Shut up Queen, and fire Laura. I'm Murton... I'm Murton."

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Murton you... you salacious fiend!

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"Yup, sucks. Well, seeya!"

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Haha, I forgot Murton lives in a forest. What a dumb idiot loser.

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HE'LL PROBABLY WANT TO PUT IT MORE PLACES THAN JUST BETWEEN YOU HO HO

This shit again
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Oh what the hell is this? Murton you march RIGHT BACK IN THERE and SEDUCE HER AGAIN

next time in this let's play: we go back to trying to cure the king even though we said we couldn't. whatever. this is the 1000th post in this subforum, and can be considered a tribute to our beloved administrators. enjoy your shitty anime porn, fuckers! also, thanks for the forum (it's good)