SpoilerThis is the adventure of a horse named CHEIGH WHORESON. On his journey through the prairie, Cheigh happened across and ended up capturing a wild Human -- which turned out to be a very rare Protagonist! --, after which he devoted himself to capturing more humans and creating a ruling equine society. To that end, he began recruiting other horses to his cause.

Meanwhile, he set his captured Protagonist, whom he renamed COW, to working the farm. Initially resistant, Cow later became a hard and efficient worker through a combination of Cheigh's threats and Cow's realization that he liked gaining experience and leveling up through his farmwork. Eventually, Cheigh used a TM to teach Cow the move DIG, deleting the standard human move WEAR CLOTHES to make room for it. He also started a side business selling pot.

Later, Cheigh decided that to properly run his equine society, he required more hats. He therefore plotted to rob Mann Co. to obtain them. First, though, he decided to travel to Mt. Firius to gain the power of the dark flames. His quest was successful, and some of his possessions, too, were empowered by the dark flame. Unfortunately, though, in the process Cheigh's soul was claimed by the Horse Devil. With his new powers, Cheigh easily conquered the Mann Co. facility and turned it into a farm, though a few horses were killed in the process.

This turned out to have its own consequences, as the ghost of a colt killed in the attack returned to haunt Cheigh! The ghost colt evenpossessed Cow to be sure Cheigh wouldn't have an easy time getting rid of him. Eventually, though, one of Cheigh's team members, a horse named Heavy, managed to talk the ghost down, and convince it to go possess one of Cheigh's other humans instead, a Scout named Lucas (whom the ghost renamed "Meat"). Something went wrong, though, and due to some shenanigans involving the ghost at one point being halfway in the Poké Ball it ended up stuck apparently permanently possessing both Cow and Meat at once. In the long run, this turned out to be in Cheigh's favor, since it meant Cow and Meat were essentially combined into one being, and therefore could both be outside the Poké Ball at once, getting around Cheigh's original limitation of only having one human out at a time and letting Cow work the original farm while Meat worked the other. It did involve some manipulation of their newly collective moveset to get this working, however, and after considering the moves they had available, Cheigh deleted not only Meat's WEAR CLOTHES move but also the standard Human move TALK, leaving Cow/Meat with the moves TOOL USE, RELOAD, DOUBLE JUMP, and DIG. Cheigh also decided to punish Cow for letting himself get possessed by enveloping him in STYGIAN FIRE. You're not sure at this point how much autonomy Cow and Meat have now and to what extent they're mentally merged into one being and/or under the ghost's control, but honestly you don't really care.

Cheigh also found a talking hat that shouted out weird words like "Ravenclaw!" and "Slytherin!", but nothing in particular came of this. Eventually Cheigh duct-taped the hat to shut it up. He then finally decided on a team name for his conquering horses: the Horses Of Equine Superiority, opposed to humans and to acronyms.

When last we left Cheigh, he was in search of the Mayor, who was secretly a horse and was one of the first and most valuable members of the Horses Of Equine Superiority -- but who had lately gone missing.

CHEIGH'S HUMAN CAPTIVES:

• *Cow/Meat (they now count as one being, apparently)
  *Sheep (formerly named Misty)
  *A Swimmer
  *A Spy
  

CHEIGH'S HUMAN DISGUISES:

• *One Scout outfit
  *One Spy outfit, including cloaking device
  *One Protagonist outfit consisting of cap, shorts, and shirt (powered up by the dark flame).
  • *The SHIRT is now a FIERY SHIRT OF CONFLAGRATION</li>
    *The SHORTS are now INFERNAL SHORTS OF INCINERATION</li>
    *The CAP has been combined with a crown and is now a MAJESTIC EVERBLAZING PROTAGONIST CROWN OF ROYAL BLUE FLAME
    

THE HORSES OF EQUINE SUPERIORITY AND THEIR HATS AND SERVANTS:

• *The Mayor (top hat)
  • *Human Slave: Erika
    
  *Hatless Mare (princess hat)
  • *Has somehow tamed a poorly conceived dragon
    
  *Cappy (a swimmer's cap)
  • *Human Slave: A Soldier
    
  *Helmut (a helmet)
  • *Human Slave: An Engineer
    
  *Helmer (a helmet)
  • *Human Slave: A Demoman
    
  *Helmina (a helmet)
  • *Human Slave: A Sniper
    
  *Scout (a Scout hat)
  • *Human Slave: A Scout
    
  *Heavy (a Heavy hat)
  • *Human Slave: A Heavy
    
  *Pyro (a Pyro hat)
  • *Human Slave: A Pyro
    
  *Medic (a Medic hat)
  • *Human Slave: A Medic
    
  *An unnamed horse in a wizard hat
  *An unnamed horse in a Cat In The Hat hat
  

OTHER PLAYABLE CHARACTERS:
Cheigh Whoreson is not the only playable character in this adventure. Below, in rough descending order of importance, are the adventure's other playable characters. (By which I mean, the other characters who have been commanded so far... this doesn't rule out other characters becoming playable later.)

SPECIAL AGENT FRANCIS YORK MORGAN
Special Agent Francis York Morgan began an investigation into the death of one Professor Layton, whom Cheigh had accidentally murdered while stealing his hat. The fact that Layton eventually came back to life for no apparent reason and joined him did not put an end to the investigation. York is obsessed with coffee and frequently talks to his partner Zach who may not actually really be there. When last we left him, he and his companions had fallen through a hole into Horse Hell, and then apparently got out somehow and stumbled around town, seeing a horse in a helmet.
York's companions (such as they are, though York finds most of them rather annoying):

• *Zach
  *Professor Layton
  *Luke
  *Phoenix Wright
  

THE RIVAL
A certain young man was struck by the unexpected absence of his Rival -- or rather, of the young man whose Rival he was. Deciding that stealth is needed for his investigation, he waylaid a passing well-dressed stranger and switched clothes with him... and then decided you may as well capture him in one of your "dotballs", since the person whose rival you are would never suspect that. Afterward, tapping into previously unknown psychic abilities, he saw a vision of his foe stark naked working up a sweat on a farm. Taking this as a sign, the Rival resolved that he would beat him so soundly as to render him the laughingstock of the world. When last we left the Rival, he was on his way to the nearest gym.
The Rival's Inventory:

• *10 DOTBALLZ
  • *St. Ranger
    *Splinter
    
  *TOP HAT *
  *TUXEDO VEST *
  *MAP
  *PLASTIC CANDY PHONE
  

SAXTON HALE
Saxton Hale has learned that horses have recently taken over one of his Mann Co. facilities. He knows there were horses involved because he's Saxton Hale, that's how! And he fully intends to do something about it. Only he hasn't yet because he keeps getting distracted. When last we left Saxton Hale, he was about to beat up some hippies, after which he planned to try to figure out a way to hunt dinosaurs.

THE HORSE DEVIL
Despite being in possession of Cheigh's soul, the Horse Devil apparently doesn't have as much power as you'd think. It seems Horse Hell is only a small ways below the surface of the ground, and the only minions he has are some human ghost zombies who he just sent out and who haven't come back. When last we left the Horse Devil, he was trying to figure out why his throne room suddenly smelled like urine, and who these people were who just dropped in on him.

ZACH
I guess York's partner Zach was also briefly playable for some reason? He didn't do much.

LADY MAYA
We also spent a few turns near the beginning of the adventure as our main character's late wife, an cow [sic] named Lady Maya, who died of a hereditary condition called gasoline blood (which may or may not be exactly what it sounds like). She didn't do much either, probably mostly because of the fact she's dead.


The previous thread then ended with a Cut To The Future which... I guess will have to come up some time? In the meantime, though, I guess we're starting this thread by cutting back to the present, so as not to make things even more confusing than they already are.