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Quote:>Scut-Preston: If someone's bugging you, render them asunder. If someone cuts in line, render them asunder. If your wife is nagging you, render her asunder. If the jam-jar wont open, render it asunder. I bet that's how you cut the grass too. Jeez man,that's your answer for everything.
>Scuti Jimmy Prime: Fly into berserker rage

"SILENCE, the both of you!" Jimmy shrieked. "I've had all I can stand of your idiocy! As soon as I get loose, you will be rent asunder! I'll have your guts for garters and your skins for stockings!"

"Ach, now yer talkin like me Sal," Nero sighed.

"Shut up about your Sal!" Jimmy hissed. "You never should have married her, and you'd both be better off if you never came home."

"You need to calm down, mister," Angus grunted. "Here now, just take a look at this trim little schooner -"

"Stuff your stupid boats! Who in all the Netherhells puts tiny boats in bottles? It's ridiculous!"

"You can insult my partner and criticize his wife," Angus grumbled. "But I won't stand here and listen to you calumniate model ships in bottles. Grab his arm, Nero. I think it's time our guest had a little accident."



"Hold!" a sudden trio of Ixies called out. "We seek a reprehensible Tailipo. Knowest anything about this, yon pale Manx-cat?"

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Quote:Percy, attempt to follow the instructions. Be forced to improvise a lot.
>Percy: Your sneaking could be better. To put it politely, an explosion in a wind-chime factory would be less noticeable. Thing is, because you are being so overtly suspicious in your infiltration, your presence goes completely unchallenged.
(Brave Percy) Infiltrate the Embassy
>Percy: Your search for the the Vulpitanian Embassy is hampered by your not knowing where it is.
the Vulpitanian's have set up a new embassy since the old one was mysteriously blown up by a somewhat familiar white vixen.

Percy bravely crept to the edge of the square, where he noticed a fox loitering suspiciously and dressed in a uniform similar to his own.



"Pssst, hey buddy," Precy nobly whispered as he slithered along the wall. "Where's the Vulpitanian Embassy?"

"How could you possibly not know that?" the fox whispered back.

"Er, that information is on a need-to-know basis," Percy courageously floundered. "And I didn't need to know before now."

"And why do you suddenly need to know all of a sudden?"

"I, uh, can't tell you."

"It checks out," the fox shrugged. "The new Embassy is is up Chalcedony Avenue. Straight down this way, turn left, take an immediate widdershins and then your second right and twenty-four doors from the turning, on the shady side of the street. You can't miss it."

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Quote:the rebels releasing a large quantity of noxious gas around their camp
(Ominous Rumble, Source Thereof) Manifest yourself.

"That's disgusting," one of the soldiers remarked.

"BEG PARDON," MacBrock bellowed sheepishly. "I THINK SUMMAT I ATE DINNA AGREE WI' ME."

"Couldn't have been this delicious pie," the soldier opined, taking another big bite.

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Quote:Alice, go look for proper tools

Alice paused to consult her Pocket Guide to The Plan. It always pays to be careful! A mistake now could have disastrous consequences.

Quote:Avogadro, go please your mistress. Do not mind doing unseelie things for her.
>Advogadro: Being the abused servant of an uncaring, shallow vixen is what your entire life has been leading up to. Don't squander it.
Avagadro: Prostrate yourself on the ground before Relda and promise her, her every wish and desire. Begin kissing her feet
Grovel at her feet

Quote:Audience, bring your own pies and other pie-like pastries, the quality of which varies drastically. The contest must go on!
(Con-goers) Start to get rowdy, since the contest is being held up.

Quote:>Fifi: Suffer a sudden wardrobe malfunction
>SALV Chesswick: Remind Fifi Fofox that she was disqualified for already attempting to use wiles on the judges and to get off the stage.
>Fifi: "But this outfit is cheaply made..." (That what you get for using wiles on a merchant of bootleg Pie Fight Valkerie goods, Fifi)
>Fifi: Wonders why Relda's outfit's still on, you both got the outfits from the same merchant.

Quote:>Señor Sleazy Vendor Jr. III: Well of course Fifi's costume broke first. They're designed to fall apart after a certain amount of wear-time, and she put hers on first. Relda's should be any second

Quote:Relda, realize that it will make you look good if you help Fifi. So make good use of your willing slave and have him fetch a high quality costume for her.
>Audience: Be treated to a stomping of epic proportions.
>Vulpsmarshal Sweetcheeks: Be uncertain as to be either laughing at or jealous of Avogadro's treatment.

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Quote:Scuti Preston, save your own parasitic tail and rat out Alice.
>Nero & Angus: Smirk at Scuti Jimmy's pathetic attempts
>Scuti-Preston: At the sight of the same ixies that tried to kill you before, you go through a jarring change. Gone is the facade of powerful bravery, you begin tearfully begging for your own life, going so far as to sellout all of your own kind if they let you live.

Just outside the city wall, Jimmy was cowering beneath three Ixies.

"Tailipo?" he whimpered. "I don't know anything about that, but if you're looking for a treacherous Scuti, my guess is she went to the Hall of Ancestors to try to usurp the throne. Please don't hurt me. I've done nothing to you or your kin."

"Little knowest thou of our kin, worm," the Ixies retorted.

"Some Irenaeus impersonator you are," Angus snorted.

"Afreed o' these wee pests, are ye?" Nero scoffed. "Shall we braid yer bonny locks intae pigtails then, lassie? The Lacktail King'd ne'er cower before mere buglings."

"Irenaeus had his secret fears, I can assure you," Jimmy muttered. "Keep those monsters away from me!"

"Hold him," one of the Ixies demanded. "We shall investigate yon Hall, and if 'tis not as he saith, then we shall return to deal with him most harshly."

"Canna one o' ye stay?" Nero asked. "He's so much better behaved wi' ye here."

"One would be ineffectual," the Ixie replied haughtily. "Three are needed to deal with his kind, thus must we away as a full trio."

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Quote:>Percy: Your sneaking could be better. To put it politely, an explosion in a wind-chime factory would be less noticeable. Thing is, because you are being so overtly suspicious in your infiltration, your presence in the embassy goes completely unchallenged.
(Brave Percy) Infiltrate the Embassy
(Embassy Front Desk) Be manned by a Vulp reading a "Pie Fight Valkyrie" scroll.

Percy nobly followed the loitering fox's directions, and without trouble he found himself directly at the Vulpitanian Embassy. Darting from shadow to shadow, he bravely crept inside.



"I need to find where the files are kept," Percy whispered mightily to the fox behind a desk in the entryway.

Without looking up from his picture-scroll, the fox pointed with his thumb down a corridor behind him.

"You never saw me," Percy courageously insisted.

"Naturally," the fox replied, still intently reading his scroll. "Vulpitania vincit."

Quote:Rumbling in the distance, intensify as more soldiers enjoy the pie.
Foul smell, start reaching the city with the help of the wind.
Congoers, gather enough pies to continue the contest.

(05-06-2018, 08:35 AM)Torchfire Wrote: »Rotund Vixen, be secretly cheating by hiding away parts of your pies in your elfintory instead of actually swallowing them.

Quote:>Vulpsmarshal Sweetcheeks: Apologise to King Estmere (narrowly avoiding a diplomatic incident)

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Quote:>Percy: Grab the files you need and vamoose. Muse on just how easy it is to infiltrate elven society.
(Brave Percy) Find the file room.
(Brave Percy) Find the file on SALV Faufox
(Brave Percy) Find the file on Percy, Lowfolk Squab.

Percy boldly crept into the file room and began bravely rifling through the drawers. He marvelled nobly on how easy it was to dupe these elves and enter the most secure areas of their Embassy. Truly, an enterprising bird could make his fortune in such a gullible land as this.

Percy stalwartly located the file labeled "SALV Relda Fauxfox" and was starting to close the drawer when his heroic eye lit upon a tab labeled "Percy le Gobelet." He grasped the file with his mighty thews and fearlessly opened it.

"DELISHOUS LOFOLK SQUAB" the cover page declared.

Quote:>Avogadro:*GASP!* She kicked you! She kicked you with her own foot! Quickly now, go fetch what she wants.
Avogadro: After getting Fifi's new outfit also bring back a wagon full of useless gifts that you stole just to give to Relda.

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Quote:>Ixies: You arrive just after Alice stepped out to get some supplies to help with her ambitions. Looks like that no-good tailipo gave you some bad info.
(Ixies) Fly to the Hall of Ancestors.

The Ixies gathered after buzzing around the Hall of Ancestors for several minutes.

"No Tailipo here," one Ixie snarled grumpily.

"Have we looked everywhere?" another asked.

"Most everywhere. Forsooth, this place is like a maze."

"If she were here we would have seen her," the third Ixie declared. "That cursed Manx-cat hath led us astray. I say we fry him!"

"I have no objection."

"Nor I."

Quote:>Adler-Relda: Begin the next contest. Unfortunately all the pies are flavors that you absolutely detest, and they're poorly made to boot. One pie actually has a boot sticking out of it.
>Unlucky contestant that gets the boot-pie: You have to eat the entire boot to pass the contest.
Pie Eating Contestestant: Have a weight labeled Heavy Lorde badly disguised as a pie placed in front of you
Relda: Be given a horse radish pie, actually its not really a pie its just a plate of horse radish in the shape of a pie.
Izzy, return from having your costume adjusted to better fit with the judges' specs. Look weird.

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Quote:Audience, be surprised at the extreme tolerance of spicy food Relda can handle without any discomfort.
Audience, be absolutely shocked at the sheer amount of pies that the Rotund Vixen can eat without bursting.
Rotund Vixen, be secretly cheating by hiding away parts of your pies in your elfintory instead of actually swallowing them.
Be noticed by someone, but do not be reported.
Is a vulpine caching food technically cheating?

"Fuma's mercy!" Detective Webb exclaimed. "I knew she could eat, but I was not prepared for such a spectacle. How can she put away so much, so fast, of material that few would even consider edible?"

"Oh she's known to have a high tolerance for such stuff," Lemmy smirked. "It runs in the family."



"Egad!" Glenholm interjected. "Unless my eyes deceive me .. yes, I do believe she's slipping portions surreptitiously into her elfintory! Are you seeing this?"

"What? No," Lemmy said, confused. "She wouldn't cheat like that .. would she?"

"It's arguable whether food-caching wold be considered cheating, for a vulpine," the Detective mused. "Though I supposed it's also debatable whether a boot could be considered food. She's very sly - it's hard to spot her unless you look quite closely."

"Wait a minute, did you say BOOT?" Lemmy asked incredulously. "Have you been talking about her, that fat vixen, the whole time?"

"Of course. Who have you been talking about?"

(05-10-2018, 06:36 PM)Tai-1 Wrote: »>Percy: Realize that there are files for a Fofox, Foe-Fox, Phauxfox, Fourfox, Pho-Faux etc.....become confused.

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Quote:Ixie, discover a piece of evidence that somebody has been in the Hall recently.

"Hold, sisters!" one of the Ixies called out as they were buzzing toward the exit of the Hall of Ancestors. "Doth mine eye deceive me, or do I espy a tuft of orange fur caught on yon sarcophagus?"



"Tis fox fur, no doubt," another Ixie concurred. "But look there!"

"A pile of sugar scattered on the floor!" the third Ixie declared excitedly. "Mayhap she dropped it in her haste, on the way through."

"It seemeth suspicious, doth it not?"

"It seemeth like SUGAR to me."

Quote:for some reason you now have a craving for ham and tarragon pastries.
>Avogadro: Hover irritatingly close to Relda. Have a bucket ready in case she gets an upset tummy. The glamorous life of a squire.
>Relda: In a rare moment of remembering you have the power of Gramayre, you made your horseradishes smell and taste like strawberry.
I'm sorta hoping the plot gets a small jolt forward
>Gramarye shramarye, that's for wimpy limp-wristed princlets. Take your lumps like a real elven skunkess!

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Quote:Percy, read your file. Realize that the Vulpitanians are very precise when obtaining information, but not apparently aware of what kind of information is actually important.
>Percy: After you get through all the recipes for lowfolk squab, you find a disturbingly detailed account of nearly everything you've ever done

"BAWK!" Percy squawked bravely as he read several pages of Squab Recipes intermingled with obscure personal details about himself.

"Likes teh color blue & wood taste grate basted w/ garlic buttre," one page stated.

"Has loose feathers under left arm. Pluck clean and roast 45 minutes per pound," said another.

After that were several pages of a document called Le Chanson du Percy le Gobelet, which described the noble bird's actions of the past few years in a semi-accurate courtly epic style. It ended abruptly with the hero sneaking into the Vulpitanian Embassy. Appended to the last page was a hand-written note: "Confirmed by The Plan. Subject will infiltrate file room, read files. Attempt to detain, baste with garlic butter."