Kill the Constant - Printable Version

I'm a god. Shouldn't I know this sort of thing already? How come you know all that stuff and not me?

The Constant is a lot older than you and has more experience. You recently came into existence and have considerably less experience. As to why you don't come in with a manual, the Constant's personal theory is that the multiverse is a nonsensical mess that can't work itself out just like an individual universe. No offense.

None taken.

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And-er. What are you anyways?

This Constant happens to be something called a human or at least it used to be one. Apparently, quite a few Constants are human.

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Also, what's so dangerous about you? You know, besides being lightning fast. As far as I can tell, you're a pretty nice person. I doubt you'll do anything to the universe once it starts.

The Constant itself is not necessarily dangerous, but its very existence tends to throw the universe into a mix. If the Constant survives, you're going to have to create according to the rules it came with. This can be quite a tricky business. Break one rule and the universe starts seeing visits from something called the Claddenwhits.

Or maybe the visits happen anyways because the Constant is there? The Constant doesn't know exactly what those are or how they work actually. It gets its information from nerve-wracked gods who want to murder it. Not exactly the most accurate source of info.

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So you're the Constant. Does that mean I can reduce you to zero with integration, differentiation? Regular ole' inverse operation?

The Constant can't believe you went there again. Using that joke once is enough. A second time is pushing it.

Heheh.

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Firstly, it may be named after a mathematical concept, but it definitely isn't one in any form. Secondly, this Constant may usually be difficult to kill, but as long as it doesn't do anything, it's fragile.
Very fragile.
When you threw the cinder block at it, the Constant couldn't see what it was and thought you were crushing it for a split second. Try not to give off that type of impression again and it would be fine.

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You got any other tips for getting rid of you?

If you keep making terrible jokes, the Constant would eventually die from second-hand embarrassment.

Pfffttt-no seriously though. I want to be sure of this.

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Oh. Well. You can't pick up or affect the Constant itself, so it recommends piercing it through either the head or the heart with a throwing dagger. The Constant isn't picky about the killing method as long as it's painless though. Death is death after all.

Huh.

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I have to admit that I like how you're looking out for me and my universe...

Go on?

...but do you have a reason why you want to die? I feel like I'm missing some context here.

Constants will always survive past their universe's demise if they manage to wait out this primordial period. Then the cycle starts all over again with another universe. And then another. Ect. The Constant isn't good enough to be selfish, so it has decided to lay down its life. No more death. No more destruction.

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I've gotta say. After hearing all that, this whole "killing another person" thing is starting to weigh on me.

Then proceed onto the killing and get it over with. It's like ripping off a band-aid. Do you know what a band-aid is?

Yeah of course I do. Who doesn't?

Well, it's going to be like ripping one off. You have roughly a week to kill the Constant. Realistically, you'll only need a few minutes. No problem right?

Yeah! Yeah no problem.