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+---- Thread: [Text] YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE: THE RPG: THE ADVENTURE (/showthread.php?tid=826)
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[Text] YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE: THE RPG: THE ADVENTURE - TehPilot - 06-14-2014
You are a WORLD-RENOWNED CRIMINAL.
Presently, you are standing on the side of a highway; a smouldering city collapses in the distance. As you peer past the trees and look on at the burning high-rises that dot the horizon, you fondly recall the mission you just finished a few seconds ago. In a hair-raising, exciting adventure which will remain left to your imagination, you managed to steal a legendary artifact necklace and burn down an entire city.
The police in the region absolutely hate you, as this isn't the first time you pulled off some insane, flashy show of lawbreaking behavior and thievery. All those trophies of heists unknown are kept safely in your basement safe.
As you are waiting, you get a phone call. You answer it. On the other end is one of your cohorts in crime.
She has just informed you that your house is on fire.
What do?
RE: [Text] YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE: THE RPG: THE ADVENTURE - Pharmacy - 06-14-2014
>Call 911.
RE: [Text] YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE: THE RPG: THE ADVENTURE - Ixcaliber - 06-14-2014
See if the artifact necklace has an undo button.
RE: [Text] YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE: THE RPG: THE ADVENTURE - Dragon Fogel - 06-14-2014
Well yeah, it was in the city you just burned, wasn't it? It's not like you weren't expecting that.
Or is this a codephrase, dammit, where the hell do you keep your codebook? Oh goddammit, it's back in the house isn't it.
RE: [Text] YOUR HOUSE IS ON FITHE RPG: THE ADVENTURE - TehPilot - 06-14-2014
Pharmacy Wrote:>Call 911.
You can't call 911, you're in the middle of a call with your friend! Besides, it would be very rude to hang up on her, wouldn't you agree? A conference call is out of the question, too - the last time you and her were alone with a stranger... well, we don't talk about that night in the bathroom of the local burger joint.
Ixcalibur Wrote:See if the artifact necklace has an undo button.
You depress a button-like construct on the necklace, but it appears to not be functioning. The button's probably purely aesthetical and serves no purpose, like other non-functioning aspects of exotic ancient artifacts.
Quote:Well yeah, it was in the city you just burned, wasn't it? It's not like you weren't expecting that.
Or is this a codephrase, dammit, where the hell do you keep your codebook? Oh goddammit, it's back in the house isn't it.
Your house is located on a scenic cliffside villa. You would never stoop so low as to rent out a proletariat apartment in the city. You're a rich thief, you're way above that.
If it's an encoded phrase, you don't remember what it means. You've given up any kind of cryptography after that surprise message turned out to be a reminder to drink your Ovaltine.
Your heart still burns with fury when you think about that evening. Thankfully, that evening did not involve any burger joint shenanigans.
RE: [Text] YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE: THE RPG: THE ADVENTURE - Dragon Fogel - 06-14-2014
Well, in that case ask her if she knows how the fire started.
Hopefully that's not a code phrase for something you don't actually want her to do.
RE: [Text] YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE: THE RPG: THE ADVENTURE - Dalmationer - 06-14-2014
Find a phonebox and call 999 and get the fire brigade over there pronto!
RE: [Text] YOUR HOUSE IS ON FITHE RPG: THE ADVENTURE - Ixcaliber - 06-14-2014
(06-14-2014, 03:08 AM)Dalmationer Wrote: »Find a phonebox and call 0118 999 881 999 119 725 3 and get the fire brigade over there pronto!
Alternately send an email.
![[Image: Tnw9y5c.png]](https://i.imgur.com/Tnw9y5c.png)
RE: [Text] YOUR HOUSE IS ON FITHE RPG: THE ADVENTURE - TehPilot - 06-14-2014
Dragon Fogel Wrote:Well, in that case ask her if she knows how the fire started.
Hopefully that's not a code phrase for something you don't actually want her to do.
You promptly inquire. She produces no direct response. Something about arson? Nah, can't be. Who would want to burn your house down (aside from the Chief of Police)?
Dalmationer Wrote:Find a phonebox and call 999 and get the fire brigade over there pronto!
You run across the highway to the nearest phone booth. Dialing 999 fails to produce any kind of response. It appears this country works on the 911 system!
Ixcalibur Wrote:Alternately send an email.
You open your smartphone's e-mail application.
Code:
To: firedepartment@city.gov
I need help!!!! house on fire!!!!! arson!!!! what do!!!!You hit the 'Send' button, confident help will arrive soon.
RE: [Text] YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE: THE RPG: THE ADVENTURE - Ixcaliber - 06-14-2014
Nailed it.
Problem solved. Time to kick back and relax.
RE: [Text] YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE: THE RPG: THE ADVENTURE - Pharmacy - 06-14-2014
>Cellphone wireless: shit out.
RE: [Text] YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE: THE RPG: THE ADVENTURE - ☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆ - 06-14-2014
the roof, the roof, the roof is on fire. we don't need no water, let the motherfucker burn. burn motherfucker...
burn
RE: [Text] YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE: THE RPG: THE ADVENTURE - ICan'tGiveCredit - 06-14-2014
Ask if she, in fact, burned your house and is now gloating in your face about winning the house-burning competition you never knew existed between you two
RE: [Text] YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE: THE RPG: THE ADVENTURE - TehPilot - 06-15-2014
bigro Wrote:You know...the phone was probably produced and/or operated by a company in that city, the missions not really over till it's on fire too.
Following this train of logic, you promptly light the phone on fire, too. It's a Nokia, however, and has amazing resistance to destruction. You are now holding a very hot and slowly melting phone in your hand. Your arm is slowly catching fire.
Your house is on fire, and you are on fire.
Ixcaliber Wrote:Problem solved. Time to kick back and relax.
You relax, knowing all is okay. You and your home are on fire, but it's okay. That email will send itself soon enough...
Pharmacy Wrote:>Cellphone wireless: shit out.
The cellular network collapses momentarily. Your email's transmission is interrupted. Across the flaming screen, an error message reading "Sending failed" appears. The phone call with your friend is dropped.
Now she'll think you're rude.
Chwoka Wrote:the roof, the roof, the roof is on fire. we don't need no water, let the motherfucker burn. burn motherfucker...
burn
ICantGiveCredit Wrote:Ask if she, in fact, burned your house and is now gloating in your face about winning the house-burning competition you never knew existed between you two
Attempts to contemplate the state of things being on fire doesn't work, as you are too on fire to think about things being on fire other than yourself.
A firetruck begins to approach you, its noisy horn growing steadily louder. It doesn't appear to be slowing down, despite the fact that you are on fire.
What do?
RE: [Text] YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE: THE RPG: THE ADVENTURE - Ixcaliber - 06-15-2014
jump in front of it. it won't be able to ignore you then.
RE: [Text] YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE: THE RPG: THE ADVENTURE - Schazer - 06-15-2014
Set it on fire
RE: [Text] YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE: THE RPG: THE ADVENTURE - icanhasdonut - 06-15-2014
set the fire on your arm on fire
RE: [Text] YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE: THE RPG: THE ADVENTURE - GreyGabe - 06-16-2014
Spin around really fast while waving your arms, to make sure you get their attention.
RE: [Text] YOUR HOUSE IS ON FITHE RPG: THE ADVENTURE - TehPilot - 06-16-2014
Ixcaliber Wrote:jump in front of it. it won't be able to ignore you then.
You leap in front of the moving firetruck. The driver of the moving vehicle begins to loudly honk his horn. It seems they've acknowledged your existence, but they refuse to slow down.
The firetruck hits you head on, and you stick to the grill of the vehicle's front. You climb aboard, still on fire and holding your phone. You wave to the friendly firemen. Why are they screaming?
Schazer Wrote:Set it on fire
You flail your arms wildly, managing to make the hood ornament of the fire truck catch on fire. The rest of it seems oddly fireproof. Anything's a good start, however.
icanhasdonut Wrote:set the fire on your arm on fire
The fire you ignite on the fire on your arm quickly burns the fire away. Totally ignoring any known laws of physics or laws of firebending, the fire is snuffed out.
Your arm is promptly re-ignited by the embers shooting from the rest of your body. You start to feel a slight tingle from the burn, and you are now profusely sweating. Open a window, it's hot in here.
bigro Wrote:As the conqueror of the city you are now the CEO of the city, this is how business works. Bill gates? he just killed the previous CEO and set the HQ on fire. Same with most of them.
Fire them.
You quickly light the nearest fireman on fire.
You don't think that's what the command meant, but oh well. He is screaming, too. Everyone is screaming.
Your house, you, and this fireman are all on fire.
GreyGabe Wrote:Spin around really fast while waving your arms, to make sure you get their attention.
By doing this, you quickly become a molten Beyblade. Streams of fire are ejected from your blazing aura, sending the rest of the firemen atop the firetruck running. One particularly large chunk of flaming debris lands on the windshield, and the fire and smoke obscure the driver's vision.
The firetruck is now wildly donuting out of control down the highway, drifting towards a rocky mountain face that lines the interstate. A small cave entrance is visible.
RE: [Text] YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE: THE RPG: THE ADVENTURE - Dragon Fogel - 06-16-2014
It's pretty obvious what to do at this point.
Set the cave entrance on fire.
RE: [Text] YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE: THE RPG: THE ADVENTURE - Schazer - 06-16-2014
Clearly, someone raised the oxygen levels in this domed city too high, which is why everything's so flammable and you're acting off your fucking tree.
Seriously, go open a window.
RE: [Text] YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE: THE RPG: THE ADVENTURE - Pharmacy - 06-17-2014
Is the fire painful at all.
RE: [Text] YOUR HOUSE IS ON FITHE RPG: THE ADVENTURE - TehPilot - 06-17-2014
Dragon Fogel Wrote:It's pretty obvious what to do at this point.
Set the cave entrance on fire.
You leap from the firetruck as it spins wildly, falling through the cavern entrance in your flight. Rolling around on the rocky, dirt floor, the flames encasing you are extinguished. Stop, drop, and roll.
The firetruck soon attempts to follow you through. It crashes and plugs the entrance shut.
You are no longer on fire, but your house is still on fire.
Schazer Wrote:Clearly, someone raised the oxygen levels in this domed city too high, which is why everything's so flammable and you're acting off your fucking tree.
Seriously, go open a window.
You open the passenger-side window of the crashed firetruck. A small air vent to the currently burning outside world is created. The scent of lilacs and charcoal fills your nostrils.
Pharmacy Wrote:Is the fire painful at all.
The fire hurt, but not as much as these third-degree burns or scrapes.
bigro Wrote:This is all too much fire, this could get dangerously unstable. But hey, you what is stable? Caves.
Set the fire on cave.
You currently lack a means of lighting the cave of fire.
Which is a shame, it's really dark. You could use the light right about now.
RE: [Text] YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE: THE RPG: THE ADVENTURE - ICan'tGiveCredit - 06-17-2014
set the darkness on fire
RE: [Text] YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE: THE RPG: THE ADVENTURE - Schazer - 06-18-2014
pray