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+---- Thread: the Tower Insurmountable (TWS) (/showthread.php?tid=154)
the Tower Insurmountable (TWS) - Marcherry - 12-04-2011
"Princess!"
You grunt. Raise your voice. "Not a princess!"
It's automatic, now, and sometimes the clanking at the bottom of the tower goes away. Sometimes they even apologise, hooves clopping into silence and dust. The sensible ones are quick. You pick up a biscuit, grip your pen and hope this one is sensible.
There's more clanking and the noise of a horse.
"Damsel!"
Clearly too much to hope for. And now you've got biscuit in your mouth and your tea just slopped into your lap. "No' a damshel ei'der!" you bellow, crumbs spraying. Where's that towel gone?
Blessed, merciful silence while you mop yourself up. Then irritated whickering, possibly from the horse, and the metallic whong of someone hitting the tower stones in frustration, possibly with a sword. An interlude of swearing follows this. You imagine hitting stone with something that vibrates can't be fun.
Tea, biscuits, paper, pen. Back to work. But a couple minutes later, there's the voice. Bewildered. Whining.
"What are you, then?"
"Grumpy at being disturbed!" Another biscuit, since you may as well take advantage of the break. This one has raisins in. "Now will you go away?"
"But don't you need rescuing?"
"No!" You hesitate. Your mother raised you with manners. "- thank you!" Pen! Paper. Biscuits. Tea. Work. You'll never get your letters done at this ra-
"Are you female?"
"Yes! Now go!"
"Can't." The voice is smug. "Got to rescue females from towers."
You're tempted to throw your tea out the window, but refrain. It's good tea. Tea's hard to get when you live in a tower in the middle of a wasteland. Idiots, however, are easily come by and this idiot seems unlikely to budge without significant- pursuasion.
What to do, what to do?
Re: the Tower Unreachable (TWS) - Iriri - 12-04-2011
Send the bastard off on a quest! Tell him he'll have to go into the Swamps of the Old City and find your stolen heart or some such rot. These heroic types go in for that.
Re: the Tower Insurmountable (TWS) - Dragon Fogel - 12-04-2011
>Give him directions to another tower.
Re: the Tower Insurmountable (TWS) - GreyGabe - 12-04-2011
>Explain that this isn't a tower at all, but simply a very tall house.
Re: the Tower Insurmountable (TWS) - AgentBlue - 12-04-2011
>"Sorry! But the Princess is in another Castle!"
(come on this as inevitable :3)
Re: the Tower Insurmountable (TWS) - Marcherry - 12-04-2011
GreyGabe Wrote:>Explain that this isn't a tower at all, but simply a very tall house.
You clutch your mug of tea and take a fortifying swallow. How about-
"Yes, but this isn't a tower!" you bawl. Please let him be a proper idiot. The kind that village fools ridicule in their annual Falling Off the Wall contests. "It's- it's simply a very tall house!"
Silence from below, except for contented chomping which you assume is from the horse. Unless this particular knight fancies weeds and brambles. You eye your papers hopefully. Maybe-
"In the middle of the wasteland?"
Or not.
"Yes!"
"With... 'beware of the dragon' on a sign?"
"Uh, yes! It's a metaphor!"
"It sure looks like a tower, pri- woman."
You breathe in deeply through your nose. "And what if I put a sign out that said 'Not A Tower'?"
More silence, more chomping. The horse sounds happy. You will have manure for your rooftop garden, which makes you happy. Win-win, except for-
"But it looks like a tower!"
Except for that. Time to pull out the big guns.
Iriri Wrote:Send the bastard off on a quest! Tell him he'll have to go into the Swamps of the Old City and find your stolen heart or some such rot. These heroic types go in for that.
You drop your pen and edge for the window, careful to stay behind the gauzy gold curtain. "Well." Careful rustling of the gauze. The gold spangles in the light and you sigh, a delicate sound. "I see I cannot deceive you, brave knight. One as- gallant, and as- as wise as you will understand my position. I am imprisoned here and in need of rescue, but-!"
Dramatic pause. Chomping. The sudden splot of a happy horse in the dust.
"But-?"
"But I am unable to leave! I am cursed! My heart has been stolen from me and hidden in the Swamps of the Old City! In a- a-"
Dragon Fogel Wrote:>Give him directions to another tower.
"- in another tower! Two leagues beyond the mossy knoll, past the corner hut of the summer witch, under the troll bridge and through the lake of the Great Grey Swan- check your maps for directions- and then! In the Swamps! In a tower!"
You swoon in the direction of your biscuits. Chocolate chip. Gingernut. Ooo, snickerdoodle. Into your chair and up with your pen and hope, hope, hope-
"Fear not, fair maiden! I will retrieve your heart for you from the Swamp-!"
Yes.
"- and return forthwith!"
Bah. But you'll deal with that when the time comes. "Yes, yes! Farewell, brave and noble knight!"
The sound of someone heaving themselves into the saddle. Whickering. Hoofbeats. You risk a glance out the gauze and see a brown stallion curvetting in the dirt, a fellow in a tin can clinging on tight. Finally.
"Well then," you say, and dunk your snickerdoodle into your tea. Chair. Pen. Paper. Letter. Dear Aunt Margery, thank you for your kind-
"A fair maid languished in a prison high
under the wide and burnished sky
and a heigh-ho nonny,
and a heigh-ho hey-"
Oh no. A minstrel. This has got to stop.
What now?
Re: the Tower Insurmountable (TWS) - Iriri - 12-04-2011
"No solicitors!" You've got your rights, damn them all.
At least ask if he can play something good.
Re: the Tower Insurmountable (TWS) - Dragon Fogel - 12-04-2011
>Tell him to go off and start singing a song about how ugly the lady in this tower is. Hopefully that will cut down on future interruptions.
Re: the Tower Insurmountable (TWS) - GreyGabe - 12-04-2011
>Ask him to stand beneath your window, so that you may better hear his song.
>Then drop something heavy on him.
Re: the Tower Insurmountable (TWS) - btp - 12-04-2011
> Better make use of that dragon.
Re: the Tower Insurmountable (TWS) - Fabricati - 12-04-2011
> Drop a rock. HONESTLY.