THE EDGE OF DESOLATION
(Art by Powerhouse; Writing by Legendary)



A young girl stands in her bedroom. Today, December 14th, 2016, is her birthday – as is tradition. Another part of this tradition is the naming, which I will graciously leave in your control.

What will her name be?



Truly, you are a master of WIT.



Your name is ALICE MEINHARDT. You are not especially excited about today's festivities, in no small part because no BIRTHDAY will live up to your eleventh. It has been three years since your life has been HOUSECENTERED, and you fear today is the day that things will change.

You are much less worried about today's effects on your INTERESTS. You enjoy FAIRY TALES; the old ones with dark endings or the new ones carefully adjusted for CHILDREN. It makes no difference. However, you are not interested in staying a child. SELF-IMPROVEMENT is the name of your main game – the only reason you agreed to participate in the upcoming EVENT. You hope that when this is all over, you can settle down somewhere to be a WRITER. You aren't sure yet if you wish to pursue FICTION or more TRUTHFUL ACCOUNTS. Then again, your autobiography will surely redact some details. There's things in your past that you aren't proud of.

For the past year and a half, you have cultivated a collection of INTERNET FRIENDS. They're varying degrees of nice, but you can't help but feel that you can't fully be yourself around them. You guys are all connected with the magic of NUDGEBUDDY, a popular program that Microsoft bought a few years back! Your buddynick is normalNaif, because uh… you think you're pretty normal…

Later, you will be playing a game with ten other friends, and go on a big ADVENTURE with them. You won the opportunity so long ago it's hard to believe.

But you're sure it'll be over quickly.

What will you do?

Alice: Captchalogue "Dickass Jones" sign.



You attempt to do this, but are immediately stopped by your lack of SYLLADEX. Your GRANDMA isn’t rich enough to afford the FANCY THINGS. You make due by picking things up, like a normal human being. But… you’re not going to pick that up. Why is it even on the floor?

Alice: Fondly regard illustration.



Ah yes, the CENTERPIECE of your artistic collection. Art is your other love, BEAUTIFUL PAINTINGS of all sorts tantalizing you. But this… this piece puts all the others to shame. You dare not look away, lest it be gone in an instant, having TRANSCENDED this MORTAL PLANE. The BRUSHWORK is extraordinary, the PALETTE exquisite. You wonder what strange geometries were used to place the elements of the piece, and if it may contain a RATIO even more lovely than gold.

======>



Yeah this is just a blank WALL. Your GRANDMA threw out the painting that used to reside here, much to your horror. She claimed it was for your own good. You cannot believe her, and know deep down that there must be something she isn’t telling you. If only you could figure out what...

Alice: Give that snow globe a shake.



Your lovely PLUM SNOWGLOBE is a SOUVENIR that your grandmother gave you. It is one of the only two things you own that are more than THREE YEARS old. It snows down gently on a YULETIDE SCENE. Christmas isn’t that far away! Hopefully you’ll be done with your silly game by that point!

Man when is that thing going to arrive anyway? Lousy POSTAL SERVICE.

Alice: Examine FOURTH WALL.



Still intact! Luckily for you, the WATER PRESSURE problems that caused several freak TOILET EXPLOSIONS have yet to propel any part of the bathroom through it. Yep, this thing will stay up FOREVER. No flying toilets here!

And it's a good thing too, because nothing must ever harm LA GIACONDA. She is your SOUL, your MUSE. Okay, she's not really your muse. That sounds kinda dumb! But you do think it's cool how her EYES follow you around. The feeling of providence provides a counterbalance for a sense of doom you have felt these last three years. You make up little things like this all the time, SILENT GUARDIANS to protect you from harm. It is a coping mechanism, you think. But that's okay!

"Life beats you up. You can either curl up in a ball and die, or you can stand up and say we’re different. We’re the strong ones, and you can’t break us!"

One of BILL WATTERSON'S cartoon characters said that, you think.

Yes, that sounds right.

Alice: Check and see if the package hasn't already arrived.



You attempt NOT to go check on the mail for the FIFTEENTH TIME today but fail this effort utterly. Quickly, you open up the door and hear a DING from your computer. You almost turn around to check on it when you NOTICE.

Holy shit. You didn't think it would be right there! You assumed you'd have to go OUTSIDE or something first. It's so nice that this proved to be so easy.

Alice: Read note.



It's addressed to you and everything! It's finally here! This nonsense will finally be over with!

Alice: Open box.



Wait.

======>



This isn't a GAME at all! It must be a gift from your GRANDMA. A Give and Take Modus. You know about that one - it is ALWAYS FILLED. You have to offer it something to make it give up something it holds. You're pretty sure these things come with COMPLIMENTARY MINTS.

It's kinda sweet GRANDMA gave this to you, but what is this going to do to your COLLEGE FUND and the thirty-seven dollars it contains? And where the heck is the GAME? You thought this wouldn't be a federal fucking issue. You seem to have been mistaken.

Your NUDGEBUDDY won't stop beeping. That's kind of annoying TOO.

Alice: Captchalogue something!



You attempt to do this, but the SHELL PACKAGING prevents you! Stupid lousy loss-prevention methods! You'll need a good BLADE to handle this. Not that you have one of those... You're too poor to afford any SWORD, and for some reason a lot of otherwise good BLADES are part of other specibi like DAGGERKIND or SCISSORSKIND. So dumb.

On the plus side, you succeed in not taking any of your GRANDMA'S PROJECTS off the wall. So that is a gold star for today. You barely managed to stop her insidious YARN TENDRILS from extruding into your room. Sorry, Grandma, but your room is ARTS only - she can keep the CRAFTS.

Also, are you the only one who thinks these things are a little ODD?

Alice: Answer buddy.



Frustrated over your DEARTH of ITEMS, you retreat to your room and get on your computer. This is one of those BLUEBERRY PHI machines, and they're real pieces of shit for someone who has no interest in programming! You basically got it for cheap because they thought you were a THIRD WORLD CHILD. You quietly put that thought aside and focus instead on your friend. Er, chum. Er... BUDDY.

Display nudegaccount:

Show Content

SpoilersorrowfulSubject [SS] began nudging normalNaif [NN] at 12:14--

SS: morning alice
SS: todays the big day
SS: you ready
SS: i dont know if i am
SS: im pretty nervous about playing with just eleven people
SS: do you think se will show up
SS: tbh its kinda weird how little i know about the guy
SS: with most of the rest of you
SS: ugh not the point
SS: sorry kinda in a rush here
SS: i feel like im gonna pass out
SS: which sucks
SS: so anyway i just wanted to say
SS: i have dibs on you being my server player
SS: okay
SS: so dont try to be all fancy with wn or es
SS: but first
SS: i need to chug some coffee or so
SS: eeeeeee
SS: eeeeeeeeeeeeee
SS: eeee
SS: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
SS: eeeeeeeeee
SS: eeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr
SS: rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrtttttttttttttttttt
NN: hmm… should i really believe you fell asleep on the keyboard?
NN: that’s uh, the weakest pretend-sleeping i’ve ever seen…
NN: even from you.
NN: but that’s not the point…
SS: tyyyyyy
SS: yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
NN: i have no intentions of being your server player...
NN: er, that sounded mean…
NN: what i mean is… i already agreed to help out wn yesterday!
NN: so…
NN: uh, dibs declined…
SS: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgggggggggggggggggg
NN: well, no offense but,
NN: i am going to block you for now…
NN: have someone message me when you’re… less sleepy…

--normalNaif has blocked sorrowfulSubject!

It's for her own good, really. SS has always acted like a NARCOLEPTIC of some sort, except of course when you first met her. She was fine then, despite her claims that she might pass out any moment. You've humored that nonsense long enough. Now she's trying to stop you from being WN's server player? That's absolutely not going to happen. WN is the SWEETEST ANGEL there is.

Even worse, she brought up SE! That is against the PACT! Has she no shame? You will have to talk to the others about this SORDID BEHAVIOR. But for now, you have a PLASTIC LOCK to break. And a GAME to find. You have the feeling that it's going to be a long day.

(04-30-2016, 07:01 PM)earthexe Wrote: »If you break the snowglobe, you can make it into a blade of sorts. Does that count for something?

Either way, we should find something to cut this thing open. Maybe ask Grams. Crafty people often have sharp objects with which to cut things.

Alice: Flap your arms and do the chicken dance.



No thanks.

No, seriously. You have no interest in this whatsoever. This isn't some SUBTLE URGE inside of you. It's the dumbest thought you've ever had!

Alice: Break snow globe.



Of course! If you break the SNOW GLOBE, the SHARDS OF GLASS will totally qualify as a BLADEKIND weapon. It is exactly the sort of shittiness a person should expect from their SPECIBUS. And it's a good solution to your complete lack of weaponry.

======>



======>



You suddenly regret everything.

Alice: Check on Grandma.



It is kind of odd that you haven't seen her all day. That PACKAGE wasn't out earlier, so she's clearly still around. What is that OLD LADY up to these days? You are suspicious, so you go and knock on her door, just to be safe. She doesn't answer. You call out for her. She either isn't there, doesn't hear you, or refuses to answer.

Maybe you're lucky and she's gone out to buy you a SWORD.

Alice: Venture forth in search of cutting object.



You proceed down the HALL. You don't think there's a SWORD anywhere in the HOUSE, but if there were... Well, there's no reason it wouldn't be in one of these rooms. There's the GARAGE, your BATHROOM, and a LINEN CLOSET. And the only things down the rest of the hall are the LIVING ROOM (leading to the rest of the house) and the FRONT DOOR. Where the mail is!

Are you even going to be able to pick it up without a SYLLADEX? You suddenly need entirely too many things.