Quote:I'm pro death. Kill all the babies. Then finally, we will go extinct like nature intended.

(08-06-2016, 04:52 AM)Solekii Wrote: »

Quote:Then Jacob will be disappointed. And I will feast on his sorrow.

Quote:You decide to enjoy roaming the countryside and eating people instead.

Quote:Your hair liquefying small animals on your lunch break? Totally not noticeable.

Quote:You don’t have hair- hair has you.

Quote:Actually, you don’t have shoulders. Or arms or legs; you’re a very large python, with your clothes barely hanging off you. How rude- the elites are going to expect to shake your hand later!

Quote:I take horses no one wants and turn them into trains.

Quote:When Fandoms Collide

Chapter the First
Link dashed through the dim corridors, a pack of shadow creatures tailing him. Bombs spilled from his hands, dropping to the floor. The light from the fuses illuminated the cement walls of the parking garage. Link turned just in time to see the face of one of the Shadow creatures. He whipped back his head and dropped the rest of the bombs. BOMBSPLODE.
The explosion sent him tumbling across the floor. Link coughed up blood. Getting up from his knees, he surveyed the damage.

LINK(L.4) joined the party!
(Current Damage: 21%)

The walls had come tumbling down, trapping the Shadows on the other side of the wreckage. Or burying them alive. Either worked. Cuts covered his strapping body, and his green tunic was ripped and soaked in a black inky substance. Nothing that couldn’t be fixed.
Link limped back to base, drawing his sword in case of encounters.
Reaching a large golden disc rolled over a doorway, Link sheathed his sword and reached out towards it. After a touch, Link appeared on the other side with a whoosh.

This room was well lit, appearing to be some sort of a classroom. Desks and textbooks were piled at the other side of the class, thrown together by some chaotic force. Sitting in the center of the room was none other than Sheik.
without a word, Link crouched beside them and fell over. Lying there, Sheik opened his eyes and stared into Link’s. “Oh. Hi.”

SHEIK(L.?) joined the party!
(Current Damage: 3%)

His eyes were a light brown; he looked on with a knowing gaze and a delicacy that made Link want to hold him. “You’re hurt,” he grunted, “Let me see.” Link lifted up his shirt and Sheik placed his hands on the cuts, sealing them. His touch sent shivers up Link’s spine.

LINK restored 7%. He is now at 14%.

“Thanks,” Link whispered, staring right into Sheik. Sheik moved closer, hands still under Link’s shirt. Link blushed and tilted his head, moving closer to Sheik.
Whooosh. Link and Sheik pulled away from each other, and Link’s tunic ripped completely apart, torn away in the rush of the moment. Unfortunately, Zelda was the one entering. Her face and ears flushed a light pink and she spoke. “Am I interrupting something?”
“I was just healing Link.” Sheik’s voice was strong, daring Zelda to say otherwise. Zelda turned towards the door and muttered, “Didn’t look that way to me.”
“What did you just say?”
“Did I stutter? Maybe you and your boyfriend should find a hallway to make out in, rather than a public shelter.”
“Excuse you. This room was perfectly empty until you showed up.”
“Hmph. Always finding excuses to do whatever the hell you want. Help yourself to extra food? Check. Steal my boyfriend? Check.”
“Your boyfriend? Please. You can’t even keep a kingdom running. How do you expect to have a relationship?”
Link stood between the two of them, now both inches apart. “Guys, please, neither of you are my boyfriend.” This got Link two sneers that made him back away.
“Are you looking for a fight?”
Zelda rolled up a sleeve. “Bring it, tom boy.”
Link perked up. “Wait, you’re a girl? What?” Sheik blushed.
“Nevermind. It looks like this really was just a healing session.”
Sheik roared in rage and punched Zelda square in the jaw, dealing 5%.

(08-09-2016, 03:53 AM)earthexe Wrote: »looking at the related videos of multilanguage steven universe songs ate up about a 45 minutes of my evening, much thanks

Rulebook Wrote:In fact, this stands in pretty direct opposition to many fundamental elements of the [company] philosophy, such as "Not Teaching Kids How Funny It Is to Set People on Fire".

• Soaking copies of this rulebook in gasoline and using them to start structure fires.
  
• Spray painting rulebook excerpts or unit stats on the walls of subways or police stations.
  
• Inscribing pages from the rulebook on heavy stone tablets and dropping them out skyscraper windows in the hopes of crushing pedestrians and small dogs.
  
• Using actual humans and assault weapons in the place of toy miniatures.
  
• Kidnapping the cheerleading squad at gunpoint and forcing them to play this for thirty-six hours straight.

Unconscionable and horrifying ultraviolence becomes "Awesome".

Dilly-dallying may be punished by severe beatings at any time, at the discretion of the other players.

Unsophisticated players might think that the Letter of the rules is more important than the Spirit, but the Letter isn't liable to sneak up behind you with an axe if you abuse it.

Getting killed horribly in some ridiculous fashion is always funnier than the alternative, and this is set up to favour the optimum result of a complete massacre of all participants, along with any bystanders and scenery.... 'Fire', 'Explosive Decompression', and 'Nuclear Fission' have winning records that no human strategist can home to match.

Players are smarter than rulebooks, especially the ones with the highest dice rolls.

If one player takes a position that's an obvious and deliberate attempt to cheat, his opponents are obligated to beat the crap out of him. The player should then revise his position, although the opponents might let him get away with keeping it if the beating was good enough.

Complicated and arcane-looking gear with no actual purpose is great for intimidating newbies.

His village could live for months off the meat of a good-sized human heart.

The weapons with which you arm your figures are best chosen according to which look the coolest. More practical considerations might increase your army's chance of victory, but that hardly compares with the importance of looking awesome.

While it's hard to beat the joy of plunging a hand weapon into exposed enemy flesh (but not impossible: see the Explosives section below)...

The cowards that request protective gear are likely to be among your least popular troops, so go ahead and by them some. The longer they stay alive, the more pissed off the rest of the troops will be, and that's a good state of mind for battle.

DIFFICULTY: Easy
EXAMPLE: Hacking a Diebold election machine

The most common extended action, often extending over a very large number of turns, is "being dead".

When checking for cover modifiers, or if you're a ninja practising swordplay, remember that a figure is divided into three easy portions.

Tired of the constant abuse, Yoko grabs her katana and attacks her boyfriend Dan in the kitchen.

She'll respond with a counterattack if she survives, and with profuse bleeding otherwise.

Players will then decide on an appropriate skill rating for Yoko's subsequent attempts to get her friends to help hide the body.

Thwarted, the ninja ex-girlfriend vanishes into the shadows, where she mentally prepares herself for a night of composing whiny, self-pitying entries for her ninja blog.

Players are expected to forget that they know anything about parabolas for the purpose of maximising collision damage from falls.

He uses his response action to punt the pesky biker far into the distance after the lance glances harmlessly off his giant armoured shin plate.

The hero is knocked away the minimum distance required to avoid being hit (even if the distance required is truly ridiculous, like getting redshirted out of a supernova).

They're unconcerned with whatever damage this might do the the laws of physics or to players' suspension of disbelief.

A player trying to force redshirting by attacking his own hero is engaging in the stupidest form of rules lawyering. He should be ejected from the game and all his figs should be taken confiscated by the other platers. The remaining players may then take turns redshirting him out of the house and into the street.

It is almost mandatory that the heroes develop a ridiculous accent in support of their role. In a pinch, an Austrian accent almost always works; if a role hasn't been played by Arnold Schwarzenegger, it probably doesn't count as a real action cliché.

Action Cliché: Warrior Princess
Sample Feat: Lesbian Subtexts

After failing three such attempts in a row, the trash can was ruled to be a permanent part of the hero's outfit.

Types of half-minded creatures:
Incompetent: Zombies, Civilians, Zombified civilians, Corporate middle managers
Simple: Killbots, AOL Users
Submissive: Grad students, Football players, Targeting computers
Subjugated: Schoolchildren, Retail employees

A starship navigator may use his mid-movement action to activate the passenger compartment ejection system.

You can roll all their attack and damage rolls together in two giant handfuls of dice. The intimidation factor alone is extremely satisfying.

Players should not be allowed to use a "non-existing" standard as a weapon or tool (especially one that "magically appeared" in the middle of battle) unless they're using it to do something funny enough that the other players are laughing too hard to object.

A squad of Coke-loving Shadowhawks is horrified to discover that two of their brothers-in-arms are secretly Pepsi drinkers.

The fast-food cashier who refused to serve them any lunch-menu items before eleven is reduced to a cloud of reddish particulate matter. The players may now refer to the Overkill rules to determine if any of the kitchen equipment behind him survives.

Olympic vore off