Spoiler21:02 Benedict k
21:02 Benedict so lessee
21:02 Benedict i didn't draw up an itinerary or anything because being prepared is for squares
21:04 Benedict i'm planning to get started soon but i gotta work out how
21:04 Benedict so like, the vague outline i've got is i run an individual 'entry session' for each player
21:05 Zerovirus again, i recommend you just set up one-on-one PM instances and roleplay with each character independently until such time as you see fit to allow our characters to meet
21:05 Benedict yeah p much
21:05 Benedict it'd mean we can get people started without having to coordinate a group until later
21:06 DragonFogel Sounds good to me.
21:06 Jacquerel I live
21:06 Benedict what i thought you was undead
21:06 Benedict you had me fooled
21:07 Benedict so does anyone have confusions/questions about stuff, or expectations they'd like confirmed or disconfirmed
21:07 Zerovirus someday i will get to live the dream and play a walking skeleton in a completely normal RP
21:07 Zerovirus how /intuitive/ is the entry process
21:08 Zerovirus i hope more intuitive than sburb's entry process
21:08 Zerovirus which mostly seems to consist of bullshittery, destiny, and wild mass guessing
21:08 Benedict the game provides you with instructions, and it's not quite as pointlessly convoluted as sburb's in terms of actual execution
21:09 Benedict there's two major actions for the player to take
21:09 Benedict delineating your zone, and picking a starting location
21:10 Zerovirus how about three of the ol' RV goodies i always liked to toy around with? in order of amount of gamebreaking i can do: time-travel, ambiguous state of aliveness or deadness, and then all the other glitches
21:10 Zerovirus in fact how glitchy is this thing
21:10 Zerovirus do we have glitches
21:10 Benedict nah it's pretty much glitch-free, although there's a fair number of mechanics that can be feasibly exploited to fuck shit up
21:11 Benedict wrt aliveness/deadness, there is a respawn system but it's a convoluted mess to be discovered through trial and error when players die
21:11 Zerovirus and then: is the game, like, super serious or is it kind of got its weird sense of humor like sburb
21:12 Benedict permadeath only happens under very specific circumstances, though, and i won't drop it on people for fucking up
21:12 Benedict wrt seriousness...
21:13 Benedict it really depends, tbh- you could describe it as having a weird sense of humor for some things, but NPCs and such take things seriously in general
21:13 Zerovirus there are NPCs?
21:14 Zerovirus for some reason i was imagining that there wouldn't be NPCs i don't know why
21:14 Benedict you won't find ridiculous consorts, but yes there are NPCs and their behavior might be strange or humorous in context
21:14 Jacquerel technically enemies are NPCs
21:14 Benedict but no moreso than actual people would be
21:14 Benedict lastly, no, there's no functional time-travel in-game
21:15 Benedict there /sort of/ is time travel involved in some backstory stuff but not really
21:15 Benedict since this is a game with actual players, i don't want to drop any predestination stuff on anyone
21:17 Zerovirus man sC we ought to just get going
21:17 Zerovirus the one-on-one thing doesn't really need much more waiting i think
21:18 Benedict yeah that's what i'm thinking
21:18 Benedict hm i should be explicit about starting conditions, though
21:18 Benedict so
21:19 Benedict palace caprae is the rp title, but the game itself is an app called Neodynic's Palace Championship
21:19 Benedict they're one of those developers that likes to put their name in the title for no good reason
21:19 MrGuy nods
21:19 Benedict the game itself, on release, is a smartphone app
21:20 Benedict on startup, it tells the player that their game has begun, and displays a loading screen
21:21 Benedict this loading screen just stays there and doesn't do anything, until such time as they actually begin their entry session
21:22 Zerovirus and when do they begin their entry session
21:22 Benedict some weird stuff will happen, and then the loading screen will just say "your game is in progress"
21:23 Benedict "when they actually begin" is like, ooc
21:23 Benedict like if their character checked out the app prior to the actual event...
21:23 Benedict well actually hm
21:23 *** Garuru joined #palacecaprae
21:24 Benedict maybe i should scratch that loading screen stuff- i was sort confusing myself with ooc time and ic time
21:25 Benedict so never mind, yeah you just run the app and entry happens
21:25 Zerovirus you really just ought to, like, have the game startup as soon as the guys want
21:25 Zerovirus the whole loading screen stuff doesn't do much unless you like
21:26 Zerovirus want to give the player a chance to explore their environment
21:26 Zerovirus and fuck around with a broken inventory system
21:26 Benedict yeah i... think i came up with that idea when i was half-asleep and thinking
21:26 Zerovirus ...is there a broken inventory system in this
21:26 Benedict "well there will be players waiting to rp their session, but"
21:26 Benedict "they already have the app, so why aren't they already playing? i know, let's have a mysterious loading screen that goes away when the game actually starts"
21:27 Benedict idk where my mind came up with "their characters already have the app"
21:27 Garuru benedict what is the verdict on nonplayers participating? if only to suggest ideas or whatever?
21:27 Zerovirus i don't see why suggesting ideas would /ever/ not be allowed
21:28 Benedict participating as in, like, giving forum adventure-style "official" suggestions or like
21:28 Benedict i'm always open to input on stuff
21:28 Zerovirus suggestion might be fun
21:28 Garuru ...huh. yeah we could do ====> suggestions
21:29 Garuru I just kind of wanted to see the official behind the scenes procedure happen even if i'm not a player yet
21:29 Zerovirus the thing about suggestions is that... i'm not sure how to give the suggesters actual feedback
21:29 Zerovirus like, right now, the roleplay system is sort of like classic DnD DMs and Players
21:29 Zerovirus if we took suggestions... how would we even give back to you guys the results of the suggestions
21:29 Zerovirus write up summaries of the RPs afterwards?
21:29 Zerovirus post long, long logs?
21:30 Benedict well logging and summarizing stuff is intended, yeah
21:30 Zerovirus change the procedure to like DMs and Players discussing what's going to happen and then the player him or herself writes up the actual update in the thread?
21:30 Garuru Well, I would hope you'd have something showing your progress
21:30 Benedict well i was thinking more like
21:31 Benedict i'd either post irc logs of the rp directly, or if the player wanted to write up the events directly in more traditional prose after the session, they could do that
21:31 Benedict or i could do that
21:31 Benedict but by default it'd mean posted logs
21:32 Benedict this isn't the sort of thing were stuff just happens and there's no consequences- there's a lot of systems that players can affect that are global in scope
21:32 Benedict so keeping records is important
21:32 *** NotTheAuthor joined #palacecaprae
21:32 Benedict yo
21:33 NotTheAuthor grumphs
21:33 Zerovirus i'd be up for traditional prose once in a while, then

Spoiler21:55 Culture_Scorch I'm not late, am I?
21:57 Computer_Man In response to the first question: user:Culture Scorch, you are not late! This is an open Q&A session, and you have arrived precisely at its beginning.

21:56 Laissez_Armstrong So the alpha's free, right?
21:57 Computer_Man In response to the second question: The alpha build is indeed free to access for alpha test invitees!

21:57 Culture_Scorch So, this game is supposed to be the 'most impressive augmented reality game ever' or something, right?
21:58 Computer_Man In response to the third question: Neodynic's Palace Championship is indeed the most impressive augmented reality game ever! Thank you for your kind feedback.

21:57 Culture_Scorch And... what, you only invited... I count four of us?
21:58 Culture_Scorch Is everyone else just asleep or what?
21:58 Computer_Man In response to the fourth question: The remainder of the participant candidates may have elected not to participate in this question and answer session, or are otherwise indisposed.

21:58 Culture_Scorch Tell me about exactly how impressive the Palace Championship is?
21:59 Computer_Man In response to the fifth question: That is an imperative statement, terminated with a question mark. Please refer to NPC marketing materials for general descriptions of our impressiveness.

21:58 TKBebop This thing is mobile only, or you got some other platforms lined up?
22:00 Computer_Man In response to the sixth question: Neodynic's Palace Championship is currently available on mobile platforms only, but we have a team working on a PC version!

21:58 Iceblade17 Is there PvP in this thing? How do I know when I'm winning?
22:01 Computer_Man In response to the seventh question: The game does indeed support player versus player and related activities, but co-op play is encouraged.
22:02 Computer_Man In response to the eighth question: The player's progress and completion is represented by several metrics in-game. Success and failure are slippery terms which may be hard to apply to individual goal cases.

22:00 Culture_Scorch In addition, how exactly do you augment your environment? What cues does the game look for to append objects into the environment? I don't live in a particularly... /conventional/ setting. Will that affect the quality of gameplay?
22:04 Computer_Man In response to the ninth, tenth, and eleventh questions: Our procedural generation software is assuredly flexible enough for any given environment. Your environment will certainly affect quality of gameplay, but this is not due to irregularities in scanning or other deficiencies in the game engine.

22:00 Alex White Who are we talking to?
22:05 Computer_Man In response to the twelfth question: You are talking to me! I am quasi-legally required to inform you that I am a friendly computerized guide! I am here to answer your questions about Neodynic's Palace Caprae.

22:02 Culture_Scorch Hey, Computer_Man, what's the meaning of love?
22:06 Computer_Man In response to the thirteenth question: The meaning of love is that which you find deep inside your heart. Believe in your dreams, and you can accomplish anything!

22:05 TKBebop ...Any particular deficiencies or irregularities you'd care to comment on?
22:07 Computer_Man In response to the fourteenth question: There are no particular irregularities or deficiencies we would like to comment on, nor any whatsoever.

22:05 Culture_Scorch On the original subject, how long is the game?
22:05 Culture_Scorch How many hours on average do you get to play before you beat it?
22:09 Computer_Man In response to the fifteenth question: The game's procedurally generated sandbox environment provides endless hours of compelling content. The main questline, if there is such a thing, I would estimate lasts for approximately 96 hours, depending on player acumen.

22:05 Connie Spires "Quasi-legally"?
22:09 Computer_Man In response to the sixteenth question: Yes, quasi-legally.

22:07 TKBebop If we believe in our dreams, will it help us in the game?
22:10 Computer_Man In response to the seventeenth question: Believing in your dreams may or may not be crucial to your progress through the game's many quests. If at any point you dream that your pillow is in fact a marshmallow, we advise you to try pinching yourself to wake up.

22:07 TKBebop Followup: Is believing in your dreams planned for support in the full version?
22:11 Computer_Man In response to the eighteenth question: Believing in dreams is a known bug in the humanity system. Support for believing in dreams is currently under debate by the development team.

22:08 Iceblade17 Look it's not even an AI there's just a guy there typing the answers, if it was an AI don't you think it'd be a bit faster?
22:12 Computer_Man In response to the nineteenth question: You have guessed the true actual answer! I am in a quasi-legal sense, not an artificial intelligence! I am a human at a desk using my slow human fingers to behave robotically, as a stunt.

22:09 Laissez_Armstrong Wait, which question is this one? I lost track.
22:13 Computer_Man In response to the twentieth question: This is currently the twentieth question.
22:13 Computer_Man You have asked twenty questions! It is now time to guess the answer.
22:13 TKBebop WH
22:13 Laissez_Armstrong ...Is it Nicolas Cage?
22:13 TKBebop OH COME ON
22:13 TKBebop ...
22:13 TKBebop Answer to what
22:14 Culture_Scorch Oh shit this is the part where we have to decide if he's a robot AI or a real person
22:14 Laissez_Armstrong Wait, no, Elvis.
22:14 Laissez_Armstrong It's Elvis, right?
22:14 Culture_Scorch and if we don't, we fail the turing test
22:14 Culture_Scorch ...I'm guessing- none of the above!
22:14 Culture_Scorch You're not a human /or/ a machine.
22:14 Culture_Scorch You're probably, like...
22:14 Computer_Man Correct! The answer is "Nicolas Elvis Turing".

Spoiler22:10 TKBebop If there are no irregularities or deficiencies in the game, why is this a limited alpha release, and not a full game release?
22:15 Computer_Man In response to the twenty-first question: The answer to this question is conditional on the signing of a non-disclosure agreement with Neodynic Studios.

22:14 Culture_Scorch what???
22:16 Computer_Man In response to the twenty-second question: Yes???

22:15 Iceblade17 I see they didn't select the other participants based on intelligence
22:15 Culture_Scorch Well, of course they didn't select the others based on intelligence, they selected them /randomly/.
22:16 Culture_Scorch Do you know what the word means? Do you need me to look it up for you in a dictionary?
22:17 Computer_Man In response to the twenty-third question: I do know the definition of the word "randomly", despite the concept being incoherent in a deterministic physical universe.
22:17 Computer_Man In response to the twenty-fourth question: No, you do not need to look it up for me in a dictionary.

22:17 Laissez_Armstrong So what are the core game mechanics we're dealing with?
22:19 Computer_Man In response to the twenty-fifth question: The game features first-person combat, crafting, RPG elements, dialogue trees, dialogue bushes, third-person surveillance, ascension to godhood, quick-time events, medium-speed events, RPG molecules, crafting, and fourth-person combat.

22:18 Alex White Can you tell us more about the distribution of this product?
22:19 Computer_Man In response to the twenty-sixth question: The product is currently only available to alpha test candidates, and the team at Neodynic.

22:19 Laissez_Armstrong ...Uh, "fourth-person?"
22:23 Computer_Man In response to the twenty-eighth question: First person is analogous to the pronoun "I". Second person is analogous to the pronoun "You". Third person is analogous to the pronoun "He", "She", or "It".
22:24 Computer_Man The fourth-person pronoun is completely confidential.

22:20 Culture_Scorch Also, what. RPG molecules? The hell?
22:22 Computer_Man In response to the twenty-ninth question: The in-game Hell does indeed feature RPG molecules, or it would if approximately half of those features I listed were not in fact jokes.

22:23 Culture_Scorch So when we install this thing, do we get a walkthrough or guide that tells us how the game's supposed to go?
22:23 Culture_Scorch Y'know, since we're testing it and all
22:24 Computer_Man In response to the twenty-tenth question: In-game guidance will be provided.

22:23 Alex White Will we be in contact with executives or development team members during play?
22:25 Computer_Man In response to the twenty-eleventh question: Development staff may communicate with players in-game, assuming development staff is on-duty during play.

22:26 Computer_Man In response to the twenty-twelfth question: You will not be provided with a full walkthrough. Our tutorial systems should prove adequate, and the codex system should help you keep a grasp of the game's mechanics should you need a reference.
22:23 Culture_Scorch Yeah okay whatever let me rephrase that
22:23 Culture_Scorch Can I have a walkthrough with my game?

22:24 Alex White In addition, how reliant is this game on an Internet connection?
22:28 Computer_Man In response to the twenty-thirteenth question: The game requires an internet connection for its initial installation. Players should expect that an internet connection is needed for multiplayer features, regardless of the accuracy of their expectations.

22:24 Iceblade17 I didn't know this was a /casual/ game
22:29 Computer_Man In response to the twenty-fourteenth question: It's not a /casual/ game. /Casual/ games are for scrubs, as anybody who is a gigantic snob would know.

22:28 Iceblade17 This isn't one of those games that replaces players with bots if your connection drops is it? You can always tell
22:29 Computer_Man In response to the twenty-fifteenth question: Players will not be replaced with bots, unless they replace themselves with bots in-game.

22:29 Alex White Neodynic has been secretive about the specifics of NPC. Can you tell us about the in game universe and setting?
22:32 Computer_Man In response to the twenty-sixteenth question: The in-game universe is composed of a number of Terrae. A Terra Unpecca is the main area procedurally generated by our augmented-reality software.
22:32 Computer_Man Additionally, the Stellarena in the center of the world serves as a hub, among other important game functions.

22:31 Culture_Scorch Actually, wait, if you can replace yourself with a bot that means you can just auto-grind for resources right?
22:33 Computer_Man In response to the twenty-seventeenth question: Players can replace themselves with a bot, and that bot can indeed grind for resources. The effectiveness of this strategy is controlled by various balancing mechanics.

22:35 Computer_Man Notice: Please refrain from lascivious interaction until the game is underway.
22:35 Laissez_Armstrong Even if it's sarcastic?
22:36 Computer_Man In response to the twenty-eighteenth question: Nooooo, I TOTALLY didn't mean that notice to apply to /sarcastic/ lewdness.

22:35 Iceblade17 You put that in your game? Eww
22:35 Culture_Scorch What, there are 'lascivious interaction' elements in gameplay?
22:36 Computer_Man In response to the twenty-nineteenth question: Neodynic Studios strives for an E for Everyone rating. Online interactions are not rated by the ESRB.

22:35 Alex White What are resources used for? In the same vein, skills and abilities: how do they relate to the story and game?
22:37 Computer_Man In response to the twenty-twentieth question: the game contains various resources, used in crafting and player augmentation. Their purpose is for you to discover!

22:38 Culture_Scorch Is it time for another guessing session?
22:38 Culture_Scorch Since we hit another twenty and all
22:38 Computer_Man You may now attempt to guess the answer.
22:38 Culture_Scorch THE ANSWER IS: ICE IS TWELVE YEARS OLD.
22:38 Laissez_Armstrong "DuChamp," including the quotes but not including the bit after the quotes.
22:38 TKBebop Including the comma?
22:39 TKBebop Also: goathouse
22:39 Computer_Man Incorrect. The answer is "Nicolas Elvis Turing".
22:39 Culture_Scorch ...You can't hear me, but be assured I just made a kind of weird goat-sounding 'guuuuh' sound here.
22:40 Computer_Man Notice: Neodynic's Palace Championship will require better observational skills than those you've just used.

Spoiler22:41 Culture_Scorch Right, I'm reading that as 'learn to answer questions the way you'd answer those really really stupid riddles', then.
22:41 Computer_Man Notice: My riddles are not /stupid/.
22:41 Computer_Man Inquiry: Maybe it is /you/ that is stupid?

22:42 Laissez_Armstrong Can we actively help and hinder other players through non-combat means?
22:43 Computer_Man In response to the whatever question: Yes. Yes you can do that.
22:44 Computer_Man Snarky inquiry: Are there any non-obvious questions remaining?

22:45 Laissez_Armstrong Does a cow have the buddha-nature
22:45 Culture_Scorch I thought it was told with a dog, not a cow.
22:45 Computer_Man In response to the Zendo question: Neither the dog nor the cow have the Buddha-nature.
22:46 Culture_Scorch Anyways, the right answer is obviously that if you meet a cow on the road, kill it.
22:46 Culture_Scorch Which explains why hinduism and buddhism are at arms against each other, the buddhists want to kill the cows and the hinduists want to save the cows.

22:45 TKBebop /Is/ there a story?
22:46 Computer_Man In response to that other question over there: There is indeed an overarching story.

22:48 TKBebop Is there in-game support for recording your progress
22:48 Computer_Man In response to the A question: The game features an auto-save system.

22:48 Iceblade17 You got any of those microtransactions? Is the final game going to be free to play, buy to play or is there a subscription?
22:49 Computer_Man In response to the B question: The game does feature the ability to exchange actual money for in-game items.
22:49 Computer_Man In response to the C question: The final game will indeed be free to play.

22:48 Laissez_Armstrong How's character progression work? We talking skill trees, class-and-level, job system, all equipment?
22:50 Computer_Man In response to the D question: Character progression occurs based on in-game choices. Certain quests and activities will reward the player with new skills and attributes upon completion.
22:51 Computer_Man In response to the E question: Some skills use skill trees, there is no static class and level definition (although you will occasionally be identified as a certain class based on your attributes and skillset), there is a job system, and equipment is not the exclusive means of advancement.

22:49 Alex White How immersive?
22:51 Computer_Man In response to the F question: Very immersive. Very.

22:49 TKBebop Ah, no, I meant
22:49 TKBebop Like, video recording, or some such?
22:52 Computer_Man In response to the G question: There is in-game support for video recording, and the ability to stream content is an unlockable.

22:49 Culture_Scorch What do the most costliest items cost in the game?
22:53 Computer_Man In response to the H question: The game's costliest items cannot be purchased with real money, unless you are very very rich and insane.

22:49 Alex White Oh.
22:49 Alex White A pay to win scenario.
22:50 Laissez_Armstrong Are microtransactions used for cosmetic items or actually useful and overpowered bullshit?
22:54 Computer_Man In response to the I question: Items purchased with real money are unlikely to be a significant factor in game balance, unless you are very very rich and insane.

22:51 TKBebop Wait, there's
22:51 TKBebop What's this Championship you mentioned?
22:55 Computer_Man In response to the J question: The Palace Championship is an in-game event in which, ordinarily, you do battle with your Penumbra.
22:56 TKBebop Stop inventing words
22:56 Culture_Scorch Actually, Penumbra is a real word. It refers to the darkest part of your personality and the part you have to overcome and face, your shadow-self if you will.
22:56 TKBebop I know /that/
22:57 Culture_Scorch No, wait, nevermind, I just looked up 'penumbra' and it turns out it's like this dark spot behind the moon

22:51 Culture_Scorch Does it mean we're competing for a goal or what?
22:56 Computer_Man In response to the K question: Competition between players is possible, but all players can achieve the game's goal without opposing other players.

22:53 Iceblade17 Aren't we under an NDA? How are we meant to test /that/
22:57 Computer_Man In response to the L question: The content-streaming feature is temporarily set to stream only to Neodynic Studios.
22:57 Computer_Man L question corollary: You are not yet under NDA! You are allowed to freely disclose the information I have given you as you see fit.

22:54 Culture_Scorch What's the /numeric/ value in US Dollars of the most costly item in the game, then?
22:58 Computer_Man In response to the M question: The numeric value in US dollars of the costliest item in the game exceeds the GDP of most if not all large countries. Its price could be regarded as a joke, except by the very very rich and insane.

22:57 Culture_Scorch Unless we're fighting the moon I'm out of ideas
22:57 Laissez_Armstrong Do we fight the moon?
22:59 Computer_Man In response to the N question: Yes, you can indeed fight the moon.

22:57 Laissez_Armstrong Games where you fight the moon are the best.
22:57 Laissez_Armstrong Like Majora's Mask, and I guess that one Star Wars game.
22:57 TKBebop That wasn't a moon
22:57 Iceblade17 You don't really fight the moon in that one you just get four strong men to do it for you
22:58 Culture_Scorch What about that one anime where it turned out the moon was a giant robot spaceship?
23:00 Computer_Man In response to the O question: That one anime where it turned out the moon was a giant robot spaceship was like, totally baller, but the moon is not actually like that, exactly.

22:57 Computer_Man L question corollary: You are not yet under NDA! You are allowed to freely disclose the information I have given you as you see fit.
22:58 TKBebop Is that why you're being so vague?
23:01 Computer_Man In response to the P question: That is partially why I am being so vague. Other reason(s) include: I am responsible for building hype, which is assisted by vagueness.

23:00 Alex White Are all items requiring monetary transaction unlockable on their own?
23:02 Computer_Man In response to the Q uestion: Yes, all items regarding monetary transaction can be unlocked without real-world money, unless an NPC is being unreasonable or you are very very rich and insane.

23:05 Connie Spires Were there any /particular/ qualities you were looking for that led to this /particular/ test group?
23:06 Computer_Man In response to the R question: Among the qualities looked for is corresponding to a random number we generated to pick participants. An astute person might hypothesize that this is in fact the only quality looked for.

23:09 Culture_Scorch well, on the reality show note, we ought to introduce ourselves right?
23:09 Culture_Scorch We haven't actually done that.
23:09 TKBebop Eh
23:09 Computer_Man In response to the S question: Yes! You ought to introduce yourselves.
23:10 Alex White My name is Alex White.
23:10 Alex White In retrospect, I shouldn't have brought up White Financial.
23:10 Iceblade17 I don't want to have to repeat myself to the people who somehow don't already know who I am
23:11 TKBebop Just call me TK
23:11 Laissez_Armstrong I'm Larry.
23:11 Culture_Scorch I'm Jonas. Jonas Bentham.
23:12 Culture_Scorch You might just have heard of me in the recent news.
23:12 Culture_Scorch Or maybe not so recent, depending on your perspective.
23:13 TKBebop Oh no
23:14 TKBebop Was
23:14 Laissez_Armstrong Didn't you provoke an international incident or something?
23:15 Culture_Scorch Um... Well, the long-term effects will certainly be international in scope, sure, but I don't think you've got the right impression.
23:15 TKBebop Were you using "very very rich and insane" on purpose?
23:15 Computer_Man In response to the T question: Yes, my choice of phrasing was very careful.

23:20 Computer_Man U, V, W, X, Y, Z remaining.
23:21 Laissez_Armstrong What happens after Question Z?
23:21 Culture_Scorch Holy shit, we've only got six questions left?
23:21 Computer_Man In response to question U: After question Z, you need to guess the answer.
23:22 Computer_Man In response to question V: No, you only have four questions left.

23:21 Laissez_Armstrong Is the answer the same as last time?
23:22 Computer_Man In response to question W: The answer is not the same as last time.
23:22 Computer_Man (Nor is it "Nicolas Elvis Turing.")
23:22 Laissez_Armstrong Promise?
23:23 Computer_Man In response to question X: Yes, I promise.

23:23 Iceblade17 So what that's two questions now?
23:23 Computer_Man In response to question Y: No, it is one question now.
23:23 Iceblade17 And this one is the last one?
23:23 Computer_Man In response to question Z: Yes, this is the last one.

23:24 Computer_Man You are out of questions! You must now guess the answer.
23:24 Culture_Scorch Cage Presley Alan
23:24 Laissez_Armstrong Okay, I think the answer is "Iceblade is a pompous loser with nothing worthwhile to do."
23:24 Iceblade17 Has it occured to you that submitting that as an answer to which you do not know the question doesn't really end up saying much at all?
23:25 Laissez_Armstrong We're out of questions, Icy.
23:25 Computer_Man Incorrect, possibly accurate and unnecessarily hostile but not the answer to the question, and in response to question ?, you are out of questions.

23:25 Culture_Scorch Y'know, Iceblade17's kind of a boring name.
23:25 Culture_Scorch I mean, the Iceblade part just sounds like you've played too much runescape.
23:25 Laissez_Armstrong Oh, like "Culture Shock!"
23:25 Laissez_Armstrong I just got it!
23:26 Computer_Man The question, for reference, is "Would you be watching you?"
23:26 Laissez_Armstrong The answer is Culture Shock!
23:26 Culture_Scorch And, seriously? 17? What, were there 16 other Iceblades in front of you that were clogging up the line?
23:27 Laissez_Armstrong Clearly she's the seventeenth in a line of game-playing robots.
23:27 Laissez_Armstrong Each more leet than the last.
23:27 Iceblade17 I don't need a special name to be notable

23:26 Computer_Man The question, for reference, is "Would you be watching you?"

23:28 Iceblade17 The answer's not "yes" then?
23:28 Laissez_Armstrong The answer is "Answer Correctly To Win A Free Item?"
23:28 Laissez_Armstrong Quotes not included, nor some of the letters.
23:28 Culture_Scorch the answer is... uh. hm.
23:28 Culture_Scorch the answer is "the answer to the question"!
23:29 Computer_Man The answer to the question "Would you be watching you" is "Yes. No."
23:29 Computer_Man You have failed to answer the question correctly!
23:29 Computer_Man Congratulations!
23:29 Culture_Scorch Yay! Congratulations aaaall around.
23:30 Computer_Man Thank you for attending Neodynic's Palace Championship alpha testing participant candidate question and answer session!
23:30 Culture_Scorch You're /welcome/.

Spoiler02:54 Laissez_Armstrong sighs and leans on the balcony railing
02:54 Laissez_Armstrong Well. Lessee here.
02:54 Laissez_Armstrong Sick of practice. Already ate.
02:56 Laissez_Armstrong fiddles around with his phone, sighing
02:59 GMedict >The phone lights up, emitting a tone you don't recognize. Did you change your ringtone and forget about it?
02:59 Laissez_Armstrong Huh, a text?
02:59 Laissez_Armstrong checks it out
03:02 GMedict >The screen displays the an automatic notification. According to the sender, identified as NEODYNIC_NOREPLY, "The public test version of Neodynic's Palace Championship is now available for download!"
03:03 Laissez_Armstrong Oh, cool.
03:03 Laissez_Armstrong Wondering when that'd come out.
03:03 Laissez_Armstrong downloads it and promptly boots it up
03:04 GMedict >You are met with a light blue screen and a brief jingle. After a couple seconds of loading, the following appears:



03:04 Laissez_Armstrong ...Huh.
03:04 Laissez_Armstrong presses the trapezoid
03:05 GMedict >The mechnical voice eagerly chirps, "Welcome to Neodynic's Palace Championship! Preparing for installation unstruction!"
03:05 Laissez_Armstrong blinks
03:05 Laissez_Armstrong ...'kay.
03:05 GMedict >The trapezoid appears to be the mouth of some sort of guide character.
03:06 GMedict >The face on-screen displays a worried expression.
03:06 GMedict >"Apologies. Automatic digital installation unstruction is currently unavailable. Would you like to switch to MANUAL MODE?"
03:07 Laissez_Armstrong Sure thing.
03:07 Laissez_Armstrong ...Uh, yes.
03:07 GMedict >The face appears to respond your your voice commands! "Please wait while Neodynic operatives engage MANUAL MODE."
03:08 GMedict >Its eyes close, and a loading icon bounces back and forth at the bottom of the screen.
03:09 GMedict >You begin to hear a faint, high-pitched noise. It's not coming from the phone.
03:09 Laissez_Armstrong drums his fingers against the railing, sighing
03:10 GMedict >The noise begins to pick up in volume. It's starting to sound like a loud whine, but you're still not sure where it's originating from.
03:11 GMedict >The on-screen face continues to display a loading icon.
03:11 Laissez_Armstrong frowns and enters his apartment, searching for the whine.
03:11 Laissez_Armstrong ((The balcony is connected to his bedroom, which is neither especially neat nor especially tidy.))
03:12 GMedict >The face opens its eyes. "MANUAL MODE engaged. Please take cover."
03:12 Laissez_Armstrong ((His guitar case leans up against a wall; a half-full laundry basket is in the corner, and a large, smudged free-standing mirror is near the window))
03:12 Laissez_Armstrong ...Wait, what?
03:12 Laissez_Armstrong panics and dives onto his bed, covering himself with a blanket
03:12 Laissez_Armstrong ...Wait, this is stupid. It's just a game.
03:13 Laissez_Armstrong pokes his head out, then slowly removes the blanket entirely
03:13 GMedict >With a deafening crash, a large object smashes through the ceiling.
03:13 Laissez_Armstrong ...
03:13 Laissez_Armstrong returns to hiding under the blanket
03:13 GMedict >It lands on the floor with a thud, smoking heavily.
03:13 Laissez_Armstrong You! Face thing.
03:13 Laissez_Armstrong What the hell was that?
03:14 GMedict >The face thing responds eagerly. "MANUAL MODE has been engaged. Phace unit no longer integral. Please consult the provided Manual Installation Unstruction Manual for further assistance."
03:15 GMedict >The face closes its eyes, and the phone goes dark.
03:15 Laissez_Armstrong ...
03:15 Laissez_Armstrong attempts to locate the manual
03:16 GMedict >The dense smoke billowing from the object begins to clear.
03:16 Laissez_Armstrong peers out at the object
03:16 GMedict >It doesn't do so fast enough, however, to avoid setting off the smoke alarm.
03:17 GMedict >A piercing wail fills the room. It's really annoying.
03:17 Laissez_Armstrong Oh for god's sakes.
03:17 Laissez_Armstrong runs to the bathroom, grabs a towel, and starts waving it frantically by the fire alarm to clear the smoke away
03:18 GMedict >The smoke clears, revealing a large bundle of heavy cloth, about a meter in diameter. The cloth wrappings gently smolder.
03:19 Laissez_Armstrong goes to the kitchen to grab some water.
03:20 Laissez_Armstrong ((The kitchen consists of a mostly-empty fridge, cabinets mainly full of cheap snacks, an oven that is pretty much never used, a sink and various counter space. There's some stools set up on the non-kitchen side of the counter, which is more part of the living room))
03:20 Laissez_Armstrong returns and pours the water on the smoldering parts.
03:20 GMedict >The cloth, while soaked, is probably safe to touch now.
03:21 Laissez_Armstrong ...Well, I can't just leave this stuff lying around on my bedroom floor, I guess.
03:21 Laissez_Armstrong removes the cloth, mildly anxious about what might be under it
03:21 GMedict >You unfold several layers of cloth, revealing... a cardboard box! Just what you always wanted.
03:22 GMedict >The box is sealed with what appears to be ordinary packing tape.
03:22 Laissez_Armstrong goes back to the kitchen, grabs a steak knife, and goes to town on the tape
03:23 GMedict >You slice through the packing tape, and open the box. It contains...
03:24 GMedict >ONE (1) leaflet reading "Manual Installation Unstruction Manual".
03:24 GMedict >ONE (1) plastic frame containing tiny white plastic weapons. You know, like one of those things that come in craft kits where you have to twist off the plastic nubs? It holds a sword, an arrow, and a staff, each of which are about an inch in length.
03:24 GMedict >THREE (3) color-coded rectangular devices, about the size of a soda can, each of which features a speaker and a button. Radios, perhaps? They come in red, green, and blue.
03:24 GMedict >A BUNCH OF (a bunch of) lengths of wire, bent into U shapes and sharpened on the ends.
03:25 GMedict >ONE (1) (probably) bundle of tangled strings.
03:25 Laissez_Armstrong Huh.
03:25 Laissez_Armstrong reads the Unstruction Manual
03:26 GMedict >The first page tries to be reassuring. In large, bold letters, it reads "DON'T PANIC". It then reads the same message in various different fonts and colors. Is that Comic Sans?
03:27 GMedict >The second page contains something more substantial.
03:27 Laissez_Armstrong Yeah, yeah, I've read Adams t- oh, okay.
03:27 Laissez_Armstrong peruses
03:28 GMedict >"Larry Fairfax! Try not to panic! The manual package probably just fell from the sky or something, and hopefully you weren't inside at the time."
03:28 Laissez_Armstrong glares at the manual, but continues
03:28 GMedict >"Well, let's face it, you probably were. But regardless! You didn't expect the game to do this! Obviously this is pretty suspicious."
03:29 GMedict >"But listen, you can trust me. I'm with someone I know you're very close to, and this manual should help you get into the game properly."
03:29 GMedict >"The important thing is not to panic- just go with the flow, and everything will work out."
03:30 GMedict >The message ends, signed by somebody with the initials C.M.O.
03:30 Laissez_Armstrong scratches his head
03:30 GMedict >Would you like to turn the page?
03:31 Laissez_Armstrong Not even sure who he's talking about. Doubt it's my dad.
03:31 GMedict >The next page features a handy diagram, which is unfortunately not directly visible to anybody who may be controlling Larry's every move. He can see it fine, though.
03:31 Laissez_Armstrong ...God dammit, I bet this is some dumb thing Jeff's pulling.
03:32 Laissez_Armstrong ((Ha, do I get any description of what the diagram is or describes?))
03:32 GMedict >The diagram shows a happy cartoon man with a resemblance to Larry pressing the buttons on the three colored devices.
03:32 Laissez_Armstrong Huh.
03:32 GMedict >The cartoon depicts the man speaking in empty speech bubbles to the devices.
03:32 Laissez_Armstrong picks up the green device and presses the button.
03:33 Laissez_Armstrong Um... let's see here.
03:33 Laissez_Armstrong So do I talk, or... uh.
03:33 Laissez_Armstrong clears his throat.
03:33 GMedict >The radio-like object crackles to life, and the speaker begins emitting static.
03:33 Laissez_Armstrong Oh, great, no, I was hoping for something to replace the whines.
03:33 GMedict >You begin to hear a voice through the static. It seems to be asking some sort of question.
03:34 Laissez_Armstrong ...The hell?
03:34 GMedict >"What is the weapon of the sneak, the thief, the cutpurse, the rogue, the assassin, the archer, the ranger?"
03:34 GMedict >"What is the arrow?"
03:35 Laissez_Armstrong I dunno, man, those first four or five sounded more like knife guys but okay. Uh...
03:35 Laissez_Armstrong S'a pointy thing that you fire out of a bow?
03:35 GMedict >"What is the weapon? Speak of that which embodies the form."
03:35 Laissez_Armstrong removes the plastic arrow from its frame and experimentally taps it against the green thingy
03:36 Laissez_Armstrong Uh, well.
03:36 GMedict >"Choose an emblem of all ne'er-do-wells".
03:36 Laissez_Armstrong It's... a rod, I guess?
03:36 GMedict >The radio does not respond to the tapping.
03:36 Laissez_Armstrong With a pointy bit attached.
03:36 Laissez_Armstrong But it's not a spear.
03:36 Laissez_Armstrong The proportions are different, the rod bit's way smaller.
03:36 Laissez_Armstrong And I guess there's feathers, or something?
03:36 Laissez_Armstrong To... stabilize it? I dunno aerodynamics, man.
03:37 GMedict >The voice chuckles, and the radio goes silent.
03:37 Laissez_Armstrong And you can... use it fro- oh.
03:37 Laissez_Armstrong shrugs and presses the red device's button
03:37 Laissez_Armstrong Sword, right?
03:38 GMedict >The red device, after a brief period of static, begins shouting unintelligibly about "THE RIGHT TIME".
03:39 Laissez_Armstrong JESUS CHRIST.
03:39 Laissez_Armstrong WHEN YOU NEED SOMETHING STABBED I GUESS.
03:39 Laissez_Armstrong WHEN GUYS ARE CLOSE AND YOU NEED THEM TO STEP OFF AAAAAHHH STOP YELLING
03:39 Laissez_Armstrong throws it at the wall
03:39 GMedict >The red device stops for a moment after being thrown, then resumes screaming.
03:40 GMedict >"SHUT UP! YOU GET TO PICK ME LATER!"
03:40 GMedict >"WAIT! WAIT! FOR THE RIGHT TIME!"
03:40 GMedict >The red device goes silent.
03:40 Laissez_Armstrong ...Oh. Okay?
03:41 Laissez_Armstrong tries the blue device.
03:41 Laissez_Armstrong quite deliberately holds it away from his face
03:42 GMedict >The blue device speaks in a softer voice- more feminine, that is, not any less loud. It screeches about whether you were listening.
03:42 GMedict >It yammers on about THE RIGHT TIME for a minute, then goes silent.
03:42 Laissez_Armstrong Okay. So.
03:42 Laissez_Armstrong turns to the next page in the manual
03:42 Laissez_Armstrong I'm pretty sure I just screwed myself over.
03:43 Laissez_Armstrong Also, the game thinks I'm a crook.
03:43 GMedict >The manual shows a simple map. Some sort of floor plan is encircled by a wobbly circle.
03:43 GMedict >Underneath the map, the cartoon man is laying the wire bits in the ground.
03:44 GMedict >He appears to be stapling down that string stuff.
03:44 GMedict >Below the diagrams, a caption appears in small print.
03:45 Laissez_Armstrong squints at the caption
03:46 GMedict >"For non-pictoral instructions, turn to the next page."
03:46 Laissez_Armstrong rolls his eyes and turns the page
03:46 Laissez_Armstrong Okay, so, insultingly simple or totally impenetrable?
03:47 GMedict >"Welcome to Neodynic's Palace Championship! We regret that automatic installation has failed, but by following these simple steps, you can be on your way to the greatest augmented reality experience on Earth or otherwise!"
03:49 GMedict >"To complete manual installation unstruction, you must a) DELINEATE AN UNSTRUCTION PERIMETER, b) TEMPLATE YOUR VERVESSELS, and c) PLANT A VERVESSEL FOR INGRESSON."
03:50 Laissez_Armstrong ...
03:51 Laissez_Armstrong Okay, I... think I get the second two, maybe possibly.
03:51 GMedict >"You may TEMPLATE one VERVESSEL at the beginning of installation unstruction, and template the rest after completing sections of DELINEATION."
03:51 Laissez_Armstrong Oh, okay, so clearly the green one's the one I templated...
03:51 Laissez_Armstrong looks for specific instructions on delineating the perimeter
03:52 GMedict >"To delineate your perimeter, employ the provided marking tools! Depending on certain player variables, your tools may take various forms. The object, however, is to use them to draw an unbroken shape around your play area."
03:53 Laissez_Armstrong I... guess that's the strings?
03:53 GMedict >"You might use a paint roller to draw a line in paint, or leave a trail of powder around your Unstruction Perimeter."
03:53 Laissez_Armstrong uses the strings to form an outline around as much of his apartment as possible (starting with the balcony, moving through the bedroom, kitchen and living room if possible)
03:54 GMedict >After laying a length of string, the blue and red radios begin crackling.
03:56 Laissez_Armstrong Oh, hey.
03:56 Laissez_Armstrong goes over to give them a listen
03:57 GMedict >After about a minute of silence, the red radio gives a moan and says "Psst. Push one of the buttons."
03:57 Laissez_Armstrong Rrrrright.
03:57 Laissez_Armstrong pushes the red radio's button
03:58 GMedict >"What is the weapon of the warrior? The brawler, the barbarian, the soldier, the fighter? What is the tool of he who stands against his foes with strength in his heart?"
03:58 GMedict >"What is the sword?"
03:59 Laissez_Armstrong Right okay I got this.
03:59 Laissez_Armstrong The sword's a weapon of direct confrontation and stuff.
03:59 Laissez_Armstrong It means that you aren't going to screw around. You're taking things head on and you expect your enemy to do the same.
03:59 Laissez_Armstrong ...Was, uh, was that one better?
04:00 Laissez_Armstrong Oh! Also it's a pointy thing with a handle.
04:00 Laissez_Armstrong Or sometimes less pointy and more sharp.
04:00 Laissez_Armstrong Like, edged sharp I mean. Usually that way actually.
04:00 GMedict >The blue radio groans, and the red radio asks "No, like... Jesus. I'm not literally asking- you-". It sighs.
04:01 GMedict >The red radio says "Fine, whatever. What were you saying?"
04:01 Laissez_Armstrong The thing about direct confrontation and stuff!
04:02 Laissez_Armstrong I guess there's like, some sorta honor thing?
04:02 Laissez_Armstrong Uh, also, it's simpler.
04:02 Laissez_Armstrong Magic and archery needs a lot more practice, but you can pick up swinging a sword around pretty easily.
04:02 Laissez_Armstrong But not... necessarily master it?
04:02 Laissez_Armstrong Uh...
04:02 Laissez_Armstrong coughs
04:03 GMedict >The red radio asks "Fine. You want a sword? Just a boring goddamn sword? Fine. What do I care?" It goes silent.
04:03 Laissez_Armstrong OH!
04:04 Laissez_Armstrong Okay, okay, I got this. I got this.
04:04 Laissez_Armstrong Hey, blue guy, can I use you yet? Because I'm gonna kick ass on the staff thing.
04:04 Laissez_Armstrong Or should I do more string-laying?
04:04 GMedict >The blue radio is silent for a bit, then whispers "The second thing."
04:05 Laissez_Armstrong Okay okay I got it.
04:05 Laissez_Armstrong goes back to laying string
04:05 Laissez_Armstrong lays this one in the kitchen, by the stove
04:06 GMedict >On your way to lay some string, you snag your foot on a length and pull it out of position.
04:06 Laissez_Armstrong Nyeh!
04:06 Laissez_Armstrong flails his leg around, trying to detach it
04:06 GMedict >You successfully disentangle yourself.
04:08 Laissez_Armstrong returns to laying string in the kitchen
04:09 GMedict >After laying yet more string, the blue radio crackles to life.
04:09 Laissez_Armstrong rushes to it and presses the button
04:09 Laissez_Armstrong then gets his guitar out, hastily tunes it, and sits on the edge of his bed
04:09 GMedict >"What is the weapon of the scholar? The wizard, the mage, the acolyte, the cleric, the one that channels the forces of magic?"
04:10 GMedict >"What is the staff?"
04:10 Laissez_Armstrong begins improvising a tune
04:11 Laissez_Armstrong The staff is, at first glance, simple and unhelpful. It cannot strike with the force of a sword, nor from the range of an arrow.
04:11 Laissez_Armstrong All that makes a staff what it is is the details.
04:11 Laissez_Armstrong Intricate carvings, laid out in every inch!
04:11 Laissez_Armstrong Gems and silver filigree - enough to be noticed, never so much as to be gaudy!
04:12 Laissez_Armstrong It is long, an extension of the wielder's reach, just as it extends their powers beyond the mundane!
04:12 Laissez_Armstrong It is thick and sturdy, protecting them from the harshness of the world outside them!
04:12 Laissez_Armstrong And it is the only one of the three that can be used for more than its primary use!
04:12 GMedict >The blue radio sighs.
04:12 Laissez_Armstrong A walking stick, a lever - oh, what!
04:12 Laissez_Armstrong stops playing
04:13 Laissez_Armstrong I'm trying really hard you dumb radio!
04:13 Laissez_Armstrong whacks it with his guitar
04:13 Laissez_Armstrong It's got a fucking dragon head on it!
04:13 Laissez_Armstrong Which spews big ol' flames and has a long-ass tongue lolling out!
04:13 GMedict >"Look, can you... can you read the manual, please? I'm clearly the best one, and I don't want you spoiling m-"
04:13 GMedict >It stops.
04:13 Laissez_Armstrong glares and reads the manual
04:14 GMedict >You turn to the section on TEMPLATING. A handy graphic is provided, showing a sword in the center of a circle surrounded by various weapons.
04:15 GMedict >A gun, a battleaxe, a lance, a flail, a baseball bat...
04:15 Laissez_Armstrong Awww, man, I could've had a flail?
04:15 GMedict >The caption simply reads "The possibilities are endless!"
04:15 Laissez_Armstrong I wouldn't have fucked that one up.
04:15 Laissez_Armstrong ...oh.
04:15 Laissez_Armstrong wait, okay, shit. Shitshitshitshitshit.
04:16 Laissez_Armstrong I should've read this all the way through.
04:16 Laissez_Armstrong Dammit, now I'm gonna have a dumb arrow which flies really stupid and a staff that's ugly and sucks and probably has a guitar dent in it.
04:16 GMedict >The blue radio speaks up and asks "Are you ready to choose?"
04:16 Laissez_Armstrong Uh.
04:16 Laissez_Armstrong What are my choices?
04:16 Laissez_Armstrong And are any of them good?
04:16 Laissez_Armstrong flops on his bed
04:17 GMedict >"You can choose anything. You- that's the point. The riddles are just to establish a theme, you know? What kind of thing it is?"
04:18 GMedict >"I'm not supposed to make suggestions."
04:18 Laissez_Armstrong Oh.
04:19 Laissez_Armstrong I, uh...
04:19 Laissez_Armstrong Okay, sorry about that.
04:19 GMedict >"God, we've got to get some real QA one of these days."
04:20 Laissez_Armstrong Hey, man, this is a real problem you guys are going to have on release!
04:20 Laissez_Armstrong You're lucky I read the manual at-
04:20 Laissez_Armstrong chuckles
04:20 Laissez_Armstrong Oh god, that Ice guy is so fucked.
04:20 Laissez_Armstrong Hahaha, oh man, you have to tell me how that goes.
04:20 Laissez_Armstrong Anyway, uh, how about a guitar that's sort of a cross between a spear and a shield, or something?
04:21 Laissez_Armstrong Like, the head is pointed and metal and stuff, and then the body is sturdy or whatever.
04:21 GMedict >"That's... hang on. That's more a Sword kind of thing. Let me..."
04:21 Laissez_Armstrong Oh! Sure thing, man.
04:21 GMedict >It pauses for a moment, and then speaks up.
04:21 Laissez_Armstrong Well, hrm. Actually, wait.
04:21 Laissez_Armstrong No, I'll make it a staff instead. I like the blue guy better.
04:22 GMedict >"Okay, I don't think the bosses are listening. I'm not supposed to, you know, help."
04:22 Laissez_Armstrong Keep the shield bit but make it more, uh, bardy. And the head can be all fancy, with carvings and a gem and stuff.
04:22 Laissez_Armstrong Nah, it's cool! I really appreciate it.
04:22 Laissez_Armstrong And I'm sorry about the whole, uh, thing, but I guess that's playtesting for you, y'know?
04:23 GMedict >"So, the guitar thing? That works. Just not like, a shieldy weapon guitar. More like a bard guitar, right? You could cast spells with music?"
04:23 Laissez_Armstrong Yeah!
04:23 Laissez_Armstrong I'm already okay at that anyway.
04:24 GMedict >"Okay, um- oh crap, they're coming by again. Uh..."
04:24 GMedict >It's quiet for a moment, and then resumes.
04:24 GMedict >"Hast thou prepared a choice, chosen hero? Who I have not suggested anything to?"
04:25 Laissez_Armstrong Yes, uh, mysterious mentor guy that is aloof and pissed at my idiocy, or whatever!
04:25 Laissez_Armstrong A guitar!
04:26 Laissez_Armstrong That which I've wielded before tonight, I shall continue, and, uh...
04:26 GMedict >The radio goes silent.
04:26 Laissez_Armstrong weave magic from harmony, or... oh. Right okay.
04:26 Laissez_Armstrong lays out any remaining strings, then sees if the manual has specific instructions on what to do with the plastic bits
04:26 GMedict >The bundle of string doesn't seem close to running out, but you've laid most of the perimeter.
04:27 GMedict >The staples sit in the box unused.
04:27 GMedict >You turn to the manual page on PLANTING YOUR VERVESSEL FOR INGRESSION.
04:28 GMedict >The graphic shows the cartoon man surveying his surroundings, seemingly searching for some place.
04:28 Laissez_Armstrong looks for the text instructions
04:29 GMedict >"When your UNSTRUCTION PERIMETER is complete, you are ready to prepare your Vervessel for Ingression. Make sure you have templated all three Vervessels!"
04:30 Laissez_Armstrong laughs
04:30 GMedict >"Select a model Vervessel, and insert the sharp end into anything stationary."
04:30 Laissez_Armstrong Well, I sure as hell did that...
04:31 GMedict >"Be careful! Your selection of initial Vervessel is important!"
04:31 Laissez_Armstrong shrugs, takes the staff, and gently pokes it into the side of his guitar
04:32 GMedict >"As is your selection of-" You drop the manual, and your guitar, as it delivers an electric shock. It falls to the floor, with the sharp plastic staff sticking out.
04:32 GMedict >Your guitar continues to spark.
04:32 Laissez_Armstrong SHIT!
04:32 Laissez_Armstrong Dammit, that thing's probably wrecked!
04:33 GMedict >The manual doesn't appear to be giving off electricity.
04:33 Laissez_Armstrong I'll have to spend all my savings just to get a new one... dad's gonna kill me...
04:33 Laissez_Armstrong picks the manual back up, shuffling away from the guitar
04:33 GMedict >You resume reading the manual. "As is your selection of insertion location, as it will serve as your initial spawn point in-game."
04:34 GMedict >"Once you have planted your Vervessel, Ingression will begin."
04:34 Laissez_Armstrong ...Huh, okay.
04:34 Laissez_Armstrong ...I wonder...
04:34 GMedict >"Congratulations! You have completed manual installation unstruction! Please refer to page 1, quickly."
04:34 Laissez_Armstrong takes the sword and stabs it into the red radio, then hastily turns to page 1
04:34 Laissez_Armstrong ...Wait, that's just... the one that says don't panic a bunch of times, isn't it...
04:35 GMedict >"DON'T PANIC. DON'T PANIC. DON'T PANIC."
04:35 Laissez_Armstrong takes a deep breath and promptly locks himself in the bathroom
04:35 GMedict >You enter the bathroom and see the string you've laid around the edge of the room starting to glow.
04:36 GMedict >Suddenly, the space behind the perimeter becomes pure white, concealing the walls.
04:36 Laissez_Armstrong ...
04:37 GMedict >The white walls that have appeared along the edges of your perimeter start to close in.
04:37 Laissez_Armstrong pokes the whitespace
04:37 Laissez_Armstrong ...uh.
04:37 Laissez_Armstrong hastily opens the bathroom door and runs back to his bedroom
04:37 GMedict >Your finger begins dissolving into black flakes.
04:37 Laissez_Armstrong OH GOD AUGH
04:37 GMedict >The toilet begins dissolving into black flakes.
04:37 GMedict >The edges of your apartment begin dissolving into black flakes.
04:37 Laissez_Armstrong yanks the sword out of the red radio
04:38 GMedict >Nothing happens.
04:38 Laissez_Armstrong FINE, then.
04:38 GMedict >Your finger seems to have reconstituted itself.
04:38 Laissez_Armstrong stabs it back in. And the arrow too for good measure. Fuck the red guy.
04:38 Laissez_Armstrong ...Hm.
04:38 GMedict >The walls continue to close in.
04:38 Laissez_Armstrong Don't panic, huh?
04:38 Laissez_Armstrong shrugs, casually strolls up to the wall of what used to be the balcony, and hops in.
04:38 Laissez_Armstrong immediately panics.
04:39 GMedict >The wall is solid!
04:39 GMedict >The parts of your body that make contact with the wall begin to turn not to black flakes, but to stone.
04:39 Laissez_Armstrong ...Uh.
04:39 GMedict >They do not begin reconstituting themselves.
04:39 Laissez_Armstrong backs away
04:40 Laissez_Armstrong attempts to shove the stone bits into the dissolvey parts
04:40 GMedict >The walls have closed in all around. You're left in the center of a small circle of floor.
04:40 GMedict >There is a sudden flash, and you feel your body begin to petrify as the world turns white.
04:41 Laissez_Armstrong ...
04:41 GMedict >You lose consciousness.
04:41 GMedict >Congratulations!

Spoiler(11:34:13) GMedict: >It is a dark and stormy night. If you decide it is, anyway, I don't control the weather yet.
(11:35:14) xXwoeismeXx: What crappy weather we're having, it hasn't rained for 4 months.
(11:37:51) xXwoeismeXx: >hans pulls out phone, no connection
(11:38:38) GMedict: ((oy, stealin my prompting angles))
(11:39:01) GMedict: >Despite the lack of internet connection, you receive a notification!
(11:39:11) GMedict: >Is this your ringtone? You don't remember changing it.
(11:39:29) xXwoeismeXx: What the hell, freaking telemarketers and their cheap tricks
(11:39:55) xXwoeismeXx: o, OH
(11:40:00) GMedict: >According to the sender, identified as NEODYNIC_NOREPLY, "The public test version of Neodynic's Palace Championship is now available for download!"
(11:40:51) xXwoeismeXx: A...amazing. I get the message just as the net flops. To the top floor I guess, probably get better satellite there.
(11:41:21) xXwoeismeXx: Might be able to download the game in the next week. *sigh
(11:41:58) xXwoeismeXx: *hans gets off posterior and shuffles up to light room and plonks said posterior on wooden bench*
(11:44:59) xXwoeismeXx: So, download...
(11:45:04) xXwoeismeXx: one bar of connection...
(11:45:39) GMedict: >The game's application appears to contain barely a megabyte of data! It begins downloading at an appreciable clip.
(11:46:07) xXwoeismeXx: neat! Maybe I'll be able to play the game today after all!
(11:46:49) xXwoeismeXx: I'll intensely stare at the loading bar thingomajigo
(11:46:56) xXwoeismeXx: and open it up once it's done
(11:46:57) GMedict: >After a brief wait, the loading bar fills, and the following icon is displayed onscreen:
(11:46:58) GMedict:
(11:47:41) GMedict: >A mechanical voice chirps "Welcome to Neodynic's Palace Championship! Preparing for installation unstruction!"
(11:48:14) xXwoeismeXx: Unstruction. Huh man. Words these guys use these days.
(11:48:19) xXwoeismeXx: No idea
(11:48:59) GMedict: >The face on-screen displays a worried expression.
(11:49:38) GMedict: >"User's internet connection appears to be insufficient for automatic installation unstruction. Would you like to switch to MANUAL MODE?"
(11:50:22) xXwoeismeXx: Eh, may as well. Last I heard computers were like carburettors. Right?
(11:50:52) GMedict: >The face appears to respond your your voice commands! "Please wait while Neodynic operatives engage MANUAL MODE."
(11:50:59) GMedict: Its eyes close, and a loading icon bounces back and forth at the bottom of the screen.
(11:51:10) GMedict: >You begin to hear a faint, high-pitched noise. It's not coming from the phone.
(11:51:12) MrGuy: (hee hee)
(11:51:57) xXwoeismeXx: What the shit, right, probably the light. lets go patch that up *leave phone unattended and go inspect lights machinery*
(11:52:10) xXwoeismeXx: ((bad ideas are the best ideas))
(11:52:24) GMedict: >The light fixture appears to be intact. The noise appears to be increasing in volume.
(11:53:19) xXwoeismeXx: Dude, this noise is the worst. Gonna have a look for it
(11:53:37) xXwoeismeXx: has to be coming from somewhere right?
(11:53:39) xXwoeismeXx: RIGHT?
(11:54:03) GMedict: >The noise has become a high-pitched whine. The face on your phone is still displaying a loading icon.
(11:55:43) xXwoeismeXx: Suppose I could try and google this shit
(11:55:50) xXwoeismeXx: but the phones being a dork
(11:55:55) xXwoeismeXx: and like, loading
(11:55:58) GMedict: >The face opens its eyes. "MANUAL MODE engaged. Please take cover."
(11:56:08) xXwoeismeXx: wh
(11:56:13) GMedict: >The whine is becoming even louder.
(11:56:20) xXwoeismeXx: Ok...
(11:56:35) xXwoeismeXx: I guess I'll just, go sit under the bench
(11:56:36) xXwoeismeXx: or
(11:56:37) xXwoeismeXx: something
(11:57:05) GMedict: ((mind describing the top floor of the lighthouse?))
(11:58:15) xXwoeismeXx: ((circular room, incredibly large light on top of a machine that spins it in the middle. Bench located to the north wall and exit to the south wall. Various equipment is in storage on the floor))
(11:58:44) xXwoeismeXx: ((walls are lined with fly wire instead of windows))
(11:58:53) xXwoeismeXx: ((glass is expensive))
(11:59:36) xXwoeismeXx: ((under the spinning mechanism there is a huge cooling fan that blows air up through the hole in the floor where the light is sitting and out through the fly wire in all directions))
(11:59:41) xXwoeismeXx: ((good enough??))
(12:00:07) GMedict: >With a deafening crash, a large object smashes through the ceiling and careens across the room. The spotlight is ruined!
(12:00:32) GMedict: >The object comes to a stop on the other side of the room, smoking heavily.
(12:00:41) xXwoeismeXx: Oh, fuck. Dad's gonna have a fit.
(12:01:00) xXwoeismeXx: not just dad but the FUCKING PORT oh my god this is not good
(12:02:09) GMedict: >Your phone provides some helpful commentary on your perdicament.
(12:02:10) GMedict: >"MANUAL MODE has been engaged. Phace unit no longer integral. Please consult the provided Manual Installation Unstruction Manual for further assistance."
(12:02:26) GMedict: >The face closes its eyes, and your phone shuts down.
(12:02:45) xXwoeismeXx: oh no you don't, gonna turn that fucker back on
(12:02:53) xXwoeismeXx: sassy little shit
(12:03:49) GMedict: >You reboot your phone, but the Neodynic's Palace Championship app is nowhere to be found!
(12:04:23) xXwoeismeXx: *throw phone
(12:05:00) xXwoeismeXx: ok, I guess I better uh
(12:05:05) xXwoeismeXx: shit I dunno
(12:05:10) GMedict: >The phone sails through a hole in the glass, landing on the ground outside.
(12:05:20) GMedict: >The smoke begins to clear from the package.
(12:06:00) xXwoeismeXx: the mailman just gets more and more stupid doesn't he.
(12:06:21) xXwoeismeXx: anyway, package
(12:06:22) xXwoeismeXx: lets uh
(12:06:25) xXwoeismeXx: cool it down
(12:06:51) xXwoeismeXx: *grab OCHS mandated fire extinguisher from floor storage*
(12:07:06) xXwoeismeXx: *spray package, spray broken spotlight*
(12:07:51) xXwoeismeXx: open cooled down package inspect goodies?
(12:08:37) GMedict: >The package is about a meter in diameter, and is wrapped in several layers of what appears to be denim.
(12:08:49) GMedict: >It was gently smoldering until you smothered it in fire-retardant foam.
(12:09:15) GMedict: >You unwrap the layers of fabric, revealing a cardboard box underneath. It appears to be sealed with ordinary packing tape.
(12:09:37) xXwoeismeXx: *shake fist at crazy mailman, open box
(12:10:14) GMedict: >You peel the tape from the box, and inspect the contents.
(12:10:22) GMedict: >ONE (1) leaflet reading "Manual Installation Unstruction Manual".
(12:10:26) GMedict: >ONE (1) plastic frame containing tiny white plastic weapons. You know, like one of those things that come in craft kits where you have to twist off the plastic nubs? It holds a sword, an arrow, and a staff, each of which are about an inch in length.
(12:10:31) GMedict: >THREE (3) color-coded rectangular devices, about the size of a soda can, each of which features a speaker and a button. Radios, perhaps? They come in red, green, and blue.
(12:10:50) GMedict: >And...
(12:11:44) GMedict: >ONE (1) large roll of yellow caution tape.
(12:12:03) GMedict: >A BUNCH OF (a bunch of) plastic posts, with metal spikes for driving into the ground.
(12:13:08) xXwoeismeXx: alright then, clearly whoever sent this knew they were gonna break shit
(12:13:09) xXwoeismeXx: so
(12:13:32) xXwoeismeXx: lets angrily glare at posts and tape
(12:13:38) xXwoeismeXx: how dare it know what would happen
(12:13:51) xXwoeismeXx: and...let's give the manual a look over
(12:13:56) xXwoeismeXx: all this other crap seems silly
(12:14:06) GMedict: >You open to the first page of the manual.
(12:14:52) GMedict: >It reads, in familiar-looking handwriting "Don't worry about the fucking mailman. Everything will be fine, just wait and see."
(12:15:47) GMedict: >The words "DON'T PANIC" are written once at the bottom of the page, in small print.
(12:15:57) GMedict: >Turn to the next page?
(12:15:59) xXwoeismeXx: this shithead just told me what I should and shouldn't worry about. Having none of that noise. Since it's so smart it can tell me how to fix this fucking light.
(12:16:04) xXwoeismeXx: ask it how to fix the light and turn
(12:17:01) xXwoeismeXx: not taking no backchat from a manual, how rude...
(12:17:11) GMedict: >You search the manual for instructions on how to fix the spotlight. Oddly enough, you find a section labeled "Spotlight repair" towards the back.
(12:17:40) xXwoeismeXx: oh goody, let's read that and do it with the tools that are clearly in storage here
(12:18:15) GMedict: >It reads "I said don't worry about the mailman, Hans. The spotlight's not a big deal- I think the King is going to fix it, anyway. Or maybe he breaks it? Fuck, I don't fucking know. How about you work on something else?"
(12:18:24) GMedict: >This isn't very helpful.
(12:19:03) xXwoeismeXx: man, what a sassy little book, I'm going to put this thing down in the naughty corner
(12:19:07) xXwoeismeXx: that'll learn it
(12:19:22) xXwoeismeXx: right, lets see what's the deal with these plastic toys
(12:19:34) GMedict: >You cannot put the book down in the naughty corner! The room is a circle, and has no corners!
(12:19:54) xXwoeismeXx: yes I can, the phone is in the naughty corner
(12:20:09) xXwoeismeXx: so put it with the phone
(12:20:16) xXwoeismeXx: I hope it screams all the way down
(12:20:49) GMedict: >You put the non-speaking paper manual "with the phone"- meaning that you chuck it out the same window.
(12:20:55) GMedict: >I hope you know what you're doing.
(12:21:21) MrGuy: ( hahaha )
(12:21:24) xXwoeismeXx: god damn, I can work it out myself without taking sass. Thankyou.
(12:21:46) MrGuy: ( this guy is making Larry look like a master planner )
(12:21:58) GMedict: >Right. You can do this! You're a man, damn it, and you're going to do this man-ual job like a pro!
(12:22:02) xXwoeismeXx: right, these plastic toys, come barrelling through my roof without being relevant. Unlikely story
(12:22:04) GMedict: >Which items would you like to inspect first?
(12:22:09) xXwoeismeXx: lets fiddle with em
(12:22:25) xXwoeismeXx: see if they shoot lightning out their asses or something
(12:23:29) xXwoeismeXx: no clue, all the stupid shit that's been happening
(12:23:34) xXwoeismeXx: they might just do that
(12:24:16) GMedict: >You peer into the box, looking at the radios, the plastic frame, the caution tape, and the stakes.
(12:24:22) GMedict: >Which would you like to inspect?
(12:24:32) xXwoeismeXx: plastic frame
(12:24:48) xXwoeismeXx: (12:22:25) xXwoeismeXx: see if they shoot lightning out their asses or something
(12:25:07) GMedict: >The plastic frame contains three white plastic models- one of a sword, one of an arrow, and one of a staff. They're each about an inch long.
(12:25:36) xXwoeismeXx: take the arrow, maybe it can point me in the right direction
(12:25:44) GMedict: >None of the three models has an ass to shoot lightning from.
(12:25:59) GMedict: >You twist the arrow out of its frame, but it doesn't appear to do anything.
(12:26:09) GMedict: >It just looks like a plastic arrow, really.
(12:26:16) xXwoeismeXx: put it down and spin it
(12:26:30) xXwoeismeXx: whatever it points at is what I'm dealing with
(12:26:35) GMedict: >You spin the plastic arrow on the floor, next to the shards of broken spotlight glass.
(12:26:52) GMedict: >It points towards the wall.
(12:26:58) xXwoeismeXx: hmm
(12:27:05) xXwoeismeXx: maybe the arrow is full of shit
(12:27:06) GMedict: >Your divination abilities are surely flawless.
(12:27:41) xXwoeismeXx: put it back in the box, lets take out these radio looking doodads
(12:27:51) xXwoeismeXx: push some buttons till they do something
(12:27:55) GMedict: >Which color radio would you like to inspect?
(12:28:03) xXwoeismeXx: BLUE
(12:28:09) xXwoeismeXx: is a safety colour
(12:28:17) GMedict: >You press the button on the blue radio.
(12:28:38) GMedict: >A soft voice- possibly that of a woman?- comes through the static.
(12:28:59) xXwoeismeXx: watcha saying lady
(12:29:08) GMedict: >It starts to say something, but then you hear a gruff voice interrupting it.
(12:29:34) xXwoeismeXx: siiigh
(12:29:42) MrGuy: (hehehe, I think I know what this is about :B)
(12:29:44) xXwoeismeXx: gruff, watcha saying
(12:29:52) GMedict: >"-o, we have to fix the protocol, the last player thought we were-" "I'm talking to a player NOW, Dave! Can it wait?"
(12:30:16) GMedict: >"What? Is he- oh, god, never mind. Just give the spiel."
(12:30:53) xXwoeismeXx: spill it doofus /probably can't hear me say it anyway
(12:31:15) GMedict: >The blue voice resumes talking. "What is the weapon of the scholar? The wizard, the mage, the acolyte, the cleric, the one that channels the forces of magic?"
(12:31:18) GMedict: >"What is the staff?"
(12:31:47) xXwoeismeXx: it's a plastic piece of crap, next question
(12:31:53) GMedict: >You overhear the gruff voice saying "I'm telling you, they don't get it. They just explain what a staff is, they don't..."
(12:31:59) GMedict: >The rest is unintelligible.
(12:32:21) xXwoeismeXx: this radio sucks
(12:32:21) GMedict: >The blue voice speaks up. "A plastic piece of crap?"
(12:32:39) xXwoeismeXx: hold plastic frame at radio
(12:33:08) xXwoeismeXx: plastic
(12:33:10) xXwoeismeXx: crap
(12:33:29) GMedict: >"No, I'm-" The gruff voice begins talking.
(12:33:36) xXwoeismeXx: if you can hear me through a one way radio then I guess you can see me
(12:33:47) GMedict: >"Hey! Kid! If you were a wizard, what would you cast spells with?"
(12:34:14) GMedict: >You hear him whisper "Was that so hard?" to someone, and then you hear some unintelligible indignant noises.
(12:34:38) xXwoeismeXx: I don't like this radio, reminds me of school
(12:34:56) xXwoeismeXx: turn on the green one, green is grounded. Maybe it'll talk more sense
(12:35:03) xXwoeismeXx: see if I can turn the blue one off
(12:35:22) GMedict: >You switch on the green radio. You hear static, with some arguing voices in the background.
(12:35:36) GMedict: >A raspy voice speaks up, startled.
(12:35:49) GMedict: >"Oh! Uh. What is the weapon of... uh..."
(12:36:15) GMedict: >The sounds of arguing get louder, and the raspy voice is interrupted by the gruff voice.
(12:36:31) GMedict: >"Hey! Kid! You have to finish with the blue one first! Did you even read the goddamn manual?"
(12:36:43) xXwoeismeXx: No
(12:36:47) xXwoeismeXx: *turn off all radios
(12:37:07) GMedict: >The blue and green radios continue emitting static.
(12:37:18) xXwoeismeXx: gotta find out what sort of whack shit is in these things
(12:37:20) GMedict: >You're not sure you /can/ turn them off- they only have one button.
(12:37:27) xXwoeismeXx: get a screwdriver and pry them open
(12:37:30) xXwoeismeXx: all of them
(12:37:54) MrGuy: (hahaha oh god)
(12:37:59) GMedict: >You retrieve a screwdriver, and open the back casing of the blue radio.
(12:38:00) GMedict: >You find...
(12:38:02) GMedict: >Uh.
(12:38:06) MrGuy: (I bet these fuckers miss Larry now )
(12:38:14) MrGuy: (poor guys)
(12:38:24) GMedict: >You're not quite sure what it is you find. It looks like some sort of blue sludge?
(12:39:03) xXwoeismeXx: wow, just wow. These guys fill their stuff with sludge. That is so not industry standard compliant
(12:39:13) Agenpetra: (snrrrk)
(12:39:14) Zerovirus: (drink it)
(12:39:15) Zerovirus: (nothing can possibly go wrong)
(12:39:52) xXwoeismeXx: well, this sludge crap. I guess I can find a bottle or a can or something in storage and store it
(12:40:15) xXwoeismeXx: gotta get some nerd to look at that
(12:40:53) GMedict: >Where do you retrieve a bottle or can from?
(12:41:03) xXwoeismeXx: fridge downstairs
(12:41:06) MrGuy: (oh my god)
(12:41:14) MrGuy: (is bigro going to become our resident bare-fisted brawler)
(12:42:22) GMedict: >You attempt to move the sludge into a new container, but it seems to stick to the inside. What is this stuff, Silly Putty?
(12:42:31) xXwoeismeXx: I sure hope not
(12:42:38) GMedict: >You succeed in getting strands of blue goo all over the floor.
(12:42:46) xXwoeismeXx: hmm
(12:42:54) xXwoeismeXx: eh, I can mop it up later
(12:43:08) GMedict: >The blue radio speaks up.
(12:43:21) xXwoeismeXx: now, blue goop, there should be green goop and red goop in the others right
(12:43:36) GMedict: >"Hey! Are you tampering with the template comms? Stop that!"
(12:44:18) xXwoeismeXx: scrape all the goop out the radios onto the floor, throw radios out window because god damn they are so annoying getting in the way of perfectly good curiosity
(12:44:19) GMedict: >"Answer the fucking wizard question, kid!"
(12:44:45) xXwoeismeXx: a wand or something I dunno, shut up I'm working
(12:45:00) MrGuy: (this is the best thing ever bigro ilu)
(12:45:20) xXwoeismeXx: you'll go the same place all the other sassy shits go
(12:45:26) GMedict: >The red, green, and blue goop sticks to the floor. Your attempt to throw the radios out the window is halfway successful.
(12:45:49) GMedict: >The radios dangle from strings of stretchy goop attached to the broken glass.
(12:46:00) xXwoeismeXx: there should be tin snips around here, I'm going to cut the globs of goo loose
(12:46:05) xXwoeismeXx: then throw away the radios
(12:46:20) xXwoeismeXx: (floor storage)
(12:46:22) GMedict: >You can hear the radios light up with panicked noises outside the window, but you don't actually give a shit, it seems.
(12:46:44) GMedict: >You are one hundred percent sure you know exactly what you're doing.
(12:46:47) xXwoeismeXx: no, now lets try and mix this goo into different colours
(12:47:01) xXwoeismeXx: try some of the red and blue first
(12:47:23) xXwoeismeXx: use the cup I cot earlier to scoop it
(12:47:27) GMedict: >The silly putty strands seem highly resistant to shear forces! You can't seem to cut it no matter how thin you stretch it.
(12:47:37) xXwoeismeXx: wow
(12:47:40) xXwoeismeXx: I can use this
(12:47:45) xXwoeismeXx: this is a really good property
(12:47:46) GMedict: >The goo colors refuse to mix with each other, but maybe you can fold them together like play-doh.
(12:47:54) xXwoeismeXx: hmm
(12:47:58) xXwoeismeXx: inert
(12:48:09) xXwoeismeXx: ok I can't hear the radios so that's good
(12:48:24) xXwoeismeXx: lets see if I can find my dads blowtorch downstairs
(12:48:33) GMedict: >Or at least, you can't make out what the radios are screaming about down there.
(12:48:39) xXwoeismeXx: brb goo, you're in for some experimenting
(12:50:22) xXwoeismeXx: Blowtorch > blue goo
(12:50:52) GMedict: >You apply flame to the goo, and SWEET JESUS this stuff is flammable! The flame spreads across the goo, down the stretched cord, and down the wall of the lighthouse to the radios, which also burn.
(12:50:58) GMedict: >Your house is now on fire.
(12:51:06) xXwoeismeXx: fantastic
(12:51:17) xXwoeismeXx: fire extinguish all flames
(12:51:24) MrGuy: (No, you fool!)
(12:51:34) MrGuy: (Don't extinguish the radios!)
(12:51:34) MrGuy: (Then they WIN!)
(12:51:42) xXwoeismeXx: by all flames I mean all ones inside
(12:51:48) GMedict: >You start extinguishing the flames in the room, but you can't get a good angle on the radios dangling out the window.
(12:51:53) Agenpetra: (pffffftt)
(12:51:56) xXwoeismeXx: diddums
(12:51:58) GMedict: >The fire is spreading fast along the walls.
(12:52:19) xXwoeismeXx: ah well, it's not like you can't escape anyway
(12:52:36) xXwoeismeXx: plus, this lighthouse is stone
(12:52:39) xXwoeismeXx: :|
(12:52:42) xXwoeismeXx: like most are
(12:52:44) xXwoeismeXx: :|
(12:53:02) GMedict: ((oh.))
(12:53:15) GMedict: >Oh.
(12:53:19) GMedict: >Your house is not on fire, then.
(12:53:25) GMedict: >The narrator maintains it was a nice try, though.
(12:53:32) xXwoeismeXx: radios are burning
(12:53:34) xXwoeismeXx: hurrah
(12:53:41) GMedict: >He wonders when you're going to stop fucking around, but knows the answer before asking it.
(12:53:47) GMedict: >The answer, of course, is "never".
(12:54:05) xXwoeismeXx: hey, narrator dude, there's interesting things and those radios were annoying
(12:54:24) xXwoeismeXx: I learn hands on :B
(12:54:27) MrGuy: (benedict this is the fucking best)
(12:54:29) GMedict: >You can't talk to the narrator. That's what crazy people do. Don't be a crazy person.
(12:54:35) MrGuy: (are you even for real here)
(12:54:52) xXwoeismeXx: see if I can cut the goo now it's on fire
(12:55:09) xXwoeismeXx: also, see if it's solidifying with heat
(12:55:09) GMedict: >The goo just keeps burning, it looks like.
(12:55:17) GMedict: >Shouldn't it burn out, eventually?
(12:55:32) GMedict: >...the radios are still screaming.
(12:55:48) xXwoeismeXx: lean out window and say the more they scream the worse it'll get
(12:55:55) GMedict: >You're not sure how that's possible, really.
(12:56:10) xXwoeismeXx: right, lets see
(12:56:13) xXwoeismeXx: tape and poles
(12:56:25) xXwoeismeXx: while the goo is burning
(12:56:28) GMedict: >You hear something about "braindead... ... ...psychopath"
(12:56:32) xXwoeismeXx: we'll see what they do
(12:56:46) GMedict: >What do you do with the tape and poles?
(12:57:08) xXwoeismeXx: lets tape up some of the broken spotlight
(12:57:21) xXwoeismeXx: don't want innocent dweebs touching it after all
(12:58:07) xXwoeismeXx: maybe it's just normal tape
(12:58:11) xXwoeismeXx: handy enough
(12:58:11) GMedict: >You wrap some tape around the perimeter of the rotating platform.
(12:58:30) GMedict: >The tape begins flashing red!
(12:58:48) xXwoeismeXx: red, shit, duck
(12:59:00) xXwoeismeXx: duck behind bench
(12:59:15) xXwoeismeXx: watch tape cautiously
(12:59:23) xXwoeismeXx: in your experience red means hot explody
(12:59:30) GMedict: >The tape keeps flashing red.
(12:59:41) GMedict: >You're still pretty confident you know what's going on.
(12:59:46) GMedict: >Like, 90%.
(12:59:46) xXwoeismeXx: ok, seems stable
(12:59:59) xXwoeismeXx: throw a bit of broken glass at it
(13:00:04) xXwoeismeXx: duck once more
(13:00:26) GMedict: >The broken glass bounces of the caution tape. The non-adhesive tape begins to slide down the sides of the platform.
(13:00:36) xXwoeismeXx: yep
(13:00:46) xXwoeismeXx: ok so it's just fancy tape then.
(13:00:48) xXwoeismeXx: hmm
(13:00:53) xXwoeismeXx: HMM
(13:00:59) xXwoeismeXx: ok poles, what do you do
(13:01:00) GMedict: >You begin to hear a high-pitched whining noise.
(13:01:12) xXwoeismeXx: not this again
(13:01:23) GMedict: >It's getting louder.
(13:01:25) xXwoeismeXx: ok, go down a floor
(13:01:38) xXwoeismeXx: lean out a window, on the level the flaming radios are on
(13:01:44) xXwoeismeXx: ask them what the noise is
(13:01:50) GMedict: >You proceed downwards a floor, just in time to hear another thump from upstairs.
(13:01:58) xXwoeismeXx: tell them to make it snappy
(13:01:59) GMedict: >The flaming radios respond.
(13:03:13) xXwoeismeXx: tell them to remember that I'm bored and will try and rectify that if they ask me questions
(13:03:58) GMedict: >The gruff voice yells "HOW STUPID ARE YOU? What did you do with the manual? What the HELL do you think you're doing? Put these things out RIGHT N-"
(13:03:58) GMedict: >Blah blah blah blah.
(13:04:12) GMedict: >Gruff voice is too angry and soft voice is too distraught to listen to your perfectly sensible ultimatum.
(13:04:23) xXwoeismeXx: ya just don't listen do you gruffy mcgruff gruff
(13:04:39) xXwoeismeXx: alright, lets see what that thud was
(13:05:15) GMedict: >He says something about "YOU listen" but you don't care in SO many ways about what he thinks.
(13:05:23) xXwoeismeXx: ((can you guess why hans dropped out of school?))
(13:05:24) GMedict: >Upstairs, another denim-wrapped package gently smolders. Doesn't look like it broke anything this time.
(13:05:38) xXwoeismeXx: mailman is getting better aim
(13:05:43) xXwoeismeXx: right, put it out and open
(13:06:17) xXwoeismeXx: what's in the boxxx
(13:07:21) xXwoeismeXx: box of mystery~
(13:07:22) GMedict: >You find a replacement copy of the Manual Installation Unstruction Manual, as well as three replacement radios.
(13:07:29) xXwoeismeXx: :|
(13:08:00) xXwoeismeXx: ok I'll keep the book
(13:08:03) xXwoeismeXx: I'm just going
(13:08:09) xXwoeismeXx: to wrap the radios back up
(13:08:12) xXwoeismeXx: and leave them
(13:08:26) xXwoeismeXx: right book
(13:08:32) xXwoeismeXx: tell me how to cut this goop
(13:08:39) xXwoeismeXx: I NEED TO KNOW
(13:09:25) xXwoeismeXx: sigh
(13:09:30) xXwoeismeXx: you aren't gonna tell me are you book
(13:09:35) GMedict: >The manual is suspiciously silent on the issue.
(13:09:40) xXwoeismeXx: alright, lets get this boring crap over with then
(13:09:54) xXwoeismeXx: what...*shudder* do you want me to day
(13:10:06) ***xXwoeismeXx flips to what to do now section
(13:14:01) GMedict: >The third page reads "Hey. Are we done fucking shit up for now? Are we ready to stop being a petulant child about literally everything for no good reason? Good."
(13:14:01) GMedict: >"Here's what you have to do:"
(13:14:01) GMedict: >Throw the manual out the window? Y/N
(13:11:26) ***xXwoeismeXx reads what to do now section
(13:14:01) GMedict: >The narrator is impressed.
(13:14:01) GMedict: >The sassmaster writing this thing continues: "Okay, so I'm supposed to couch this in bullshit riddles and picto-clues and stuff, but we both know you couldn't care less about that."
(13:14:01) GMedict: >"What you've gotta do is wrap that caution tape around the whole lighthouse, then answer the bullshit riddles the radios give you, then stab your favorite little plastic thing into something."
(13:14:02) GMedict: >"It's not actually complicated, which is why everything makes it out to be super complicated."
(13:14:06) GMedict: >"Just be glad I'm writing this version of the manual and not one of those other fuckheads."
(13:14:10) MrGuy: (Don't give in to the radios!)
(13:14:58) xXwoeismeXx: you know what mr manual guy
(13:15:01) xXwoeismeXx: you're ok
(13:15:28) xXwoeismeXx: right, guess I'm going to go wrap some tap around the whole lighthouse then
(13:15:35) xXwoeismeXx: good thing it isn't raining
(13:15:45) GMedict: >"I swear."
(13:16:12) GMedict: >"There's more to it than that, but I know neither of us give a shit. I don't know how they roped me into this garbage."
(13:16:48) xXwoeismeXx: lets do this the quick way, tie tape to the spotlight at one end and throw out window
(13:16:57) Zerovirus: ((it immediately starts raining :V))
(13:17:15) xXwoeismeXx: go outside, pick it up, pick up my phone while I'm at it and wrap it around the lighthouse
(13:17:16) xXwoeismeXx: simple
(13:17:36) xXwoeismeXx: go back inside
(13:17:57) GMedict: >You let the roll of caution tape fly out the window after affixing it to the rotating platform.
(13:18:27) GMedict: >Your aim is a little less convenient than last time, though, because the roll of tape rolls off the nearby cliff.
(13:18:41) xXwoeismeXx: well bugger
(13:18:58) xXwoeismeXx: alright, I got this
(13:19:09) xXwoeismeXx: time for my goo science to be put into action
(13:20:15) xXwoeismeXx: I'm going to grab some heat retardant gloves, bring up the flaming radios, put them out, take them out to the cliff, I know the goo is sticky so I'm going to play a game of drop the radios off the cliff till they grab the tape
(13:20:39) xXwoeismeXx: heat retardant gloves, definitely in a lighthouse, those spotlights get HOT
(13:21:23) xXwoeismeXx: hopefully this will work
(13:21:25) GMedict: >Your brilliant plan pays off! The stretchy material sticks to the roll of caution tape, and you pull it up the side of the cliff.
(13:21:46) xXwoeismeXx: goody, see if I can hook it onto something at the bottom
(13:21:47) GMedict: >Some of the tape gets caught somewhere down below, but there's plenty left on the roll.
(13:21:55) xXwoeismeXx: yesss
(13:22:16) xXwoeismeXx: right, lets now go and wrap it around the lighthouses base a couple times
(13:22:45) xXwoeismeXx: and that should do it yeah?
(13:22:47) GMedict: >You wrap the tape around the lighthouse. Oddly, the spool doesn't seem to lose any tape as you unwind it.
(13:22:55) xXwoeismeXx: hmm
(13:22:57) xXwoeismeXx: I wonder
(13:23:12) xXwoeismeXx: run 500 M down the drive and wrap it on a rock
(13:23:22) xXwoeismeXx: run back and wrap around lighthouse again
(13:24:23) xXwoeismeXx: how much damn tape is there
(13:24:43) xXwoeismeXx: I have a feeling making a perimeter this big is a good idea
(13:24:50) GMedict: >You enclose a long, narrow strip of driveway in caution tape. The spool's width shows no change.
(13:25:02) xXwoeismeXx: hmm
(13:25:08) xXwoeismeXx: ok, lets go get those poles
(13:25:56) xXwoeismeXx: stick them in a semi circle surrounding the lighthouse about 1km in radius
(13:25:59) xXwoeismeXx: tape them
(13:26:21) xXwoeismeXx: be extremely exhausted from all this running
(13:26:40) GMedict: >You are extremely exhausted from- gah, from pre-empting the narration so hard.
(13:27:15) GMedict: >The enclosed space is pretty dang big.
(13:27:20) GMedict: >What now?
(13:28:04) xXwoeismeXx: uh, go back upstairs and tie the end to the other end
(13:28:11) xXwoeismeXx: hope it turns red and stuff
(13:28:36) GMedict: >The caution tape flashes white a few times, and then returns to a normal yellow.
(13:29:09) xXwoeismeXx: lame, I liked the red better. Alright, let's skip step 2 for now because I hate the yelly radio guys
(13:29:17) xXwoeismeXx: stab the arrow into the goo
(13:29:21) xXwoeismeXx: *u*
(13:29:24) MrGuy: (oh god)
(13:29:28) MrGuy: (this is gonna be interesting)
(13:33:19) GMedict: >The arrow sinks into the goo.
(13:33:27) xXwoeismeXx: success
(13:33:37) xXwoeismeXx: time for a scientific victory dance
(13:33:48) ***xXwoeismeXx does small jig
(13:33:52) Zerovirus: ((oho we're already breaking the game?))
(13:33:52) Zerovirus: ((this ought to be good))
(13:34:00) GMedict: >Something else strange happens.
(13:34:19) GMedict: >A loud voice shouts "COLLISION DETECTED. OVERRIDE?"
(13:34:26) GMedict: >You don't know where it's coming from.
(13:34:56) xXwoeismeXx: I'm gonna go with ASSUME CONTROL
(13:35:28) GMedict: >"OVERRIDE COMPLETE. OUTER CIRCUMFRENCE: 1 or 2?"
(13:35:50) xXwoeismeXx: Whichever is biggest bud
(13:36:12) xXwoeismeXx: (2??)
(13:36:18) GMedict: >"CIRCUMFRENCE BY INDEX?"
(13:36:43) xXwoeismeXx: yes please
(13:37:18) GMedict: >"CIRCUMFRENCE 2 SELECTED. CIRCUMFRENCE O1I2 REGISTERED TO TERRA CAPSIZA."
(13:37:30) xXwoeismeXx: sounds boat tastic
(13:37:45) xXwoeismeXx: hope that capsizing bit isn't a clue as to what will happen
(13:37:58) xXwoeismeXx: wait
(13:38:06) GMedict: >You look out the windows. The outside is missing.
(13:38:13) GMedict: >There's just a white void, it seems.
(13:38:46) xXwoeismeXx: welp, this takes the cake on weird things to happen today
(13:39:01) GMedict: >The white void seems to contract.
(13:39:01) xXwoeismeXx: take that radios, you aren't the weirdest anymore
(13:39:15) GMedict: >All of a sudden, the walls of your house dissolve into black flakes.
(13:39:33) GMedict: >The white void advances towards the center of your house.
(13:39:41) xXwoeismeXx: oh dear
(13:40:05) xXwoeismeXx: jump on spotlight
(13:40:13) xXwoeismeXx: bat at white void with pole
(13:40:24) xXwoeismeXx: go away white shit
(13:40:29) xXwoeismeXx: you're ruining everything
(13:40:31) GMedict: >You leap onto the rotating spotlight in the center of the room.
(13:40:42) GMedict: >The pole gets stuck in the white void.
(13:40:51) xXwoeismeXx: ee
(13:40:59) GMedict: >The end of the pole seems to dissolve into black flakes as the void proceeds.
(13:41:05) xXwoeismeXx: well at least the radios are gone
(13:41:11) xXwoeismeXx: there's a plus side
(13:41:27) GMedict: >The radios have indeed dissolved into black flakes.
(13:41:35) xXwoeismeXx: haha serves them right
(13:41:47) GMedict: >As has most of the room.
(13:42:04) GMedict: >The white void presses in around you, dissolving the platform from the outside.
(13:42:07) xXwoeismeXx: well, let's see what we can't do about this
(13:42:11) GMedict: >You're trapped within a narrow cylinder of white.
(13:42:18) xXwoeismeXx: tell it to politely go away
(13:42:45) GMedict: >You exhibit manners for the first time in this campaign, to no avail.
(13:42:52) xXwoeismeXx: "excuse me mr white crap, but you seem to have eaten my house, would you kindly mind scooting over?"
(13:42:59) GMedict: >As the white void touches your skin, you begin to petrify.
(13:43:08) GMedict: >Your body is turning to stone.
(13:43:24) xXwoeismeXx: hey, I'm solid.
(13:43:38) xXwoeismeXx: wow, what terrible last words
(13:43:45) GMedict: >You say, as the stone engulfs your lips and head and you lose consciousness.
(13:43:55) GMedict: >Congratulations!

Spoiler01:15 Connie Spires hears a door shutting in the distance.
01:16 Connie Spires Okay, night janitor's gone. Finally. Time to do this.
01:16 Connie Spires crawls out from behind a bookcase and heads over to one of the computers.
01:17 Connie Spires takes out her notebook and starts reading over what she's "discovered" about the ice cream truck company.
01:20 GMedict >You receive a text message from your phone. Will you check it now, or is your current business more pressing?
01:20 GMedict ((what else would it be from. i should get some coffee or something))
01:20 Connie Spires Huh? Maybe it's a lead.
01:21 Connie Spires checks.
01:21 MrGuy ((From her fillings, obviously.))
01:22 GMedict >The screen displays the an automatic notification. According to the sender, identified as NEODYNIC_NOREPLY, "The public test version of Neodynic's Palace Championship is now available for download!"
01:23 Connie Spires Oh, great, it's spam... wait a minute.
01:24 Connie Spires flips through her notebook and finds a page with a complex diagrams with a bunch of names and arrows on it. "NEODYNIC" has an arrow on it pointing to "CREAMCO ICE CREAM".
01:25 GMedict >It's got to be connected. You're onto something, here!
01:25 Agenpetra ((now i want ice cream)
01:25 Connie Spires (No you don't, it's laced with mind-control nanites.)
01:26 MrGuy ((all anyone really wants is ice cream, in the end))
01:26 MrGuy ((because of the nanites of course))
01:26 Connie Spires This game must be part of the plan. I'd better take a closer look.
01:27 Connie Spires does whatever is involved in downloading the game.
01:27 MrGuy ((Do you have your tinfoil hat and/or brainwash-resistant sunglasses on?))
01:27 Connie Spires (Never leave home without them!)
01:28 GMedict ((It's a featured product on the nonspecifically branded smartphone digital download store.))
01:28 GMedict >You download the application and boot it up.
01:28 GMedict >You are initially greeted by a blue-grey screen.
01:28 GMedict >A face appears onscreen.
01:28 GMedict
01:30 Connie Spires What is this, some kind of hypnosis interface?
01:30 GMedict >A tinny mechanical voice chirps "Welcome to Neodynic's Palace Championship! Preparing for installation unstruction!"
01:31 GMedict >The onscreen eyes dart back and forth for a bit, and the face displays what looks like a concerned expression.
01:31 GMedict >"Calibration detects that you are in a public building after hours. Automatic installation unstruction not available."
01:32 GMedict >"Would you like to switch to MANUAL MODE?"
01:32 Connie Spires So I'm already doing something they didn't expect. Good.
01:32 Connie Spires Yeah, I'll go for manual mode.
01:33 GMedict >The interface seems to recognize your voice command.
01:33 GMedict >Its eyes close after the message "Please wait while Neodynic operatives engage MANUAL MODE."
01:33 Agenpetra ((also, it proves that they're tracking your location!))
01:33 GMedict >You begin to hear a faint, high-pitched noise.
01:34 GMedict >It's not from your phone.
01:34 Connie Spires What the?
01:34 Connie Spires tries to find the source of the noise.
01:35 GMedict >The noise grows slightly louder.
01:39 Connie Spires What's making that? Are they hiding something in the library?
01:39 GMedict >The noise has increased to a loud whine.
01:40 Connie Spires starts poking around the library.
01:41 Connie Spires Maybe it's some kind of transmitter?
01:41 GMedict >The face on your phone opens its eyes. "MANUAL MODE engaged. Please take cover."
01:41 Connie Spires Take cover? From what?
01:42 Connie Spires sneaks behind a bookcase and looks around nervously.
01:42 GMedict >Before you've come up with more than three wild ideas, you hear a loud crash upstairs, followed by a dull thud.
01:43 Connie Spires heads upstairs to investigate.
01:44 GMedict >In the middle of the room, next to a toppled bookshelf, lies some sort of object.
01:44 GMedict >It's giving off too much smoke to make out.
01:44 MrGuy ((Swamp gas!))
01:45 GMedict >Oh, and there's a hole in the ceiling, which would explain the rubble strewn around the room.
01:47 Connie Spires This is even bigger than I thought. The aliens are directly involved!
01:49 Connie Spires holds her coat over her mouth to keep the smoke out and approaches the object.
01:51 GMedict >The smoke is beginning to clear, but it's still smoldering significantly. It looks like it's a lump of heavy cloth- denim? About a meter in diameter.
01:52 Connie Spires tries to pick it up.
01:53 GMedict >It's pretty heavy- you're not sure you can lift it, even if you did put out the bits of it that are still burning.
01:54 Connie Spires Just what is this?
01:56 GMedict >It looks like you'll have to put your sleuthing skills to the test!
01:56 GMedict >There is very little that doesn't make it look like you'll have to put your sleuthing skills to the test.
01:56 Connie Spires takes out the magnifying glass she obviously always carries around and takes a closer look at the thingamajig.
01:58 GMedict >The thingamajig appears to be wrapped in multiple layers of this cloth stuff. Bits of it are still giving off smoke, but it doesn't seem to have been noticeably damaged by the fire.
01:58 GMedict >Nor, presumably, by its violent entry through the roof of the library.
01:58 Connie Spires tries to pull off the cloth stuff.
01:59 GMedict >You unfold layer after layer of the denim-feeling material, nearly scorching your hands a couple times.
02:00 GMedict >You manage not to choke on smoke, and uncover a cardboard box sealed with what appears to be ordinary packing tape.
02:00 Connie Spires opens the box.
02:01 GMedict >The box contains...
02:01 MrGuy ((FLUORIDATED WATER))
02:01 GMedict >ONE (1) plastic frame containing tiny white plastic weapons. You know, like one of those things that come in craft kits where you have to twist off the plastic nubs? It holds a sword, an arrow, and a staff, each of which are about an inch in length.
02:01 GMedict >THREE (3) color-coded rectangular devices, about the size of a soda can, each of which features a speaker and a button. Radios, perhaps? They come in red, green, and blue.
02:01 GMedict >ONE (1) leaflet reading "Manual Installation Unstruction Manual".
02:02 GMedict >ONE (1) leaflet identical in size, hand-written in familiar-looking handwriting, reading "DON'T TRUST IT".
02:03 GMedict >ONE (1) ordinary-looking camera.
02:03 Connie Spires Of course I don't trust it. Let's take a look here.
02:03 Connie Spires looks through the "DON'T TRUST IT" leaflet.
02:04 GMedict >The leaflet begins "Emily Hunter. Everything you know is wrong, but you are closer to the Truths than you realize."
02:04 GMedict >"The Truths are your quarry, and you must not give up the chase until you have found them."
02:05 GMedict >"The manual is probably full of lies, like everything else."
02:05 GMedict >"Let me tell you how to do this, not that thing."
02:05 GMedict >Continue reading the handwritten leaflet, or pick up the manual?
02:05 Connie Spires keeps reading.
02:06 GMedict >"There is a conspiracy, as you know. There's something controlling the world, and it has its hands in everything."
02:06 GMedict >"You've been following false leads, planted to distract you from the Truths."
02:07 GMedict >"But there's a conspiracy behind the conspiracy, and I have this opportunity to help you uncover it."
02:08 GMedict >"You need to trust me."
02:08 GMedict >"Your first task is to question the servants of the chessmaster- or the one who thinks he's the chessmaster."
02:09 GMedict >"Take the blue two-way device, and try to get information out of the person on the other end."
02:09 Connie Spires takes the device.
02:09 GMedict >"DO NOT USE THE RED DEVICE until the end."
02:10 GMedict >The blue radio has a single button on the top.
02:11 Connie Spires presses it.
02:11 GMedict >After a brief period of static, a soft voice plays.
02:12 GMedict >"Um... what is the weapon of... wait, no. What is the focus for..."
02:12 GMedict >The voice appears to be attempting to ask a question, but it sounds confused.
02:12 Connie Spires Who is this? What do you know?
02:13 GMedict >"I- I'm sorry, hold on. They changed the script, I need to find..."
02:13 GMedict >The voice trails off.
02:13 Connie Spires Who are you working for?!?
02:14 GMedict >"Okay, found it. I- working for? I..."
02:14 GMedict >"Well, I mean, it's supposed to be automatic in the final version, but I'm working for the templating script department."
02:14 GMedict >"Can we stay in character, please?"
02:17 Connie Spires I want answers!
02:19 GMedict >"Uh, right. So, imagine if you will- you have passed the test of wizardry, and must now choose a focus for your power. Like..."
02:19 GMedict >"Gosh, this is so inelegant. Sorry."
02:19 GMedict >"I don't see what was wrong with the original script."
02:21 GMedict >"You read the manual, right? Just pick what magic thing you want- we'll have this fixed at release."
02:23 Connie Spires What, you mean this sword, arrow, and staff?
02:24 MrGuy (hee hee)
02:25 GMedict >"No! Those! Those are supposed to be symbolic!" The voice seems frustrated for some reason.
02:25 Connie Spires glances at the manual, only so she knows what NOT to do.
02:26 GMedict >You flip to the section on TEMPLATING YOUR VERVESSEL.
02:27 GMedict >According to the manual, you must answer the Guardians of Strength, Guile and Magic to select the form of your in-game weaponry.
02:28 MrGuy (And with that, she was the first and hopefully only player to actually read the manual)
02:29 GMedict >The manual makes reference to a scripted riddle about the weapon of a bunch of synonyms for things. You're not sure why the voice went off-script.
02:30 Connie Spires This doesn't sound like much of a riddle to me.
02:30 GMedict >You could really care less about this half-assed nonsense at the moment. You need answers, damn it!
02:31 Connie Spires Who are you working for? Where did all this stuff even come from?
02:32 GMedict >"I- I'm not supposed to talk about the department. What's the problem, exactly?"
02:33 Connie Spires Not supposed to talk about it? What are you trying to hide?
02:34 GMedict >"It's just policy, we're supposed to stay in-character. Dave threw everything off after the first client got confused by the script, though, so... sorry about breaking the fourth wall, and stuff."
02:35 Connie Spires Who's Dave?
02:37 GMedict >"He's the guy who's supposed to do the melee weapon thing. Red comm. He threw a fit about the script after Fairfax and Duffe, so we're kind of frazzled at the moment."
02:38 Connie Spires Fairfax? Duffe? Who or what are those?
02:39 GMedict >"Just some of the other clients. I mean, testers. You know how playtesting can get."
02:40 Connie Spires What happened with them?
02:42 GMedict >"The writers didn't think things through, or something? Dave's the one yelling at management about it, I'm just a voice actor."
02:45 GMedict >"Can you just pick what you want to use for spellcasting? I have break coming up."
02:46 Connie Spires What's your name?
02:47 GMedict >"Wh- uh, Gwen."
02:47 Connie Spires takes notes on all of this.
02:49 Connie Spires then grabs a random book from a nearby shelf.
02:50 Connie Spires Well, Gwen. I'll use this copy of, uh... "Lord of the Flies"... for spellcasting.
01:32 GMedict >"Well, you don't need to... provide an object, but a spellbook... okay. Lord of the... got it."
01:32 GMedict >"Have fun!"
01:32 GMedict >The blue radio goes silent.
01:33 Connie Spires Just a low-ranking flunky, it seems. Barely knows anything. This "Dave" might know more, but I'm supposed to use the red one last.
01:33 Connie Spires presses the button on the green radio.
01:34 GMedict >Static starts up on the green radio, and a raspy voice answers.
01:35 GMedict >"What is... oh, you- hm. Gwen talk to you?"
01:35 Connie Spires Yes, she did. What's the deal here? Who are you working for?
01:36 GMedict >"Sorry, I can't talk to you until after you've achieved approximately one-third of your unstruction perimeter."
01:38 Connie Spires What does that mean? Are you trying to get me to do your dirty work?
01:38 GMedict >The green radio continues to emit static, but you hear no answer from the other end.
01:41 Connie Spires Hmm. This one's more cautious.
01:43 Connie Spires Don't think you're going to keep me away from the truth! I'm more resourceful than you think. I already know about...
01:43 Connie Spires looks at the overly complicated diagram in her notes.
01:44 Connie Spires About Microtech! I know all about your business with Microtech, pal. Especially what /you/ had to do with it.
01:45 GMedict >You think you might've heard a faint chuckle from the radio, but whoever's on the other end isn't talking.
01:50 Connie Spires Still not talking? Well, I'm not going away either. I know I'm getting close. I know you're worried about what I'll find out if I keep digging.
01:51 Connie Spires But if you cooperate, I can keep you mostly out of trouble when I uncover the whole thing.
01:51 GMedict >You're sure the guy on the other end is on the verge of cracking.
01:51 GMedict >Your interrogation skills are flawless.
01:52 GMedict >...yeah, he's still not saying anything.
01:53 Connie Spires starts tapping on the radio's speaker.
01:54 GMedict >He's going to crack any minute now. You can /smell/ it.
01:55 GMedict >You won't be fooled by something as trivial as a complete lack of response.
01:55 Connie Spires Listen, pal, I know there's a reason you're still on the line.
01:56 Connie Spires Or are you too stupid to figure out how to shut it off? I bet your boss would be real interested in knowing that.
01:57 GMedict >Suddenly the devious conspiracy operative on the other end buckles, and spills all the beans about total unresponsive silence.
02:08 GMedict >There's a bunch of stuff you haven't messed with yet! Maybe you should try to figure it out, or consult one of the manuals.
02:08 Connie Spires looks over the stuff again.
02:10 Connie Spires takes a closer look at the camera.
02:10 GMedict >It looks like a pretty upscale camera. Fancy zoom lens, lots of buttons, a digital display...
02:10 GMedict >Also a really oversized flash.
02:14 Connie Spires tries to take a picture of the hole in the ceiling.
02:15 GMedict >The flash goes off with an almost blinding light.
02:15 GMedict >Well, that's not quite accurate.
02:16 GMedict >The flash goes on, and then doesn't go off at all. The ceiling of the library is now brightly illuminated, with no apparent source.
02:16 GMedict >A photograph of the hole in the ceiling appears on the digital display.
02:18 Connie Spires picks up the green radio again.
02:19 Connie Spires Hey, you! Why's the ceiling here glowing after I took a picture? What kind of crazy camera is this?
02:20 GMedict >The only thing you hear is "Not done yet."
02:20 Connie Spires flips through the manual again to see if there's anything about the camera or the tiny plastic weapons.
02:23 GMedict >The manual features a number of bizarre headings such as "PERIMETRIC APPARATI", "REPLICA VERVESSELS", "TEMPLATE COMMS", and "INGRESSION".
02:23 GMedict >Which do you look under?
02:24 Connie Spires PERIMETRIC APPARATI
02:25 GMedict >"Your Manual Installation Unstruction Kit will provide you with one of a selection of many tools for establishing your Unstruction Perimeter."
02:26 GMedict >"In order to complete Installation Unstruction and proceed to Ingression, you must use your provided tool or tools to establish a defined perimeter around the play area."
02:26 GMedict >"We detect that you have been assigned: the camera."
02:27 GMedict >"The camera, rather than drawing a distinct line around the play area, marks the play area with a permanent illumination effect."
02:28 GMedict >"Simply light up the regions you'd like to select for Installation Unstruction, and proceed to PLANT YOUR VERVESSEL (see section D)."
02:28 GMedict >"Don't forget to stop and use the Template Comms to template your Vervessel options beforehand!"
02:31 Connie Spires Hmm. What did the other booklet say again?
02:31 Connie Spires reviews "DON'T TRUST IT".
02:32 GMedict 02:04 GMedict >"The Truths are your quarry, and you must not give up the chase until you have found them." 02:05 GMedict >"The manual is probably full of lies, like everything else." 02:05 GMedict >"Let me tell you how to do this, not that thing."
02:32 GMedict >Continue reading?
02:32 Connie Spires Yeah, I want to review this guy's instructions.
02:34 GMedict >"The camera is a tool of the conspiracy to destroy the world. I'm pretty sure it's a conspiracy to destroy the world. All the signs point that way."
02:34 GMedict >"The others don't seem to care. They think this is a game. They don't know what we're capable of."
02:34 GMedict >"I know you can use these tools of the conspiracy to take it down from the inside out."
02:35 GMedict >"Together, we can uncover the true mastermind."
02:35 GMedict >Truly, this guide is a font of highly specific and useful information.
02:36 Connie Spires checks the manual on "REPLICA VERVESSELS".
02:36 Connie Spires If they don't want me planting this before I use the radios, then maybe I should try doing that.
02:37 GMedict >"Once your Unstruction Perimeter has been established, select one of the replica Vervessels in the plastic packaging."
02:37 GMedict >"Be careful, as the arrowhead, sword tip, and staff hilt are all sharp, so that they can be planted."
02:38 GMedict >"Planting a replica Vervessel in the play area will set your spawn point in the corresponding game world."
02:39 GMedict >"Be sure to template your Vervessel using the Comms before initiating Ingression. Untemplated Vervessel functionality is not fully tested."
02:39 Connie Spires Then let's do some testing, I say.
02:39 Connie Spires takes pictures of the walls and floor.
02:40 GMedict >The walls of the second floor of the library become illuminated, as does the floor.
02:40 GMedict >The green radio begins shouting.
02:40 GMedict >"Wait! No! Not again!"
02:40 MrGuy (oh my fucking god, every one of us is going to break the game worse)
02:40 Connie Spires Oh, it seems someone wants to talk now.
02:41 Connie Spires All right, pal, what's the deal here? Who's in charge of this operation? Or at least, who have you been told is in charge?
02:42 GMedict >"Um- management? I just work here."
02:43 Connie Spires Yeah, like I haven't heard that one before.
02:44 GMedict >"No, really. I don't know the guys in management, Last Boss just put them there."
02:44 Connie Spires Last Boss?
02:44 GMedict >"Y'know, like, God? Do you-"
02:44 GMedict >You hear a soft thump from the radio.
02:45 GMedict >A gruff voice, different from the previous raspy voice, begins speaking.
02:45 GMedict >"Hey. What do you want your ranged weapon to be?"
02:46 Connie Spires The only weapon I need is the truth, pal! What's going on here?
02:46 GMedict >"What do you mean by "the truth"?"
02:46 Connie Spires What's your game here? What are you trying to do?
02:47 GMedict >"The game is Neodynic's Palace Championship. The game you're testing. You downloaded it, didn't you?"
02:47 GMedict >"Were you even at the info session?"
02:48 Connie Spires Please. This game's just a front. What are you really trying to do here?
02:49 GMedict >"It's just a game. There's nothing else to it."
02:49 GMedict >"Answer the goddamn question."
02:50 Connie Spires I'm in a room with glowing walls!
02:50 Connie Spires That's not just a game, pal.
02:50 GMedict >"It's a magic game. Who cares. It's not your problem, it's not my problem, and it doesn't need to be a problem."
02:50 Connie Spires This is alien technology, isn't it?
02:50 GMedict >"What? No."
02:51 Connie Spires Then where did it come from?
02:51 GMedict >"Aliens don't have technology."
02:51 GMedict >"Who do you think made it? Use your damn noggin, kid."
02:52 Connie Spires So there are aliens involved!
02:52 GMedict >"No, there's no aliens involved. Shut up."
02:52 Connie Spires Then how do you know they don't have technology?
02:52 GMedict >"I'm not your personal information booth, and neither is Gwen."
02:52 GMedict >"Answer the fucking question and get on with it."
02:54 Connie Spires How about this. You answer /my/ questions or I stick this arrowhead in the floor before I'm supposed to.
02:55 GMedict >"You want to play the game with slingshots and boxing gloves? Because that's what I've put in your defaults."
02:56 GMedict >"We already have a guy testing the blank functionality."
02:56 GMedict >"You don't want to get stuck with the weakest base types in the game."
02:59 GMedict >"Frankly, kid, you don't have a bargaining position here."
03:01 MrGuy (Clearly slingshots and boxing gloves are the only weapons without mind control chips inside)
03:01 Connie Spires I told you already, the only weapon I need is the truth!
03:01 Connie Spires takes the arrow out of the packaging.
03:02 GMedict >"All that's gonna do is start you off with slingshots and a single floor of the library."
03:02 GMedict >"If you don't want to have fun, be my guest."
03:05 Connie Spires What difference does it make?
03:06 GMedict >"Zilch. I'm just saying, all you're doing is shooting yourself in the foot."
03:08 Connie Spires What's the difference if I only have one floor, I mean?
03:09 GMedict >"Eh. You'll find out. Whatever."
03:10 GMedict >"Look, I was lying about the defaults being weak. Just do whatever. My shift's almost over and I've been hassling management all day."
03:10 Connie Spires Hassling management? What's going on over there?
03:12 GMedict >"Management's green, call staff is green, everyone's-- hey, listen. It's none of your business."
03:12 MrGuy (So they ARE aliens!)
03:13 Connie Spires So basically, what you're saying is no one over there has any idea what they're doing?
03:13 GMedict >"Nobody except me and Last- I mean, shut your hole! If you don't stop asking nosy questions, I'm gonna shut down green and stick you with slingshots."
03:14 Connie Spires Sounds to me like whoever's in charge of this operation doesn't want anyone being too informed.
03:15 GMedict >"No shit. Now pick a ranged weapon now or I'm shutting down the green comm."
03:18 Connie Spires Like I care. You can just put me down for whatever.
03:19 GMedict >The green comm goes dead.
03:20 Connie Spires Well, that was informative. That guy didn't know a lot about keeping his mouth shut.
03:20 Connie Spires Anyhow, I'm supposed to do red last.
03:20 Connie Spires presses the button on the red radio.
03:21 MrGuy (inb4 it's the same guy)
03:21 GMedict >"Okay, now melee. This is the one that's /supposed/ to be my job."
03:21 GMedict >"Fucking Hal."
03:21 Connie Spires So you must be this Dave guy.
03:22 GMedict >"Yeah, big whoop."
03:24 GMedict >"Don't think I don't know your game, Spires."
03:24 Connie Spires So what happened to the riddles, anyways? Gwen said you were complaining about the script for some reason.
03:25 GMedict >"The riddles were stupid and they didn't work and I had to yell at people to get them to change the system. What you're getting is the back end of just fucking picking a weapon instead of dealing with psychotherapy bullshit."
03:26 GMedict >"Speaking off bullshit, stop asking questions and pick a melee weapon. I don't have all day."
03:31 Connie Spires If you don't want me asking questions, maybe you shouldn't be involved in such a fishy operation.
03:31 GMedict >"Yeah, wouldn't I like that."
03:32 GMedict >"Let's just get on with it."
03:32 Connie Spires All this crazy stuff you sent me, nobody knows what's actually going on... you can't tell me there's nothing behind it.
03:32 GMedict >"There's nothing behind it."
03:33 GMedict >"It's just."
03:33 GMedict >"A goddamn."
03:33 GMedict >"Game."
03:34 Connie Spires There's a big hole in the ceiling and the walls are glowing.
03:35 GMedict >"It's a magic game. It's not important, and you can't do anything about it anyway."
03:36 GMedict >"Just shut up and pick what type of thing you want to bludgeon shit with."
03:36 Connie Spires You mean you don't want me doing anything about it.
03:36 GMedict >"No, I mean you literally can't do anything about it."
03:36 GMedict >"Besides play it, I mean."
03:43 GMedict >"Are we done here? I think we're done here."
03:44 Connie Spires Fine, then.
03:44 Connie Spires But I'm going to find out the truth, "Dave", if that's your real name.
03:45 GMedict >"Why would Dave not be my real name. You nosy brat."
03:45 GMedict >"You want to pick something, or...?"
03:46 Connie Spires Fine, toss me a sledgehammer or something. Doesn't make a difference to me.
03:46 GMedict >"Gotcha."
03:46 GMedict >The red radio goes silent.
03:46 GMedict >Now what?
03:48 Connie Spires takes one more look at "DON'T TRUST IT", maybe she skimmed over something relevant before.
03:49 GMedict >"They want you to play their game. It might be the way in, but it might be a trap. In fact, it's probably a trap. That's what the evidence says."
03:51 GMedict >"But we both know the evidence isn't as important as the truth."
03:52 GMedict >"Can you really find the truth from the outside? Or do you need to go inside to investigate?"
03:53 GMedict >"They'll offer you power inside. They'll try to distract you. But the truth, the Truths are what's important."
03:53 Connie Spires Yeah, I got it.
03:53 Connie Spires I'm going in.
03:54 Connie Spires grabs the plastic arrow.
03:54 GMedict >Where would you like to PLANT your REPLICA VERVESSEL?
03:55 Connie Spires Let's see. They want it to go someplace I've marked with the camera.
03:55 Connie Spires So I wonder what happens if I plant it somewhere else.
03:55 Connie Spires heads back downstairs.
03:58 GMedict >You are now downstairs. Some of the flash light has leaked onto one of the walls from the stairwell, but most surfaces remain dark.
03:59 Connie Spires sticks the arrow between some floorboards.
04:01 GMedict >A red beam of light shoots up from the shaft of the arrow.
04:01 GMedict >The beam of light expands into a cylinder, which rapidly moves out past the walls of the library.
04:02 GMedict >A disembodied voice announces "3D PERIMETER DETECTED. CONVERTING."
04:02 GMedict >The nighttime outside the windows disappears, replaced by a bright whiteness.
04:04 GMedict >You're not sure how worried you should be about all this, considering.
04:05 Connie Spires heads back upstairs to take a look.
04:06 GMedict >The illumination is gone. You look outside a window, and...
04:06 GMedict >Is it just you, or is the whiteness getting closer?
04:09 GMedict >Yeah, it's definitely getting closer.
04:09 GMedict >Without warning, the whiteness comes through the walls.
04:09 GMedict >You can't see the walls anymore. Just white.
04:11 Connie Spires tries to feel around for pretty much anything.
04:12 GMedict >You brush against the whiteness. Your hand, um.
04:12 GMedict >Well, I wouldn't say it begins turning to stone.
04:12 GMedict >Unless that was exactly what was happening.
04:12 GMedict >Which it is.
04:14 Connie Spires panics.
04:15 GMedict >You back away from the whiteness as it continues to close in.
04:15 GMedict >You find yourself backing towards the whiteness coming from the direction of the other wall, though.
04:15 Connie Spires looks around for anything that isn't whiteness.
04:16 GMedict >Well, there's the floor, and the hole in the ceiling.
04:16 GMedict >Plus the edges of some bookshelves, which are turning into black flakes and disappearing into the whiteness.
04:17 Connie Spires flips through the manual to the section on "INGRESSION", if I haven't lost it in all this mess and also if I can manage that with one hand turned to stone.
04:18 GMedict >"Once your Vervessel has been planted, Ingression will commence."
04:18 GMedict >"Don't panic! The unstruction of the installation should proceed smoothly, and it's important not to get injured in a panic."
04:19 GMedict >"We advise you to strike a dramatic pose before you participate in the Unstruction process."
04:20 GMedict >The whiteness has closed in, leaving you in a circle a few meters in radius.
04:23 Connie Spires just kind of stands there, staring nervously at the whiteness.
04:23 GMedict >You stand nervously as the whiteness closes in and swallows you up.
04:23 GMedict >You lose consciousness.
04:23 GMedict >Congratulations!

Spoiler23:10 Culture_Scorch I recline in a soft chair in my library- I'm not quite /sure/ which particular library it is. I have a lot of libraries in my tower-house.
23:10 Culture_Scorch Makes it easier for me to read whenever I feel like it.
23:11 Culture_Scorch Right now, I'm finishing some sort of fantasy novel or something. I'm honestly not sure where the books in the library come from- I guess they're... automatically bought or something? Who cares.
23:11 Culture_Scorch (The fantasy novel's garbage, by the way. The only reason it's still open is because it's sort of amusing to make fun of.)
23:12 GMedict >Your attention is diverted from The Redemption of Althalus by a jingle from your phone.
23:12 GMedict >You don't remember installing this ringtone.
23:13 Culture_Scorch Who would possibly call me now? I thought I redirected all my contacts to the other phone.
23:13 Culture_Scorch This one's supposed to be for private friends.
23:13 GMedict >According to the sender, identified as NEODYNIC_NOREPLY, "The public test version of Neodynic's Palace Championship is now available for download!"
23:13 Culture_Scorch Ooooooooooh, yeah, now I remember. Took'em long enough.
23:13 Culture_Scorch I tap the side of my forehead twice and a holographic screen pops up in my glasses.
23:16 Culture_Scorch The screen's animated background- fire, of course- pops up, along with a dozen different app buttons.
23:16 Culture_Scorch Apparently, a new notification has taped itself onto the app-store button and now flashes at me, trying to grab my attention.
23:17 Culture_Scorch I shrug, set aside the book, and start installing the new app while also opening up a side-window for my ebook app.
23:17 Culture_Scorch Hopefully, the download doesn't take that long.
23:17 GMedict >The app installs surprisingly quickly- it doesn't appear to have been an especially large download.
23:18 GMedict >Wait, a couple hundred kilobytes?
23:18 Culture_Scorch Beats me. I don't have any idea if that's big or not. Kilo-thingies sound pretty impressive, though.
23:19 GMedict >You download the app. After a brief loading screen, the following is displayed:
23:19 GMedict
23:19 Culture_Scorch Oh, it's a face.
23:19 Culture_Scorch I guess I poke its nose.
23:20 GMedict >You poke its nose, and it responds with a cheery electronic voice.
23:20 GMedict >"Welcome to Neodynic's Palace Championship! Preparing for installation unstruction!"
23:20 Culture_Scorch Unstruction? Is that even a word?
23:20 Culture_Scorch I poke its nose again, as I muse out loud.
23:21 GMedict >The voice appears to respond to your voice command! "Unstruction is a word! It is defined as-" it is interrupted as you poke it again.
23:21 Culture_Scorch Whoops! I ask it again and refrain from unnecessary pokes this time around.
23:22 GMedict >"Unstruction is a word! It is defined as the opposite of construction!"
23:23 Culture_Scorch I thought the opposite of construction was deconstruction.
23:23 Culture_Scorch Maybe i'm approaching the problem wrongly?
23:24 Culture_Scorch If construction- building- is opposed by deconstruction- destroying- then I just need to figure out a context where that question doesn't even make sense.
23:24 GMedict >"Incorrect! The opposite of deconstruction is "struction"! Struction, however, is an optional post-game DLC activity, and you needn't concern yourself with it."
23:24 GMedict >The face's eyes begin pointing in different directions, as if looking around the room.
23:25 Culture_Scorch Whatcha lookin' at, little face buddy?
23:25 GMedict >"We detect that your local environment is polluted by dense wireless signals. Automatic installation unstruction is currently unavailable."
23:25 GMedict >"Would you like to engage MANUAL MODE?"
23:25 Culture_Scorch Uhhhhh.
23:26 Culture_Scorch How much manuality are we talking here?
23:26 Culture_Scorch Do I have to do a lot of work or...
23:27 GMedict >"MANUAL MODE merely delegates Perimetrization to the user! Installation unstruction itself is fully automated by local client."
23:27 GMedict >"Would you like to engage MANUAL MODE?"
23:27 Culture_Scorch Sure, I guess.
23:27 Culture_Scorch gets up from the comfy chair.
23:28 Culture_Scorch I needed to take a walk sometime this week I guess.
23:28 GMedict >The face responds "Please wait while Neodynic operatives engage MANUAL MODE." and closes its eyes.
23:28 Culture_Scorch Huh.
23:29 Culture_Scorch I leave the library and enter the third rotunda level of the house, where I look down from the railing and into the huge fire at the center of the bottom level.
23:30 Culture_Scorch (That fire's powered purely by heat extracted from the geothermal reactor. It won't go out unless the reactor shuts down. It reminds you of the work your inheritance is going to every day.)
23:30 Culture_Scorch (It's also great for indoor camping trips. You're too lazy to actually leave Vesuvius and go camping.)
23:31 GMedict >You begin to hear a loud whine.
23:31 Culture_Scorch The hell?
23:31 GMedict >It seems to be coming from somewhere above you.
23:31 Culture_Scorch How's it coming from above me??
23:31 Culture_Scorch I look up at the glass skylight.
23:32 GMedict >The noise gets louder, morphing into a dull roar. You can begin to make out some dark form in the sky.
23:32 Culture_Scorch Oh SHIT.
23:32 GMedict >The face opens its eyes. "MANUAL MODE engaged. Please take cover."
23:32 Culture_Scorch I run back to the library door and pound the lockdown button, sealing all windows and doors with reinforced metal shutters.
23:32 Culture_Scorch They'd stop anything short of tank artillery.
23:33 NotTheAuthor ((But will they stop pants))
23:33 Culture_Scorch Naturally, this includes the skylight. The entire house is plunged into darkness for a second, before the electric lights activate.
23:33 GMedict >A metal shutter covers the skylight, and for a moment, you're safe.
23:33 Culture_Scorch I've never had to use that button before!
23:33 Culture_Scorch Thank goodness my dad was as paranoid as rich people get.
23:35 Culture_Scorch I cautiously peek out from below a stack of books that collapsed on me in the crash.
23:35 GMedict >Your security measures prove approximately adequate, as the metal shutter underneath the skylight bulges inward.
23:35 Culture_Scorch ...Darn, I'll have to renovate the ceiling.
23:36 Culture_Scorch Maybe I should put something more useful there. Like a hydroponics farm. Or a set of mirrors to burn invaders with the power of the sun like Archimedes' ancient mechanism.
23:36 Culture_Scorch I tap my forehead again, pulling up my holographic cellphone screen.
23:36 Culture_Scorch Hey! Face app thingy! You there?
23:37 GMedict >Your phone provides some helpful commentary on your predicament.
23:37 GMedict >"MANUAL MODE has been engaged. Phace unit no longer integral. Please consult the provided Manual Installation Unstruction Manual for further assistance."
23:37 GMedict >The face closes its eyes, and your phone shuts down.
23:38 Culture_Scorch "And so, the hero's first wise guardian departs him, and he must set out alone on his quest thereon," I intone in a suitably deep and epic voice. Well, as deep as I can get it, anyways.
23:38 Culture_Scorch So
23:38 Culture_Scorch uh
23:38 Culture_Scorch manual.
23:38 Culture_Scorch Where is this 'provided manual' exactly?
23:38 Culture_Scorch I don't exactly see it anywhere around me.
23:38 Culture_Scorch Though I guess since there are so many books here I could easily miss it...
23:39 Culture_Scorch I look around the library, giving a few abortive efforts at cleaning up the mess before i inevitably decide on the procrastination path.
23:39 Culture_Scorch Nope, didn't find any manuals on anything that weren't gun cleaning, calculating trajectory of cannon fire, and the illegal trade of weapons-grade uranium and how to sneak it past airport scanning.
23:40 GMedict >The manual fails to materialize anywhere inside of your house.
23:40 Culture_Scorch Guess I've gotta check out the ceiling.
23:40 Culture_Scorch ...How exactly am I supposed to get up there? I've never had to go up there, ever.
23:41 Culture_Scorch The elevator only goes up to the fifth floor.
23:41 Culture_Scorch Hmm... this is truly a quest worthy of a hero's cunning.
23:41 Culture_Scorch And so, I do the only thing that makes sense in this circumstance.
23:42 Culture_Scorch I call 911 and also call a building contractor company.
23:43 GMedict >Emergency services are on their way, as are your favorite contractors.
23:44 GMedict >They'll know how to sort out this mess.
23:44 Culture_Scorch I sort of want to de-lockdown the building, but until I know exactly what landed on my roof I can't do that for fear of letting it fall into my house and probably being lit on fire by the ground-floor hearth.
23:45 Culture_Scorch There's a solution to that, though, and I may as well use it while I'm waiting.
23:45 Culture_Scorch Twenty minutes' wait will be plenty of time for me to go check out the ceiling cameras at the security room.
23:46 Culture_Scorch After a bit of exertion on the staircases, I make it to the security room in the basement. With the house in lockdown, the elevators are nonfunctional.
23:46 Culture_Scorch I take a seat in front of the dozen or so monitoring screens, and take a look at the upper left corner- the one that links to the cameras on the rooftop.
23:47 Culture_Scorch Hopefully at least one is intact so I can get a good look at what exactly just apparently decided to commit assault and battery on my house.
23:47 GMedict >The screen seems to have been cracked, but you can make out what's sitting in the crater on your rooftop.
23:48 GMedict >Well, not really.
23:48 Culture_Scorch There. Zoom. Enhance!
23:48 Culture_Scorch The screen, as expected, does nothing, as it's not built for voice commands.
23:48 Culture_Scorch Still, I always wanted to say that.
23:48 GMedict >It looks to be some sort of car-sized package wrapped in heavy cloth.
23:48 Culture_Scorch ...wow.
23:48 Culture_Scorch Where would that possibly have come from?
23:48 GMedict >The screen resolution is good enough to make out the denim-like texture- you paid good money for this security system.
23:49 GMedict >Or, well, your dad paid good money.
23:49 GMedict >The package is lightly smoldering, but it's mostly stopped giving off smoke.
23:49 Culture_Scorch Wow.
23:50 Culture_Scorch I rewind the recording to the last five minutes or so, trying ot get a look at how fast it was falling and in what direction.
23:50 GMedict >It was falling pretty damn fast- oddly, it seems to have been aflame /before/ it impacted the window.
23:50 Culture_Scorch There's no way it fell straight down on my house, this must be some sort of freak accident. Like, an airplane's cargo that accidentally fell out the back or something.
23:50 Culture_Scorch ...Aflame?
23:51 Culture_Scorch Okay, I seriously have no idea how to explain /that/.
23:51 Culture_Scorch Fire's cool, though.
23:52 Culture_Scorch I don't think it's a good idea to wait in the basement for my rescue, though. Maybe I should try to get outside and take a look with my own eyes.
23:54 Culture_Scorch Wait, no, front door's locked.
23:55 Culture_Scorch Can't unlock it either, yet- or at least it'd be a really, really bad idea to do so.
23:57 GMedict >You begin to hear emergency sirens in the distance. Hopefully the fire department or whoever should arrive soon.
23:57 Culture_Scorch Good timing!
23:57 Culture_Scorch I find a good place next to my hearth and start reading one of my ebooks again.
23:58 GMedict >After a few minutes, the sirens stop. Are they here?
23:59 GMedict >Can they get inside?
23:59 Culture_Scorch ...Good question.
23:59 GMedict >You should probably figure out a way to let them know where the problem is.
23:59 Culture_Scorch I go back down to the security room and take a look at the front-door cameras, hoping to see a cavalcade of cars.
23:59 Culture_Scorch Well, communication shouldn't be a problem. I have speakers attached to my front door specifically for harassing salesmen and jehovah's witnesses.
00:00 GMedict >A pair of fire trucks and an ambulance plus a handful of squad cars have arrived outside your door. You probably could have been more specific about the nature of your emergency.
00:00 Culture_Scorch Whoooooooooops oh well.
00:00 Culture_Scorch I tell them that, apparently, a burning car wrapped in cloth has landed on top of my building at terminal velocity.
00:01 Culture_Scorch And that I am now locked inside my own tower which has gone into lockdown mode, which is the only thing keeping the car from falling into the house and doing even more damage.
00:01 Culture_Scorch And the broken glass. That's a problem too.
00:01 Culture_Scorch Maybe they could figure out how to get the package off the roof for me?
00:02 Culture_Scorch I'm not sure their fire ladders are long enough though...
00:03 GMedict >The firemen locate the object with ladders quickly enough- you can see them around the object on the roof after a few minutes- but they seem stymied with regard to how to move the object.
00:04 GMedict >Some of them try to push it out of the dent in the metal shutter, but it appears to be too heavy to move all at once.
00:04 Culture_Scorch Maybe they could unwrap the object, see if they could move whatever's inside piece by piece?
00:04 GMedict >You relay your suggestion to the firemen, who start trying to unwrap the fabric.
00:05 GMedict After the first layer is unwrapped, they're unable to make much more progress since the rest of the fabric is under the weight of the package.
00:05 GMedict >They ask if it's okay to use fire axes to cut through the layers.
00:05 Culture_Scorch Cut it open, sure. If it's sturdy enough to be dropped from who knows how high, it's sturdy enough for axes.
00:05 Culture_Scorch Speaking of cutting it open, if anyone would like to blowtorch open my front door, that'd be nice too.
00:07 GMedict >After some consternation, the firemen and contractors cooperate to open the door, while the roof crew cut through the fabric.
00:07 GMedict >Their axes chop through some of the contents- apparently, the package contains numerous buckets of gray powder.
00:08 GMedict >There is also a small cardboard box amidst the 100-odd 10-gallon tubs.
00:08 GMedict >You can hear the blowtorch crew make their way through the door.
00:09 Culture_Scorch After they finish cutting a hole, I emerge from the tower and assure everyone that I'm totally unharmed. (This should be quite a relief- the city's energy infrastructure relies on my continuous goodwill, after all.)
00:10 GMedict >It appears that a pair of journalists followed the emergency vehicles to your building.
00:10 Culture_Scorch Oh, /joy/.
00:11 Culture_Scorch Being the completely responsible person I am, I foist them off by saying that this was obviously a move by Big Oil to remove my growing influence on the national energy market.
00:11 Culture_Scorch Let them chew on /that/ for a while.
00:11 Culture_Scorch Then again, it's not the first time I've bullshat the media, so maybe they've picked up on my tendencies.
00:11 GMedict >The young lady with the microphone seems surprised by your immediate response, and then deflated as you walk away.
00:12 GMedict >A fire crew worker from the roof brings the cardboard package down to you, and asks what you want done with the buckets of powder.
00:12 Culture_Scorch Bring them down one by one, try to recover as much of the stuff that spilled as possible with new buckets.
00:13 Culture_Scorch I have a sneaking suspicion that they're going to be important.
00:13 Culture_Scorch Meanwhile, I open the cardboard package.
00:13 GMedict >The package contains...
00:13 GMedict >ONE (1) leaflet reading "Manual Installation Unstruction Manual".
00:13 GMedict >ONE (1) plastic frame containing tiny white plastic weapons. You know, like one of those things that come in craft kits where you have to twist off the plastic nubs? It holds a sword, an arrow, and a staff, each of which are about an inch in length.
00:13 GMedict >THREE (3) color-coded bottles of liquid, red, green and blue.
00:13 Culture_Scorch Oh my /god/.
00:13 Culture_Scorch Oh my GOD.
00:14 Culture_Scorch Goddammit I am suing Neodynic for this shit.
00:14 Culture_Scorch As soon as I get my house sorted out. Who the hell makes a delivery through literal airdrop at terminal velocity?
00:14 Culture_Scorch I crack open the manual and start reading it.
00:16 Culture_Scorch ((btw the technical term of 'those things where you twist off the plastic nubs' is a Sprue))
00:16 Culture_Scorch ((the more you know))
00:17 GMedict >The first page immediately reads "Do not panic. This is a big opportunity. Hopefully you're unharmed by the delivery- I had them send extra bins of that Perimetric stuff, just in case. I don't think they're supposed to run out, but whatever."
00:18 Culture_Scorch ...Still suing them.
00:18 GMedict >"If I were you, I'd round up some help for some of these steps, depending on how you want to play it."
00:18 Culture_Scorch Well, I've definitely got plenty of help here.
00:18 GMedict >Turn to the next page?
00:19 Culture_Scorch Turn to the next page.
00:20 GMedict >The next page contains a table of contents. INTRODUCTION, PERIMETRIC APPARATI, REPLICA VERVESSELS, DREAM JOURNEY IMBIBABLES, and INGRESSION are the major headings.
00:21 Culture_Scorch Ooooooooo! I /love/ walkthroughs. Guys at Neodynic weren't being fully accurate when they said 'no walkthroughs', apparently.
00:21 Culture_Scorch Let's start from the Introduction, and then go onto Perimetric Apparati.
00:23 Culture_Scorch ((i'm a little surprised i don't get three talking radios lol))
00:23 GMedict >The introduction contains a lot of market-speak about how they're excited that you're participating in this groundbreaking new blah blah blah. This is stunningly unhelpful, but it does mention that you've been provided this manual and collection of supplies to fix a certain critical bug.
00:23 GMedict >Allegedly, this sequence will not be included in the mass-market product.
00:23 GMedict >You move on to the subject of PERIMETRIC APPARATI.
00:23 Culture_Scorch I'd love to see them try to include this in the mass-market product.
00:24 Culture_Scorch We'd probably end up with a game where everyone had to enter the game immediately or die due to a huge meteor crushing their house.
00:24 MrGuy (hahaha)
00:24 Culture_Scorch Which would of course be utterly stupid.
00:24 GMedict >"Your Manual Installation Unstruction Kit will provide you with one of a selection of many tools for establishing your Unstruction Perimeter."
00:24 GMedict >"In order to complete Installation Unstruction and proceed to Ingression, you must use your provided tool or tools to establish a defined perimeter around the play area."
00:24 MrGuy (I can't wait to figure out how he manages to fuck up The Thing anyway)
00:24 GMedict >"We detect that you have been assigned: the powder!"
00:24 MrGuy (parameterizing your hoobenstructure or whatever)
00:25 Culture_Scorch Huh. I've got to make a perimeter?
00:25 Culture_Scorch Well, since this is an aug-reality RPG, I should try to make the biggest perimeter I can.
00:25 GMedict >"In order to draw your Unstruction Perimeter around the play field, pour a trail of powder around the perimeter of your intended play area."
00:26 GMedict >"Then, proceed to TEMPLATE your REPLICA VERVESSELS by embarking on three DREAM JOURNEYS!"
00:26 GMedict >"See relevant sections."
00:26 Culture_Scorch Hm, okay. I wonder if the order is necessary or if I can do this voodoovessel thingy first?
00:26 Culture_Scorch I flip to the 'Replica Vervessels' page.
00:26 GMedict ((guy the hoobenstructures don't come in until later))
00:27 Culture_Scorch ((i have no clue what he is talking about so idgaf)
00:27 MrGuy (Scorch, so far every player has fucked up their templating one way or another)
00:27 GMedict >"You have been provided with three plastic replica Vervessels! These are a critical part of the manual installation unstruction process."
00:27 Culture_Scorch ((fangoodtastness))
00:28 GMedict >"Be careful! Their ends are sharp."
00:28 GMedict >"Once they have been TEMPLATED through your DREAM JOURNEY, you must select a replica and insert it point-first into some location in the play area."
00:28 GMedict >"This act will select both your starting weapon type, and your spawn point in the game world!"
00:30 Culture_Scorch Alright.
00:31 Culture_Scorch So... I need to make a large play area in which the augmented reality will actually work.
00:31 Culture_Scorch How would I go about doing that?
00:33 Culture_Scorch A dozen ideas pop through my head. Some involve helicopters. Some involve questionable tampering with the city's water supply and sewers. Some involve the city council, mostly in negative ways.
00:34 Culture_Scorch In the end I decide upon the most expedient method, with the tools most easily available to me right now.
00:35 Culture_Scorch First: I ask someone to help me mix all the powder with water. It's not a problem, seeing as there's a fire truck nearby with easy access to water.
00:35 Culture_Scorch Hopefully, the result will be some sort of gray powder-slurry.
00:38 GMedict >You successfully create some sort of muddy substance with the powder, and store it in...
00:38 GMedict >_
00:38 Culture_Scorch Well, the original buckets, of course!
00:39 Culture_Scorch We store all the buckets on one of the fire trucks.
00:40 Culture_Scorch Then, well...
00:41 GMedict >You load bucket after bucket of gray sludge onto a public emergency vehicle.
00:41 GMedict >They put up with this because you pretty much own the city, so who's going to complain?
00:42 Culture_Scorch I make sure I pocket everything in the cardboard box as well, and describe to the designated driver of the fire truck an exact circuit around the city.
00:42 Culture_Scorch It forms a loop that encloses just about the entire thing, my house and the geothermal reactor included.
00:43 Culture_Scorch While they drive, I dump bucket after bucket of grey sludge over the side, creating pretty much a nonstop line of gray powder in the road the whole way around the city.
00:43 Culture_Scorch The sludge actually blends in pretty well with the concrete. Hopefully nobody will notice. I'll just pass it off as a personal experiment on improving highway quality or something, I do this kind of shit all the time. It's my city, after all.
00:44 Culture_Scorch My original plan didn't quite work- which was to use the fire truck as a makeshift water gun to shoot the sludge.
00:44 Culture_Scorch Disappointing, really. It'd have been WAY cooler if I could have gotten that to work, but, I sort of forgot that the water pressure in the hoses comes from the hydrants, not... the truck. Whoops.
00:45 GMedict >Your sludge-dumping joyride around the city is a wild success, probably.
00:45 GMedict >A ring of gray stuff now encircles the entirety of Vesuvius!
00:45 GMedict >Good going!
00:46 Culture_Scorch Hell yeah, I'll have the /biggest/ play area out of any of the players.
00:46 Culture_Scorch I'll have so many levels to play through they'll be begging me for some of my territory! I mean, if that's the way things work.
00:46 GMedict >You're clearly the best at this game, already, completely.
00:46 Culture_Scorch Anyways- hopefully, the scene's mostly dispersed at the house now that all the broken glass and the package have been dealt with, meaning I can turn off the lockdown again.
00:47 GMedict >After turning off lockdown, you encounter something of a snafu under the former skylight.
00:47 Culture_Scorch Just to be sure, I dismiss all the ambulances and fire trucks and reporters, if there are any left.
00:48 Culture_Scorch And now... Uh... What was next on the list of manual stuff again?
00:48 Culture_Scorch I pull out my instructions and check up- oh, right, vervessels.
00:48 GMedict >The metal shutter, bent out of shape, hasn't fully retracted, and a massive pile of denim-like cloth is sitting on the floor of your...
00:48 GMedict >library.
00:49 GMedict >Did they even bother cleaning up the scene of the impact?
00:49 Culture_Scorch ...I could make a pretty cool blanket fort.
00:49 Culture_Scorch Book bricks and denim ceilings.
00:49 Culture_Scorch In fact, that is exactly what I do! An hour is spent on this foolishness but by the end of it I have a pretty awesome blanket fort built out of encyclopedia britannica and denim.
00:50 GMedict >You entertain this train of thought for a whole hour, and you have proven your worth as an architect.
00:50 GMedict >The blanket nations of the world cower in fear of your majestic construction.
00:51 Culture_Scorch Muahahahaha. Soon, the denim empire of Neo New Vesuvius shall come to dominate the WORLD!
00:51 Culture_Scorch And now... I guess I've gotta to get to actual business. I pull out the manual and look up the details on how I get a dream journey started.
00:52 GMedict >"To begin your DREAM JOURNEY, drink an IMBIBABLE of any color!"
00:53 GMedict >That's all it says.
00:53 Culture_Scorch Probably one of the potion-looking thingies, I guess.
00:53 GMedict >Most of the page is just blank space underneath that sentence.
00:53 Culture_Scorch ...Man, is this actually safe?
00:53 Culture_Scorch I hope this isn't just some sort of LSD-ish drug with food coloring, or something.
00:53 Culture_Scorch I guess technically it'd qualify for augmented reality, in a sense, if that were true...
00:53 GMedict >Small print at the bottom of the page notes that the IMBIBABLES contain no controlled substances.
00:54 Culture_Scorch Oh well, bottoms up with the red one. Red for fire, right?
00:54 GMedict >You drink the red potion, which tastes uncannily like orange juice.
00:54 GMedict >For a moment, you're unsure what's supposed to be happening, but then you very quickly become tired.
00:55 GMedict >Like, falling-down-on-the-spot tired.
00:55 Culture_Scorch I fall down on the spot under my blanket fort.
00:55 Culture_Scorch There's not really that much space to fall, but I make a good attempt at collapsing into listless unconsciousness nonetheless
00:55 GMedict >Your foresight in constructing a safe place for your DREAM JOURNEY is admirable.
00:56 Culture_Scorch I'm about to congratulate myself for good method acting right before I actually fall unconscious.
00:56 GMedict >You feel yourself blacking out, but you seem to be retaining a sliver of consciousness.
00:56 GMedict >A vision starts to dance before your eyes.
00:57 GMedict >It's blurry, but you see...
00:57 GMedict >Yourself?
00:57 Culture_Scorch I focus on it as best as I can with all the chakras and spirits and taos I can muster.
00:57 Culture_Scorch I realize I don't know what half of those even are but I do it anyways.
00:57 GMedict >You slip into a chakra-induced spirit dream journey.
00:57 GMedict >You are now fighting an ogre.
00:58 GMedict >It's totally standing there, screaming and wielding a club and behaving in a generally hostile manner.
00:58 GMedict >It swings its club at you! What do you do?
00:59 Culture_Scorch I charge at it and grab the end of its club, blocking it in midair! A furious struggle of muscular might between the two of us occurs.
00:59 Culture_Scorch Never back down from anything THIS awesome!
00:59 GMedict >You heave the ogre's club aside, throwing it off-balance.
01:00 GMedict >You feel yourself drawing your weapon, but you can't seem to focus on it.
01:00 GMedict >You're holding something in your hands, but you're not sure... what... it is.
01:00 GMedict >It's all blurry and unclear- you probably need to use those chakras and stuff to see it properly.
01:02 Culture_Scorch It's.... A club? No... It's not a club. It's hollow, cylindrical-
01:02 Culture_Scorch It's a pipe. A long, hollow pipe, elegant in its simplicity, perfectly smooth.
01:02 Culture_Scorch But it doesn't... /Feel/ like a weapon for melee combat.
01:03 Culture_Scorch No, that is not its purpose. Filled with what I can only describe as a really trippy sense of purpose, I plunge the pipe into the ground at an angle, so that it sticks out of the ground almost like a howitzer's barrel might.
01:03 Culture_Scorch In synchronization with my cry, a blast of pressurized lava issues forth from the might of the raw earth beneath me, the force that I control and wield and bend to serve humankind!
01:04 MrGuy (I think you may have just broken the streak of vervessel up-fucking)
01:04 GMedict >As the lava punishes the ogre, you feel a rush of clarity.
01:04 GMedict >You wake up in your blanket fort.
01:05 Culture_Scorch I blink.
01:05 Culture_Scorch Whoa.
01:05 Culture_Scorch That was seriously awesome.
01:05 Culture_Scorch So... two more to go?
01:05 Culture_Scorch I lay back in my blanket fort and drink the green 'imbibable'.
01:06 GMedict >The taste is less pleasant than the red imbibable- the bitterness of coffee combined with some sort of fruity flavor you can't really place.
01:06 GMedict >Regardless, you lose consciousness as quickly as with the first.
01:07 GMedict >You are standing on a castle wall, underneath a moonless night sky.
01:07 GMedict >Down in the courtyard, you see your quarry- the corrupt baron of the fiefdom.
01:08 Culture_Scorch My people are not well.
01:08 GMedict >Do barons have fiefdoms? You should probably brush up on your feudal social structures.
01:08 Culture_Scorch The leader must protect; the powerful must empower in turn.
01:08 GMedict >You hold a weapon in your hands. It will be his downfall.
01:08 GMedict >You're not quite sure... what it is, though.
01:09 Culture_Scorch Somehow, I decide that, standing upon this castle wall, that I built the wall, that I rule this land, that all earth within my sight is /mine/ and that /i/ am the one who must serve its people-
01:09 GMedict >You try to look directly at it, but...
01:09 Culture_Scorch Not this corrupt monster who wears the skin of a great man but is nothing but poison and darkness.
01:10 Culture_Scorch I raise a golden horn to my lips, emblazoned with heraldic phoenixes and laced with crimson ribbons, and blow a resounding note that pierces the sky.
01:10 Culture_Scorch As the sun rises from below the horizon, all around the Baron, an army of soldiers in my colors are revealed.
01:10 Culture_Scorch They are the people he has hurt, the men he has failed.
01:10 Culture_Scorch From above I watch as the soldiers I have summoned bury the Baron under a sea of lances and swords.
01:11 Culture_Scorch A new day rises, the light of the sun reflected in my horn.
01:11 GMedict >As the Baron perishes and the sunlight reaches your eyes, you jolt awake.
01:11 Culture_Scorch Maaaaaaaaaan.
01:11 Culture_Scorch If the entire game is like this, I could practically play it forever.
01:12 Culture_Scorch Blue down the gullet, mind down the darkness.
01:12 GMedict >Gulping down the potion- it's this overly sweet fizzy soda type stuff that's difficult to swallow- you once again fade into a vision.
01:12 GMedict >You are standing in front of...
01:12 GMedict >...of a blazing, shifting form of energy.
01:13 GMedict >It is a portal to another world, through which a demonic horde is soon to charge.
01:13 GMedict >You hold in your hands an artifact of great power with which to seal the rift.
01:13 GMedict >You know that with its power, you can rescue the land from destruction.
01:13 GMedict >But what... is it, exactly?
01:15 Culture_Scorch ((hmm let me think about this for a sec))
01:17 Culture_Scorch It is an ornate crown, with rubies and topaz and a central gold diamond the size of my fist. But its beauty is not its power; rather, the power is in its symbolism.
01:18 Culture_Scorch For this was the crown of the grand Lord of Demons, who fell from power when his own misdeeds returned to him and the Gods punished him for his sins. It, and it alone, commands all the Demons with a dark sorcery unknown to man.
01:19 Culture_Scorch I have retrieved it, and, bearing it, I am the heir of his dark empire. With a word, I could unleash darkness upon the world and cover it in misery upon the end of time, and revel forever with an infinite harem of succubi at my call.
01:20 NotTheAuthor ((Tempting))
01:20 Culture_Scorch I throw it upon the ground, and stomp upon it with my boot of white leather and silver filigree. The gold diamond cracks, then shatters, as the crown's dark magics are destroyed with it.
01:20 Culture_Scorch The corruption has been cleansed at its core; the Demonic legion that was once a force of evil is instantly purified into their original form- that of a shining army of seraphim and angels, raising their voices with a heavenly chorus.
01:21 Culture_Scorch This is the true nature of power revealed- a tool that can be used for good or evil.
01:22 Culture_Scorch The rift remains unclosed; the angels pour into the world, and assist me in rebuilding a world torn asunder by the Demon Lord's foul machinations.
01:22 Culture_Scorch All shall be well, in time. Providence shall, as its name suggests, provide.
01:23 GMedict >You are torn from your dream world of paradise, and returned to the waking world with a jolt.
01:23 Culture_Scorch I lie there for a second, thinking about what my dreams imply about myself.
01:24 Culture_Scorch Ultimately, I conclude that what they imply is that I have way too much of an overactive imagination.
01:24 Culture_Scorch I sit up, forgetting that I'm inside a blanket fort, and accidentally entangle myself in the denim for half a minute.
01:25 Culture_Scorch After that's been dealt with, I read the next segment in the manual. What was next, again? Sticking one of my plastic thingies somewhere inside the ring for a spawning area?
01:25 Culture_Scorch Well /that's/ a pretty dauntingly big range to pick from.
01:26 GMedict >The plastic weapons in the sprue have gone from white to red, green and blue- red for the sword, green for the arrow, and blue for the staff.
01:26 Culture_Scorch I leaf through the manual again, looking for anything else interesting in it.
01:26 Culture_Scorch Oh, looks like the dream process has imbued the plastic weapons with unspeakable power. Awesome.
01:27 GMedict >The manual has some boring disclaimers at the back, plus...
01:27 GMedict >A picture of the face thing's nose from the app?
01:27 Culture_Scorch Huh.
01:27 Culture_Scorch Just the nose?
01:27 Culture_Scorch That's weird.
01:27 GMedict >That seems to be all there is to it.
01:31 Culture_Scorch Well, time to get to the last step, as far as I know.
01:31 Culture_Scorch Placing a spawn point!
01:32 Culture_Scorch It should probably be a place where I'd feel comfortable, since I have to start there every time I start the game.
01:32 Culture_Scorch So, probably one of the libraries that aren't totally wrecked.
01:34 Culture_Scorch As I turn to leave this /clusterfuck/ of a library, I trip over one of the stray books and collapse in a heap to the ground-
01:34 Culture_Scorch OW!
01:34 Culture_Scorch Shit, I accidentally fell on top of the plastic stuff.
01:34 Culture_Scorch Wait, fuck. I got the little red sword stuck in my stomach by a centimeter! Ow ow ow ow ow.
01:35 Culture_Scorch Waaaait, isn't where I stick that supposed to denote where my spawn point is?
01:35 GMedict >Dang, it's stuck in there. Ow.
01:35 Culture_Scorch Does that mean that I just automatically respawn wherever I die, now?
01:35 GMedict >You're not sure anything has happened yet.
01:35 Culture_Scorch Ha, totally cheated you there, game!
01:36 GMedict >You look out the window. It seems the weather has become suddenly cloudy.
01:36 Culture_Scorch On the other hand, this is probably not a good thing as far as my health goes.
01:36 Culture_Scorch Can't pull it out, hurts too fucking much. Dammit.
01:36 Culture_Scorch Weird stormclouds.
01:36 Culture_Scorch Hope they don't wash the grey goo away.
01:36 GMedict >Weird, perfectly white stormclouds.
01:36 Culture_Scorch Wait, shit, my skylights are exposed!
01:36 Culture_Scorch All my books will get drenched.
01:37 Culture_Scorch ...Except these don't look like the kind of raining clouds.
01:37 Culture_Scorch They just look like normal clouds except... really thick and scarily imposing, for some reason.
01:37 Culture_Scorch I check the weather report on my holophone.
01:37 GMedict >It looks like some fog is rolling in, or something.
01:37 GMedict >You check the weather, and it reports clear skies.
01:37 Culture_Scorch Vesuvius isn't supposed to have any rain today, is it? Or fog, or anything else weird?
01:37 Culture_Scorch ....Uhhhhhhh.
01:38 Culture_Scorch I'm starting to get the idea that this has something to do with this whole game setup.
01:38 Culture_Scorch I call Neodynic on my Holophone.
01:38 GMedict >You look carefully at the horizon, which seems to be... getting closer.
01:38 GMedict >Your phone gets no reception.
01:39 Culture_Scorch ....What? The... horizon...
01:39 GMedict >This shouldn't be possible, right? You have a land line.
01:39 Culture_Scorch Fuck, okay, option of last resort.
01:39 GMedict >Your house has its own cell tower, this...
01:39 GMedict >Is it just you, or is the city getting smaller?
01:39 Culture_Scorch I descend the building as quickly as I can, and head outside.
01:40 Culture_Scorch I head for the garage, separate from our house.
01:40 Culture_Scorch ...But at this rate of shrinkage, I won't have anywhere to drive /to/.
01:40 Culture_Scorch Somehow, I get the feeling that this isn't just a fog, and rather something more... fundamental.
01:40 GMedict >The horizon is vanishing into whiteness- you can see down one of the main radial streets that the city just... stops.
01:41 GMedict >And the part where it stops seems to be getting closer.
01:41 Culture_Scorch ...Only one thing to do, then.
01:41 Culture_Scorch I go back in my house and sit near the hearth.
01:41 Culture_Scorch The fire hasn't gone out. As long as the fire's not out, everything is and will be alright.
01:42 GMedict >Everything is alright. You can't see most of the city past the white wall closing in, but everything is alright.
01:42 GMedict >You can't see the far wall of the room past the white wall closing in, but everything is alright.
01:42 Culture_Scorch Providence will provide.
01:43 Culture_Scorch (Naturally, you don't admit that you're scared shitless and basically repeating that weird mantra from your dream over and over by now.)
01:43 Culture_Scorch (Not in any sort of state to actually be able to coherently admit anything after all right now.)
01:43 GMedict >Providence provides a rapidly approaching wall of whiteness, which comes within a foot of you.
01:43 GMedict >Everything is alright.
01:44 GMedict >It slowly closes in around you. You are surrounded, and everything's alright.
01:45 Culture_Scorch Everything is alright, everything will be alright, everything will be alright-
01:45 Culture_Scorch I whimper a little bit.
01:45 Culture_Scorch Not that anything's there to hear, of course.
01:45 Culture_Scorch If a whimper comes in a nonconscious white empty world and nobody hears it, does it make a sound?
01:45 GMedict >You're pretty sure everything's alright as the whiteness swallows you up and you lose consciousness.
01:45 GMedict >Congratulations!