Spoiler
A MYSTERIOUS TRANSMISSION IS RECEIVED:
Sarah's favourite snack was human souls.
She loved to go out in the rain and sing a mournful dirge for all dying puppies. It was no substitute for the satisfaction of eating a soulful snicky-snack, but the cold was approaching.
Damn the law enforcement, fucking Julian got too crunk.
Sarah suddenly turned to the window where horror of horrors, suddenly a fruitcake was achieving velocities never before seen sandals and socks with the fruit cake began fluttering amongst eldritch horrors from an egg.
When the horrors managed to override the Security Window ™, they wanted to eat Sarah's eyes-cream. Fortunately, Sarah had just drained all the cream from her eyes. Eyes, eyes, eyes! Lord, such eyes will never, ever see the light. Fortunately, they do assist Sarah anyway.
For sale, baby skull (previously used).
Sarah, honestly. When will you get away from terrifying eye-eating monstrosities? Maybe she'd consume them! If she didn't, Julian will get the idea to roll over on some sort of baby powered bike, guaranteeing that Julian will surely be a pain in those poor babies' tiny baby asses.
Sarah destroyed the cure for cancer and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and cried and laughed some more. Like, LOL, amirite?
Meanwhile, Julian was also laughing and attempting to microwave pizza rolls; however they got soggy.
"Well, fuck," said in a fit Benny, who in a tiny box died. Again.
So basically today hasn't begun yet, but things were already laughing and laughing, leaning to the left side of the ship. However, don't forget about the vipers! They have ten minutes to find synonyms for the word 'blancmage'.
Yes, 'blancmage.'
If they didn't, (and let's face it, they won't) then the whole mess will come and blow up into a horrendous balloon.
Fortunately for Sarah, the vipers are experts in cooking blancmage, but the spaceship was out of milk. Milk is necessary for strong bones, to the detriment of a strong neurotoxin supply. Blancmage, therefore, required plenty to achieve Awareness of the third tier of the true worldwide conspiracy: The Potatolanders.
Next came
ULTIMATE GAYNESS which rode upon another baby bicycle, and it honked and honked and screamed in unbelievable and glorious harmony, "Ebony and Ivory."
Seventeen hours later, everyone was dead. And everyone rejoiced. For, in truth, Sarah's favourite snack actually
wasn't blancmage, scrub. It was, (get ready for this), souls! Obviously souls.
"Stop! Collaborate and suck a clock is back the blancmage! Finally!"
Alack! A NUKE! Ice's new thermonuclear weaponry collection suddenly turned into a driveway. A DRIVEWAY THAT, FOR ONLY $19.99, WILL KILL ALL OTHER DRIVEWAYS AND BELOVED MSPFA PROTAGONISTS!! WITH ADDITIONAL PAYMENT OF YOUR PET'S radioactive dung droppings, you can receive this lovely tea bag worth over 2 dollars and will redeem your troubled characters' pasts.
Some may consider combining this offer with the two-for-one offer, BUT THIS ISN'T TALL, IF MY NAME ISN'T WRITTEN ON THIS PRICELESS CARTOUCHE.
Sarah, pick up that phone right now.
Don't turn around, these deals will will kill Julian.
Julian's will, destroyed, his reputation shattered, his coupons, worthless, his garments, soiled. But! With new power comes new nightmarish collateral... Such as their decimated, yes, literally decimated, driveways GUARANTEE.
Sarah, your own driveway, is paved well. But not WELL well. Only sorta kinda iffy maybe. Much worse than any anecdotes, allergories, or protracted epics - excepting the works of Julian, ugh.
Fuck that guy.
"Hi! I'm Julian!" whispered Julian. "I've infiltrated the Society for Copulating Iguanas. These prudes are not actually copulating, they're just posers." And posers suck, but Julian didn't want to be a socky poser; therefore, he swiftly took off his posing-shoes that doubled as socks. This released the shapes of evil (which were heptagons) and they swirled down the toilet to the sewers, of PAIN.
Really, Julian didn't even want to fight the AWESOME driveways.
Sarah was busy devouring tasty souls. She didn't worry. She never worried.
Sarah loved chimpanzees. However, they always betrayed her trust. She didn't care. She never cared. Unless, of course, cheese was involved, obviously.
"yeeeaaa boooiii still got it, check this sick and leet maymays." Julian shoved an enormous and bitter antelope towards the antelope hugging machine. Unfortunately for everyone, antelopes and chainsaws have maintained partnership, with stock options, thanks to Julian. (This is bad news for Julian, as a majority of antelopes despise him.)
MEANWHILE, in the Navy, Sarah banned blancmange forever. This despite the obvious necessity for butts butts butts and more butts, not less butts, and taking those for justice. Officer, I was just pulling a prank. This story is actually cyclic!
Sarah's favorite word was human souls. She was not Sarah. She never Sarah'd.
It turns out Julian was responsible in character and quite good in The Three Musketeers, starring as Aramis, though he auditioned for Bottom.
"That's no bird, it's that goddamn Julian"
Bottom is not butts butts butts, but butts. But the curtains fell on the actors. It wasn't time for Sarah to eat those souls.
"This is bullshit! There's no cheese because Julian just fused it to the walls!"
Prophecies, declared that Sarah, was, the, chosen, the one who would devour the cheese which Julian fused to the sun.
Then suddenly, without warning, quickly surrounded by pterodactyls, Sarah forgot why she stopped drinking lighter fluid.
Meanwhile a banishing ritual had banished itself into the depths, a popular nightclub situated in Chicago.
"Please don't forget, our drink special
Park, California. When souls aren't enough!"
Suddenly, buffaloes! Everywhere! And Mark Ruffalo! (He's always angry) Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo (Buffalo) buffalo. Whew, now that's over, we can finally get back to this story's exciting conclusion starring Julian, who else??????
"Bullshit," said Sarah, "Julian's not even a planet! Why revolve the plot around him, when I'm the main character? Writers, get your act together!"
Sarah, with renewed passion, and
viagra, VIGOR and also Viagra, donned her finest tactical battle armor scented body spray and kicked Julian's priceless OFFICEQUEST figurine right off her mantlepiece. Nice work! It was a metaphorical figurine however, and defies people's collective efforts to collectively collect collections of collectibles and priceless Beanie Babies.
Suddenly a shot of expensive liquor rang out! Liquor spilled out like a bad simile, pooling on the blood drenched altar. The dreaded ritual had just gotten to the bloodiest part. Iguanas and the smallest child each held knives made of knives and were cutting a strawberry shortcake which, weirdly, bled lime green.
When the unworldly rite began, Benny had brought forth the tome of antelope. Now, he began eating the tome.
"this is delicious" he claimed, inbetween effortful munches. "Why can't I stop NOT ENJOYING THIS EVIL RESPONSIBILITY!?" Well, it was because Julian had cursed Benny to wander the ethereal plane! Dick move, Julian.
So, anyway, the cheesy goodness spread, covering the moon. Disturbed, the spirits in Sarah's dinner did the locomotion and the macarena. (Don't you wish Julian was the one who ate the tome instead?)
